The Sexual Freedom System: Reclaiming Your Sexual Power

By Dr. Stephen de Wit

Building a healthy sexual relationship with yourself is a fundamental step in achieving the sexual relationship you want with others. Through Dr. de Wit's rare combination of experience, humour, and empathy, you will learn how to identify your own sex blueprint and rewrite it, to not only create the sexual success you want now, but more importantly, to continually evolve with it. In this book, you will be introduced to 4 steps of the Sexual Freedom System, the 17 Sex Freedom Principles, and the 17 Sexual Freedom Techniques. You will map out how to move from where you are now to where you want to be by shifting your thinking and actions to create the sexual relationship(s) you want. Each step includes action items for you to practice in the real world in order to dramatically increase your levels of communication, confidence, intimacy, and PLEASURE!

• Language: English
• Publisher: TransformAction Group Inc.
• Release date: Sep 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201060206

Book preview

CHAPTER 1 - WELCOME, YOU HAVE ARRIVED!

THIS BOOK IS ABOUT creating the sex life you've always wanted and deserved. After years of working with hundreds of individuals and couples, I have developed a method called The Sexual Freedom System. By following this program, my clients have accessed the freedom, power, and pleasure that they have always wanted in their sex lives.

The Sexual Freedom System is comprised of four steps:

Step 1 – Developing Your Sexual Self-Awareness

Everyone has a personal sexual blueprint deeply rooted in their subconscious. It is this blueprint, more than anything else, that will determine your sex life.

Step 2 – Developing your Sexual Self-Esteem

Guilt, shame and fear of judgement keep us suppressed and unsatisfied. Learning to accept and love yourself for who you are is liberating and powerful.

Step 3 – Developing Sexual Responsibility

Rather than trying to find great sex in a relationship, you can bring great sex to a relationship. Blaming and making wrong does not lead to a great sex life.

Step 4 – Sharing Your Sexual Self-Expression With A Partner

Free yourself from trying to fit into the box of standards, ideals, norms and expectations (S.I.N.E) and instead share and create authentically with your partner.

This book also includes 17 Sexual Freedom Techniques. These are fun and easy to do exercises that you can use to create the breakthroughs that you want in your sex life. These techniques are some of the most popular ideas that make the biggest difference when I work with individual clients.

Why Did I Write This?

I wrote this book because I saw a need for people to work on the sexual relationship that they have with themselves. In today’s world, there are so many challenges, pressures and messages around sex and sexuality, it’s arguably the one thing that people are most reserved about, if not confused and frightened about in their lives.

More often than not, people are concerned about the external: what does sex look like? What type of sex are they having? How long are they having sex for? How many orgasms are they having? What their bodies look like? What their partner’s body looks like? Is their body behaving the way they want? What new sexual tricks can I learn?

Instead, I encourage my clients to focus first on the internal and develop their sexual relationship with themselves. Over the years, I have discovered that this relationship, the one we have with ourselves about sex, is the one that makes a real difference in our sex lives. By developing this relationship with yourself you will be able to have the sex you want, with who you, when you want and how you want.

Are You Sexually Unconscious?

The short answer: Probably not! The majority of us walk around sexually unconscious--we are oblivious as to why we are the way we are and assume that we like what we like and we don’t like what we don’t like. Somethings are sexy to us and others are dirty or perverted. Most of us have never done the work to actually uncover why we think this way, but by reading this book you will become someone who does know why and therefore become sexually conscious.

When we were born, we were born with two fears: the fear of loud noises, and the fear of falling. Every other fear has come to us through social and environmental conditioning--including our fears about sex. We have been conditioned/created to be the sexual being we are today. What would happen if we un-learned the fears we had about sex? What would be possible for us to explore in our sex lives that we aren’t exploring right now?

The work that we will do in this book involves developing a powerful understanding of how you became who you are sexually and most importantly, to be responsible for it. In this book, you have the opportunity to delve into and figure out who you are sexually and how you were constructed sexually. You will then have the opportunity to transform those parts of yourself that no longer serve you.

An Epidemic of Sexual Dissatisfaction

There is a sexual epidemic of dissatisfaction running rampant and unchecked among us and most of us are too afraid to talk about it. We are too concerned with looking good and pretending to have it all together and this takes precedence over dealing with what is really going on. Consider this:

• The rate of infidelity within relationships leading to separation/divorce or a toxic environment is higher than ever before. The experience of bed death – no sex in a relationship-- is more common than ever before.

• Single people unsure of or unhappy with the amount or type of sex they are having or even how to navigate sex while being single.

• There is often a mismatch of sexual drives/interests Sexual performance issues and challenges wreak havoc on self esteem

• Unhealthy body image/expectations prevent connections Unsafe sexual encounters threaten people’s health

• Guilt, shame and fear play an unnecessary role in how people express themselves

The list goes on and on (you may add some yourself). The time has come to do something about it! You deserve a great sex life. You deserve to have the fun, connection, pleasure and intimacy you want. It is time to end the cycle of sexual silence. It is time to serve yourself your own slice of sexual freedom.

Stephen’s Story

Let me take you back to December 31, 2006 in Vancouver, BC. I was sitting at my parents’ kitchen table and I am crying. My heart was shattered. My wonderful Mom felt my pain and was crying with me. I will remember that New Year’s Eve forever. I was paralyzed by life; I did not know what to do. The only thing that I knew was that things needed to change, and I need to change things! It may seem obvious to some people, but when you are depressed there often seems little hope and very little motivation to change. Why would I? Nothing will change. Right? Wrong!

Rewind to July, 2004. I was a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 26-year-old who had quit his corporate job and moved from Vancouver, British Columbia to Toronto, Ontario-- with no job, no money and no place to live (my parents were thrilled). I did this because all I wanted to become a professional speaker: a sure-fire recipe for success...or so I thought.

Three months later, I was still unemployed, eating cereal three meals a day and couch surfing. Not exactly the picture of opulence that I envisioned for myself. Still, I was sure of two things. First, my focus was going to be on building my career as a professional speaker. I wanted to make a difference with people, to contribute to them. I wasn’t sure of what the message was that I was going to share, but I was sure as heck going to share it! Second, I was clear I was to keep my focus on my career: women were not a priority. No siree, Bob! Women were a distraction that I did not want or need.

Three months later, I was dating the reigning Miss Toronto (by default, I told people, that made me Mr. Toronto). Our relationship was normal: spending time together, meeting her family, and having sex. Everything was going along swimmingly... and then I began to drown. Part of me was struggling in the relationship. I couldn’t really figure out what it was, so I did what I had always done: crushed that feeling down and suppressed it so that it was only a painful twinge I felt once in a while, reminding me that something was not right. But how could it not be right? This is what I was supposed to be doing. I was dating a beautiful woman and I loved her. Then it happened. I was at a bar and met a girl. I went back to her place, one thing led to another....and I cheated. I became a cheater.

How Could I Do This?

I remember in the cab, driving to her place thinking to myself I am actually going to do this? I am going to cheat? The crazy thing is no alarm bells went