A Solo Father's Life Journey

By David Solo

About the Book
Navigating law enforcement, the courts, and his ex-wife, this solo father found himself struggling through a “mother’s world” in trying to raise his two sons to be successful, contributing, loving, good men.
A Solo Father’s Life Journey chronicles a surprise beginning to fatherhood and then all that entails after the parents separate. This is a father’s perspective through the years of raising two children as he faces the challenges and obstacles presented by the societal mindset that where children are concerned, it is a mother’s world. How can a father achieve residential custody of his children and eventually change the paradigm of “Mom is the primary caretaker and the Pops is the weekend Disney Dad?” Achieving this while ensuring children are not badly affected by any negativity, hatred, and conflict is a powerful adult dilemma. What avenues and pathways are there to make sure the children in this situation grow up in a loving, caring atmosphere after a split that was no fault of their own? A child is a gift, never a hindrance. How can two work together as one for the greater being of their children?
About the Author
When becoming a father, David Solo recognizes his life changed dramatically. The greatest gift one can share is the raising of one’s children. Solo believes the responsibility as a father is to give any child you are in contact with an understanding of living life to the fullest. Throughout life, Solo has shared the opportunity to be a part of children’s lives in hopes of bringing structure and security to them to live joyous and productive lives. Never wanting to become a Solo Father, he nevertheless had the opportunity to grow within himself and expand his knowledge of who he was and what he was capable of. Through all life’s challenges, he became aware of the importance of family, friends, and those who supported him through the rough times. Solo says, “I am lucky to now have a forever wife who has brought into my life four children and eleven grandchildren and add together with three biological grandchildren. My desire is only to show them life’s greatest advantages and for them to live a life they may hold dear and successful.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: Jun 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889255284

Book preview

Dedication

My life evolved the days my children were born. Through this, my writings are dedicated to my sons. Without them, these words would never be written. My thoughts through these words are dedicated to my parents, siblings, and those who have supported my life path of choices and determination. To the Love of my now forever wife who has through her graces brought into my life extended family and forever moments. For those who read these words, I dedicate an open mind and an opportunity to extend a love and understanding for the life fulfillment of children of two, who created one.

Preface

Fatherhood The Power to Encourage

and Always Overcome

There is a definition: A state of being a father, the meaning endeared with this world is only relevant to the individual deciphering self-experience through the reflection of life that surrounds them. The deciphering of what role did, does, did not, transfer or transcribed in self-life through self-life experience since self-conception. Each individual has a different reflection and recognition of their version of what, Father, Dad represents.

Conception is the defining moment when self-development in your mother’s, or possibly another womb of a female, in the conception of life. Yes, this sentence may bring many reflections on the definition of life conception beyond the confrontational thought pattern that is developing in self-mind. Does a life start with the mind or does life start with the body?

The world today is a different avenue of accessibilities with developing technologies allowing in variance of physical and mental outlooks. Fatherhood has remained the same since the beginning of the first child born. The mind openness and vibration with the material surrounding has changed, but the concept remains the same.

The following words are meant to relate and overcome challenges in a world of a Solo Dad. None is meant with vengeance or hypocrisy towards anyone. Yes, draw self-conclusions from these worlds only to share in a positive relation with children, the mother of your child and all surrounding self and their lives since their conception.

World redundance equals negative concept creating the same negative vibrations. All written is all remain the concept self makes from it. As a father must take from within a selflessness must prevail and focus as a primary stabilization for the future of your children. This concept is for success in self-ingrained with the greatest output of all. The years of raising children have various yet same daily activities, challenges, and rewards. However, depending on self-livelihood the circumstance varies.

The routine in a child’s life is of great influence. As a father, mother, child influencer understood those routine, including inside and outside circumstances with adjustment in positive rather than negative. It is said, Self is master of Self in fate. Tell this to a developing influential child, and they may not understand the concept. We, Self-build on positive, neutral, and negative vibrations and mind concepts. The powerful cycling of the path this input takes is conceptualized though self-perception and security. Input the influence of mind-altering substances and self remains, however altered in the output projected by self to others.

Humans thrive in the concept of similarities for the security in that which self has done, positive or negative is clarified and justified in the projection of another’s view. Child desire to radiate pleasure rather than pain. Are the positive or negative receptacles located in the mental or physical state of mind, or both?

Fathers must reward a child’s behavior and actions resorting to pain only where required. This includes the verbal negative reactions and sayings existing with the brute force of a whooping, spanking, or worse.

This book is written in a father’s view of being a Solo parent raising two boys. This experience of the feelings, circumstances, trade-offs, compromises, mistakes, frustrations, enlightenments, awakenings, stereotypes, prejudices, vindictiveness, in same happenings during this time and present day. As we are different, there are many different versions of the same story? I share my story and version of this story, yes from my mind thoughts and remembrances. However, all these stories continuing to expand with the outcome alluded to the same situations and actions.

I share my story for others to read, comprehend and help you to know we are all not alone. This story line may differ in only names and possible outcomes. The years of raising my sons are the proudest years I have. As my parents raised me something must have held strong to the realization I Am Father. I created this life and must share in the respect and responsibility to take care of this life. To raise these boys with the love, acceptance, and awareness so they can be a success in their eyes.

The challenges I have faced in the years since becoming a Solo Dad have been a whirlwind of craziness, I had foreseen but never expected would be to the degree it has been. Regret—in my mind this word does not exist. I brought a life into this world it is my self-obligation to take care of this human.

There is only one reason a child is born into this world. A male, a female has a gender slated to them at birth. This is determined with the outside physical appearance not the inward mind development. The ultimate pleasure for humans when participating with unprotected intercourse resulting in the creation of a human. This is how a child is born to this world; the reason why is a continued reflection on self-desires and material wants. Ever thought the one reason is to assist another?

Circumstances must be realized, in the world we live in, this creation of a life and how conceived has many different avenues of how the women experienced this conception. Males, this book has a role of how you can take precautions with your responsibility to practice safe sex. This may not feel as good, but for the short time this took to conceive is a lifetime of responsibility.

The fact is, a child is conceived, the series of events that follow is the various paths and avenues explored within these words.

Chapter 1

The beginning of the creation

Life beyond self Your child is born

This child circumstance of the reaction of this life has as many variations as there are individuals. The fact is, a life is now a part of this world. How this life was conceived is of non-importance as he/she is here. Though my first child was born with no preparedness, he is totally dependent on others to care for him. As a father who is equally responsible for the creation of this life has the equal endearment to care of this life. The stereotype of old pertinent to those who care to enlist the fear of a life in your hands.

The mom of my son was my live-in girlfriend at the time. As all children bring a full change in your life and relationship. No matter how your relationship is/was the devious aspect is at one-time your togetherness created this child. We had just moved into a house together and as many others in trial of life to raise a family being in a situation the options are few. I chose to be a father and give all I can to allow this child every opportunity to live the life he is born for.

Being unmarried and the situation as it was never crossed my mind for the son not to have my last name. The fathers of this world in many different situations this option may vary. As I am not in your situation there is only one thing I can say. Allow the man in you brings the love and best interest of this new life into non-controversy before this child can even speak. I saw a helpless life brought here from my action and felt responsible. There was never any controversy of my son’s last name and at this time, in the relationship with Mom all was well. The reflection of feelings of a new life is only what you have determined in the situation this new life has been brought into.

Other than the total shock and surprise of being a father of this completely dependent person whom we had nothing for. My story begins with finding out my girlfriend was positively pregnant at 5:30 on a Wednesday evening March 20th, 1996. She woke me up at 12:30 a.m. in massive pain. The ambulance was called, she did not want them to take her, so I took her to the hospital. In the emergency room, as she lay in the bed, the nurse states, "There is the butt as she moves her hand on her stomach. Confused, I thought, Whose butt?

Doctors came in and doctors came out of her room. Twenty minutes later the doctor came out to me and said, Not only is she positively pregnant, she is in labor right now. Those words are always exciting to hear, however, finding out seven hours previously was a little bit cumbersome. The following day letting others know I was having a child at any minute now was a bit unnerving. Calling my mother, she proclaimed, she cannot have a child because she has no insurance. My father being the graceful man that he is came to visit. Upon relaying this information to my siblings, my younger sister said, Oh, that is wonderful. When is she due? My father with his animated personality stated, Any minute now. Her family was easy to talk with and of course they all arrived to make sure she was okay and to see her short pregnancy.

My son was born at 11:37 p.m. after being awake for thirty-six hours and knowing she was having a child, he was born with no physical challenges, left the hospital to go home and rest for a few hours. This was a very turbulent day of not knowing how my child would be born not having any prenatal care. Waking early this Friday morning I knew I had a list of things to get completed before bringing my son and his mom home.

Luckily, his mother’s best friend spent the previous day after finding out she was having a child calling friends to request anything they may have for a baby. Picking her up and driving throughout the city was able with the kindness of many to gather enough items to have a small start to the needs of a newborn. Having a child in the grandest of situations still never compares to experiencing a new life looking back in your eyes.

Yes, with each child born holds many different aspects of family life situations. The only aspect which is fact for everyone is there is now a new life born into this world. My firstborn was a twenty-three-hour plight of an unknown of what the birth of this child will bring. My only concern during this time was the birth of this child will be healthy with no complications, but through what I call the grace of my higher power, the birth was at a world-renowned children’s hospital if there were any complications.

The nurses brought in two beds. One if he was healthy and okay, and the other if they would have to take this child to the children’s ward for additional medical care. When my child was born into this world, my only thought was which bed they will place the baby on? At 11:37 p.m. those brief seconds of him being born and which bed were the longest thirty seconds of my life.

When he arrived, after my now, most memorable movie Top Gun, and the nurses finally brought in a comfortable chair where I could possibly sleep, my vinification of which bed this child would be placed in was like slow motion as the nurses and doctors inspected this child. Now crying with those lungs flowing with air and eyes wide open. As the doctor slowly turned toward those beds and my eyes glued to this new life was vastly relieved as my baby son was placed gently in the bed of safe haven. Still unsure of this unknown and not a word from the doctor ready to explore with the final confirmation he was okay.

Finally observing me standing there frozen with my eyes locked on this child, the doctor proclaims, It’s a boy and all seems healthy. The nurses and doctors will check over this boy completely, however, knowing he had ten fingers, ten toes, and the features of a heathy human such a relief and checked on his mother. She just gave birth in shock as I was, however, no complication of the birth left her exhausted and loopy from the meds for the pain.

With the birth of my son with no complications for him or his mother, I left the hospital for home and a few hours of sleep. Waking at 7:00 a.m., I spent the morning picking up required items for my son, which most have eight or nine months to prepare for. I drove to the hospital due to the birth of my child from a mother who was working but uncovered by medical insurance had to leave by 12:00 p.m. on Friday—twelve and a half hours after my son was born. No amount of life can prepare you for the birth of your first child.

From the moment they come home, yes, there are different situations in various stages of the parental life situation; however, one aspect holds true for all: there is a male and a female who created this life. No matter which situation you are in, what challenges, conflicts, or financial strains may be present? Or in the grandest of ideal life situations think and know this creation of life bears only innocents of a new world. The ultimate of grievance between the father and the mother will only be allowed to affect this innocent new life if you let it.

Grateful my soul self’s only concern was for my son, who, by the way, needed a name before we could leave the hospital and his well-being and at this time for his mother. We all only have this moment in life to share and note this baby born is a sponge of life soaking in all sensory information capable of inputting. Yes, upbringing of life surrounding, and informational inputs is of a key aspect of developing, molding, shaping, inspiring those neuron connections in a child’s life.

We just had a baby. We had to bring this child home, the last thing I thought was what the name of this child would be. Being in a relationship and living with this person, buying a house sequence of life events has children possibly in the near future. Did not know this part would be as near as it was; however, life events come with life responsibility. We discussed with more urgency.

Still being in shock, sleep deprived, and discussing potential names with family (mistake in this situation) his name is a reflection of mine. Much to my mother’s dismay naming her grandchild with a potential of being called junior or JR finally told her just call him DJ. Now twenty-six years later, my son has always been known as DJ. Of course, all names have some type of abbreviations, which could not be many with two letters, however shortened or just D and as a teacher said, only the elite few may call him Deeg.

The first weekend was filled with many coming over and visiting this new life whom thirty-six hours previously did not know would be here. Self-life dramatically changes when I became a father. With me this love was everything. Understanding with each new life begins many different life situations. My life did stop, my life as a father started. The dependence on only self left as the dependency of another started. The new excitement of this baby and the life shock of having him home was still mindboggling, only assuring this life is taken care of in every way.

I found the importance of a name will impact your entire future. Although the time frame for this importunacy of naming a child, which represents this person for all their lives, was very short, I am glad we did not stray to a name we would regret. The naming importance took on a new outlook with my second child—formal normality was given a chance with the discovery of my second son.

As noted, my ex-wife knew she was pregnant with our child before the home test showed positive. When a week passed, and the test came back positive the next step was to visit a doctor. As the months passed and we prepared for a second child, this aspect of a new life was as important to us as it will be the need for the boy or girl and enjoy the anticipation of having a child with our son.

These months as a father meant the caring for the mother and my son. DJ was a healthy joyous baby and the knowledge he is okay, with no knowledge of his birth inhabited the desire to surround this unborn child with the love and positive energy for this child to be born with the internal neuron connections inside the womb filled with positive rather than negative vibrations.

We found this unborn child showed the neurological chemistry DNA of a boy. Twosome, which in years to follow very glad due to the combination of extracurricular activities and the understanding of a male to a female will be very beneficial as a Solo Dad.

This time the formal name of the unborn son gave us the non-pressured experience to choose a name we enjoyed and agreed upon. My son DJ will always and forever choose which is meant for him. The memory of how his name was name determined will always hold a dear place in my soul. The challenge of naming a child may be a separation within itself. Although throughout those years before your child is born have thought of said names when one does have a child, however, still hold obstacles when speaking with possible your significant other and those around you. Let’s not start a deviation of those two who created one with the naming of your child.

With this situation, the start of my second son’s life was another of Great Love and Inspiration. The first weekend of his life was filled again with many families and friends sharing the excitement of this new life. Society, with the formation of history in the seemingly roles of a male and female in parenting stereotype has yet grown as widely accepted view as it is today. This viewpoint mentality is shared from my upbringing from my parents. There are many family-structured views in the areas of this world, and they vary to a great degree with what I believed similar beliefs and parenting styles. With his mother, as the beginning years of my son’s life started, so did the beginning days of separation.

Inside world changes; outside world continues. Many adjustments on daily life activities are now surrounded by this new life dependent on you. Since I was living with my son’s mother the thought of not being there for this child never crossed my mind. Understanding there are many options and the experience and life each individual has a story to convey on the roles a father and mother play in their self-life. My example is different than your example.

Unsure of the conscious thought, however, unconscious life experience and thought neuron connections will surface through on the role as a father you will portray to your children. This child is the product of my actions, the responsibility I decide, and the role I portray to this child will determine the role he will hopefully hold for his future family. Still in shock and knowing life consists of financially supporting this child 108 hours after finding out I was going to be a father, eighty-four hours after becoming a father, Monday morning work still comes.

Chapter 2

My Second Child is Born

As time passes and life is filled with the joy of a child in December 1997 on my birthday my then wife decided to take a pregnancy test. Could she have now felt okay with having a child as we already had a healthy son? She took the test on my birthday the 17th and came back negative. A week passed and she still felt the same. On Christmas Eve morning, with another test taken, this one came back positive, the joy of a second child. The birth of my second child with at least some knowledge she is pregnant, just unsure how far along.

With a positive pregnancy test, we made an appointment with the doctor for assurance and the prenatal care. There is a child developing in my, then, wife’s stomach. My son was one and a half when finding out there is a second child on the way confirming this with a doctor had the life experience and excitement of the pregnancy time period which was missed with my first. The importance of a woman caring for herself and the life she has within her is a true-life sacrificing time. We all can hope for babies who are born with as little life-challenge features and physical ability for success and happiness in a world they are delivered into.

We had all the tests completed with the due date in August, which allowed us ample time to prepare for life with a second child. In my mind the preparations consisted of everyone, especially my first son knowing he is going to be a brother felt as important to begin this bond and knowledge of a new life before the arrival. As weeks and doctor visits pass outlined recommendation of medical advisory as we know both we knew both are healthy. Remember, I knew of my first son twenty-three hours in advance and as far as I know his mother had no examination to determine the health of this child.

I was blessed with his mother being healthy physically. Know now mentally challenging childbirth will relate to the female with physical and mental uncertainty. Medical technology can assist with the prenatal caring of a child the acceptance of the life you created is in this age of assistance. The mental inward mind of a person must also be pivotal in the acknowledgment of the life created. The modern advances in the understanding of DNA assists in the knowledge of the development this child is going through while still in the mother’s womb.

Men, a woman gives birth to a human being. We are unaware of the physical and mental transformation this will have on them. Prenatal care is as important then as postnatal care. Be there for her in an understanding way, not as our child you take care of them. As we have created one must we unite as one. Not only has a woman mentally created a life, so this life has mentally created a new woman. All thoughts, foods, outside influences were invested in this child through pregnancy. I am no expert on this yet set in the mind of one reading this before you react, relate, understand, and try to assist.

As stated, documented and firsthand experience believe the sounds and positive reinforcement speech while in a coma has an effect on the patient. I was in a coma and do not remember three weeks of my life due to the tremendous amount of pain and medication that was given me. During this time I consciously remember very little but unconsciously knew I felt the love and determination of others to be okay.

Through the positive reinforcement of outside influences also know must take variance on what inside intake his mother digest. A healthy, happy, and as less-stressed mom directly affects the child growing inside her. Men, take this into consideration during these months of pregnancy. The saying goes, a happy wife makes a happy life, let us have a new thought, a happy mom to be makes for a happy child born into this world. These days there is enough condescending turbulence allow for the development of an unborn child relinquish in the prosperity of being safe and loved.

Easter Sunday 1998 sitting at my aunt’s house over dinner the subject of the baby’s name came into the conversation. Now this same aunt had a role in the naming of our first son. So appropriately our second son’s name was determined that evening during dinner. To bounce around different names was a joy. The comparison and possible reasons why this name come to anyone’s mind and the possible meaning behind this name was a joy to converse about.

The thought of JR was already taken, deciphering, what next symbolized names come to mind. The choice of a name in my mind is a choice this child will live with (unless they change it) their whole life. I also knew most names will be shortened with the closest and easiest pronunciation. As with David Jr. became DJ. The