Overcoming Jealousy: Techniques and Strategies for Managing negative Emotions and Conquering the "green eyed monster"

By Vitiana Paola Montana

Jealousy can emerge in its most harmful form when we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by doubts, uncontrolled and irrational fears. This can cause suffering and put our relationships at risk. Fear of being abandoned, of losing the object of our love, or of having a privileged position taken away from us can trigger compulsive behaviors such as excessive control and manipulation of the other, or aggression toward the partner or potential rivals. These consequences can undermine a person's self-esteem and, if not corrected, can lead to relationship failure.
This book examines the possible causes of jealousy in different variations and areas. Although understanding the causes is important, the text focuses more on finding solutions for the couple and the profession, two areas where this feeling can cause a lot of damage. An entire chapter deals with strategies and methods to counter and manage jealousy in the best possible way, with tips and exercises to put into practice.

The author
Vitiana Paola Montana, has devoted over 30 years to the study of archetypes, symbolism and their interactions with the psyche in daily life. The results of her studies are contained in texts published with various publishers, which you can find on her personal website vitianapaolamontana.it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: LEMNISCATA
• Release date: Apr 25, 2023
• ISBN: 9791222099354

Book preview

Overcoming Jealousy

Techniques and strategies for managing negative emotions and conquering the 'green-eyed monster'

Vitiana Paola Montana

Table of Contents

The Author

Vitiana Paola Montana

Introduction

Jealousy: feeling or limitation?

Chapter 1

What is jealousy

Jealousy or envy: we distinguish

Envy can be positive or limiting

What we 'must not' do

The right attitude to deal with envy

Chapter 2

The different types of jealousy

Preventive jealousy

Reactive jealousy

Retroactive jealousy /also known as 'Rebecca Syndrome'.

The plot of 'Rebecca, the First Wife'

Other types of jealousy

Pathological jealousy

Professional jealousy

The attempt to 'belittle': identikit of the chronic jealous

Chapter 3

The Consequences of Jealousy

The escalation of emotions

Jealousy undermines mutual trust in the couple

The loss of dialogue

Extreme consequences

What to do?

Chapter 4

Test: find out if you are jealous

Are you a jealous person?

Can you control your jealousy?

Chapter 5

Understanding jealousy

Understanding emotions

Analysing the causes

Jealousy in couples

Male and female jealousy

Male jealousy

Female jealousy

The feeling of Love and Friendship

Jealousy and the need for confirmation

Jealousy, quarrels and accusations

Chapter 6

Affective dependence

What is 'emotional dependence'?

The characteristics manifested by persons subject to emotional dependency

What a man and a woman look for in a relationship

The Woman

Man

Chapter 7

How to deal with jealousy

I am jealous

We feel jealous when...

Identifying the causes

Assessing the consequences of our 'being jealous

Nipping dangerous thoughts in the bud

Demolishing all distorted thinking

Listening to one's body

Apologising

Sharing feelings

Distracting oneself from oneself

Jealousy plays a role in our growth

No to obsession

Don't listen to gossip or malicious tongues

Cultivating self-confidence

No comparisons with others

Practising 'as if'

Chapter 8

Developing personal self-esteem and charisma

Self-esteem as a growth 'path'.

Charisma is synonymous with personal power.

Charisma, this unknown

Some important reflections

Accepting the fact of 'feeling jealousy'

Reflecting on one's jealousy/envy

Improving one's situation

Concrete changes

Improving thoughts

What about trying humour?

Conclusions

Overcoming

Jealousy

Techniques and Strategies for managing negative emotions and conquering  the 'green-eyed monster'

Vitiana Paola Montana

Vitiana Paola Montana

Copyright© 2016

The Author

Vitiana Paola Montana

My name is Vitiana Paola Montana and, in the following lines, I will tell you something about myself. I will try to do so in a few lines, but without forgetting anything important.

While walking my family and professional path, the latter based on a business education that covered two decades of my existence, I found the time and energy to make my main passion, personal growth, a real job.

My role models are Jung, Hilmann, Clarissa Pinkola Estès and Marie Louise Von Franz, but their teachings have above all found fertile ground in my strong inclination to motivate, support and push people towards self-fulfilment and in my strong empathic and intuitive ability to identify the best path for those in situations of change.

Added to this is a pronounced ability to use lateral thinking to find alternative solutions to achieve important goals.

More details can be found atwww.vitianapaolamontana.it.

I have always been convinced that the best way to use one's time and skills is to help others grow and realise themselves, and this has been the driving force that has accelerated and consolidated my role as a guide for many people, a role that I carry out using those tools that are now an integral part of my life as well as my skills and competences: symbols, archetypes and Kabalistic-based Evolutionary Numerology.

My training is also constantly being updated as are the studies related to my field of interest.

Starting from the axiom that individual well-being and satisfaction is manifested in the balance of every area of life, I help people in their search for what is most important for living well.

I make use of mathematical calculations developed on the Personal Numbers, together with the Hebrew ghematries, which give valuable information on the most suitable path for the individual.

It is on the basis of these assumptions that I have developed and applied for many years the Numerologica® method, which I have also identified as Kabalistic Coaching©, which unlike many other methods of analysis and guidance is completely and extremely precisely modelled on the person, providing important information that is then expertly managed within the individual path chosen and applied.

At www.numerologica.it you can find out more about my Kabalistic Coaching©

At the same time, for several years now, I have been devoting special attention to the condition of women in the current social context, with an in-depth study of the criminological aspect of stalking and victimology, topics that cannot be ignored.

I also address these issues in some of my ebooks on topics such as the power of self-esteem and self-improvement, with the aim of strengthening a person's resilient attitude. The intention is to make women, in particular, aware of the retraining of their own feeling, to restore their intuition, their sixth sense and return to developing their perceptive capacity, which has been anaesthetised over time by distorted social models.

With this in mind, I wanted to tackle the subject of 'jealousy' in order to be able to speak clearly and simply about a feeling that is as complex as it is difficult to manage.

Readers can contact me with questions or anything else, either by e-mail ([e-mail]) or via the contact forms on the sites or, again, by sending me a message via the chat on all my sites, at the bottom right of the homepage.

Happy reading!

Introduction

Jealousy: feeling or limitation?

Learn to keep the door closed, keep out of your mind and out of your world every element that tries to enter it without any clear useful purpose in sight.

George Matthew Adams

Adams' aphorism, makes a clear reference to all those doubts and fears, those negative emotions that condition us and also compromise our relationships. Among these doubts and fears, jealousy is placed. Jealousy needs no introduction. In Shakespeare's Othello it is called the 'green-eyed monster' because of the suffering and imbalance it creates.

Jealousy occurs when a person feels that their most important relationship is threatened by someone (or something) outside the relationship. This applies not only in romantic relationships, but also in friendship relationships or in family ties between parent and child or between siblings.There can also be cases where the dreaded jealousy is even presentin the workplace where it can manifest itself masquerading ascompetition' Mistakenly it is sometimes mistaken for envy but it is substantially different due to the fact that, in envy, the person strongly desires what is possessed by another even though, on closer inspection, it is possible for these two negative emotions to both arise in some circumstances.

Jealousy is a common feeling, many people experience it from time to time. It is not a negative emotion unless it degenerates and causes distress to the person experiencing it, the partner, family or friends, severely affecting relationships. This fear, because this is what it is, can morally break down its victim and bring the relationship to such a point that it is shattered by doubt. In any case, the presence of this damaging feeling is a signal that invites us to undertake a change, to carry out an analysis of ourselves and our behaviour. The secret to resolving this distressing emotion is to recognise it as a stimulus to engage with ourselves to understand what fears are causing it, and to prevent ourselves from damaging our relationships because of it.

Let us better understand the mechanisms of this limiting emotion.

Happy Reading and Good Life!

Chapter 1

What is jealousy

What is jealousy? We can define it as a feeling that arises from the 'mistaken' idea of suddenly losing the dearest thing one possesses, in this case the affection and consideration of someone one loves. And that is when fear begins to act heavily. Let us read, from the dictionary, the correct description of the term 'jealousy'.

'Jealousy'

"Emotional state of doubt and tormenting anxiety of one who, with or without justified reason, fears (or notices) that the beloved person is being undermined by a rival: to feel g., to suffer from g.; to be gnawed, tormented by g.; to make a scene of jealousy. It is distinct from envy in that, the latter, is the feeling of one who desires something possessed by another, without a third person being involved in this rivalry."

(Source: Treccani)

At times when jealousy is unleashed, the person experiencing it is overwhelmed by emotion that drives them to look with dread at a possible abandonment by their loved one. Directly linked to possessiveness, jealousy pushes the person experiencing it to believe they have absolute rights over their partner; jealousy and possessiveness, both have the claim of having 'exclusivity' over the other, understood as the object of desire and visceral love. Frequently, those affected show their jealousy even in the absence of any real situation, or any event that could justify such behaviour.

Jealousy or envy: we distinguish

Jealousy and envy have similar traits but are essentially two very different emotions.Jealousy, as mentioned earlier, which frequently acts within both family and social relationships, is marked by the fear of losing the object of one'saffection This concern triggers, in the jealous person, a devastating mechanism that magnifies suspicions and corrodes the bond to the point of permanently undermining it, if it is not handled with firm resolve.

Envy, on the other hand, has different characteristics, although it can in some ways be compared to the feeling of jealousy. Envy is a set of feelings, of emotions among which we find anger, resentment, hatred, aversion. These are all emotions that come alive in the person who witnesses the success or happiness of someone who is experiencing a happy moment, who has achieved prosperity, who is enthusiastic about having gained recognition or succeeded in something. It is a feeling that is often so strong, so intense, that it makes the person experiencing it hope that, the achievements and happiness achieved by the person envied, will disappear or turn into a failure.

It then often happens that, in such a context, in a completely involuntary way, a kind of 'comparison' comes into being. Basically, the envious person feels belittled by the successes of the envied one and blames himself for not being able to achieve such results or for not feeling equal to the situations.

While jealousy seems to be more connected to the feeling of love, to the possession of one's own good, envy is almost exclusively a form of deleterious rivalry that in most