The Intruder

By John Ball

THE INTRUDER "When the dust settled. I remember thinking to myself that after 10-12 years, I needed to finish what I started. I need to find the answer to eliminate Negative Self Talk. I owed it to myself and everyone else involved that was hurt by this. I thought "After all this time, I look around, having lost almost everything that we worked for. Thinking of the money that was stolen, the money that we had spent on civil legal fees,the once thriving business itself on life support, my marriage all but done, 10-12 years of my time and most, if not all of my confidence. The one thing that added insult to injury was after going through all of that and wasting all that time, the cruel joke was that the negative self talk was still there. So I gathered up all of the notes and research that was sitting for 12 years and promised myself one thing. After this weekend. I will find the answer One way or another…. I'm taking the notes and research into a room and locking the door. I promised myself, Only one of us is coming out of this room after the weekend is over. Either I walk out or the Intruder does…

In this journey we may have stumbled on something even more important. Could the same voice that causes Negative Self talk also be the cause of so many hearbreaking suicides we see each year?

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Ball
• Release date: Jan 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215778197

John Ball

John Ball was an American writer best known for mystery novels involving the African-American police detective Virgil Tibbs. Tibbs was introduced in the 1965 novel In the Heat of the Night, which won the Edgar Award for Best First Novel from the Mystery Writers of America and was made into an Oscar-winning film of the same name.

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THE INTRUDER

THE INTRUDER

MY JOURNEY IN THE BATTLE OVER NEGATIVE SELF TALK

JOHN BALL

JBALLPRO

Copyright © 2023 by John Ball

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Copyright © 2023–jballpro.com

All rights to this book are reserved. No permission is given for any part of this book to be reproduced, transmitted in any form, or means; electronic or mechanical, stored in a retrieval system, photocopied, recorded, scanned, or otherwise. Any of these actions require the proper written permission of the author.

Edited By James MacEachern

Printed in Canada

jan8

First Printing Edition, 2023

ISBN: 978-1-7387241-1-6

First Printing Edition, 2023

Dedicated to my parents. Jack and Molly Ball.

Anytime I had a moment of doubt or when I wasn’t sure of myself. My parents would interrupt me with a very convincing argument and tell me that I could do anything I set my mind to and I could be anything I wanted to be.

Mom and Dad , You were right!

Love John

"Negative Self Talk is any inner discussion or dialogue that can limit your ability to achieve and reach your potential.

Any thought that works to reduce you and your ability to make positive changes in your life, or even having the confidence in your ability to do so."

THE INTRUDER

THE INTRUDER

MY JOURNEY IN THE BATTLE OVER NEGATIVE SELF TALK

JOHN BALL

TABLE OF CONTENTS

SUICIDE PREVENTION

PREFACE- PLEASE READ THIS

THE FOUR STAGES OF PSYCHOSOMATIC CHANGE

THE AUTHOR

1. THE CHEFS SON

2. THE GOLF GAME OF TRUTH

WHEN IT SEEMED TO START

3. WHAT IS NEGATIVE SELF TALK?

4. NAMING THE INTRUDER

5. LET HIM BE THE KING!

THE INTRUDER IS NAMED

6. MIRROR NEURONS AND KETAMINE

and Other Illusions…

7. THINK ABOUT IT!

Beta, Alpha, Theta, and Delta Waves

8. THE BLIND SPOT

9. SIGNS & OPPORTUNITY

Driving to Sony

10. THE AUTOPILOT IN OUR BRAINS

The Psycho Cybernetic Mechanism and the RAS

11. WHEN CEILINGS BECOME FLOORS

12. ANTI-DEPRESSANTS and NEUROTRANSMITTERS

SEROTONIN, DOPAMINE, NOREPINEPHRINE and GABA

13. AMINO ACIDS

14. COMMON THERAPIES

15. STRESS, HOW IT EFFECTS US

16. BUDDHISM

17. WALKING WITH THE INTRUDER

Uncovering the truth

TECHNIQUES TO RID YOURSELF OF NEGATIVE SELF TALK

1. RESULTS OF ELIMINATING THE CHATTER

2. REMOVING LITERARY DEVICES FROM THE NARRATIVE

some clean up

3. STOP SIGNS/INTERUPTIVE SEQUENCING

Actions to stop the Intruder

4. HUMANIZATION OF NEGATIVE SELF TALKHUMANIZATION OF NEGATIVE SELF TALK

THE SEPARATION OF SELF AND NON SELF.

5. AGREEMENTS AND ADMISSIONS

DAILY MANTRAS

6. BUDDHIST-NOTING & 9 STEP WORKSHEETS

NST CHALLENGE WORKSHEETS

7. WHAT HAVE I LEARNED IN THE LAST 10 - 12 YEARS?

Final thoughts…

FINAL THOUGHTS

8. THE INNER VOICE IN SUICIDE

9 STEP WORKSHEET

TRIANGLE BREATHING SHEET

WE HAVE TO CALL ON PEOPLE POST MAY 2

ALSO BY JOHN BALL

NEGATIVE SELF TALK JOURNAL

JOHN BALL MUSIC

SUICIDE PREVENTION

SUDICIDE

There, I said it.

I have tried four times to write this book and just quickly sweep what I needed to say under the rug. Why ? Because of the stigma, embarrassment and overall unknown reaction of people around you when you talk about suicide. I was concerned how people would view me or feel about me as a result. Would it hurt me or a potential job , a future relationship ? It doesn’t matter. I have chance to help and I have to try.

I lived for 34 years virtually free from anything even remotely negative. Let alone, Negative self talk !? Where did that come from!?

When I was younger, I lived a rewarding and positive life. My parents were supportive and behind anything I wanted to do. Later in life ,the company I built was growing, winning awards and doing great. I had a great home life and family. Then it seemed like out of nowhere the business was stumbling, losing money and this negative self talk made its first appearance and then seemed to be taking over my life.

Negative Self Talk can be a symptom of or a result of a Mental Health issue but it can also trigger Mental Health Issues. In my case it caused anxiety, triggered a profound Depression and I suffered very difficult PTSD symptoms all as a result of these internal suggestions. It can cause very serious problems.

In the end there was no underlying reason or psychological twist why negative self talk was coming on strong. It wasn’t something someone said to me on a golf course after all that triggered it.

Unknown to us, right after a fire that destroyed 11,000 ft.² of our facility we uncovered that someone was stealing from us and the massive stress triggered the negative self talk and I practiced Negative Self Talk so much that I became an expert at it and started to take over and get stronger. The fire and the fraud that cost over a million dollars and then It took another 10 to 12 years to finalize.

I was exhausted.

After the dust settled I accepted an offer to leave my business and take over a family business in a succession plan due to failing health.

So, I worked out a deal to have my employees that were left to go to work for some customers . I would lose that business but I wanted to make sure no-one was left hanging.

I will only say that It didn’t go well. You hear about failed succession plans all the time. I wont add any details however After two years, within a day or so I was terminated and then my wife asked for a divorce. To make it worse, no matter how many times I tried to fix it, The only family I knew for 25 years wouldn’t speak to me and there was no reconciliation in sight anywhere . I was devastated.

I had no job, no income, no family and no marriage. I was not given a chance. I misjudged that families can get past anything together.

I felt isolated, abandoned and lonely. I was losing my last shreds of dignity although I tried my best to navigate it. It wasn’t working

I was somewhere I call the edge of the world. A place where hope doesn’t exist and where nothing grows and the Intruder was becoming stronger and stronger.Negative Self Talk became dark , dangerous and profoundly depressing. It was becoming something very, very different . The narrative was changing, it was coaxing me to end my life and I could feel it growing and getting stronger. I felt Almost in a trance. Like I was sleepwalking at times

I reached out to the Mental health professionals I had worked with during the fire and fraud . I let them know I was feeling depressed, very hopeless and that didn’t have a family doctor.

Each one sent a note back to me saying: Speak to your family doctor, or go to emergency if you’re having thoughts of self harm.

It was almost like they didn’t even read my note.

I was at an emergency waiting room for an unrelated issue and I saw someone come in and say they were feeling depressed and that they may hurt themselves.

The Triage nurse rolled her eyes , smirked and yelled back to her co-workers something like we have another one!Take a seat sir!

As the person left. I thought to myself , We have to do better than this1

I even called a number on one of the posters you see everywhere. It turned into a meeting with someone from The local mental health unit.

They asked me if I had thought about ending my life.

I replied, Yes.

They asked Do you have a plan?

I replied Yes.

What was it? they asked.

I then looked over and it seemed that the person wasn’t listening

So I said ‘some gibberish like . Squirrel, Purple Dishwasher…

They wrote something down and talked about a few other minor things . They looked at their watch and then said times up and got up and left….

They didn’t listen to me at all.

I felt that No one cared.

I had asked for help and it seemed that No one cared……."

I was at the edge of the world with A profound feeling of helplessness and a dark depression came over me and unless you have experienced this , there is no way to explain it .

The next morning I calmly got up early. I wasn’t in a manic state . I wasn’t angry at all.

I was almost indifferent. I had what I needed to walk the final steps with the Intruder. I was numb. It wasn’t emotional or angry. Almost trancelike. The power of suggestion? Hypnosis?

I can t believe now I am , even saying this but at that moment, I was calmly committed to ending my life.

I sat in my car for a moment and just before I went to drive away, unexpectedly a woman walking her dog came close to my window and from no where, startled me and interrupted me saying Good Morning, it sure is a lovely day!

It was like a heavy piece of steel hit my entire body. I was in a trancelike state it seemed. Almost like I was sleepwalking.

It suddenly snapped out of it and back into reality. . Any feelings or urge to end my life completely vanished in an instant. I felt free and had a sense of clarityI had not felt in years ,

This random interruption saved my life . After everything I had been through , the fire, fraud, the loss, the isolation and depression and now being there and moments away from ending my life.

I had a feeling, it wasn’t done. I knew that the clarity I was