A Legacy Worth Fighting For: Becoming the Man, Husband, and Father That God Has Called You to Be

By Dr. Michael D. Howard

A Legacy Worth Fighting For: Becoming the Man, Husband, and Father That God Has Called You to Be is a book written for men who want to draw closer to God and have a more meaningful and intimate relationship with their Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. It is a book for regular, everyday men who want to be better husbands and fathers--men who have a desire to be the men, husbands, and fathers that God has called them to be. This is a book that will encourage you, challenge you, and inspire you to be better. The stories and life lessons captured within the pages of this book will tug at your spirit as you discover practical tools and strategies to help you become the man that your wife, children, community, and even God want you to be. This book will transform the way you live your life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 22, 2024
• ISBN: 9798891123793

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Setting the Stage

Chapter 1: Attitude Is Everything

Characteristics

Chapter 2: Focus

Chapter 3: Patience

Chapter 4: Perseverance

Chapter 5: Empathy

Chapter 6: Humility

Chapter 7: Faith

Chapter 8: Hope

Chapter 9: Love

Spiritual Disciplines

Chapter 10: Prayer

Chapter 11: Scripture Study

Chapter 12: Praise and Worship

Chapter 13: Final Thoughts

About the Author

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A Legacy Worth Fighting For: Becoming the Man, Husband, and Father That God Has Called You to Be

Dr. Michael D. Howard

ISBN 979-8-89112-378-6 (Paperback)

ISBN 979-8-89112-379-3 (Digital)

Copyright © 2024 Dr. Michael D. Howard

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

I dedicate this book to my beautiful wife, Lonna, who, in more than thirty-seven years of marriage, continues to teach me how to be a better, more loving husband and father every single day.

I also dedicate this book to my four incredible and amazing children (Ila, Dawn, Kimberly, and Jonathan), who constantly inspire and motivate me while also teaching me the importance of humility, patience, and forgiveness.

Finally, I dedicate this book to all those who are striving to be the men, husbands, and fathers that God has called them to be. Don't stop fighting!

Most importantly, I give God the glory and the praise for making this book possible.

Part 1

Setting the Stage

Chapter 1

Attitude Is Everything

As a kid, I can't count the number of times I heard my coach say, Get your head in the game! It was almost like hearing the same old song playing over and over and over. What I recognize now is that what he was trying to do was help me focus. Whether it was practice or a game, he needed me to step up, focus on what I was doing, and be an active part of the team. Sometimes I wonder if God is trying to tell me the same thing. I can almost imagine Him saying, Mike, get your head in the game already! This concept became much more real for me when I would go to my daughter's baseball games and see them picking flowers out in left field or running around in circles on the soccer field. Like the coaches I had growing up, I found myself wanting to shout the same thing to them. God wants us to be part of His team. He wants us to be laser focused and to be the men, husbands, and fathers that He has called us to be. To accomplish this goal, we must recognize that we are not alone; we have the ultimate coach (God Himself), and we have each other—men who every day come together to engage the challenges that life throws our way. We can't and are not expected to do this alone.

As we begin this journey toward becoming the men, husbands, and fathers that God has called us to be, we must determine what that looks like. In practical terms, this requires us to put Christ at the center of our lives, to be selfless, and to put God and others before ourselves. It means learning how to love our wives and children more fully by attending to their needs more and ours less. It means seeking to understand and do the will of God in all aspects of our lives by being obedient to Him.

We must identify our vision of success. In the military, this is often referred to as an end state. You may want to think of it as an overall objective, although I do not feel that necessarily encompasses everything that a vision might be. In other words, we need to decide what being the man, husband, and father that God has called us to be looks like in practical terms. If you were the man, husband, and father that you truly wanted to be, what would you be doing? This is where the rubber meets the road.

At the end of this chapter are questions designed to help you sort out your vision in all three general areas—being the man, the husband, and the father that God has called you to be. These three areas are not all-encompassing, and you may choose to expand this to include other life roles such as brother, son, leader, boss, and coworker. For the time being, however, let's focus on these three main roles and identify common or critical elements of what a vision entails.

Think of your vision of success as the destination. If you were planning a trip to some exotic place, you might have a picture in your head of what it looks like, what it smells like, and what it even feels like. You may be thinking about the food and imagining what it will taste like. This is what a vision is. It is our image of the destination, and we should incorporate as much sensory information as we can, as those things will help us add clarity and definition to our vision. We will be discussing vision throughout this book and will also be coming back to the topic of marriage and love in much greater detail.

If I want to be the husband that God has called me to be, I must determine what that looks like. For example, you might say that you want to fully love your wife. That sounds great, but do we really know what that means or what it looks like? The apostle Paul gives us some insight in his first Letter to the church at Corinth when he says, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). I don't know about you, but when I look at this list, I feel like I am missing the target in a lot of ways. That, however, is not the point and is not what we should be focusing on. When I reflect on this list, what I see is selflessness. In other words, loving someone requires me to put them and their needs ahead of mine. Perhaps another way of looking at this scripture is to say I need to love my wife in a way that honors her, that lifts her up, that is compassionate, and that allows me to connect with her in a way that is patient and understanding.

Perhaps this makes it a little easier to understand, but what would that look like in actual practice? The answer to this question will be somewhat different for every person, but for me, I think it would mean that I am able to sit and really listen to what my wife is saying and to be able to not only hear her words but to get some understanding of what she is feeling, desiring, or needing as well. To do this, I need to be willing to be present, to sit and listen to her, fighting the urge to interject or tell her what I think she should do or how she should handle a particular situation. I might also ask her what she needs, how she is feeling, and if there is anything that I can do to make her day better. That may sound strange, but we oftentimes don't know what a person needs unless we ask. If we wait around, thinking she will simply tell us, we may be waiting quite a while. Similarly, she may be thinking that if I truly loved her, I would know what she needs or wants.

Coming from a military background, I oftentimes fell into the trap of bringing the emotional baggage of work home with me and, subsequently, treating my wife as though she were one of my subordinates. More than once, I heard her say to me, I'm not one of your sailors. I still struggle with this at times, but I am learning and trying to speak to my wife in a way that is honoring and respectful of her and who she is, not only as my wife but as a woman and as a daughter of our loving heavenly Father. Other things I might do behaviorally or on a practical level are things like helping more with chores around the house. This could look like me doing the dishes after dinner, taking the garbage out without being asked, or replacing the light in the hallway that has been flickering for three days before she goes ahead and does it herself. Sometimes it is the smallest things that make the biggest difference.

Once we identify the vision of success or the destination at which we hope to arrive, we next need to identify the obstacles or things that are keeping us from getting there. For example, let's assume for a moment that I have always wanted to compete in a triathlon. To do so, I need to first identify the characteristics that I would need to possess to successfully compete. Once I do that, I will need to begin identifying the shortfalls or obstacles that stand in the way of me achieving my goal.

Using the triathlon as an example, I first recognize that this event will require me to run, bike, and swim. The first obvious obstacle I would encounter is that I do not own a bike that would be suitable for competing in a triathlon. That's kind of a big deal. I can't compete in a triathlon without a bike. To make matters worse, these bikes are expensive, and maybe I don't have the money to purchase one, not to mention how my wife might react in response to me spending all our money on a new bike. Let's imagine for a moment that I do have the money and that my wife is supportive of my decision. I go to the bike shop, where a young man with years of triathlon experience helps me select the perfect bike for my first competition.

Great! I say to myself as I load the bike into the back of my truck and start heading home. I then come to the second, and perhaps more pressing, obstacle—I'm nowhere even close to being in the shape I need to be to compete in this triathlon. A sense of defeat pours over me as I not only consider the poor shape I am in but also the thousands of dollars I just spent on a bike that I may not even get to compete with.

Feeling like I need a little encouragement or perhaps a huge kick in the butt, I reach out to a friend of mine who has significant experience in personal fitness and nutrition and has competed in all kinds of sporting events. For the sake of this conversation, we will call him Bill. As I turn the corner toward Bill's house with my bike still in the back of the truck, I think, This is crazy. Bill probably isn't even home, and if he is, he surely doesn't have time for my problems.

As I pull up, Bill comes out of the garage, where he has been working on a car he is restoring. He notices the bike in the back, and after admiring the bike for a couple of minutes and possibly even drooling on it, he barks, Great-looking bike! What are you going to do with it?

I smile humbly while saying, Well, I had intended to compete in a triathlon in a few months, but I'm not ready for that, and there is no way I can get in the physical shape I need to be in to compete.

Bill is dead silent for a few moments, and suddenly a very serious expression comes over his face. He then walks right up to me, looks me directly in the eyes, and quietly remarks, You can if you want it bad enough.

This is the question we must ask ourselves when becoming the man, husband, and father that God has called us to be: How bad do we want it?

A great biblical illustration of a person who really wanted to win and be victorious over something evil in his life is the story of David and Goliath. David was a very small person. In fact, he was just a boy. He had tremendous courage and determination, however, and when nobody else would volunteer to fight the giant, Goliath, he did. He was so small that he couldn't even wear the suit of armor that King Saul had given him. This didn't deter David, though. Armed with just a sling and five smooth stones, David approached Goliath, and despite the constant verbal attacks and threats, he