Rebex: My Second Dramatic Life

By Rebecca Dias

What would you do if you woke up in a bed surrounded by strangers with not only your memory wiped clean, but no understanding of where or who you were?When I was eighteen, this happened to me! I guess you can say it was as if I was literally just born, but in an eighteen-year-old's body. The Big Bang that created my new life was not caused by two people coming together in love, but by a car hitting a power pole. On the 16th of November, 2001, I was coaxed into a car that ended up travelling at 160 km when it hit a power pole, blacking out my small country hometown. On this night I died for the first time, and I would die another six more times after that. I survived and had to relearn everything again while being left with lifelong disabilities and pain. I wish I could say this was the most tragic event I have had to endure, but it was probably one of the easiest to deal with. I have mastered a lot of coping strategies to assist me in what I have lost from making a harmless decision that most teenagers would have made. I had to endure being tortured for three years while in a violent domestic relationship. The worst ordeal I have lived through was when for a two-year period I watched my beautiful, strong daughter slowly die.At times I even found myself unsure of how to survive this awful part of my life. Writing my memoir for you, my dear reader, is how I found the strength to conquer each tragedy with determination, rainbows, and lots of sparkles. Come with me on a suspenseful walk through my life as I draw on strength from my past encounters and shed some light on domestic violence, mental illness, and disabilities.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Nov 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9780228865070

Rebecca Dias

I guess in a few ways I can relate to a vampire. However, I definitely didn't get any cool abilities or strengths from dying and coming back to life seven times. Truthfully, I'm starting to feel a little ripped off because I have changed so much since my death day, but not in a good way. I guess it's almost as if it's happened to me in reverse: I have lost abilities instead of gaining them! I'm certainly clumsier, I can be aggressive at times when I was once placid, and some things I do and say can make people split their sides with laughter. It wasn't easy being eighteen and having to start my life again as though I were just born. And now all I have is a series of vivid memories and flashbacks, in no particular order. This is my memoir. Step inside my head as I go through all the trials and tribulations to my achievements, finding little bits of happiness in a roller-coaster life of drama and disasters. I wrote this book to give you an insight into what it's like to live with an Acquired Brain Injury, being in and escaping a domestically violent relationship, and having a disabled child to care for—who I then lost. If I can help anyone else who is living with these same experiences, or knows of someone who is, then I am yet again convinced that something good has come about from all that I have endured!

Book preview

Rebex

My Second Dramatic Life

Rebecca Dias

Rebex

Copyright © 2023 by Rebecca Dias

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-2288-6506-3 (Hardcover)

978-0-2288-6505-6 (Paperback)

978-0-2288-6507-0 (eBook)

Table of Contents

1. Dedication

2. Introduction

3. My First Life

4. Fun and Games

5. My Picture-Perfect Life

6. Bad Decisions

7. The Start of My Second Life

8. Meeting Jay for the Second Time

9. The Real Jay Comes Out to Play

10. What to Do Now …

11. Out of the Fry Pan and into the Fire

12. I Should Have Known

13. Pleasure, Pain and Swingers

14. Just Another Day In Hell

15. Is This the End

16. I’ve Got to Get Out of Here!

17. Never the Same

18. Is This My Happily Ever After?

19. Picking Up the Pieces

20. Jones Leaves Me

21. I Need Jones!

22. I Can’t Say Goodbye

23. Jones Finally Returns

24. Assumptions

25. The Wedding

26. I Must Stay Strong and Distracted

27. Breathe In, Breathe Out

28. I Am Finally Here

29. The Holy Spirit

30. Piano

31. A Visit from My Son

32. Okay, I Think Today Will Be Good

33. The Movie

34. Some Good Memories to Never Forget

35. Cowardly Retreating to Survive

36. What A Trip

37. Just Another Blissful Day

38. The Great Escape

39. Back on My Goan Veranda

40. My Last Day with Skyla

41. Back to Hospital Again

42. My Concept of Events

43. Dear Skyla

44. My Next Dramatic Life

Dedication

I DEDICATE THIS NOVEL TO THE ONES I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART …

My two beautiful and strong children and my cheeky monkey man of a husband, Jones. Jones is, and always will be, ‘the best Christmas present’ I ever received. I even got him the shirt saying this for our first Christmas together. He wears it all the time. I also dedicate this novel to Kellie and Mandy, two of the best respite workers I have ever had. Kellie and Mandy encouraged me to write this book. They also assisted me in helping Skyla enjoy her life to the fullest for the two years before her nine-month decline to death.

Introduction

PRESENT DAY: February 2018

I sit here feeling the crisp winter’s morning air on my face, watching the birds frolic in the trees. I drink my coffee and breath in deeply on my menthol cigarette, trying to melt into the belief that everything is perfect right now.

I have achieved all that I wanted (well, as much as I can), and in this moment I feel at peace.

No, this isn’t the beginning of a suicide note – although I have been tempted to end my life on numerous occasions – but I have never left a note before, so why would I now? I’m only thirty-five years old; I think I can at least wait until I’m in my 60s.

Skyla, my daughter, is a teenager, and yet she has no ability to sit, stand or roll. She also has no hand control, can only vocalise and has a delayed swallow. I guess it could be summed up as being the same as only having the abilities of a newborn baby, but with the mind and body of a beautiful teenager.

Skyla is my rock through everything – ever since I found out I was pregnant with her in hospital after being in an accident. My whole reason for existing has been for my wonderful Skyla. However, since she has been in my life, I have solely focused on learning about her, rather than learning about myself and recovering from all I have endured. I felt that as long as I had Skyla, she was what mattered, and everything was always going to be okay. I received assistance on the side, and Skyla glued it all together to fix me enough for her and my own happiness.

I don’t know how to live without her; I don’t want to.

Skyla is the reason I’m smoking alone right now. She’s allergic to cigarettes, which means that this creates a bit of distance between us, so that she can live her life to the fullest. I know that makes no sense, as I just want to hold her all day and night.

But sometimes the pain I feel, knowing that she one day won’t be with me, overwhelms me and I need some time out to gather myself, so the smoking helps. I also need to learn to be without her, as I know she will never recover. In a way, these cigarette breaks help prepare me for when she won’t be the light of my life.

I know nothing can prepare me for losing my teenage daughter in the most horrific way (slowly, and with her in a lot of pain). I can’t help but wish that euthanasia was legal in Queensland, Australia, so that she could die in her sleep with dignity. She could have the most beautiful enjoyable week, and on the last day fall asleep in my arms, drifting away on her next adventure.

Although I know this is a very controversial decision to make, and as much as I would want it for her, would I really be able to let her go and be the one to decide the day she dies? As my mum said when I suggested it, ‘Skyla is not an animal, you can’t just put her down’. I, however, then reminded Mum about the time she put her beloved cat down because he was sick and in pain. She did this to prevent him from experiencing more discomfort – so really, what is the difference? Why is it not better for Skyla to die on her own terms?

I know I have to revel in the time I can spend with her while she is here and look past her suffering and be strong, as she is being strong for me. I need to focus on the wonderful things that surround me and bring as much joy into her life as I can, making every day better than the last until there are no more days left for her.

I take a deep breathe in again and sigh with relief and release, thinking about what I have had to overcome these past few years, and the accomplishments I have made. I’ve had three epic relationships. I have survived a serious car accident, and I am a survivor of domestic violence. I have also married the man of my dreams!

Right now, I need to remind myself of what I have endured to know that even though I am living through the worst thing I could ever live through, surely my strength will ensure I endure this too.

But it’s not only the impending death of my daughter – my body is also damaged and letting me down, causing an extreme onset of pain, leaving me bedridden at times.

Obviously being a survivor of various things has left me with many mental and physical battle scars, such as: severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); acquired brain injury (ABI); mobility issues; nightmares; a fear of most people and things, which causes many triggers for trauma; being stuck in ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘submit’ modes when feeling threatened; and continuous physical pain.

So, I hope that by reading my life story it will give you an understanding of what it takes to be someone like me. Also, by writing this for you, I am able to concentrate on my thoughts and feelings. By doing this, it gives me fortitude and courage to deal with what I must live through now.

After all these years of relying on Skyla’s courage for strength, I now need to rely on writing for you so I can be strong for her. This will force me to see the beauty that surrounds me and be grateful for it.

These are the aspects of life that people are sometimes just too busy to see. But not me, as I am doing all I can to embrace the magnificence of life with all its highs and lows – and I have certainly experienced a myriad of them.

So, let’s start with my childhood …

My First Life

My father left when I was approximately six months old, in 1983, or so I have been told. Over the course of my life, I have heard many different versions of why my dad wasn’t around much. My brothers and sister had their dads, and this made me very jealous. I was lucky to have Mum and Grandma to fill the role of my dad, but I still felt I was missing out.

Mum was a loving and supportive single mother who worked two jobs. My older sister, Jane, was usually responsible for looking after us in Mum’s absence. My older brother, Dino, would try to keep us entertained with games, so I always looked up to him as the ‘great game master’. However, they would tease me a lot, as you would expect from teenage siblings. They’d say things like, ‘You’re a fat, ugly bitch, and that’s why your dad left you. No one will ever love you’.

This was drummed into my head and is what I truly believed for so many of my younger years.

My younger brother, Jake, and I were very close. I considered him to be my full brother, because Mum was still with his dad, Desmond, when I was younger. Desmond, Mum, Jake and I would spend a lot of time together. Originally, I even thought that Desmond was my dad too.

Desmond was a little odd at times, but he knew how to have fun with us. Sometimes I’d come home from school to find card castles all over the lounge room floor. Desmond would jump out from behind the couch shouting, ‘Surprise’. Most of the times I felt quite at ease with him; however, there was a darker side to his personality …

He and Mum would yell and argue quite frequently, and she would usually end up being the one who got hurt – mentally and physically. So, they did eventually break up, and this was when I learnt that Desmond wasn’t my dad.

Life in primary school is hell for any kid, especially if you’re short, fat, fatherless and have low self-esteem. I remember sitting alone at school during lunch. I would sit with tears rolling down my cheeks, and sometimes just wander aimlessly around or play by myself on the monkey bars. I’d quietly cry because I felt so alone, like I didn’t fit anywhere, and I had no close friends. Being teased at school, as well as at home, didn’t help this feeling at all.

However, as much as I got teased and felt I didn’t belong, I was still a giving person. Every Easter and Christmas, I would spend days making Easter goody bags and Christmas bonbon’s full of lollies. Then I would sneak into my classroom and place one in every tidy tray, including my own. I would also give one to my teacher.

When class began, I enjoyed seeing the joy and happiness on everyone’s face. To me, that was thanks enough. I would feel elated, while secretly knowing I was the reason for so much delight in the room. No one knew it was me. Even though most of them teased me, in that instant I could feel all their mean words disappear and be replaced with gratitude. I also knew that two wrongs didn’t make a right, and I felt good in myself.

It was this giving and caring nature that would eventually be my biggest downfall in the future.

The other memory that used to torment my dreams was a car accident we had. We were stopped at the traffic lights playing a game Dino invented. It was the ‘when will the lights be green’ game. All of us were guessing when the lights would change and saying ‘now’, constantly being wrong. Dino, who we thought was amazing and knew everything, said ‘now’ once and magically the lights changed. Mum proceeded only to get about halfway across the intersection when the car stopped abruptly. A young man on a big motorbike had slammed into the side of our car.

He was speeding and shot a red light. His bike flew through the shop window collecting a young lady who was standing waiting to cross the road. The young man landed in the gutter near her and started convulsing violently. The young lady screamed as people around her tried to help. I didn’t know what was happening. It felt as if everyone was screaming so loudly, with fear in their eyes, while trying to help them.

At the time, I didn’t know what was going on with the man, but it looked horrific. Now I do and can explain it – he was having a seizure. Sadly, I have had a lot of experience with seizures now; however, at the time of this accident I was crying, scared and didn’t understand what was going on. This event gave me nightmares for years.

Unfortunately, the motorbike rider ‘knew’ people, so he wasn’t charged – my mum was.

Whinging to keep my bedroom lights on started to become a regular bedtime habit. Jane playing games with me until I was comfortable enough to fall sleep was another habit that emerged. I also had a little teddy bear that was a music box. I would continuously wind it up at night. The brown bear reminded me of my grandma. When the others went to their dads, I would go to our grandma’s. I had a friend there who would swap toys with me. This bear was hers and it made me feel happy and safe.

When Mum and Desmond broke up, he would only come to see my younger brother. From that day on, he’d only do things with Jake. I felt rejected and unwanted, as I didn’t understand why I couldn’t go with them. Dino and Jane would go to visit their dad too. And Jane took every opportunity to torment me with the fact she had a dad and how wonderful it was.

Going to Grandma’s felt like travelling to the North Pole. It seemed so far away and was magical, as I got whatever I wanted. I still felt jealous not having a dad; I guess I didn’t realise that I was actually the lucky one. When my mum came to pick me up, I’d show her all the things I had been given on my shopping spree with Grandma. Mum would always tell me, ‘You’ll need a good job to afford all your shopping.’

And I would turn to her and say, ‘No, I can’t work because I won’t have time to shop.’ I would quickly continue and explain, ‘I’m going to be a millionaire when I grow up.’ At the time I truly believed it, but I was only about seven years old, so I was the only one who did. However, as I predicted, I was a millionaire by the time I was twenty-five years old. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, and I’m sure I would have preferred getting it another way than how I did.

Grandma taught me to knit, crochet and sew. I would dance in the rain and draw on my chalkboard outside. That was when I wasn’t in my favourite tyre swing, hanging in the mulberry trees in her backyard. I would lie in there singing and swinging for hours while my grandma sat crocheting. She told me stories of being in the war and living in the United Kingdom. I thought every story was enchanting and always dreamed of going to the United Kingdom.

One of my happiest memories was whenever I got Mum’s cuddles. She used to cuddle me and stroke my hair while we watched TV at night. And whenever I was sick, she would always give me the same big cuddles and make everything okay. She was my world for so long, and my safe place.

Fun and Games

Another game Dino invented was ‘the spider thing’ game. We had to run from one side of the lounge room to the other, without him catching us and wrapping us up in a blanket. We would be trapped until everyone was caught, unless we could free ourselves from the blanket while he wasn’t looking. Dino would be in the centre of the lounge room kneeling, ready to grab us with a blanket to catch and roll us in.

We would also play ‘strip poker’. Dino would give us a few minutes to put on as many clothes as we could and report back to the lounge room to play. He would be already dressed up with as many clothes as he could possibly wear, sitting with his legs crossed while shuffling his cards, as if he was a dealer in the casino and had just announced that his table was now open.

While Jane and I scrambled to put on as many clothes as possible, Jake would sit with Dino waiting for the game to begin. Jake would be naked after a few hands; he loved having no clothes on and took them off at every opportunity. Jake was even caught on camera with his toy mower, mowing the yard naked. I loved my little brother; he was my best friend. My older brother was someone who amazed me, and I always looked up to my sister.

Dino would entertain us, and Jane was Mum’s substitute while Mum was at work. She took the role of babysitting my younger brother and me very seriously, making sure we ate the things Mum wanted us to and getting us ready for school. Dino was always trying to make her job a bit more difficult.

I remember a day when Jane ran across the road to the corner shop where Mum worked, telling Mum franticly that she had to come home immediately. Sadly, for Mum, this was a common problem while she was working. She never knew what she would be racing home to find. On that particular day, Jake and I were confused and worried as to why Jane ran out so distraught.

Shortly after that, Mum and Jane came bursting in the front door. My sister thought that Dino had locked himself in the toilet and stabbed himself with a knife. When they returned, they found Dino sitting on the couch calmly watching TV. Jane got in big trouble, and as my mum was rousing on Jane, all Dino said was, ‘I told you she was spying on me through the hole in the toilet door.’ He explained that he had wanted to ‘prove his theory’ and had ‘staged’ the whole thing!

Another entertaining memory of Dino was when we were going to the beach. It was such a hot summer day, and we were all loaded up in the car. Mum had to stop by the shop for a while before we left, so my siblings and I sat in the car waiting. Luckily, Dino entertained us with games and tricks. He placed a Tic Tac in his right ear and proceeded to really poke and jam it in there. Then he said the magic words and to our shock and amazement, he lent his head to the left side and the Tic Tac fell out. We were