Female Independence: The Real Self-defence for women only 2

By Danny Gee Goju

This book will help women avoid the pitfalls that can make her life hell; but more importantly, it will put her into a frame of mind that will allow her to enjoy life and never be taken for granted, used and abused. Women are being mentally coerced, emotionally abused, physically attacked, sexually assaulted and financially deceived; and not much is being done to crush the cancer, until it is too late, after the event. It is imperative she takes full-responsibility for her own protection and not expect anyone to do it for her. Having a high-flying job and earning lots of money will not make you independent, if you cannot be yourself how, where and when you want to, because you are afraid of upsetting a coercive boss, work colleague, husband, partner, child or ‘friend’. If someone arranges for your house to be burgled; harms your children; targets your cash; spreads a vicious rumour against you; denigrates you in public; causes you to lose your job; insults your religion, ethnic origin or sexual proclivity; then he/she would have beaten you...without touching you! You cannot be independent if you are forced to worry about any of these obstacles.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Mar 26, 2024
• ISBN: 9798823087063

Book preview

© 2024 Danny Gee Goju. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 03/23/2024

ISBN: 979-8-8230-8707-0 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-8230-8706-3 (e)

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expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Dedicate

d to:

Every woman who has chosen to read this book. Thank you.

Stay strong; stay safe; stay healthy and stay happy.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1     What Is Female Independence?

Chapter 2     With Friends Like These…

1. Keeping secrets

2. Family members

3. Misogyny

4. Racism

5. Taking advantage

6. The plunderer

7. Success through fame or wealth

8. Blackmail

9. Infidelity

(a) Only a fling!

(b) Affairs

(c) Experimentation

10. Female Fun

(a) Toy boys

(b) Sugar Daddies

(c) Gigolos

11. Pressure persuasion

12. Betrayal

Chapter 3     Children: How Safe Are They?

1. Potential dangers

2. Disappearance

3. Strangers

4. Peer pressure

5. The Internet

6. Bullying, teasing & gossip

7. Gangs, weapons and fights

(a) Gangs

(b) Weapons

(c) Fights

8. Intoxicants

A. Cigarettes

B. Alcohol

C. Illegal drugs

9. Sex, pregnancy, abortions, diseases and sexuality

(a) Sex

(b) Pregnancy

(c) Abortion

(d) Diseases

(e) Sexuality: LGBTQIA+

10. Give the youth a chance!

Chapter 4     Senior Citizens –Protect Them!

1. Ageism:

2. Robbers & Con artists:

3. Disappearance:

4. Security:

5. Exercise:

Chapter 5   The Impossible Situation (Part 1) Battle of the Sexes

A. The Sex Weapon

B. Marital Rape

C. Wife Beating

D. Affairs

Chapter 6     The Impossible Situation (Part 2) Dilemmas

1. Substance abuse

2. Addictions

3. Crime

4. Work/family life balance

5. The Break-up

(a). ultimatum

(b). dismissal

(c). separation

(d). divorce

Chapter 7     The Impossible Situation (Part 3) Life or Death

A. Murder and Manslaughter

B. Kidnapping

C. Armed robbery

D. Stalking

E. Miscarriage of justice

Chapter 8     The Impossible Situation (Part 4) Terrorism

1. A brief history…

2. Air Rage

3. Hijacking

4. Hostage-taking

5. Suicide-bombing

6. Explosions

7. High-profile Murders

8. Spying and Sabotage

9. Illegal Strikes, Riots, Looting and Rape

10. What can we do?

Chapter 9     The Top 50...

Chapter 10   Female Independence Is The Modern Way To Go

1. What does this book mean for women?

2. The Female Independence song

Appendix

1

What Is Female Independence?

I sincerely hope you have been able to read my book Roar of the Tigress: the Real Self-defence for women only because this book ‘Female Independence is a continuation, with the ultimate goal of creating your own Female Independence. What exactly is Female Independence? The easy answer would be ‘Empowerment for the Female’. However; that would be a little shy of the truth because it does not paint the whole picture. Independence is being free to make your own choices and decisions, as well as accepting the consequences for them. It is also being able to sense and feel any impending danger or negative impact that could harm you and alter your chosen way of life. Finally, it is being aware of your own strengths and weaknesses, in order to be able to navigate yourself through what has become a dangerous and volatile world for the female. Sexism and misogyny are real and becoming extremely difficult to counter, because men will always find ingenious ways to perpetuate abuse and subtle attacks on the female. The reason for this is simple…because they can! You see, all boys grow up believing they are stronger than girls; which makes them think they are somehow ‘better’. Even though many statistics show girls outperforming boys in the classroom, the male will always believe that strength equates to power. In any domestic situation; once you accept that a man is physically stronger than a woman, you might end up altering your natural behaviour in order not to annoy him. Even though you may have a high-flying job and earning lots of money; you are not independent if you cannot be yourself where and when you want to, because you are afraid of upsetting a violent husband, partner, child or friend.

The feminists, past and present have done a wonderful job in creating awareness for the female and using the law to fight for equal rights and equal pay in the workplace. In many countries, equality has been achieved; as women are standing up and being counted in every walk of life. However; there seems to be a gap in feminism that has not been blocked. Many men already feel that their balls have been cut off and the women are taking over. All he now has left is his physical strength. What does a woman do if she is physically, mentally, emotionally or financially attacked, raped or assaulted? Calling the police usually happens after the event; which means the damage may already have been done and she could be in hospital undergoing an intensive operation or on a slab in a morgue. Yes, he will be jailed for the attack; but how does that help the victim? Is prison truly an effective punishment, when many of them are more comfortable than hotels in some countries? Everyone knows that convictions for rape are few and far between and the punishment never fits the crime, as most rapists are getting away with it due to systematic lack of evidence. The rapist could be back on the streets in little or no time, and he will still be able to inflict more violence on the woman through his friends and relatives; because he knows where she lives and the prison authorities never reveal to the victim the exact day of a release. Having to worry about your safety and depending on others for any kind of help, will weaken you and not make you independent. Earning a big salary means nothing if you are on a life-support machine!

The male pride will never accept a beating from a woman. That makes him more dangerous because he feels he has to come out the winner, by any means at his disposal. Many women are beaten up and raped; simply because of this factor. Women are also perceived by society as being weak, and by many men as being stupid with more money than sense. As a result; they are often targeted by the unscrupulous members of a society, and it has now become incumbent on the individual woman to protect herself. The best way is to become independent so that nobody has a divine path into your life where they will be able to harm you. In order to achieve and keep your independence, you have to be able to define what you want your independence to look like and then leave no stone unturned to achieve it. You then have to identify the red flags that can hinder or destroy your quest for independence. This book is here to show you many ways one can be harmed and offer ways to counter the threats. All you have to do is figure out what will work for you, add it to what you already know of your situation and formulate a defence strategy that will work best for you to achieve your goal.

Female Independence concerns a lot more things than you could ever imagine. It concerns your body; your property; your loved ones; your reputation; your integrity; your self-esteem; your dignity; your job; your country; and anything else you care about; which, were you to lose or damage, would drastically change your way of life and in some cases, make your life not worth living. If you ever feel your life is not worth living, it is as bad as, if not worse than, a physical beating.

Every woman is different; and it is no use pretending otherwise. I have therefore deliberately generalised in the following chapters because I know you are clever enough to realise which parts of this book concern you, and which parts don’t. By taking only what will work for you, you should easily be able to formulate your own self-defence strategy that will make you one helluva tough cookie to crack! I have also used terms and language which some women might find offensive, rude, patronising or sexist. I apologise in advance, but I am not a diplomat and this book is not a fairground ride. It embodies some serious topics and drastic ways to deal with them. Bearing that in mind; you will notice that such language is only used to make a point and is nothing personal.

Here is a clear message for any man who dares to pick up this book. "Be extremely careful in the way you treat your woman; because by the end of this book, you will not be able to get away with things you used to take so much for granted in your better-half. You have been warned!" For me however, keeping you safe from physical, mental, emotional or financial harm is serious business. I will take it as a personal failure, if after reading this book and its predecessor, ‘Roar of the Tigress’; you ever encounter any attacks on your precious self that you cannot handle. Love me or hate me; I will tell it as I see it!

Are you ready Tigress? Give me a roar and let’s go get your Female Independence!!!

2

With Friends Like These…

There is a saying that you make your best friends before you are ten years old; which is not actually true, but there is a point that your oldest friends are the best. Everybody needs people who they can trust; and regrettably, it is this trust that ultimately becomes your downfall. Women (God bless them) are loving and trusting creatures, and are often taken for a ride by friends and lovers. When a woman is in love, she gives her heart and soul. Nobody blames her when she becomes a victim of a ruthless conman of a boyfriend, or even a family member. When a man gives everything and is taken to the cleaners by a woman, he is ridiculed and called an idiot! Not fair; but that’s just the way things are! This book is about independence for women; so I will only deal with things from a female perspective.

1. Keeping secrets

We tend to give away too much information to total strangers and friends, who then end up knowing certain things about us and can use this knowledge to do irreparable damage. Why should you tell your neighbour that your husband gives you X amount of money every Friday? Why do you have to bring her to your bedroom to show her what you keep there; or that you plan to steal your husband’s money, because he has done this and that to you? Do you have to tell outsiders your marital problems? So what if your husband is a skirt-chasing flirt? Need you tell the girls in the office? It is such ‘harmless’ information and tittle-tattle that could end up with you in an embarrassing situation. Gossiping, however interesting, should be shunned because what you say to someone in confidence will definitely be repeated elsewhere completely out of context. It may even be exaggerated to such an extent that by the time it comes back to you, you will seem like the culprit. There is more to the saying ‘women cannot keep a secret’ than they will admit. A woman is usually prone to sharing many attributes with her friends; from kindness to money, gossip and secrets. She will generally confide in another woman before she will tell a man. If you have valuables which are not insured and you tell someone, then you can only blame yourself if they are stolen. We are surrounded by people from all walks of life and diverse upbringing, so we have to be careful in the way we deal with friends and neighbours, or we could be punished just for trusting someone. It takes years to know a person well. Even then, you will find that it is this familiarity which one utilises for one’s gain. It is those closest to you that are most dangerous, as there is a Judas in everybody’s life. You will not be crucified; but the damage to your self-esteem, confidence, reputation and bank account could be incalculable. Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar sighed, as he lay dying…"Et Tu Bruté?"

Do not interfere with a quarrel between a woman and her man because they will inevitably kiss and make up, and they will both end up blaming you for taking sides. Likewise, you should never divulge any of your personal life’s secrets to anyone, even your best friend; because she may not always be your number one. Best friends usually turn out to be the worst enemies because of something petty. A perceived insult, an argument, a quarrel or repeating elsewhere, something told in confidence could all become a betrayal of trust. What is said or done between you and your husband is your affair, and no one else’s. I realise that many women find it hard to keep quiet on certain things, and must tell somebody. One should refrain from such habits because they are detrimental to your well-being and may come back to haunt you, when the situation changes. If you were told someone you knew was having an affair with another woman’s husband and you repeated the salacious gossip, it will have your imprint on it. Should the story prove not to be true, you may be the one saddled with spreading the gossip. You will thereby lose the friendship and trust of the one who told you and of the people involved in the rumour. Do not give away any information, unless absolutely necessary; so that even friends cannot know enough about you to harm you, by repeating the info elsewhere.

Some lonely rich women tend to have no one to talk to, so they end up confiding their secrets to their drivers, cooks, bodyguards etc. This is not a good idea; because the day they get ‘itchy feet’ and want to leave, they will also take your secrets with them. They could harm you by giving vital information about you to others, who would then be in a strong position to do you severe damage. If certain things are stolen without any sign of breaking and entering, then it is what is known as an ‘inside job’. This means it was planned, though not necessarily executed, by someone known to you and possibly living with you. Don’t be over-friendly with anybody working for you like nannies, baby-sitters, house-help, drivers and anyone else with access to your house. Familiarity always breeds contempt! They must never be allowed to know where you keep anything important or of high monetary value. Be kind and fair but slightly aloof, or they might see it as a sign of weakness and take advantage of you. Even after many years together, domestic employees have been known to walk out of the house with all their employer’s valuables. Always keep your bedroom door locked and only allow it to be cleaned when you are present. If you have to go out, leaving a hired help in the house, please make sure you have everything of value locked up. You should also keep a portfolio on all your employees so that you know where to find them, in case they run off with the family jewellery. Before anyone begins to work for you; their home, parent’s home, immigration status and other relevant information should be your priority. It might therefore be better to use a reliable agency, when looking for someone to work for you; so that you have some insurance against anything going wrong with the employee. If you can afford a hired help, you should be able to afford to hide a security camera in the house, in case he/she steals anything or mistreats your children whilst you are away. If you ever find a nanny becoming too familiar with your husband or son, it would be better to let her go, before she seduces him. The tales of hubby running off with the nanny are too numerous to mention! You can usually tell if a nanny is having an affair with your husband/son by her body language. She will behave like the cat that got the cream and will become increasingly self-assured. She will start making decisions about the house without consulting you, and may even be rude towards you, if you dare challenge or criticise her.

With your husband, it would be advisable to keep a few secrets from him, like how much you have in your account or how much you earn; unless he comes clean with his own affairs. Most men are unlikely to do so because it is in their nature not to let women into every facet of their business. Just as you would not like him to read your Emails, open your letters, listen in on your phone calls or pry into your mobile phone address book; there are some things that should be secret. This is because they could be used to harm you if things go wrong in the marriage. You are unlikely to receive as much alimony, if he knows you are richer than he is; so you should always keep a secret account that no one knows about, purely as a guarantee. Anything can happen, even in the most ‘blissfully happy’ marriages! How would you like to find out he has been giving his cash away to his extra-marital girlfriends or spending it on prostitutes and drugs? By the time he divorces you, there might not be anything left for you and the children. Since it would be impractical to stop him spending his own money, you have to protect yourself by having a secret stash…just in case! By all means open a joint account that you can both use for the children and household expenses etc.; but keep your financial matters close to your chest. The last thing you want is for any man prying into your affairs and telling you how to spend, or spending money you have worked so hard for.

2. Family members

Because of their closeness to you, family members are the ones who could hurt you the most; so you have to be careful with what you allow them to know about yourself. Don’t divulge where you keep your money to your children because they have been known to steal from their parents. They may also tell their friends, who could convince them to ‘borrow’ the money, forge your signature on a cheque or use your car when you are out. It is the way a parent treats his or her child in the beginning that will determine what kind of person he or she grows up to be. If you spoil your child by giving him or her everything, then he or she will grow up expecting nothing less. If for some reason you do not give him or her money that they have become accustomed to, then he/she will seek other ways to obtain it. When a teenage son sees all his friends driving cars whilst he has only a bicycle, the next step will be to borrow one of his parents’ cars. With a car, comes a need for money; and since he is still in school and the girls are becoming more demanding, what does he do next? He watches his parents like a hawk till he sees a familiar pattern. Once he finds out where they keep the money, he will steal it; regardless of the consequences. Many children believe their parent’s property is their due, and may not regard it as stealing! Children have been known to physically attack their parents during arguments; yet, if you hit your child, you could be reported to the authorities. This causes a moral discrepancy which many parents don’t know how to handle, allowing their children to walk all over them. They are therefore powerless when a child is rude, obnoxious or downright dangerous. For instance; the mother might get angry with her daughter because she does not get the respect that she, as the mother, believes she deserves. The daughter being younger and probably prettier thinks her Mum is picking on her because she is jealous of her lifestyle and won’t let her do what she wants. An argument starts and one of them says the wrong thing and Wham! A slap is thrown, usually by the mother; but quite often by the daughter! It is easy to ‘lose it’ and yell at or even hit your children; which could make them hate you and plot ways to get you back by stealing huge sums of your money. In the most extreme scenarios, there have been quite a few successful attempts by children to murder their parents in order to get the inheritance they feel they deserve; as happened in the ‘Menendez case’ in America.

As loveable as they are normally, children can also be the most dangerous enemy a woman can have. This is because her unconditional love refuses to spot the signs of discontent and leaves her open to all kinds of danger; from theft and extortion to violence and murder. The first step in defending yourself against attacks or thefts from your children is to raise them properly and teach them to value certain things in life; by not spoiling them, no matter how rich you are. Love has to be tempered with strict discipline from an early age; so that they grow up into well-rounded adults, knowing right from wrong. By teaching the boys how to do traditionally female tasks like sewing buttons on shirts, ironing and housework and showing the girls male-orientated pastimes like how to fix a puncture in a car, faulty plumbing and other DIY tasks around the house; you can make them independent. This is imperative; so that when they go out into the big bad world, they are not held domestic hostage to their lovers or partners. Many parents already know this; by making sure their children are brought up equally and are not treated differently, because of their sex. This obviously means that if Mary does the washing up, then so should John; and if John helps Daddy in the garden, then Mary ought to as well. Even if a child does not want to do something, every mother has her ways of convincing him/her! I do believe that if you explain the reasons why a child should be self-sufficient, he/she will do it; because nobody likes to beg anyone to do something for them. However; male children should always be brought up to respect their female siblings and treat her equally, so that she can stand up for herself. This will make her mentally tough; so that she will not spend her life trying to impress or outdo men and get ripped off or beaten up into the bargain. It is important to instil in your male children a sense of equality, loyalty and obligation to the female. Otherwise they may become the kind of men who go around fleecing and degrading women. For every lady who is raped, beaten up, ripped off or abused; there is a culprit whose parents should hang their heads in shame at what their son has become. No baby is born cruel or evil!

Amongst other family members like cousins, uncles, aunts etc.; jealousy is the greatest threat. This means you have to keep them at arm’s length; so that they don’t use what they know about you, to harm you. This can cause a real dilemma. If you are richer than them; you have to either keep completely away or be generous, if you allow them into your life. If you are less well-off; you cannot be too intrusive or you may be treated like a parasite. Family members might be guilty of taking you for granted because when they ask a favour from you, they never expect a refusal. They may even end up hating you if you cannot give them what they want. You therefore have to learn the trick of replacing a refusal with an alternative generosity. For example; you may refuse a cousin a loan of some money, but surprise him/her with a monetary birthday or Christmas gift of the same amount that was asked of you. This way; the loan becomes an acceptable celebratory gift. More importantly; he/she will realise you are not stupid and you do not give loans which are unlikely to be paid back. This will prevent them ever asking you again for money! Although you are unlikely to be harmed physically by a family member you are not living with; the gossiping and backbiting can still cause a lot of damage to your reputation. Who does she think she is? Because she’s got money/married a rich man, she doesn’t want to know us anymore. We were there for her when she had nothing…! are not nice things to hear about yourself. Sometimes you have to take a step back and surprise them with unexpected acts of kindness to let them know you are still part of the greater family. In times of despair, you will need your relatives to support you; so a little affection and letting some of your wealth and good fortune go around them, is not a bad thing. Being a pariah to your family members can be a lonely existence and you will have no buffer against the antics of your husband, boyfriend or partner. Once he realises you have no one to turn to, he will take advantage of you and try to control your life. Finally; you should never abandon your family or good friends you have known for years, just because of some new lover whose only claim to fame is, he gives you multiple orgasms! Your relatives and friends will always be there for you, long after he has gone; so be good to them!

3. Misogyny

Misogyny is the hatred of women; and I am happy to risk controversy when I say, every man in this world is guilty in one way or the other of misogyny. This is because all over the world, men are feeling the female backlash, which comes in many forms. Deep down, all men are protective of women and believe the ‘weaker sex’ syndrome; which means he feels superior to her because he is stronger. When a woman prevents him from fulfilling his ambitions, he will resent it. Whether it means she gets the job he was going for; gets custody of the child instead of him; sues him for divorce and wins a hefty pay-out; lies to the police about him to get him into trouble; or many other instances where a man is made to feel second rate; the thoughts going through his head will be misogynistic. Every man has at one time or another felt the force of the female and wishes he could figuratively ‘strangle’ her; but realises there is nothing he can do, because female power is here to stay. A man will say he is all for equality and …it’s good to see a woman ‘doing well’ etc; but this is only so long as it does not affect him. Will he still feel the same way, if a woman is promoted above him in a gender bias situation? Granted he may be upset, even if a man is moved ahead instead of him; but there is something damaging to the male ego, when it is a woman who prevents him realising his cherished aims and ambitions. Political correctness has made sure he will not publicly vent his anger; but privately, you can bet anything he will be seething. ‘Damned that bitch! She must be fucking the boss!’ Is that not slightly misogynous? Doesn’t it say in the Bible that thoughts, words and deeds can all be equally sinful? Unfortunately, there is still a world-wide deep-rooted belief that women are somehow less capable than men and are often grouped together with children. Make sure all the women and children are safe... is always used by the police and emergency services during fires, floods, accidents etc. Although it is nice and honourable for the men to think about protecting the women and children; that attitude somehow stops women from being taken seriously. If they constantly need men to protect them; how are they ever going to be allowed to stand up for themselves? The world seems to forget that women have proved time and time again that when it comes to the crunch, they are capable of physically and mentally standing up and being counted. There was once a time when they said women could not run the marathon, do the pole vault, climb mountains or sail around the world!

I challenge any man to say there is no institutionalised misogyny in the world and I will say he is a liar; because of the following: rape; marital beatings; unequal pay; deliberate hindrance of education, employment and promotion prospects; treated as sexual objects for male gratification; forced marriages; female circumcision; purdah; bridal humiliations; illegal abortions; desperate prostitution and honour killings are still going on and men are sitting there pretending there is nothing we can do to prevent them. By nature; a woman is the most wonderful, loving, inspirational, hard-working and kind-hearted of all God’s creatures. Every man should be ashamed for all the suffering women have had to go through over the centuries; and yet, did nothing about it. We all spent our first moments of life inside a female womb; arrived into her loving arms; sucked on her juicy milk-filled breasts; and for the most part, were nurtured, fed and looked after by a woman in our formative years. Yes, everybody has/had a mother; and yet we repay the female with the suffering they are receiving the world over. How then can any man stand up and say he is not misogynistic; when he is doing nothing about the global female plight? We talk about ‘equality’ for women; so why are we allowing them to go through hell? Have we so quickly forgotten what our mothers did for us? Even though there are obviously bad and cruel women in the world; you will probably find that they were not born cruel. Circumstances, most likely created by disloyal men in their lives, turned them like that in order to pay men back for all the hurt they had received. Misogyny? Men have a lot to answer for and owe the female one gigantic apology for past and present humiliations. For my part; I hope through this book, I am doing my bit for the female race.

I will now get off my soap box with a reality check and tell you what you already know; and that is, misogyny still exists. What do you do about it so that it does not affect you unduly? We still live in a relatively politically correct world; which means the misogyny will not be blatant. Nobody will stand up and shout, I hate women! You therefore have to make sure it does not openly happen to you; by making a big fuss and knocking the perpetrators back so hard, they will not think of trying it on you again. There is no law against ‘hating’ women because there is still freedom of thought; and so long as the thought does not become action, it should not worry you. As a woman; I am confident you have the verbal ammunition to put any man who tries to take advantage of you, in his place. But you have to go one step further and stick up for other females. If you see an injustice on a woman by a man, you should stick your nose in and tell him off. This is because she may not be aware that things being said or done to her are in any way misogynistic. It would be better for the woman or man to tell you to mind your own business, than for you to say nothing. You may well have sown some fruitful seeds in her head which will get her thinking long after you have gone. She may eventually realise the veracity in your words, so that she does not allow it to happen to her again. If for example, you are on a bus or train and you see a pregnant or elderly woman being teased or jostled around by some youths; don’t be afraid to tell them off for their lack of compassion. You could even suggest to them to give up their seat for the lady instead of making fun of her. You will be surprised that they will do as you ask, rather than face embarrassment from the other passengers or a tongue-lashing from you. Whereas, if a man had poked his nose in, he would probably be ignored or possibly threatened and insulted! On a wider scale; leaving wrongs for men to right, has so far been proved to be a bridge too far because of their self-interest and overall ignorance about a woman’s feelings. This means women have to use their undeniably substantial electoral vote against all politicians who refuse to accept the importance of the female; because the only language a politician understands is power. Threaten to take it away by voting him out of office and you will see a drastic change in the status quo. There are already laws in place to protect women; but they do not go far enough. Misogyny will not go away on its own because men have no idea what it feels like to be a woman. Thousands of years of mistreatment of women by men all over the world have conditioned men to believe they are superior to women. This lack of empathy for the female plight is at the root of the problem and therefore a thought revolution has to take place in the minds of women. The more women fight for even the smallest injustices and make a thorough nuisance of themselves on men to make sure they cannot move a misogynistic inch without being taken to task, the quicker the curse of misogyny will be eradicated.

4. Racism

Racism is another modern day evil that needs to be eliminated. Before I go any further; I would like to say that even if you are a white woman, you can still be a victim of racism...depending on which country you are living or visiting. There is no child under five years old who is a racist because they don’t see and react to people by the colour of their skins. This means that racism is learnt as the child gets older; mainly from the parents and school friends. Like misogyny; racists are hypocritical and may not openly show it, but will keep it in their hearts. This makes it worse; because it is like a cancer waiting to explode. I’m not a racist; I even have black and Asian friends… is a common mantra. But the true test would be; if you are white and a black man/woman wanted to marry your daughter/son. Would you not have some reservations; especially for their future children, who would be of mixed race? People believe racism is calling a black person less than delightful names like Nigger!, Coon!, Wog!, Black bastard! or anything that has connotations of the word ‘black’. That would be too simplistic, because the black American rap artists sometimes use the word Nigger! as a term of endearment in their songs; but would probably be offended, if a white person used the same word on them. This is because they have a history of racism, far worse than any felt by most other black people in the world; and any sign of belittlement of their colour will most likely open up festering slavery or civil rights wounds. A Moslem may not be so annoyed at being called names; but would be angry, if you offended their religion. Whereas those of African and Asian descent, born and bred in Europe; have a different mentality. They believe racist comments are borne out of ignorance and have their own way of dealing with them; not with anger but with nonchalance, stoicism or equally hurtful verbal ripostes. They are even able to make self-effacing jokes about their colour; which has the potent effect of dismantling a racist comment. Two opponents of different race may even end up becoming friends or having a drink together; whilst continuing the racist verbal jousting in a humorous mood!

Racism goes a lot deeper than just calling someone names based on colour; because it is the attitude that makes it so deplorable, yet impossible to subvert. This means that it is the intention that makes something racist. If you are black and your white best friend calls you black bitch! in a friendly way; you will most likely let her get away with it because you know your friendship transcends any verbal sniping and she is just joking. Whereas, if someone you did not know said the same thing to you in the town centre, you could report him/her to the authorities and sue for racism. A Pakistani Moslem will not be happy to see her child marry an Indian Hindu; likewise an Israeli Jew might ban his/her child from marrying a Palestinian Arab. An African might be happy to see his/her daughter marry a white man, if it means an improvement in the financial and social position of their child; yet the white family the black girl is marrying into, might regard her as a money-grabbing impostor or social climber. How would you feel if you are white and a black girl seduced and stole your husband from under your nose? Would you not have a slightly racist opinion of black women, either vocally or in your thoughts? For years, black women have been complaining that black men prefer white women to them and still don’t have a high opinion of white women; often giving them names like white trash! and cheap, easy pussy! The people involved in each of the above examples would probably tell you they are not racists! It does show that everybody has a threshold which, if crossed, will unleash the dormant and repressed feelings inside; making it all too obvious that if you are a racist, you can never change and it is fear of the law and political correctness that prevents most of us from venting our real feelings.

The only advice I can give to you would be to be true to yourself and be honest enough to admit that if you are a racist, there is nothing you can do; because it is impossible to change from who you are. You have to realise however, that racism is wrong on so many levels like legal, social and personal. You will therefore have to live with it and learn to curb it; because the world has changed. Just like the great strides achieved by the women’s movement; racism is on the way out, albeit slowly. You cannot turn back the tide of progress! If your child wants to marry someone of a different race, which you don’t approve of; you have a right to state your reservations, but not to prevent the happiness of your child and the spouse. They are obviously of a different generation to you and will therefore have different attitudes to colour from you. If you feel like insulting someone with a comment based on the colour of their skin; remember that you could land yourself in big trouble with the authorities. You may even face a backlash from others of the same skin colour, who may have witnessed your verbal assault and may take it upon themselves to avenge the slur; possibly by violence. Social and economic deprivation of Blacks and Asians has made them sensitive to any slight or insult. It can be seen as rubbing salt into a festering wound and regarded as racist because they are already angry at the daily injustices they are experiencing. On many occasions, they are forced to encounter racists, who use all kinds of ingenious ways to perpetuate racism. For example, a black person may go for a job or enquire about the sale of a house; but will be told it is not available, with the smooth excuse, We’re sorry; it has just been taken. We can put you in touch with another agency if you like. They will never say it is because he/she is black; because that is against the law. Blacks and Asians are often targeted by the police, simply because of ethnic profiling; which unfairly links Blacks to crime and Asians to terrorism. This form of clandestine racism is on the increase, and there is not much the law can do about it because it is so difficult to prove.

Also, there are those who do not understand the sensitivities of others and may act in a racist way out of ignorance, not vengeance. For example; a nightclub may have a ‘no hats/caps’ policy and will have to bar a Sikh wearing a turban, or face the wrath of all cap-loving clubbers. The Sikh will see the barring as racist and insensitivity to his religion or beliefs; and may go home, having a low opinion of whites...inadvertently turning him into a potential racist. Like sexism; racism is still prevalent, even though there are laws against it. If you are a victim of public racism, you have to make a report to the authorities. The guilty party will face charges; most likely culminating in a financial punishment. If you are facing it on a daily basis, it would be wise for you to gather evidence with a concealed video camera or tape recorder, in order to have irrefutable proof against those responsible. The resulting bad publicity and fines will send out a message that one cannot insult anyone publicly because of skin colour, and get away with it. If the insult is private, like over the phone or face to face without any witnesses; you will have to use some typical female verbal counter-attacks and hit the insulter where it hurts most, by striking at his/her self-esteem or dignity. Such personal insults are usually borne out of a disagreement, owing money or stealing a lover. You black/white bitch, leave my man alone! could be riposted with Shouldn’t you be telling that to him? I had to fight him off me last night! If she dares say: You liar! He was with me last night! You should hit back with, Ooops! Sorry! It must have been this morning. He always comes to me after you go out! It looks like he prefers my black/white snatch to yours! I’m sure you can think of something even more hurtfully poignant!!!

5. Taking advantage

In Chapter Four of my book ‘Roar of the Tigress’, I dealt with ways and means of avoiding date rape; by stopping a man getting to certain stages, if you did not want him to sleep with you. Now supposing you do sleep with him and everything is rosy. You are in love and he makes you feel good, every time he is with you. It is possible but rare, that you can have a relationship without problems. There is also a saying that ‘love is blind’; which means you will not notice little things going wrong. Once a man senses you are madly in love, he will start taking you for granted. It is a slow and subtle process which few women can feel or see coming. It may begin with something small; like him forgetting to say Good morning to you or kiss you good night, as he normally does. Because you are so blindingly in love, you will start forgiving him for things you consider petty.