So You Want To Be A First Lady?

By Tish Barnhardt

The unbelievable...

After falling head over heels for Minister Leroy Smith and getting married, Carol Smith had no idea what she was getting into or what was in store for her future. Two years after their marriage, Leroy is called into full-time ministry and started Lakeside Baptist Church. Carol never dreamed of marrying a minister or a pastor. However, she has to find a way to support Leroy's vision and become someone she thought she would never be...the First Lady.

The unthinkable...

Walking in this role, First Lady quickly finds out that it is more than what she bargained for. The countless women that threw themselves at her husband, the lies and deceitful behavior to get in his ear, and being determined to take her spot. Dealing with women who judged any and everything she did and said, all while her husband is changing with the power, control, and manipulation, causing him to be seduced and succumb to the various temptations.

The inevitable...

While First Lady's life is falling apart, her marriage and her husband's indiscretions, her faith in God, and her instability to keep a job are all lying in the balance, and she must decide if she will continue to live with the shenanigans of a marriage or leave her marriage to regain her sanity and peace of mind...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 26, 2023
• ISBN: 9798885052368

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Awakening

Chapter 2: The Troublesome Sister:

Chapter 3: Where Are They Going?

Chapter 4: The Restart

Chapter 5: Upside Down

Chapter 6: Not Again

Chapter 7: The Setup

Chapter 8: Fresh Air

Chapter 9: The Singles Session

Chapter 10: The Ashly Turn

Chapter 11: The Anniversary

Chapter 12: No, He Didn't

Chapter 13: The Doctor's Visit

Chapter 14: Back to Highland

Chapter 15: The Vindication

Chapter 16: Not There

Chapter 17: Sweet Innocence

Chapter 18: The Twister

Chapter 19: The Birthday Celebration

Chapter 20: Ouch

Chapter 21: What End Is This?

Chapter 22: On to the Next One

Chapter 23: The Closed Door

Chapter 24: The Game

Word of the Lord to the Saints

About the Author

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So You Want To Be A First Lady?

Tish Barnhardt

Copyright © 2023 Tish Barnhardt

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2023

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible.

ISBN 979-8-88505-235-1 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88505-236-8 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Author Disclaimer

The stories, names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents used throughout this book are loosely based on a true story; many parts of the story have been fictionalized. They are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any names or likeness to actual persons living or dead are strictly coincidental.

This book is designed to provide information as to what happens behind the closed doors of many of our churches at large and to motivate the reader who finds themselves like some of the characters in the story to change their behaviors. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

Each person is different, and the wisdom nuggets contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. Our views are the same; however, you are responsible for your own choices and the actions you take.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to every current or former first lady that carried the weight of ministry along with their husbands but are suffering in silence. My prayer is that God would grant you the peace and comfort you need to restore and heal your broken heart. It's not over for you. God can and God will bring you out. You are more than a conqueror and built to last!

Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season, we shall reap, if we faint not.

This book teaches that we will all face adversity in ministry; knowing the author and her story. As a pastor for 36 years at Living Water Church of God and her pastor for several of those years, I have more insight of what pastors and first ladies endure.

Through much anguish, Tish dissects the story to challenge us to make the world a better place despite our circumstances. Her wisdom nuggets for those in ministry as well as laymen of the church, is an invaluable resource if you apply them to your life. Her personal account details the web of destruction that ensues physically, emotionally and financially for all who choose to ignore the wisdom nuggets of God in His Word.

James 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.

Bishop Wade Easom Sr.

Living Water Church of God, Kannapolis, NC

I was delighted when I received a request from Tish Barnhardt to write a brief forward for the manuscript So you Want to Be a First Lady for a myriad of reasons. Having been a First Lady for over 30 years, I was sure there were pieces and chapters of this book that resonated with my own firsthand experiences, as well as other women walking this path.

My personal experience with Tish has been one of admiration as she performed her duties as a first lady with grace and patience, so I am not surprised at her talent with pen and paper as she creates this fiction of narratives for the reader.

The writing is a poignant reminder that unless one knows for sure they are ready to take on the good, bad, and the ugly that encompasses the role of a first lady, I admonish you to seek God for His wisdom and counsel to prepare you for this sometimes-tumultuous journey.

From Chapter to Chapter the story line brings to reality, the truth of what goes on behind the closed doors of the church, and in the heart of the first lady. The chapters lay out the bitter truth, and I applaud the author's willingness to present it in a way that compels the reader a peek inside what most women married to men of the cloth experience, and to have due regard for their position in the church.

The story line expresses so many levels of emotions that often lead to unforgiveness, resentment, retaliation, and even anger, but still attempt to hold things together for the sake of the kingdom and their families.

My wish is that more women will come forth and talk about their own experiences to help the Body of Christ understand the burden and weight first ladies carry, and find a place of compassion, support and empathy for these women hand-picked and chosen by God. It's a delicate balance, and even sometimes a tightrope walk for her every time she enters the church doors.

In closing, my encouraging words to every first lady in ministry, are this, never forget knowing your intelligence and creativity benefits the entire congregation. Value the things that are important to you. Encourage yourself, even if nobody else does. Know that there is a village among us, no matter where we are in the world, we stand united in truth, love, and compassion. We are God's choice.

Although this is a fiction, more of it is true than you'll ever know…

Dr. Hashona Lockette

Grace Church of Stone Mountain, Stone Mountain, GA

Acknowledgments

I want to thank my three handsome young men, Jeremiah, Daniel, and Joshua Vaughn, for being incredibly supportive of pushing their mom to write and finish during the times I quit. I thank them openly for their prayers and their words of encouragement.

I would also like to thank my editor Michele Geathers McPhatter J.D. for her tireless commitment to me and this assignment. Words cannot express my sincere gratitude. I appreciate you very much.

Introduction

This book was written as a cautionary tale for every First Lady married to a pastor, but its principles transcend the church walls and is a warning sign to any woman married to a man of great prominence. The notoriety, fame, and fortune of these men can be intoxicating to those who do not have it, and some will do anything to achieve it. Whether you are an aspiring First Lady or a newly engaged girlfriend of an up-and-coming politician, I encourage you to enter the next phase of your relationship with your eyes wide open.

For those of us raised in the church, the life of a First Lady looks glamorous. Her needs are well attended to by parishioners of her church, and in some cases, her clothing and style are impeccable. She is always out-front with her husband, and people admire her in every way imaginable. In fact, I believe that some want to be her at any cost. Little do they know that the real life of a First Lady is far from perfect. Many of them suffer verbal abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse from their husbands in leadership, but they suffer in silence. Many will carry these burdens inside while praying that things will get better for their family since no one, especially the wife of a minister, wants to become a divorce statistic.

This book will provide a glimpse into the suffering that some First Ladies experience. The details, feelings, and viewpoint are told from the perspective of a fictionalized First Lady and how her life crumbles as the wife of a prominent pastor. My prayer is that one will view the story from a place of open-mindedness and not a place of judgment for any of the characters but view the nuggets provided after each chapter as a catalyst to help mend and restore your marriage. For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23).

Please know that not every pastor, First Lady, or man or woman of God has experienced the things shared in this story or is it an indication that you will. However, it brings us insight into what can happen if we are not careful in our dealings and lose sight of our true assignment within the earth and fall prey to the devices of Satan. For the eagerly awaiting creation waits for the revealing of the sons and daughters of God (Romans 8:19).

Finally, I hope this book helps any First Lady to know that she is not alone in her suffering and that God knows her plight and that she can be freed from it spiritually and/or naturally. I am also hopeful that any pastor or husband reading this book will better understand the impact your decisions have on your wife, especially if those decisions are rooted in sin. And for the other woman in a relationship who may pick up this book that exemplifies some of the behaviors mentioned, take heed that you may reap what you sow.

Chapter 1

The Awakening

It's Sunday morning at Lakeside Baptist Church, Jackson, Mississippi, and service has begun. The congregation is filled with mostly students from the local college in the area, Jackson University. First Lady Carol Smith is sitting on the front row with her children during praise and worship and begins to think to herself, I can't believe we have been in ministry for three years now. Who is this man I married? God, why did you call me to be a first lady? I never would have dreamed of marrying a minister or a pastor.

First Lady can tell that the praise and worship service is particularly anointed and strong this morning, but she simply cannot tap into the mood due to Sister Mindy, the praise and worship leader, who keeps bugging her husband, Pastor Leroy Smith, and has just rolled her eyes at First Lady while leading the song.

The young college girl constantly calls their house, asking to speak to the pastor without even acknowledging her on the phone. There is no Hi, First Lady, how are you doing? Nothing…only, Can I speak to Pastor Smith? During each constant call, First Lady would gaze over at her husband, giving him a blank stare to let him know that she feels that something is wrong. But he never addresses the young lady's behavior and simply will not acknowledge the first lady's feelings, no matter how much she tells him she doesn't like it and feels disrespected. First Lady often wonders why there is such a change in Sister Mindy toward her, especially since First Lady has done so much for her. They had always had a good friendship, and First Lady had even felt comfortable enough with Sister Mindy to babysit the children. So this new behavior was certainly unsettling. Sister Mindy has even been bold enough to flirt with Pastor Smith right before First Lady's very own eyes, without any remorse or care!

First Lady continues to worship and waits for service to be over. As she is worshipping, the Lord drops in her spirit, So you want to be a first lady, and says, It's a book I am calling you to write to help First Ladies. First Lady thinks about who in the world would she help, as she's only been in ministry three years and had no real experience, no idea what to write, how to write, and didn't really want to write. She sits down, pulls her notebook out, and makes a few notes on it.

Pastor Smith has now wrapped up and service is over. First Lady goes to speak with some of the congregation to say her goodbyes while noticing Sister Mindy goes straight to Pastor Smith and is too close for comfort. She thinks to herself, Why is Sister Mindy all up under him? First Lady gazes through the church to see if anyone else notices, but everyone is still laughing and talking among themselves. She walks up to them and asks Pastor Smith if he is ready to go.

He says, Yes, I'll be ready in a few. Give me a minute. I need to talk to Sister Mindy.

She looks at Sister Mindy, who is smiling with a smirk on her face. First Lady walks away to gather her things, gets the kids ready so that they can leave when Pastor Smith is done.

After about thirty minutes, he's finally ready to go, and the security team assists the first family to the car.

First Lady says, Awesome service today, babe. You sure did preach.

Thanks, hun, he says.

First Lady proceeds to tell him about how Sister Mindy rolled her eyes at her while leading praise and worship and asked if he knew what was wrong with her.

No, nothing's wrong with her, Pastor Smith says.

So, why do you think she would roll her eyes at me? I haven't done anything to her, First Lady says.

I don't know, hun. Just don't worry about it, Pastor Smith says.

She turns her head and looks out the window as they head to Ryan's Steakhouse to eat.

While they are eating, First Lady remembers that Pastor Smith was scheduled to attend a workshop in Mobile, Mississippi, at the end of the month, and he planned to take several of the ministers along with him. First Lady was staying home with the kids.

She asks, So who's going with you to the workshop in Mobile?

He says, Minister Tom, Sister Mindy, and Minister Denine.

First Lady is very uncomfortable with Sister Mindy attending the workshop with Pastor Smith, knowing that Sister Mindy had displayed such a drastic change toward her at church and had such a newfound interest in her husband.

The waitress comes over and interrupts their conversation, bringing them drinks and starts talking to the kids. While the waitress is talking to the kids and Pastor Smith, First Lady's mind is racing and is in deep thought about Sister Mindy attending a meeting with her husband and certainly intends to let her husband know how she feels about it.

Later that evening, after the kids have been settled and put to bed, she addresses Pastor Smith with it and tells him how she feels, but he tells her there is nothing to worry about and nothing is going on very angrily.

Pastor Smith says, Just drop it because she's going!

First Lady walks away and thinks, Why is he disregarding my feelings toward this? I'm sure he would have an issue if I was going somewhere with a man that treated him indifferently. First Lady prays and asks God to help her and to give her strength. She really wants to call Sister Mindy and give her a piece of her mind and ask if something is going on between them, but she doesn't. First Lady continues to deal with her emotions silently, not telling a soul, as there is no one she can talk to about it. Telling her husband certainly wasn't getting her anywhere, so she just dealt with it agonizing inside.

The next week, First Lady is away on a business trip with her job for a week and reaches out to Minister Denine about planning the upcoming women's luncheon being held at a nearby hotel. After conversing about the plans, First Lady ends by telling her to enjoy the upcoming workshop in Mobile.

Minister Denine says, Oh, I'm not going, First Lady. I am going to have to work, so I let Pastor Smith know that I wouldn't be able to go.

First Lady says, Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Hopefully, you'll be able to go next time. They hang up. First Lady thinks, Why did he tell me she was going if she isn't able to go? Hmm.

Later that evening, she calls to check on Pastor Smith and the kids and lets him know that Minister Denine had indicated that she would not be able to go on the trip for the workshop.

He pauses and says, Yeah, she told me she has to work.

Is Minister Tom still going? First Lady asks.

No. I called him and told him that I didn't need him to go now. So I'm only taking Sister Mindy with me, Pastor Smith says.

Leroy, why would you tell him you don't need him to go now? This isn't a good look for you going out of town to a workshop with a female alone. You should still take Minister Tom along with you or go alone, First Lady says.

I'm not doing anything wrong, and nothing is going on with me and her! And don't go calling Minister Tom behind me either! Pastor Smith says.

They hang up.

First Lady can't help but think that something is going on with this young lady. The way Sister Mindy has been acting toward her, and now all of a sudden no one is going to the workshop but him and her. She cries in her hotel bed as Pastor Smith doesn't give two cents about her feelings and how this looks and drifts off to sleep.

*****

After being back in town, she begins getting ready for the night service that was planned. Pastor Smith has a guest speaker coming to bless the house through the word of God. They get in the car and ride to service. They meet in the back with the ministers and the guest speaker for prayer. As everyone prepares to walk out into the sanctuary, Sister Mindy reaches to grab Pastor Smith's personal things he needed for the pulpit before anyone of the other ministers could assist. First Lady eyes her with disdain. Sister Mindy's acts were more than a coincidence to help Pastor Smith. They were intentional and purposeful. First Lady knows that Sister Mindy believes that she is now somehow connected to Pastor Smith on a personal level.

After the praise team ushered in a powerful anointing, Evangelist Koles begins to speak. First Lady is so glad that Pastor Smith had selected her to preach because she was a true blessing to the church the last time she came. As Evangelist begins to minister, everyone appears to enjoy her preaching, saying amen and clapping their hands. In fact, she is flowing so closely with the anointing, as she begins to walk off of the pulpit, she misses a step and accidentally rolls down the stairs! First Lady tries to hold back the chuckle and tries to quiet the kids down as they laugh out loud, pointing at her.

Pastor Smith and a few of the men and women go over to help her up. She is a rather-large woman, and thankfully, she is not hurt. She gets herself together and then begins to prophesy to Pastor Smith the great things she sees the Lord doing. Then suddenly she reveals openly and to the entire congregation that she prophetically sees a young lady in church who likes Pastor Smith and who has been trying to come between his marriage.

First Lady thinks to herself, Ain't that the truth. The church is quiet as a mouse. Evangelist Koles continues on saying to Pastor Smith, I want the young lady to come and apologize to you and your wife. The look on Pastor Smith's face was priceless. The look from the audience was simply mind-blowing!

First Lady cannot believe this was happening, and although she believes that there may be something romantic going on between them, she did not want the young lady or Pastor Smith to be embarrassed. Pastor Smith tells Evangelist Koles that it is not necessary for the girl to come forward. Evangelist Koles respects his wishes and continues to minister until the end of her sermon.

Meanwhile, Sister Mindy, who has been sitting on the front row by the side window, listening to every word from Evangelist Koles, grabs her things and quickly leaves before the service ends.

Eventually Pastor Smith closes out the service, and everyone begins to leave. First Lady had invited two of her friends in the city, Lady Boone and Sister Trina. They went over to her, hugged her neck, and gave words of encouragement because they could tell she had things on her mind from what had just happened.

Sister Vickie, one of the members, also comes over to help First Lady with the kids, and they begin to walk toward the meeting room to meet Pastor Smith.

Sister Vickie whispers behind First Lady and says, I'm so glad that God called this mess out because I am just so sick of it.

First Lady hears her but keeps walking and does not acknowledge her statement. However, she immediately knows something has to be going on because Vickie and Mindy were best friends.

Pastor Smith and the first family get in the car to leave, and First Lady addresses him with what just happened. Pastor Smith tells her that he did not think that the young lady liked him, and it was wrong of Evangelist to call Sister Mindy out like that.

First Lady says, Evangelist Koles did not call the name of the lady nor even point in her direction, not that she would know her anyway. Sister Mindy made herself look obvious by getting mad and grabbing her stuff, leaving the service. So, it does look like something is going on here, Leroy. Now tell me the truth!

Pastor Smith still tells her that nothing is going on and to drop it. First Lady tells him what Sister Vickie whispered to her after the service was over, but Pastor Smith still denies that anything is going on. They continue to argue for a minute, and finally, she turns her head to the window and just cries. First Lady is hurt, embarrassed, and just does not want to be bothered by Pastor Smith. She wonders what the kids thought although they were very young. Everything is going through her mind as she continues to weep.

*****

A week has gone by, and it is time for Pastor Smith to head to the workshop in Mobile, Mississippi. Sister Mindy comes over early to pick him up as they have a three-hour drive to get there. As Sister Mindy knocks and comes in, she has a scarf on her head. The kids are excited to see her and run to give her a hug. First Lady thinks to herself, If you are going to a workshop, why in the world aren't you dressed appropriately and with your hair done at least? She is not the least bit thrilled about them leaving together for this so-called workshop that none of the other ministers are attending.

As they walk out the door, Pastor Smith only gives First Lady a hug and not even a kiss on the cheek and says they would be back later that night. Heartbroken, she closes the door and goes to the bedroom and peeps out the window, watching them get in the car and drive away as tears roll down her face. She walks away and sits on the bed. She ponders over how he is always gone, leaving her and the kids home. There is always something to do at the church that turns into lots of late nights out. When will this be over? says First Lady. She begins to imagine what life would be like if he was at home more and pays her and the kids some attention rather than any and everyone else.

Even though Pastor Smith is gone for the day to the workshop with Sister Mindy, against her wishes, First Lady knows that the work of the ministry has to continue. So, she garners up her strength, gathers up her kids, and drives to the church to meet two of the young ladies on the committee to discuss