A Reason to Live

By Sandra Meunier

Sandra Mercier is twenty-three years old when she makes the deliberate decision to end her life. She lives with her flatmates Margot and Emma, hangs out with her boyfriend Matt, but no longer feels understood or enjoys the company of others, and can only find refuge in her imagination. For Sandra, every day is a struggle, a crusade to seek bliss, an endless battle to choose life and to fight off the dark thoughts that consume her. Eventually, she becomes trapped in her mental realm, the very one she created to escape her reality. The hope for a better tomorrow that never comes, and the realization that her life did not turn out the way she expected, make Sandra believe she will find happiness in death…

Until she has an encounter that changes her life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Dec 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781035800124

Sandra Meunier

Sandra Meunier was born and raised in Montpellier, a coastal city located in the South of France. She learnt how to speak English on her own when she was about thirteen years old, by watching American TV shows, and by memorising the lyrics to her favourite songs. She quickly became passionate about the language and decided to pursue her studies in England, where she completed a master’s degree in human rights and international relations at the University of Roehampton, in South-West London. She later came back to her native country and settled in the city of Lyon, where she started writing A Reason to Live in 2021, during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Book preview

About the Author

Sandra Meunier was born and raised in Montpellier, a coastal city located in the South of France. She learnt how to speak English on her own when she was about thirteen years old, by watching American TV shows, and by memorising the lyrics to her favourite songs. She quickly became passionate about the language and decided to pursue her studies in England, where she completed a master’s degree in human rights and international relations at the University of Roehampton, in South-West London. She later came back to her native country and settled in the city of Lyon, where she started writing A Reason to Live in 2021, during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Dedication

For those who have lost their will to live.

Copyright Information ©

Sandra Meunier 2023

The right of Sandra Meunier to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781035800117 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781035800124 (ePub e-book)

www.austinmacauley.com

First Published 2023

Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

1 Canada Square

Canary Wharf

London

E14 5AA

Acknowledgement

I would like to thank Austin Macauley Publishers for believing in my manuscript and taking a chance on me.

Chapter 1

When you have been sad for a long time, you cannot really pinpoint when the sadness started. Was it in high school when I was getting bullied for being skinny? Was it at the age of thirteen when I was crying in my bedroom after making a list of all the things I would change about myself physically? Or was it at twenty-two when I realised that my life didn’t turn out the way I expected? For most of my life, I didn’t know who to turn to, so I turned to myself, and sometimes against myself. In the search for self-love, I encountered self-hatred, but eventually I found me: who I am, what I want, and what I am no longer willing to put up with. As a teenager, I have always believed that when I would get older, I would be happy, when I would go to college, I would find purpose, when I would fall in love, I would feel complete. None of these statements came to be true, and so I gradually buried myself deeper in my misery. For as long as I can remember, I have always lived inside my head, in this bubble I created when I was a little girl, where I would make up idealistic stories in order to escape my reality. But that fantasy came crashing down on me because, by constantly living in the future, I forgot to enjoy the present. All of a sudden, I could no longer be self-sufficient, I couldn’t be happy, I was crying almost every day, my body was telling me to stop, and my heart was full of sorrows. I could no longer find comfort in the presence of friends or family, or pleasure in the small things. No matter what I did, said, or tried, it was never enough, because when you do not want to live, nothing makes sense. I have always relied on myself to solve my problems because only I knew how to tackle them, and so for most of my life I have been emotionally independent. I have been my own therapist, my support system, my friend, the one who made me laugh and the one who dried up my tears, my knight in shining armour, the one who rescued me. The truth is, being emotionally self-reliant comes at a cost, there is only so much you can do, only so much you can take until you fall apart. At some point, the last straw breaks the camel’s back. We all reach a point of no return, and I have reached mine.

Chapter 2

My name is Sandra Mercier. I was born on the 23rd of December 1997. I have curly hair that I have spent my entire adolescence trying to straighten, and now wish I hadn’t. I love both cats and dogs, and refuse to choose one or the other. I have a brother who is three years older than me. My favourite colour at the moment is beige. I am not really good at singing, even though I try my best on karaoke nights. I have struggled with body image my whole life but I somehow grew out of it and stopped giving importance to people’s negative comments about my body when I realised that those judgements are simply a projection of their own frustrations and insecurities. I like to go for walks while listening to music, and I enjoy baking in my spare time. What I hate most in life is disrespect. The quality I value the most is compassion. I work a nine-to-five job as a customer service advisor, needless to say it is not my dream job. In fact, I despise it very much but eventually you have to make money. I don’t want to be financially dependent from anyone, even though my parents still support me greatly. I have always wanted to travel to Japan, I grew up watching anime and playing video games, I believe the Japanese language is one of the most beautiful, and I have a soft spot for all things sushi. My parents got divorced when I was three years old, and although it did mess me up a bit, I have tried to not project their unsuccessful marriage onto me and my romantic relationship. Matthieu is the name of my amazing boyfriend, we have been together for about two years now. He loves playing golf, and is the romantic type. He has those beautiful brown eyes that make your heart melt whenever you look into them. He has dark hair, and one strand constantly falls on his forehead. I love the way he looks at me, and the little dimple he has on his left cheek. He never fails to put a smile on my face. I met him on a night out, we were both introduced by a mutual friend. He was wearing a navy-blue shirt with the first two buttons opened, black trousers, and black shoes. On his right hand he was wearing a grey watch, had a signet ring on his middle finger (for some reason I have always found men who wear rings to be particularly sexy), and he was holding a beer in his left hand. We made out on the dance floor, exchanged numbers, conversed for a while, and never left each other’s sight after that. Matt is what you would call a great boyfriend, always there for you when you need him, always a shoulder to cry on, I feel secure in his love and safe in his arms. I currently live with my two flatmates Margot and Emma, in a three-bedroom apartment. Margot works as a cosmetic nurse for a health and beauty clinic, and Emma is a waitress at this very chic Italian restaurant. We get along very well, but like every flat, we set up a couple of rules in order for us to cohabit in peace and harmony. We established from the beginning that we would buy our food separately since the three of us don’t share the same food regimen, and we would make sure to clean after ourselves each time we used the common areas. What I love about our flat is that we eat dinner together every night, sometimes with a bottle of wine, some nights we watch a movie, other nights we play a board game, and on the weekend we do fun activities together. Living with them is really nice, I never feel out of place. On the surface, my life seems perfect: I am healthy, I have a job, a car, a boyfriend, lovely friends, a family that loves me, yet each day feels like a hindrance to bliss when all you want is to die.

Chapter 3

Today is a hot summer day in Montpellier, there are no clouds in the sky, nor any wind blowing. I was on my way to the beach, driving through the city when I realised that I had always dreamed of those road trips they sell you in movies, the ones where you are in your car, listening to good music, and singing with your best pals. When I arrived at the beach, two of my friends were already there. We laid down on our towels, enjoyed