The Cunnilinguist: How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex

By Alex B Porter

Going down. Eating out. Rug-munching. Speaking in tongues. No matter what you call cunnilingus, talking about it is sometimes uncomfortable and awkward—Until now.

The Cunnilinguist is a refreshingly modern guide to oral sex with a sense of humor. Written by a woman with experience at both ends of the tongue, this guide will build your confidence in giving—or receiving—oral sex.

How to Give and Receive Great Oral Sex

Did you know that lesbians report more orgasms than straight women and receiving oral sex can double a woman's chance of orgasm? Those are two findings from a large research study into the differences in orgasm frequency among gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual men and women. However, fear not; The Cunnilinguist has you covered.

In #TheCunnilinguist...

You'll learn tested tips, tricks and techniques that any giver or receiver can try. The Cunnilinguist: How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex has insights and tips for readers from beginner to advanced, single to married, and regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

The Cunnilinguist includes the latest scientific research alongside firsthand advice from a woman with experience on both ends of the tongue.

Edited and Foreword by sexuality educator Susan Harper, PhD.

Available on eBook, Paperback & Audiobook 2019.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alex B Porter
• Release date: Feb 1, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386310105

Alex B Porter

Lesbian fiction author Alex B Porter writes steamy lesbian romance series. At 32 years old, Alex hails from Shoreditch, London via Belfast but has spent significant time in the United States. She currently resides in East London with her lifetime partner, a talented artist, and their only "child", Neko the cat. Alex was unhappy in her hectic, big-city career, and recently ditched the corporate world to pursue her dream of writing and curating 'romantica' for lesbian, bi and women. When she isn't spinning her sexy stories to the beat of a large Merlot, Alex enjoys travel, music, the arts, and experimentation. FREE LESBIAN ROMANCE STORIES: http://alexbporter.com Lesbian books, lesbian romance, lesbian series...enjoy!

Book preview

The Cunnilinguist:

How To Give And Receive

Great Oral Sex

Top tips from both ends of the tongue

Written by

Alex B Porter

Edited by

Susan Harper, ph.D

Copyright

In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document in either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with written permission from the publisher. All rights reserved.

Copyright © 2019 Alex B Porter. All rights reserved. Including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the author.

Table of Contents

FOREWORD

Research & the heterosexual orgasm gap

1. Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women

2. Vaginal sex can reduce a woman’s chance of orgasm

3. Receiving oral sex can double a woman’s chance of orgasm

And there’s more...

The dinner party & birth of a book

How to use this book and what to expect

Watch yer language! A note on inclusivity

Pronouns used in this book

A short LGBTQ+ glossary

CHAPTER 1: (Muff) Diving In

Anatomy

First, let’s clear something up: Vulva or vagina?

The pubic mound & labia majora

The labia minora (inner lips)

The clitoris & the hood

The secrets of the clitoral network & pudendal nerve

Got a penis?

Above the clit

Below the clit

The vagina

The G-spot: Myth or legend?

Below the vagina

Anatomy roundup

Hygiene

Fingers, nails, & rings

Piercings

Holy feck, it’s vajazzled!

Facial hair

Oral sex at that time of the month

Safer sex

Dam it

Don’t blow me

Genital damage, pelvic pain, & anorgasmia

Getting wet

Hit the lube!

Chapter 1 summary

CHAPTER 2: Going Deeper

The vicious circle

11 reasons why they might say no

Why letting go is important (for receivers)

And in saying that, I’ll share some giver-honesty too...

11 receiver tips for letting go

Hey, givers get scared, too!

Empathy for the penis: Considerations for hetero and bi receivers

Letting go and building self-esteem together

Both inexperienced?

Before we move on, a quick note about porn

Early-stage foreplay: Set yourself up for success

Starting early

Kissing

Talk dirty

Sexting

Undressing

Breast attention

Two hands are better than one

Safeplay

12 simple ways to get in the mood

Perpetual foreplay

Chapter 2 summary

CHAPTER 3: Down to Business

Venus, Mars, & consent

Why lesbians have better sex than straight women

How sexpectation differs between lesbian and hetero couples

Slow and beyond (the #1 tip for guys and other folks with penises)

An overview of techniques for giving great cunnilingus

Genital foreplay

Position yourself

The #1 rule

Removing the panties

Hair tips

More than words

The awakening: Here clitty, clitty!

Telltale signs

The #1 reason givers need foreplay

Clitoral action: Down to business

Pressure matters

The alphabet myth

A little pinch goes a long way

Shapes and movement

Slipping the tongue in

Take it on the chin—or nose

Teeth tips

How to suck

Polishing the pearl

Get your squeeze on

The clit sandwich

Enter the fingers

Making, breaking, and holding still

Encourage your partner to engage

Receivers: Remember to breath

OMG, they’re coming!

Pre-orgasm vs orgasm

Ejaculation: Yes, it might just happen!

The kiss of sex: A hot ending... or a new beginning

Delivering multiple orgasms back to back

What to do after they orgasm

When your partner doesn’t come

How to guarantee a happy ending

Don’t make these five mistakes when you’re down there

The ultimate guide to saving tongue & jaw

Three ways to give your tongue a break

Five tongue-break techniques that actually enhance pleasure

Ten tongue and jaw exercises to keep you going all night long

A few tips for the receiver

Hey, receivers! Here’s a secret...

When they’re getting it right

When they’re getting it wrong

Every time with you is so different. It's not me, it’s you!

Chapter 3 summary

CHAPTER 4: Take a Stance

Different shapes and sizes

Missionary & beyond

Raise that ass

Back and up

Knees on the bed, knees off the bed

Straddle and squeeze

Missionary considerations

Rodeo: Receiver on top

69

Doggy-style

Standing

Seated

On the kitchen table

Under the kitchen table

Chapter 4 summary

CHAPTER 5: Beyond Lip Service

About this section

A short guide to fingering

Testing the waters

Licky-licky finger penetration techniques

Going all in: Take it slow

Finger burst: A personal fave, but proceed with caution

Hold ‘em back

Hitting the G-spot

Here’s the easiest way to find it

Here’s the best way to stimulate it

Skeptical receivers, listen up

Dick in pussy: A lesbian’s insight to getting there

An example of how we roll

Care to vibrate?

Varied vibrators

Vibrator pros

Vibrator cons

First time vibe techniques

The Rabbit technique

To do or not dildo

Sex toy care

Fisting 101

Getting it in

Fisting in five steps

Anal stimulation (fingers, tongue, and more toys)

It’s an asshole!

Okay, I’m behind this!

The three-in-one

Roleplay

Effortless roleplay

BDSM & power play

Verbal bondage

Physical bondage

Putting the receiver in charge

Pleasuring yourself

Mutual masturbation

Chapter 5 summary

Wrapping Up

Chapter 6: A Little Taster

I messed up

The moral to the story

Cunni on the Cruise (a Branding Her excerpt)

That’s all, folks!

Bibliography and References

Thank you... and a favor...

Social fun: #TheCunnilinguist

Other books

Say Hi!

The Cunnilinguist by Alex B Porter

FOREWORD

By Susan Harper, PhD

When the opportunity to edit a guide to cunnilingus came across my freelance feed in the summer of 2018, I jumped at it. As both a sexuality educator and a queer woman, this project brought together two of my, ahem, interests. A chance to work with someone who was trying to demystify the process of—to turn a phrase—enjoying a box lunch? You betchya.

While I’ve been lucky to have partners of all genders who were enthusiastic givers of cunnilingus, in my time listening to my women friends talk about their sex lives, and then as a sexuality educator, I’ve realized that my experience is far from the norm. So many people of various sexualities I talked to had encountered partners who were either unwilling to go down on them, or lacked know-how and confidence. Many queer folks I talked to were unsure how to either give or receive cunnilingus themselves; and they did not realize what an important role the receiver plays. Given the research showing that cunnilingus can double the chances of orgasm, the idea of a guidebook that went beyond the Buzzfeed-style listicles excited me. (No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

What this book has turned out to be is even more exciting than I had ever hoped. Working closely with Alex to craft a guidebook that could be used by anyone who wants to learn to give or receive good cunnilingus, regardless of gender, has been an adventure. I especially loved that this book focuses on the experience of oral sex for both the giver and the receiver.

So much writing out there about cunnilingus is focused on techniques for giving oral sex to cis women, and often assumes that the giver is cis and a man. These guides are often mechanistic and do not consider the role of the receiver, and they tend to be very heteronormative as a result. I love that with The Cunnilinguist, Alex has chosen to open up the discussion to anyone who wants to give oral sex to someone with a vulva, and anyone with a vulva who wants to receive. There’s such a need for writing about sex that recognizes trans, nonbinary, and intersex people, and I think this book does an elegant (and fun) job of broadening the conversation beyond cisgender bodies.

The Cunnilinguist is the kind of book I wish I’d had available to my Sociology of Sexuality students. It manages to be both informative and well-researched while also being a fun, irreverent frolic. The description of the vaginal/vulvar/clitoral anatomy is worth the cover price alone, given how many people who possess these structures don’t know what they’re called or how they work.*

This refreshingly modern guide takes the business of giving and receiving pleasure seriously, but never takes itself too seriously. It’s full of orgasm-inducing tips and techniques for both giver and receiver, presented with equal doses of good humor and practical, usable information. I also appreciate her careful attention to the social issues—gender socialization, religious shame, and more—that can impact the ways we are willing to give and receive pleasure.

Sex isn’t just about bodies in this book—it’s a complex, socially constructed practice that involves negotiation, consent, self-reflection, and attention to the social context too. As a sexuality educator, I have been consistently frustrated that ‘sex ed’ materials seem to ignore the social side of sex. I deeply appreciate that Alex has included discussion of the social dynamics of sex in this book. Further, I appreciate that she has backed up this discussion with solid research—but not research you need a doctorate in social science to understand. And even more importantly, the research never takes away from the playful tone of the book.

I am honored to have worked on this book because I believe that it, like all comprehensive sex education, has the potential to change lives. Whether you read this book alone for tips on how to give or receive, or work through it with your partner as you figure out what gets you both off, this book is invaluable.

—Susan Harper, PhD

* A sneak-preview of the Anatomy section.

––––––––

The Cunnilinguist by Alex B Porter

Research & the heterosexual orgasm gap

Whoever you are, if you’ve picked up this book then you already value and respect the power of cunnilingus. Go you! But before we kick off, I want to share a couple of stats from a sizeable 2017 orgasm frequency research study that identified and confirmed a significant orgasm gap between straight men and women.

Hmm, that’s nothing new, you might say. True, but this particular study went beyond most previous research in that it examined sexual behaviors, gender, and sexual orientation, drawing some interesting conclusions and discussion points.

Researchers from Chapman University, Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute studied 52,000 Americans[1] and found that 95 percent of straight men[2] usually or always orgasm when sexually intimate with a partner whilst the same is true for only 65 percent of straight women.

Yep, that’s a pretty big difference! But there’s more. It found that....

1. Lesbians have more orgasms than straight women

If your first thought was that perhaps those who have a clit are not capable of climaxing as frequently as those who have a penis, you could be forgiven. However, the study also found that 86 percent of lesbians usually or always orgasm. So, yes, those of us with a clit can orgasm. And we can orgasm a lot.

2. Vaginal sex can reduce a woman’s chance of orgasm

Whilst 65 percent of straight women reported orgasming usually or always when sexually intimate, the study also found that just 35 percent do so if the sole behavior is vaginal intercourse. Basically, if the only sex a woman indulges in is a bit of penile-pokey-pokey, the likelihood of her having an orgasm is significantly reduced. But there’s good news, too.

3. Receiving oral sex can double a woman’s chance of orgasm

The study showed that women who receive oral sex orgasm more frequently than women who do not. When compared to vaginal intercourse alone, a combination of deep kissing, clitoral stimulation, and receiving oral sex increased women’s satisfaction levels from 35 percent to 77 percent. If vaginal sex was excluded, it rose even further to 80 percent. In every combination of activities, receiving oral sex was shown to increase orgasm frequency for straight women.

So women can orgasm a lot, just not typically through vaginal intercourse alone. And receiving oral sex plays a big part in making it happen.

And there’s more...

You may think those stats are pretty shocking. You may even dismiss them as being taken from only one study. However, there are many other studies that show similar results. Dr. Elisabeth Lloyd carried out an in-depth analysis of 32 pieces of research about the frequency of female orgasm during intercourse and found that only 25 percent of women reliably experience orgasm solely from sexual intercourse.[3] Just when you were thinking 35 percent was bad! Dr. Lloyd’s analysis was published as a Harvard University Press book, The Case of the Female Orgasm.

And don't think this orgasm gap is an anatomical issue either, one that requires significant time or effort in order for those with female anatomy to climax. It isn't. During masturbation, there’s actually little difference in the length of time it takes to orgasm between those with a clitoris and those with a penis. Kinsey tells us that women achieve orgasm in an average of 3–4 minutes, with 25 percent managing to knock it out in just 1–3![4] And, alongside masturbation, I can personally attest to many 5-minute quickies with my partner that resulted in a big-O or three.

Unfortunately, I found no research on trans or intersex bodies. However, it is noted that any such study would be complex due to anatomical variety. Not all people who identify as women have vulvas and not all people who identify as men have penises. We'll touch more on that later.

Now you know some of the stats, let’s get moving, learn how to fix that orgasm gap, and improve the cunnilingus experience for everyone involved....

The Cunnilinguist by Alex B Porter

The dinner party & birth of a book

I got a Facebook message out of the blue from a reader of my fiction who said I’d taught them a new trick for going down on their girlfriend.

I sat there, trying to figure out how to frame a reply: Thank you? Thank you very much? Glad to have been able to help? Hey, could you tell me what it was, exactly?

None of those seemed like quite the right thing to say. Nor could I think what I had written that could have been so inspirational.

I was discussing my dilemma over the unanswered message later that day at dinner with friends, because who doesn’t discuss sex and strangers with friends, right?

Honestly, most of the time I have a dinner party it doesn’t end up in serious conversations about what one person referred to as—I kid you not—kissing the camel. But this