Battered But Not Crushed

By Oluwaseun Omole

This deeply personal and courageous memoir recounts my experiences with domestic violence, sharing painful and often traumatic details of abuse at the hands of my husband (now my ex). The abuse includes physical violence, sexual assault, infidelity, and emotional manipulation. However, this is not merely a story of suffering. It is a testament to resilience and hope. Despite the challenges I faced, I found the strength and determination to break free from my abuser and start a new life. This book serves as a powerful reminder that healing and hope are possible, even in the darkest of times. My hope is that it brings comfort and strength to those struggling with domestic violence while promoting greater understanding and awareness of this important issue. This is a must-read book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jun 3, 2023
• ISBN: 9781312491830

Book preview

DEDICATION

To my amazing and lovely kids, I dedicate this book to you.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to several individuals who have played an integral role in the creation of this book, Battered but not Crushed.

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge God for His unwavering love and grace throughout the writing process. His divine guidance and inspiration have been instrumental in shaping this book and ensuring that it conveys the intended message.

I also want to express my heartfelt appreciation to my kids and parents for their unwavering support, encouragement, and patience throughout this journey. Their love and belief

in me have been a source of strength, and I am grateful for their unwavering faith in me.

To my readers, I appreciate your interest in this book and hope that it will inspire and motivate you to keep pressing forward despite life’s challenges. Your feedback and support are invaluable and are deeply appreciated.

Thank you all for your contributions and support. I am forever grateful.

INTRODUCTION

I bought pregnancy care medication for you, my husband said.

At the sight of the large pills, I flinched and suggested, These pills are quite big, perhaps I should break them into smaller pieces to make them easier to swallow. I spoke with trepidation, aware of the type of man I had married.

What did you say? he roared, lunging at me like an enraged tiger and assaulting me mercilessly. I was pregnant with my first child, and my husband's cousin was visiting us at home. I retreated to my room, feeling defeated and vulnerable like a beaten hen in the rain.

For years, I endured physical, emotional, and psychological abuse from my husband. He subjected me to beatings, humiliation, and isolation from the people and things I loved without any explanation. He also prevented me from pursuing my nursing profession, which I cherished and was passionate about.

Despite my skills and dedication, my husband believed that my place was at home, taking care of our children and attending to his and his family's needs. This left a deep void in my heart, as I yearned to work and fulfil my professional aspirations.

Being a victim of domestic violence has put me in difficult positions that have left me feeling overwhelmed, likely due to the long-term emotional impact of such abuse. However, I am determined to speak out and highlight the harmful effects of enduring domestic violence. That's why I've put together this book – to help those who have experienced or are experiencing domestic violence; to help the ones who are not yet caught up in its web recognise the signs and find ways to avoid, resist, or cut off the abuser.

For a long time, I blamed myself for the abuse. It's a common feeling when you're in a relationship with someone who is abusive and narcissistic. They make you believe that you're the problem.

I held onto hope, believing that things would change if only I tried harder, behaved better, or loved him more. But I was wrong. It wasn't my fault. I fulfilled my wifely duties and remained fully committed to my vows. So, what went wrong?

After enduring years of abuse, I knew I needed answers. I went all out seeking knowledge. I knew it could affect the quality of my life. I was determined to find a life-improving kind of knowledge.

Through seeking and acknowledging everything, I found the courage to escape from abuse forever. It wasn't easy, and it took me a long time to heal from the trauma that had left an almost permanent pain in my heart. But I did it. Now, I want to share my story with you.

This book isn't just about my struggles and pain. It's about knowledge and hope, and the impact of unaddressed domestic violence on women, children, and even men worldwide. It's about dispelling myths and misconceptions surrounding domestic violence and the need to break the silence and speak up.

This book is also about the resources and support available to those who suffer from abuse, and the hope that there is a way out. Through my story, I aim to inspire you and many others who may be facing similar struggles. You are not alone, and help is available.

I want to show that it's possible to break free from the cycle of violence. I also hope to raise awareness and educate the public about the realities of domestic violence, the attitudes that perpetuate it, and challenging societal norms.

The effects of domestic violence can be seen in the lives of those who have experienced it, as well as their children. However, it's important to note that domestic violence can result from a person's past experiences, which shape how they think.

They may not be aware that their actions are influenced by their upbringing until it is brought to their attention. If not addressed promptly, it can cause irreparable harm.

This book is not only for individuals experiencing domestic violence but also for those who support or engage in such behaviour. It is crucial to self-reflect and examine whether you may be contributing to the problem.

- Omole Oluremi

CHAPTER ONE

My Childhood

Growing up as an introvert was challenging because some people perceived me as arrogant, leading to negative judgments. However, others recognised my quiet and reserved nature, which was my true personality. I was content with my introverted lifestyle, focusing on excelling in academics and other areas of my life.

At times, I indulged in daydreaming about my future, a common trait among introverts. I am fortunate to have attended one of the best schools in Lagos, highly recommended by many.

My childhood was interesting as I was drawn to male friendships, which resulted in me exhibiting tomboyish behaviour. However, I did not experience significant judgment, unlike what a typical African child would face.

My family accepted me for who I was, and I was grateful for that. We had musical instruments in our home, which fueled my passion for music, leading me to join the choir and brigade. This enabled me to focus on my interests and avoid unproductive social activities and unnecessary visits.

After completing primary school education, I progressed to secondary school, where I met my best friend, Tolu. Even though