Enough Is Enough: What Needs to Be Said!

By Amy Croft

Enough is Enough! shines a spotlight on toxic masculinity, the reach of misogynistic coercive control, and how a patriarchal mindset has been so threatening to women and children around the world.

Amy Croft, author of A Longing for Justice, expands on many of the themes she tackled in her first ground-breaking work to reveal how women need to empower themselves in the twenty-first century.

She answers questions such as:

• What would you do when you are fed up with the so-called prerogative of male entitlement and paternal patronisation that is impacting millions around the world?

• What do you do when you abhor sexist, misogynistic attitudes, and see the need for systemic change to reflect more equitable values?

A groundswell movement, of global, collective protests, signals that people everywhere are tired of such man-made entitlement, waging wars, and bringing humanity down.

This book empowers others to find a path to patriarchal accountability, and to put right the wrongs, which impact badly, on women, children, and men, in a global society.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Feb 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9781982294762

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Copyright © 2023 Amy Croft.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-9475-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9476-2 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/24/2023

For Diana

A

Valuable Colleague

and Friend

Contents

Chapter 1 The Presumption of Entitlement

Chapter 2 Challenging & Changing Views

Chapter 3 Conscientious Decision Making

Chapter 4 Creating Opportunity for Change

Chapter 5 Standing Up for Justice

Chapter 6 Integrity versus Despair

Chapter 7 Mother, Mentor, Mediator, Matriarch

Chapter 8 Discernment in Collective Determination

Chapter 9 Homage to Women – Past and Present

Acknowledgments

Resources

Helplines

Chapter One

The Presumption of Entitlement

I would have remained silent… if I hadn’t been lucky enough to enter a time where a few women were beginning to figure out that our gigantic lack of confidence wasn’t all due to our individual selves.

– Gloria Steinem

When I found an irresistible urge to unpack the above statement, I immediately knew I needed to investigate further, as it prompted so many questions in my mind. I felt an overwhelming need to fully highlight, the impact of a misogynistic mindset and behaviour on women, and children. I felt compelled by intense need to seek the inner expression, and truth of that, which led me to question, my own perceptibility of what constituted ‘toxic behaviour’ and where it resided in society. When I found the truth of that, I realised that it was not just my imagination. It was a stark reality.

What do you do when you abhor sexist, misogynistic attitudes, and see the need for systemic change to reflect more equitable values? What do you do when you are fed up with the so-called prerogative of male misogynistic entitlement, and paternal patronisation that is impacting millions around the world? Throughout my life, I have been profoundly affected by abusive human behaviour, and appalled by the sheer amount of it. I am talking about the suffering incurred (undoubtedly due to misogynistic behaviour) in patriarchal institutions, systems, and society, not only in my nation, but around the world. News networks are full of stories about physical, mental, and emotional abuse being perpetrated on women and children, usually described as domestic violence. Something within me made me question the motivations of such criminal behaviour, because this is what it is. If we are going to be honest with ourselves, it is time to confront the nature of this beast. The groundswell of protest movement in all corners of the globe, tell me that people are tired of ‘entitled’ men waging war, chaos, and mayhem, on their own societies, and other people’s countries. It seems to me that people are raging about the injustices and are refusing to be silent. It is time to tear the fabric of patriarchy open to reveal the breadth and depth of it.

No wonder female confidence has been eroded to such a great extent, when you read the words of Steinem’s quote, above, and yet, in some quarters, females are still blamed for the downfall of man. This unscrupulous falsehood exhibits a lack of conscience, and not much in the way of remorse, in the perpetuation of the need, and intent, to disenfranchise the female gender. Why has it been so necessary for males to deny the feminine, whilst so strongly advocating for a masculine-served society? One female stated it was because they are narcissistic, egotistical jerks. No one can deny the mindset of patriarchy is dominating and controlling, and there is undoubtedly a good deal of egotism, and sexism in the mix.

From childhood to adulthood, I have personally seen, decades-long systemic failure in our various governments, and society, that enabled the perpetuation of these forms of odious behaviour on women and children, and other vulnerable groups. There had been, in recent decades, a spate of child deaths at the hands of their own fathers, which went far beyond betrayal, to a pathological level of revengeful behaviour. Did this indicate some degree of mental disturbance, bordering on sociopathic (even psychopathic) behaviour? Such killings, so brutal and unwarranted, no matter where, or when, were deemed unconscionable in a democratic society such as ours. What was going on? These are not medieval times. this is the twenty-first century.

Male abuse has not abated. Little of any value seems to be happening to alleviate the pain and suffering of the many abused, and their loved ones, and legislative powers of justice should have been well and truly in place to follow up, and deal with, the ravages of such behaviour well before now. Such violence is as rife as ever, today, and it impacted my own psychological self, when I observed, read, and heard, about these injustices taking place, in every single decade, since I was a girl. I imagined that many citizens of our societies, must also be reeling at the extent of it, given that it is happening in homes, communities, and countries, world-wide. Failing to address this, is not an option. It is time the female gender gained their rightful place in the world, which is not dependent on male involvement, to the extent it has been in the past. For too long the male status quo has had control over humans they consider ‘less than’. It is time to deny the status quo the belief that they have sole control.

Joyce Carol Oates (a member of the American Academy of Arts and Letters since 1978) in her book, The Faith of a Writer (2003), said, ‘it is a man’s world; a woman whose sensibility has been stroked by feminism will find much to annoy and offend, but perhaps there’s much to learn, and to be inspired by, if only in knowing what it is to be an outsider gazing in’. I, too, begin: to reveal, to learn, and perhaps, inspire. There is no integrity in standing aside, saying nothing. Humans make good choices, and they make bad choices, too. Are we so infallible that we cannot see right from wrong?

I consider myself to be an ordinary person, with average intelligence, and with a strong sense of perception, which has proved to be quite enlightening. I, like others, have some small level of perception and awareness, which has been honed by mistakes I’ve made, and by fractured life-lessons from the past, which I have endeavoured to learn from. My hope is that this book may be one case for why loud voices should be raised against misogynistic behaviour. It is time this behaviour ceased to be, and laws to be changed, to reflect the damage done. Every single woman, who is abused, physically, emotionally, and mentally, by a male, somewhere in her psyche, carries the aftermath of PTSD, OCD, or other known conditions ranging from anxiety to depression. No one comes out unscathed.

When I read Germaine Greer’s book, The Whole Woman, (1998), the chapter on loathing, years ago now, I remember it was an extremely hard read, because of the amount of wicked, abusive behaviour of men, against women and girls, contained within the pages. Read it if you dare. I dared to read it again, because I knew she does not pull any punches in revealing the loathing, many misogynistic males have for women, and how that impacts them. Greer is a superlative writer. She takes you right to the crux of it and leaves you breathless. There are males amongst us, who have the capacity to do terrible damage to women because, essentially, they dislike us, fear us, that if we have any real power, we will use it against them. What is contained in Greer’s book, is a pathological hatred in some men for women, that can surface very quickly, yet they can hide their intent so well, and plead innocence, after the fact. Just your average ‘Joe Blow’, until they aren’t! Do not underestimate the words of women who know what men are capable of, as they are words of experience, knowledge, perception, and finely honed intuition. This is no fantasy or illusion. This is how males have treated females, forever. Enough, truly is, enough, in the 21st century. We must support ourselves, and each other, as if our lives depend upon it, because for some, they do!

Joyce Carol Oates, also said, A woman should acknowledge her hurt, her anger, and her hope for justice, which I did in my first book, a memoir, I titled, A Longing for Justice in a patriarchal society (2021). I acknowledged that I, too, was hurt and angry, regarding dealings with patriarchy. That rage built up throughout my adulthood, because of patriarchal injustices perpetrated upon myself, and others around me. I found my freedom of identity and self-expression was stifled; shut down by the status quo. Misogyny’s meaning is encapsulated as hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women, and there are varying degrees of that, impacting every day on females across the globe. My books speak to males too, those who have been abused at the hands of the entitled paternalism operating in society. Many males have been failed, and felled, by that control and domination, too.

One purpose of this book is to focus on, and highlight, the odious behaviours of misogynism. This behaviour is a hindrance: an impediment to the freedom that we should all expect as human beings, and what, I believe, we should continue to aspire to. This patriarchal mindset has been unparalleled, in that it displays little compassion or remorse, for its criminal abusive deeds. And criminal, the behaviour surely is. The types of abuse perpetrated on those they decided as lesser mortals than themselves, is unpacked and examined within these pages, to identify such conduct, under their constructs of entitlement, formed eons ago, by men, for men. In her book, Fight Like a Girl (2016), Clementine Ford states, internalising misogyny is a powerful thing, and it starts from the moment girls learn that they are considered inferior, and that there is something desperately wrong with a world that is okay with making the control of female sexuality the domain of everyone other than the woman who owns it. There are many things to contemplate and unpack, as well as to discuss and debate. Females have been disenfranchised for so long, and it seems very evident that it is time to address the issues that enabled this patronising superiority, to take over our lives? If it is not the time – then when?

Another purpose of this book is to create pathways forward, away from the abusive power that such men wield, to where people may find empowerment and enlightenment outside of its construct, to create more nurturing conditions of respect, love, and support, for all human, and the many other beings, who call this planet home. To be continually caught in the web of lies, deceit, racism, sexism, discrimination, bigotry, hypocrisy, shame, and doubt, is hard to be borne. All these do is bring humanity down.

I’ve had many conversations in relation to unpacking this ideal of entitlement that basically means ‘the right to guaranteed benefits’, but it is so much more than that! The main themes of the conversations were about men having more rights than women, and what people thought about that. Gloria Steinem said, ‘women may be the one group that grows more radical with age’. I know that is true for me, and I know that women of all ages are refusing to be invisible and silent now. There is a feeling of liberation in the air as females move to take control of their own power going forward into the future. For many females and other vulnerable people, there is no going back to more of the same abuse they are receiving, or have received, in the past. The female gender is so much more than such males have given it credit for. I have long observed the desire of others to seek some qualification and accountability around this entrenched ideal that certain males feel they have a right to take as their own. The entitlement that says everyone must abide by their rules. Decide for yourselves, where your empowerment lies. It is your right.

Some have said to me that it is God’s will that men, made in His image, will rule the world. Others say that the male gender is the superior race - if you are white, that is. There have been many who debunk that theory by saying that those so-called entitled males have no such right to the power they have taken for themselves and used as an excuse for control. People I have spoken to, about man’s inhumanity to others, inferred that humans who inflict pain, suffering, and death, on innocent citizens, including those who are vulnerable, mentally, emotionally, and physically, are truly unconscionable human beings. People believed there is a great flaw in the male DNA which predisposes them to such behaviour, but most found that hard to articulate, or speculate, about.

Whatever the reason, just about every nation in the world has inflicted pain on others when deeming their needs greater. In this twenty-first century world, with all the trials it is facing and yet to face, there is much to be concerned about. This is a time to unite the good in humanity, not divide it. My feeling is that it is time to put the humane back into the equation. United we have a chance: divided we have no chance at all. A groundswell movement of global collective protest tells me that a vast majority of people are fed up with the control, men in power, have taken upon themselves. Females have fought long and hard for equitable justice only to be pushed back time and time again. Why now, would they wish to remain silent? Why now, would they choose to continue to be relegated as inferior? Why now, would they not speak out, when so much depends upon it? When skin colour comes into the equation, or religious ideology, or numbers of humans daring to be different, protest grows even greater. Protests show the deep rage and distress that folk are truly feeling. It is a disgrace that this is being forced to happen because those with the power, refuse to listen to the people. All people want is to be understood, respected, valued, and honoured, as citizens of the world. This is what we are! When our fellow humans are pitted against each other with disastrous consequences, the disaster is, that patriarchs think themselves competent to rule the planet. The planet is not theirs to rule! The planet is here to be respected. It’s the gift of life-giving force. It is not dependent on us, it is we, who are dependent upon it!

Before any attempt to fertilise and encourage a much-needed flowering of empowerment for females, children, and others, people need to question, and decipher, the word ‘entitlement’ and how it operates in our societies today, if for no other reason than to try and unpack it in order to understand it. Patriarchs in our political and religious arenas, perpetuate an impression that they have the larger role to play on the world stage; some as religious proctors, keeping watch over their flocks, in some official pastoral capacity. Their ecclesiastical mantles appear to signify a higher status, all bound up in this entitlement. When I proffered these thoughts to garner an opinion from others, more than a few made the connection between the church, royalty, parliament, presidency, etc., all operating under the right to rule. Whilst trying to identify symbols of entitlement, mention was made of the hierarchical costumery and pageantry surrounding such symbolism. Many people’s ideas are in this book, as I sought input from various others, to flesh out what people thought are the identifying factors of patriarchal entitlement.

All names and places, those not sourced, are fictional, and scenarios in this book, (included to highlight misogynistic behaviour) are composites of events which have taken place over decades past - and present. There are also, real anecdotes from females and males, who have experienced misogynism first-hand, and their identifying factors have been changed. This dysfunctional mindset needs to become obsolete, and many, like me, feel it has no relevance in the twenty-first century, My focus in this book is on misogynistic behaviour, and it seems that any entitlement regarding that, very much comes down to position and place in society, where men take this to mean that it gives them the credentials to behave the way they do, and that it is a right only they possess. Men, with a more feminist perspective, should not take this to mean them. It is misogynistic behaviour that is the focus in this book. Judging by conversations I have had, the female sex and others, prefer to operate within a more nurturing and compassionate world, focusing more on peace and the planet, than money, greed, and deplorable self-interest. Misogynists love themselves best, and I have found, in all research about this mindset, that it is all about them.

My search revealed some interesting facts about the hierarchical roles in society, and the views embodying these roles. It assists people to understand where this patriarchal entitlement operates. Judges and barristers don wigs and robes in courtrooms. Law enforcement officers don their uniforms and weaponry, as do the defence forces of army, navy, air, and police forces. Emergency services are pivotal, particularly in times of disaster. National safety rests in these people’s hands. Ecclesiastical robes are non-secular, and pertain to the clergy of the church, in praise of God. Ceremonial robes of royalty are pageantry-plus ensuring the jewels, ermine robes, gowns, crowns, and tiaras are on display during the pomp and ceremony, in praise of their sovereignty. Communist countries show power through military might and tend to display weaponry of great power. All of this demonstrates that they have the right to power and the right to rule. In every nation there needs to be essential roles, where there is a focus on protection, justice, leadership, and progressive development, which females are turning their minds towards.

In Australia, and other countries, male parliamentary members wear suits, sometimes with shirts and ties showing party allegiance in their colours. Symbolically, it is believed that men in suits mean business, advertising their corporate (or corporeal) power. Academics wear robes representing their academic achievement and significance. This symbolism is a mark of hierarchical faculty, granting intellectual prominence and rank within the tertiary class. In parts of society, companies display their uniforms with logos and symbolic names. Boards of directors, mayors, committees, and company directors, all have entrenched places in collective society. Groups, too many to name, have regulations and duties, along with symbols denoting their place, and principles of like-minded pursuit.

Women work in many such hierarchies, as they aspire to run the gauntlet for the top positions. Many of these women have top academic qualifications, and scholastic excellence, gaining positions in Science, Medicine, Education, Technology, and Corporate, fields, etc. In some quarters, it has been revealed, that this is made more difficult for many, because of the verbal and physical harassment, some of them experience from misogynistic males in such institutions, who have a grievance about them being there. This has stymied the success of some females who have tackled the glass ceiling and is a powerful reminder that there has been a major problem when aspiring for jobs in politics, government, and law. Of course, there is the never-ending sexual innuendo, which can be taken too far.

As Australian Signals Directorate director- general, Rachel Noble has said, I don’t think there is a glass ceiling – it’s actually a concrete block. Today it is coated in advanced technology, and I couldn’t see it until I got senior enough to reach out and touch it. (Source: Remy Varga, Barriers for women set in stone: spy chief. The Australian, 3 – 4 September 2022, p.8). Confidence is growing, and often as has been noted, these females are the best people for the jobs they undertake. A recent change in government in Australia 2022, has seen more women elected to become Members of Parliament. In September of that year, for the first time in history, Judge Jayne Jagot, was appointed to the High Court of Australia, which now has a majority-female bench, joining well-known Chief Justice, Susan Kiefel, and other prominent judges. (Source: Paul Karp amp.theguardian.com 29 September 2022). This is a real coup, for women looking to attain higher positions, in such places.

In terms of entitlement and symbolism in other cultures, the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples of Australia, the Pacific Nations, and the North and South American Indigenous First Nation’s peoples have had Leaders that could be considered more the protectors of their tribes or clans. Many warriors have fought to protect their people and lands, long before the imperialist colonialists turned up on their doorsteps. The Leaders or Elders of Indigenous nations, display decorative body and face painting, headdresses, and robes, of natural fibres when they maintain and celebrate, the laws and customs of their peoples. They are instrumental in perpetuating the language and customs of their tribal ancestors down through generations, and have been very active in following that through.

In Australia, Aboriginal Men’s business, and Women’s business, pass knowledge and wisdom on to their people through the lines of their spirituality, language, law, hunting and gathering, stories, songs, art, nature, and dance. In humanitarian terms, what was called the Mabo Decision, led to a Native Title Act (1993) in Australia. (Source: nma.gov.au resources) which created a framework that recognises Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples have rights to, and interests in, certain land, because of their traditional laws and customs. Before white people turned up on these shores, the land was most definitely occupied, before being colonised by elitist, English, imperialists and hapless convicts. Indigenous custodial, literal, and spiritual rights to Country, were ignored, and warfare ensued. Aboriginal people were massacred. Their children were stolen; many taken to Christian Missions. This happened in other parts of the world too, to other cultures. Many people have struggled with the shame of that. In the last two hundred years or so, this has become our Australian nation’s shame, because our history obviously lacked a truthful rendering of events, and this is a truth, that we must accept.

What I learned in my classrooms did not convey much in the way of ‘truth-telling’ in relation to such history. Aboriginal land was claimed on behalf of the Crown, and Australians have been ruled, by the combined efforts of the British Monarchy, and The Australian Parliament, for over 200 years, as part of what is known as ‘The Commonwealth’ under the United Kingdom’s Westminster system. In times to come, Australia may well become a Republic, separated from all that stands for. Queen Elizabeth ll, was respected greatly, for her seventy-year reign of service and dedication. This included many in Indigenous culture. Since she died, the call for a republic has grown stronger. There is a