Protect Your Marriage: 10 Relationship Killers and How to Overcome Them

By Tony Peters

It is one thing to protect your marriage from outside forces, over which you have little control; but it is quite another thing to protect your marriage from ‘inward’ mindsets, attitudes, and behaviour, over which you do have substantial control.

In this straightforward and simple book, Tony Peters will show you how to identify and avoid ten of the most dangerous relationship ‘killers’ that strangle our relationships and our poison our marriages.

You will learn how to:
- Resist the urge to control your spouse
- End the tendency to dig up past hurts
- Give up the need to always be right
- Resist the temptation to criticise & retaliate
- Stop the habit of stone-walling, and so much more...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tony Peters
• Release date: Aug 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9781874332671

Tony Peters

Tony Peters was born in England, but immigrated to Africa with his parents when he was 5. There he completed his studies and graduated as a Mechanical Engineer from the University of Lagos.After he got married to his University sweetheart, he returned to England in 1986 to complete his postgraduate training at Goldsmith University. For the next 13 years he taught Design & Technology, and Electronics. In 1997 he established Dynamic Words Discipleship College, and planted The King's House (a.k.a London's Alive Church), shortly after.He has written several books, manuals and training materials, and continues to serve as a marriage adviser and relationship coach in a few Countries around the world.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible.  (Romans 12:18.)

As you embark on the journey to build a great marriage or relationship, you must be careful not to tear down (with your own hands, so to speak) what you are trying to build. As a minister who gets to counsel couples, I get a front row seat in the theatre of many marriages. And what I see is often very disheartening.

I see people who claim to love each other, doing to their partner what they would never allow an outsider to do. It is one thing to protect your marriage from outside forces, over which you have little control; but it is quite another thing to protect your marriage from ‘ inward ’ mindsets, attitudes and behaviour, over which you do have substantial control.

In this book, I want to highlight ten ‘relationship killers’ ( or what I sometimes call ‘ inner enemies ’) of a strong marriage relationship. I call them ‘ inner enemies ’ because these habits and practices come from deep within us—and are products of our thought patterns, our fears, our values, our insecurities, and even our upbringing.

I also call them ‘relationship killers’, because they strangle our relationships of emotional oxygen and deprive us of the beautiful life we were destined to enjoy. They also pollute the atmosphere of our homes with anger, disappointment, and frustration; and poison it with deadly venom.

If you discover that any of these inner enemies are plaguing your marriage relationship, deal a deadly blow to them before they conspire to destroy your marriage. The good news, is that it is very doable with God’s help. So, my prayer for you (and your spouse) is that you would receive the grace you need to overcome any of these marriage killers from today—In Jesus’ Precious Name.

CHAPTER 1

The Urge To Control Or Change Your Spouse

"Do nothing from selfishness or pride, but in humility count others better than yourself.   (Philippians 2:3.)

H uman beings were never created to be controlled. We were created to rule, govern and display dominion over the works of God’s Hands. We were put on this earth to rule and reign . That’s why the very first instruction God give to mankind was:

Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. ( Genesis 1:28 .)

You and I were created in God’s image and likeness, to exercise dominion over all of God’s creation. That is, the animal Kingdom, the trees and plants, the minerals in the ground, and over the planet we live in. But no where in God’s plan are we instructed or allowed to dominate one another.

That’s why two-year-old kids will start to rebel against all forms of control, as soon as they start to think for themselves. As we grow older, we get even more spiteful and aggressive towards any hint of domination. Again, that’s why controlling relationships are never healthy, and never work.

God intentionally created us to be different and to prefer different things, so that when we come together in marriage, there would be variety. God designed us to function like the ivory and ebony keys on a grand piano. The keys are very different in colour and tune, but together they produce angelic music at the hands of a Master Pianist.

Therefore, one way to grow a great relationship with someone very different from you is to get excited about their uniqueness (who they are and