Mia Amata

By Kellie Mickelsen

Megan Davis escaped a life of abuse to finally find a life of happiness with a new husband and a baby on the way only to have it all come to a brutal and abrupt end.  She was finally shown that true love does exist when she needed it the most.  

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kellie Mickelsen
• Release date: Nov 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223929109

Book preview

Chapter 1

I used to believe in love at first glance, but the past five years have shown me that it is a complete myth.  Now I consider love at first glance the biggest line of bull I’ve ever heard.  In fact, I don't believe love exists.  I will never let my heart overrule my common sense and brain ever again, if I am ever given the chance to, I mean.  If things continue the way they are right now I will not be around to see my next birthday let alone have the chance to make decisions about future relationships. 

Five years ago, I met the man of my dreams, or so I thought.  He turned out to be the stuff of my nightmares.  An ongoing nightmare that I cannot seem to escape – ever.  He has his hands tightly around my throat and squeezes the life out of me more and more every day.  I have nowhere to turn, no one to trust.  My main thought on a daily basis is should I end this myself or wait for him to end it for me. 

These are the thoughts that run through my head as I shower this morning.  It would be so easy to just grab the razor and let my life drain out of my body through slits on my wrists.  This seemed like it would be so much less painful than waiting for him to kill me.  I look down at my body and I see the scars and the bruises in various stages of healing all over my trunk.  This morning is different than all the other times.  I look up at the mirror and see the brand-new bruises on my face.  For the first time in five years, he lost control and hit my face, more than once.  Tears fall as I look at the black eye and the fat lip, the cut on the forehead.  What is next?  Does he stop using his fists and grab a knife?  A gun?  My gaze falls again on the razor, and I reach for it, stopping just inches from it.  Why!!!??  Why can’t I do it?  Why am I so willing to let him be the one to kill me instead of taking control of the situation – the only thing I could have control of. 

The alarm goes off and I automatically reach out, shutting the water off.  I grabbed a towel and shut the alarm off.  I move out of habit now, knowing that if I don’t follow his plan for the day, I will suffer for it later.  I put on the clothes that he laid out for me, jeans, t-shirt, bra, panties, which are not the usual around the home clothes he would put out for me if I am staying home so he must need me to run some errands.  This both terrifies and thrills me.  I never get to leave the house so whenever I am given the chance, I am excited to do so.  It also terrifies me as I know how my face looks. 

I look at the counter in the bathroom and see that he has set out some makeup for me.  He never lets me wear makeup, so I am guessing he wants me to use it to hide my face.  I apply the makeup to the best of my ability, considering I am not sure how to wear it anymore.  Also, there is no way to completely hide what he has done to my face.   

I leave the bathroom and head to the office to look at THE LIST.  That is the way I see it in my head when he refers to it.  Damn it, Megan!  What did THE LIST say you were supposed to do today? or Did you even read THE LIST today?  Are you stupid and couldn’t understand what THE LIST said? 

I hate THE LIST as much as I hate him.  I turn toward the whiteboard with THE LIST on it and grab a marker.  I check off the shower, makeup, dressed.  I put the marker down and read what I am supposed to do with my day.  I see that it does involve me leaving the house, he wrote a grocery list, the list and the money for the groceries are on the board under a magnet.  I haven’t gotten groceries in a long time.  He decided he would do it, another thing taken away from me to keep me trapped in this house. 

I took the grocery list and the money, walking out of the office to head to the front door.  The office is his, the only thing I am allowed to do in there is look at THE LIST.  A new alarm goes off on my phone.  I look at it, it says go to store.  I have to leave now or I’m in trouble.  One of his methods of control is to set alarms on my phone indicating when I am supposed to start or stop each item on the list. 

I head to the front door, knowing he will check the cameras later to make sure I am leaving at the time he expects me to.  Next to the front door, on the stand, sits my purse, the car keys and a pair of socks, while on the floor next to the stand are my shoes.  I sit down on the bench, putting on my socks and shoes.  When I stood back up, I noticed a pair of sunglasses sitting on my purse.  He thinks of everything, how considerate I think wryly.  I leave the house, climb into the car, checking the phone to see how long he has given me to get groceries.  I also check the GPS to see which store he has me going to.  Turning on the car on, I back out of the driveway. 

***

I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store 20 minutes later and parked.  Climbing out of the car I am suddenly struck with dizziness and nausea; I manage to turn towards the front of the car before I throw up.  When I finished, I leaned against the driver’s door, sliding to the ground as I was too dizzy to stay standing.  I put my head between my knees and breathe deeply when I hear a voice asking me if I am ok.  I can’t speak yet, so I give a slight shake of my head, just focusing on breathing.  I hear the rustle of sacks, then become aware of someone sitting on the ground next to me. 

Here honey, let me help you, a woman said. 

I feel a cool, damp paper towel on the back of my neck.  It feels so nice, and I am so grateful that I started crying.  This one little gesture of caring has shocked me so much I can’t stop crying. 

There, there, it’s ok.  If you think you can, try a sip of water, she says, slipping a cold bottle of water into my hands.  I take a sip, finally starting to get a grip on my emotions. 

Thank you, I say so quietly that she has to strain to hear me.  Forgetting what my face looks like, not realizing I had taken the sunglasses off during vomiting, I look at her.  She lets out an audible gasp.  It was only then that I remembered what I look like.  I turned away quickly, looking for the glasses. 

She grabs my hands and says, No dear, don’t.  Look at me again. 

Hesitantly, I did so.  She takes the cool, damp paper towel, wiping my face with it.  I close my eyes, letting her do so, noticing how tender and comforting this feels. 

I don’t know what happened, I said.  I got out of the car, suddenly I felt sick and dizzy.  It just hit me so fast.  Must be a flu bug or something.  She just keeps wiping my face, listening to me, then feels my forehead. 

I don’t think so, she replied.  You don’t seem to have a fever.  How are you feeling now? 

I consider it for a couple minutes before I reply.  The nausea is still there a little, yet the dizziness is gone.  My face and body hurt terribly from last night, but I tell her I am feeling better.  I started to get up, but she stopped me, telling me to take it slow.  I shook my head, I really had to get going, I had to be home soon with the groceries, I still had to do the shopping.  She stands up with me, helping me.  Suddenly, I realized we were not alone.  There is a young woman standing close by, watching.  I hide my face, looking for the sunglasses again.  I finally see them, pick them up, putting them back on. 

I think you need to come with me, the lady said.  I looked at her, wondering what she was talking about.  Is this your car? she asked, nodding at the one behind me.  I nodded yes.  Ok.  This is what you are going to do, she said, taking charge all of a sudden, Put everything you have back in the car – your purse, your sunglasses, the keys, any money, everything. 

I didn't understand why she was telling me all this. I said, You don’t understand, I have to get the groceries and go home.  If I don’t... I let the thought trail off.  I didn’t need to finish it, she did it for me. 

If you don’t, he will beat you again, won’t he?  I am offering you help to get away from him.  Right now.  Isn’t that what you really want?  You don’t really want to go back home to him, do you?  To face this again tonight or tomorrow?  she asked. 

Mom, the other woman said, if we are going to do this we need to go – now.  Before people...

I know, the lady replied.  Put everything back in the car and come with me.  Now.

In a state of shock, I did what she said.  I put everything, including the phone, my purse that held my only ID, the money, the list, all back in the car.  As I was doing so, she was telling me what to do next, speaking quickly. 

I am parked four rows to the right, red van.  Don’t follow us exactly, go down a few cars, then work your way back to the van on the passenger side.  My daughter and I will go now and put our things in the back while you are doing all this.  Then walk over there and jump in the back seat, but on the floor so no cameras can see you leaving the parking lot with us.  Hurry!

Not knowing exactly why, I did what she said.  Maybe it was because she is the first person to treat me with kindness in a long time.  Maybe it was the fact that she offered me a way out, even though I didn’t know what she was thinking she could do to help me.  I think it was mainly that my two other options were so horrible that whatever she could offer couldn’t be as bad.  I worked my way down the parking lot, past their van, then back towards them where the door stood open welcoming me in. 

Just dive in, I’ll close the door behind you automatically.  I did and laid on the floor.  She closed the door and drove away – hopefully to my freedom and a better option from death which seemed like my only way out this morning.

Chapter 2

As I was lying on the floor, the lady driving started talking to me.  Ok honey, I know this is probably scary for you, but we honestly just want to help you.  My name is Lauren, and this is my daughter, Eva.  I am offering you what someone offered me several years ago – the chance at a new life, a new start away from the man that is abusing you.  If someone had not given me that option, Eva and I would not be here today.  Any time I get the chance to pay it forward, I do so, she was talking while negotiating the traffic.  We only ask two things from you in return.

Here it comes, I thought to myself, some proposition.  Here is where I learn exactly how big of a mistake I made trusting two total strangers.  I look at the van doors, wondering if I could unlock them and jump out fast enough to get away. 

Lauren continued to speak.  Someday down the road when you are safe, no longer in fear for your life, you pay it forward if you are able to.  That is not something we would expect of you for years.  In fact, you are only the fourth person I have helped in the 19 years since someone helped me.  Secondly, most importantly, you have to keep everything you see, hear, learn about us a complete secret or you will endanger our lives.  She stopped talking while she maneuvered the van around a couple of cars. 

Right now, I imagine you are terrified that he will find you.  So are we.  If he finds you, we will be out there in the public eye.  I only tell you this as I need you to understand the risk we are taking.  Just in case they caught us helping you in the parking lot on a security camera, we are going to make a couple of stops.  I know it isn’t very comfortable lying on the floor back there, but this is to help you I promise, she explained as she was stopped at a stoplight.

We had a couple of errands that we were going to run today, so I am not going to stray from what we would normally do today, Lauren said.  One of the errands was to renew the plates on the van, so I am going to the courthouse, where I will park in the view of the camera.  I need you to stay hidden, do not look out any windows at all.  I want the cameras to show what appears to be an empty vehicle.  Pull that blanket on the back seat over you, hiding you from view even more.  When we are done here, we will go to one of the drugstores and do the same there.  Do you understand the importance of staying hidden?  Not only will he find you, but you put us in danger also as there is someone looking for us out there too.

Even though I was in a state of shock, I was able to take in everything she said.  Someone did this to her too?  This is not what I had expected to hear, in a weak voice I replied, I understand.  I won’t put you or your daughter in danger, although I don’t think you understand how much danger you are in just by helping me.  You need to know, my husband is a cop. I hear both of them gasp. 

Lauren said, Well then, that makes going to the courthouse the perfect cover.  Do you think he will be there today? 

Chances are pretty good he will be.  He is at work today, the police station is adjacent to the courthouse.  His name is...

No!  Don’t tell me his name, Lauren declared.  I don’t want to be looking for him.  If I were to see him my face could betray that I know who he is – that would be dangerous for us all. 

I understood what she was saying, so I didn’t tell them Allen's name or give them a description of him.  I grabbed the blanket, covering up with it, making sure I didn’t show anywhere.  I also grabbed a couple of their bags off the seat, placing them over top of me. 

Eva looked back, saying, That is perfect, I can’t see you at all. 

Lauren said, Great.  Now, don’t tell us your name either, I am sure I will learn it at some point from the news, but if someone asks me about you, I don’t want to show recognition when your name is mentioned.  Instead, while you are waiting for us to run errands, think of what you would like to be called instead, making it something similar to your real name so you will get used to it quickly, but different enough to not ring bells when it is heard.  That is the name that you will give to Eva and me when we get to the house. 

At that point, we pulled into the parking lot at the courthouse, and she parked the van, but before they got out, she said, I know you are scared, but you need to trust us.  I also know I am asking a lot of you, trust is probably hard for you.  You have nothing to lose by putting your trust in us right now.  I am going to do my best to help you, she reached for the door handle.  Stay hidden, we will be back in a few minutes.  I promise. 

With that, Lauren and Eva left the van, shutting the doors.  I heard the doors lock.  Scared, I thought?  Scared did not explain how I was feeling at that moment.  Scared was an understatement.  Terrified was an understatement.  I lay there hiding, waiting, knowing that the door to the van could fly open at any minute and he would drag me out of the van.  I tried to think about the situation, did I have anything to fear from these two women?  Could I trust them?  The conclusion came to me easily, I didn’t have a choice.  I had to trust them.  The fact that they were putting their lives at risk for me, that this mom was putting her daughter’s life at risk FOR ME, is finally what made the conclusion obvious.  Who would do that?  What daughter would be okay with her mom doing this?  I wondered if Eva experienced what her mom went through, remembered it and so did this for that reason?  I remembered that Lauren said they had helped four people before this, I wondered how that went?  Were they successful?  I was going to take a risk to trust these two people with my life.  It was at this point I heard the doors unlock and open. 

I never said a word as Lauren and Eva climbed into the van, buckling up, chatting like a normal mother and daughter probably did running errands together.  The doors closed, the van started, soon we began moving.  As we pulled out of the parking lot, Lauren asked Are you okay back there? 

Yes, I replied.  I don’t know how to thank you both for what you are doing.  I am sorry I don’t know how to act or what to say, I am not sure I even believe that this is all real.  There was a moment of silence, then, to my surprise, Eva answered me.

I’m sure that this morning when you were getting up, showering, eating breakfast – whatever your morning routine is – the last thing you were thinking about was getting away.  I’m sure you were thinking about what you could do to make sure that you didn’t get hit again.  I remember hearing the horror stories about my dad and what he did to mom.  I read the newspaper articles.  Mom shared her journals with me.  I vowed that I would help anyone I could get out of that situation if I had the chance, Eva paused.  You don’t need to thank us; mom and I have discussed this many times.  We know the risks we are taking.  This morning when we both saw your face, we knew, without even speaking, that we needed to help you.  We already care about you, wanting to help you, so that you can have a future.  All I want from you is a promise that you will never give up, no matter what.  My mother is my world, I will protect her at all costs, even if it means kicking you out.  If you can abide by what we ask you, keep us a secret from anyone going forward, I will help you to no end.

I was crying in the back as I listened to this young lady – girl no longer seemed appropriate to describe her – her words held so much meaning that I would never forget them.

Eva, I said as I pulled the blanket away from my face enough so I was not muffled, I don’t know what life holds for me right now, I’m trying to wrap my mind around all of this.  I will promise you that no matter what happens to me, I will never give you and your mom up to protect myself.  What you have already done for me is more than anyone has ever done for me my entire life.  I have a lot to take in, but that promise I can make to you without hesitation.

Thank you, Eva said. 

I saw her look at her mother and smile.  I pulled the blanket back over my head as we pulled into yet another parking lot, going through the same routine as we did at the courthouse.  This time when they came out and unlocked the doors, they opened the back doors, putting some more sacks in, including on top of me, yet gentle enough that it did not bother me.  We started driving again.

Lauren said, Ok, I think that is good enough, we finished the errands we had originally set out to do today.  We need you to stay hidden for just a little longer, we are going back to our house now.  When we get there, I will pull into the garage, closing the garage door, then we will be able to get you out of the van without anyone seeing.  There are no windows in the garage, no chance of your being seen in there.  We do have to be careful when we go into the house though, the less people that know you are there, the better.  We have a basement with a bedroom, small kitchen, full bathroom which is where we will have you go once we get into the house.  It will be like a small apartment for you.  Do you think you can stay down there, stay hidden? 

I affirmed that I could do that, after all, none of our neighbors ever saw me anyway.  I could easily pretend not to exist, having lived that way for years.

Perfect.  Just remember, this is not permanent.  We will eventually get you out of town, to a safe place where you can start over, but for the time being, we need to keep you hidden. 

We pulled into the garage; the garage door closed.

Eva turned towards me, It’s okay, you can uncover now.  I pulled the blanket back, sat up, moved the sacks back on the seat, then I climbed out of the van. 

Lauren walked up to me, saying, I know you don’t know me, but I would like to give you a hug – unless it would make you feel uncomfortable, I will understand.  I told her it was okay.  She gave me a gentle hug.  She then said, we are going to do whatever we can to make you safe, I promise. 

I just nodded, as more tears came.  Lauren released me and I turned, grabbing sacks from the van to help carry in their purchases. 

We walked into the house; the garage door led into a hallway.  Eva walked into the main part of the house, but Lauren walked in, stopping in the hallway.  She turned as I shut the garage door and told me, The doors right there are where the washer and dryer are.  You should be able to come up and use them when needed without being seen from the outside, although you might want to wait until one of us is home, in case someone comes to the door and can hear the noise.  I nodded to her as I took in the doors she was pointing at. 

This door, Lauren stated as she pointed to a door a little further in, on the opposite side, leads to the basement.  Eva is checking the windows in the other rooms, but we should be good to head straight down there. 

At that point, Eva came back to the hallway, nodding at her mom.  She opened the door that Lauren said led to the basement.  We headed down the stairs.  At the bottom of the stairs was a small living area with an eat-in kitchen.  It was comfortably furnished, even though the furniture was not brand new, it was very pleasing to the eye. 

Lauren walked across to the door on the other side of the room and opened it.  This is your bedroom.  She nodded at the room.  I walked into it, finding another very comfortable room with what was second-hand furniture but very lovely and peaceful looking.

Over here, you have a full bathroom, Eva said, pointing at another door.  I was overwhelmed once again, unable to stop them, the tears flowed. 

I looked at Lauren, I don’t know what to say, how to express what I am feeling right now. 

Lauren smiled, Well, it isn’t much, but I hope you will feel at home here for the time being. 

I shook my head, It is lovely.  So comfortable and peaceful.  I am... extremely grateful for what you are doing for me. 

Lauren took my hands into hers, You are welcome here with all our hearts.  This will be your home until we can make other arrangements.  We will discuss that later.  Let's go out to the kitchen, I’ll show you a few things. 

We walked out into the kitchen area, and she showed me a well-stocked pantry of canned goods and boxed goods, explaining, We keep this kitchen well-stocked as we never know when someone will be using it.  We keep an eye on expiration dates and use things upstairs as needed. 

She opened the refrigerator, which to my surprise was somewhat stocked also.  These are cold items that have longer expiration dates on them, we come down and get them when we use ours up, replacing as we go. 

I observed the items in the refrigerator, Milk and eggs? 

Eva looked at her mom and laughed.  Well, she said, those are new.  I told mom a couple of days ago I felt we needed to buy extra of those types of items, putting them down here.  I guess you could say I had a feeling. 

Lauren laughed, The last time she had a feeling like that was when we helped the last person.  So, I listened, we stocked up.  Use what you want/need, let us know if there is something else you want or need, and we will pick it up for you. 

She walked over to the table and sat down.  She motioned for me to join her while Eva took another seat.  She looked intently at me, saying I think we should discuss a couple of things now, and then we will let you get settled in and rest.  First off, what name did you decide on, so I know what to call you? 

Mattie I said. 

Okay, Mattie it is.  So, you know our names.  We would like to keep things on a first name basis if that is okay with you? 

I nodded, I understood.  The less I know the better off they will be if I am found. 

Thank you for understanding.  Not being rude, we would prefer you to not wander around upstairs where you can see personal items, not only because the less you know about our private lives, but when you go upstairs you run the risk of being seen.  Doing laundry is safe, you can’t be seen there from the windows. 

Again, I nodded, I am good with that.  It really does feel safe down here. 

It was Lauren’s turn to nod.  Eva said, There is a variety of clothing in the bedroom closet, a variety of sizes that we have collected here and there.  Some are brand new, picked up on sale.  Others are nice items we picked up on garage sales or at thrift stores.  I think one of the first things you should do is go change clothes, bringing us what you have on so we can dispose of them, in case he remembers what you were wearing today when you left home.

I said, He will know exactly what I was wearing, as he picks my clothes out every day.  I got up, walking towards the bedroom, but not before I saw the glance exchanged between Eva and her mom.

I closed the bedroom door behind me, took all my clothes off, including bra and panties, putting them in a pile on the end of the bed.  I opened the closet door, seeing that there were a lot of clothes in there.  I stared at them for the longest time, it was like my mind froze.  I had no idea what to wear, what size I was, what would even look good together.  I opened a drawer in the closet to find a variety of underwear, bras, socks.  Another drawer yielded shorts, another pants.  I was clueless.  I backed away, sliding to the floor, crying.  I couldn’t control the sobs.  I heard a slight knock on the door.

Eva opened the door a crack, Mattie, can I come in?  I nodded yes and she walked in, closing the door behind her.  She reached in the closet and pulled out a robe.  Here, let’s put this on for the moment. 

She reached out and took my hand, helping me up.  As I slipped into the robe, she saw all the bruises and scars all over my body.  Oh Mattie, I’m so sorry he did that to you. 

She handed me some Kleenex and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.  I motioned to the closet. saying, I don’t know what to wear. 

Eva seemed to take that in stride, said, Well, what size are you?  We can start there. 

I looked at her with a blank stare. 

You don’t know what size you wear?  She asked?

I shook my head.  She walked over to the clothes on the bed and looked through them for size tags.  Finding nothing, she put them down and walked back over to me.  Ok, I think you are about the same size as me, so let’s start with something else.  What is your favorite color? 

I had to think about that for a little bit, as I hadn’t thought about my favorite anything for a long time.  No one cared about what my favorite things were.  Any color? I asked meekly.

Eva nodded, smiling gently at me.  She watched me as I searched my mind for a color I liked. 

Blue. I said, Like the sky. 

Perfect! Eva said.  She went into the closet and pointed to a section.  These clothes here should be the ones that would probably fit you the best.  Let’s see what we have here.  She went through the clothes and pulled out a blue dress, the color of the sky.  What do you think of this? 

I nodded, It’s very pretty. 

I think it will look great on you, matches your eyes.  Now, let’s see if we can find some undergarments for you to wear.  She pointed to more drawers that held things that she thought would fit me and pulled out a bra and panties set that were pretty blue also.  She set all the clothes on the bed and said Try these on.  I’ll go back out with mom.  Let me know if you need anything else.  She walked out and shut the door behind her. 

I picked up the bra and panties and looked at them closely.  They were nothing like what I was used to.  They were pretty and soft, not the more revealing sort that I was required to wear for Allen.  I stood up, dropped the robe onto the bed, trying them on.  They were very comfortable, fitting me almost perfectly.  I then put the dress on.  Looking in the mirror, I was surprised at the results.  It was a soft summer dress with spaghetti straps.  It changed what I felt like completely.  I felt pretty, even though I knew with the bruising and cuts I was anything but pretty.  I turned to leave the room, noticing that Eva had taken all the clothes I had been wearing, including the shoes, with her when she left the room earlier.  I opened the door, shyly walking back out to the kitchen table where I sat down again. 

Oh honey, Lauren said, you look lovely. 

Thank you, I said shyly to both of them. 

Of course!  That dress looks so nice on you. replied Lauren. Now, we need to discuss a couple other things before we can let you get settled.  I work a full-time job at a medical clinic where I am a nurse.  I work for a fantastic female doctor.  The first thing I would like to do is have her come to check you over.  She could see how nervous that made me.  Lauren stated, She will do this very privately, nothing will be put on a medical record – anywhere.  We need to make sure you are ok. 

I could see the sense of this, yet I was still scared.