Confronting our Phantoms

By GABRIEL FREEMAN

Are you feeling isolated? Are you feeling cut off from the world around you? Do you feel extremely shy when approaching others? Do you feel you have no friends and you struggle in relationships with the opposite sex? Did you feel you had no one to rely on while you were growing up? Did you have a hard time relating to your family environment?

If you answered 'yes' in any of the questions above, then this is for you. This story is about a young man's transformation, from being isolated from the world, depressed and lonely, to becoming a sociable, happy and having normal relationships person.

This book will empower you to improve your social skills, become more aware of your inner world, to try new things, treat life as an adventure, face your fears and get outside of your comfort zone!

Additionally, this work will give you insight on how the fundamentals of contemporary psychology can be applied in everyday life in order to give results.

A must read, in order to rebuild your social confidence, especially after the Covid lockdowns.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9781447752646

Book preview

A note from the authors:

This work is based on a real story. The characters featured in this book however are purely fictional.

This work was originally written in Greek, so the copy that you are reading now is a translation from Greek to English, and as such, the meaning might not be conveyed with 100% accuracy. However, we believe that we have done a good job in editing and translating the work, so you will hopefully find it enjoyable.

Prologue

This book is neither the product of scientific research, nor a writing that wishes to promote certain scientific methods. It is a work that conveys the opinions and experiences of the two writers, as well as others that are involved with mental health and with the training of individuals to healthy interpersonal relationships.

Gabriel Freeman

P.Z.

Confronting our Phantoms

© 2023 Gabriel Freeman, P.Z. All rights reserved.

ePub ISBN: 978-1-4477-5264-6

Part A

[1]

There is something wrong with my son! Iulia said to the Teacher.

What seems to be the problem with him?

He closes himself inside his room Iulia replied with an angry voice. He doesn't speak to any of us anymore! He is angry! He is blunt! He hates us!

Dear Iulia, calm down, the Teacher said with an inner calmness. What indications do you have that he hates you?

He wanted to go to Thessaloniki without my permission!

Iulia, the Teacher said, how old is Christos?

Twenty six...

Don't you think he is a bit too old to be asking for your permission?

Yes.

So why do you worry so much?

Because my son isn't good for anything! He is worthless! He cannot make it on his own!

I would like to find that out myself, the Teacher said.

What do you mean?

I mean that I want to have a closer look at him!

***

The door opened.

A young man of average height and a bit overweight, stood under the door of the room.

The teacher looked at him thoroughly.

Despite the young man having a healthy appearance, and despite his face looking calm on the surface, his eyes stared with apathy; eyes where emotions of anger and despair reflected deep inside.

A cold chill run the Teachers' spine. Something felt  straight off with him. You must be Christos, right? he asked and smiled.

Ehh. . . yes, that's me, Christos nodded shyly.

Come inside! said the Teacher cheerily.

Christos walked in with a slow unsteady pace, and sat on the chair.

He is out of energy, the Teacher thought. But why? Then he said I have known your mother for a long time. She is a good friend of mine.

Oh, yes, Christos replied, I remember she had her birthday a few days ago, and while I should have bought her a present, I forgot it!

Christo, the Teacher suggested, do you want to play a game?

Okay, Christos replied.

The Teacher took a piece of paper and a pen and passed them on to Christos.

I would like you to write twenty things you did these last few days, for the people around you.

Christos did that.

Good, the Teacher said and continued "and now I would like you, next to the things that you did, to put a W if that thing was something you wanted to do, or a H if that thing was something that you had to do."

Christos finished after a short while and passed what he wrote to the Teacher.

He put fifteen W's and only five H's, the Teacher thought. He looked at Christos.

Christos still retained that impassive look in his eyes.

Something's wrong here, the Teacher thought, I guess he is hiding. Then he smiled and said Here's a man that does what he wants to do!

Of course, the Teacher added, if the things that you had to do were more than the things you wanted to do, in the end you would become angry and finally rebel!

Christos became affected by Teachers' words. He blushed, and looked ready to explode from rage. Yes, it appeared he kept it all inside.

The Teacher observed this and thought I knew it! He is hiding! Then he continued Christo, I would like you to tell me what you generally like to do in your spare time, hobbies etc.

I want to have a more active social life, Christos replied.

You think your social life is not active enough?

Christos didn't reply.

Do you have any friends? the Teacher asked.

Not many. But I cannot meet more people.

And what stops you from meeting more people?

Christos didn't answer. He appeared to be upset with Teachers' words.

Teacher appeared thoughtful. You have confused your feelings, he said to Christos. You are in confusion; how is it possible to be involved in social matters and at the same time not wanting to meet more people?

Christos got frustrated and even more upset.

I guess he had enough for today, Teacher thought. It's all right Christo, he said, you needn't worry. I might be wrong. If you want to stop, then we stop.

Better, Christos agreed.

I suggest we make a relaxation for a quarter of an hour, the Teacher said, until your father arrives to take you home.

The Teacher put some relaxation music on the CD - player. When the relaxation was over, Christos' father came with his car and took him.

So we will meet after three days Christo, on Wednesday, the Teacher said, Okay?

Okay, Christos agreed. His voice sounded a bit more cheerful, and nervous at the same time, like someone scratching a wooden box that contained nitroglycerin.

Iulia is right! the Teacher thought worried. Her child is angry!

***

On the way home, Christos' father, Petros, asked So, how did the meeting with the Teacher went?

Christos felt strange, as if something long dead became activated inside him.

I want to scream! he thought. Cannot take this anymore!

The meeting was FINE!! Christos said shouting.

Petros became shocked.

Upon realizing this, Christos felt bad. A wave of despair overwhelmed him and his voice returned to its previous colorless tone.

***

How did it go? asked Iulia the Teacher on the phone.

Christos is not worthless the Teacher said. He is simply inexperienced. And it looks as if he is about to rebel.

But against whom? Iulia asked. And why?

Time will tell, the Teacher said. Only answer me this: after the fight between you and Christos, did Christos finally go to Thessaloniki?

No! Iulia said. He made a whole event against me, then after I stepped back, eventually he didn't go to Thessaloniki!

Therefore, Teacher thought, there is conflict with the mother. And he lost the fight.

What should we do? asked Iulia.

Prepare for the storm that's coming, the Teacher replied and hung up the phone.

***

Wednesday came and someone knocked on the door.

Come on in Christo, the Teacher said.

Christos entered Teachers’ room, emitting the same lack of confidence as he did on their first appointment. His look appeared to be as impassive as then.

How did you spend your time these days Christo?

Quietly, he replied.

The word ‘Quietly’ foretells danger, the Teacher thought.

Quietly? asked the Teacher laughing. But it’s summer! I’m sure there are many nice things to do in the summer! Go out for a drink, swim at the beach and flirt; there are so many beautiful girls walking around the streets these days!

Upon hearing the word flirt and girls, Christos became upset.

Christo, are you ok? the Teacher queried.

I cannot do all these things, Christos worded.

And why not?, the Teacher asked. You are a grown up Christo, you have the right to fall in love!

Then the Teacher continued Christo, have you ever had a girlfriend?

No, Christos replied.

Just as I thought, the Teacher thought. He is inexperienced!

Christo, said the Teacher. Can I ask you a personal question?

Yes.

Have you ever had sex?

Yes.

That’s strange, the Teacher considered. He doesn’t look like it.

I went to a brothel for my first time, Christos added.

Did you enjoy it at least? the Teacher asked.

It was good, said Christos and then he appeared troubled.

What are you thinking?

Last week I wanted to go to Thessaloniki to do this again.

My mother, Christos said and his eyes momentarily flashed with rage, didn’t allow me to go!

Did she know that you would go for that reason?"

I don’t think so.

This young man has a problem in the love part of his life for sure, the Teacher thought. Let’s talk to him about human relationships.

What happened with your mother, the Teacher said, was a power conflict.

Is this bad?

Yes it is, because when family conflicts are not resolved, problems are created, said the Teacher. You lost the previous conflict with your mother and you will plan your retaliation for the next time. And if you win the next clash, your mother will start planning on how to defeat you in a future conflict, and this will never end.

Christos didn’t speak, but listened carefully.

Only when a solution that is acceptable by both sides is found, can a conflict be successfully resolved, Christo.

And how’s that going to happen?, asked Christos puzzled.

By claiming your rights!, said the Teacher and looked Christos in the eyes to see what his response would be.

Christos appeared to want to say something, but words would not come out of his mouth.

Christo, asked the Teacher, if your father and your mother came here with us, would you have something to say to them?

Yes!, Christos shouted with a trembling voice. I would tell them that they don’t trust me! Then he shouted even louder with a voice tainted with pain and rage. Nobody in this family trusts me!

Christos continued shouting with a voice that sounded like a wolfs’ howl Have you any idea what it is to be asked of simple questions, you giving a response to those questions and then being looked down with disbelief? Have you any idea how much this thing makes you feel a humiliating ridicule? And obviously you know the consequences to your soul from this full of humiliation distrust that they pass to you! How can you yourself have self – trust and feel that the others trust you when even your own parents deny you that?

At that time, he started sobbing and burst into tears.

The Teacher didn’t expect such an intense reaction. He stood up, reached out with his hand and caressed gently Christos’ head, looking at him with acceptance and love. Christos stopped crying and felt relaxed. Then the Teacher said:

Christo, it is important that you understood these things. But I think you should relax. Do you want to hear a relaxation music?

Yes, why not?

The relaxation music helped Christos relax a bit and after a while, his father arrived with the car to take him home.

After the appointment, the Teacher meditated to release the negative energy, which filled the room from the sadness and pain of Christos.

Shortly after the meditation finished, the phone rang:

What happened?, Iulias’ voice sounded on the other end of the line.

He has repressed emotions, the Teacher said. He is angry with both of you.

Iulia signed with anguish. Is he angry right now?

That seems to be the case!

What should we do?

Do not go against him, that’s the most important thing, he said. For the time we wait.

[2]

It was Thursday, close to noon and Christos was sitting in the couch, watching TV.

The truth of course was that he didn’t pay attention to the TV program, but rather he reflected to his life up until that moment.

His parents, lived in Alexandroupoli and there he went to school until the age of 18, together with his three years older brother, Michalis.

In school, he didn’t have any special performance as a  student, but only in the last three years after making a big effort, it gave him good results: to be accepted as a physics student at the University of Thessaloniki.

After he got hold of his degree, he further continued his studies as masters degree student in physics. Then, that year, at the age of 25, he started feeling tired from studying too much. He felt psychological exhaustion and during the first semester he had a panic attack, caused by the unexpected difficulty of the courses, which led to him being depressed during the second semester. He kept saying to his parents that he wanted to quit.

One time he expressed to his mother this idea and then she replied:

If you don’t want to continue, then you should stop the military postponement and go fulfill your duty as a soldier!

That made him frightened and he didn’t express his idea again.

Returning to the present, his mother at that moment  began cleaning the house with the vacuum cleaner, which made a lot of noise.

The sound of the vacuum cleaner filled his mind with static, that superimposed with the noise already inside. Then, he remembered his appointment with the Teacher, the previous day.

Christos thought about what he told him regarding the conflict with his mother and he saw the truth in his words, since always, his mother wanted him to stay indoors.

Every summer he returned from holidays he wouldn’t go out, because he feared that there would be consequences from her!

But that summer, during the examination period of the second semester, he started to get angrier than ever in his life. He thought that this situation could not continue anymore.

And then he fought his mother and he lost. Since then, he feared to approach a woman, being afraid that he had to fight her as he fought his mother.

It was at that point that he meet the Teacher, a person that appeared to be honest with him. The first person that appeared to really understand him and the only person that wanted to support him.

You are a grown up, you have every right to fall in love!, the words of the Teacher echoed in his head.

But how can I avoid the conflict?, he wondered.

By claiming your rights!, the voice of the teacher echoed again.

Christos took the TV controller, closed the TV and took the car heading towards the unknown. He left without reporting to anyone and that made him happy.

I am free!, he thought. I can do whatever I want in my life!

He headed towards the beach St. Paraskevi, located at a fifteen – minute drive from the city center.

After entering the beach, he spread his towel and sat. Then an energizing feeling flowed through him.

The time being 1:30pm and with his imagination working feverishly, powered by the bright light of summer sun, Christos thought: Since I can do whatever I want, I could try to find a girl!

Then, the sight of a beautiful girl coming out of the sea caught his eye.

Christos observed her and felt dazed by her presence.

The young girl noticed Christos looking at her, and she responded with a similar yet shy look, as if she was feeling the same thing.

Does she want me approach her?, he wondered. Let’s go!

He attempted to get up, but then, something unexpected happened. The image of an memory from his teens came to his mind, where his mother forbad him to talk to girls, making him feel humiliated.

Terror overwhelmed him. He tried to think what he would say to her, but no word came to his mouth, not even as a thought. He felt stuck to the ground and realized that he couldn’t make action what he had in mind, just from fearing his mother that lived recorded inside him as a threat.

Suddenly, the sunlight beams became stronger and the heat made Christos feel exhausted. An exhaustion both mental and physical.

Same shit again, he though and once again in his life, despair overwhelmed him.

He stood up and took his towel, wanting to leave without even swimming in the sea a bit, just to cool down from the heat.

Every step towards the car, seemed to become heavier and heavier. He felt more and more desperate.

Suddenly, a spark of rage emerged from deep inside that said: they have destroyed my life!

He entered the car and the heat of the car made it feel like hell itself. He thought that he would stay there trapped forever, just like he remained trapped in his life.

The excitement of defiance had now subsided and the only thing remaining was pure fear. Fear and terror for what would follow for his non – compliance of the horrible rule of his mother; not to leave the house.

The feeling of fear started to shift to rage. His life was a prison!

They have destroyed my life!, he said inside him consciously.

As he started the car, tears started flowing through his eyes. What I am going to do?, he wondered.

The engine roared as he pushed the gas a lot more than necessary.

They have destroyed my life!, he said louder and even more tears run down his cheek.

He drove of the harbor and headed towards the city center. He switched the lever of the transmission box to the second gear.

They have DESTROYED my life!, he shouted with a painful tone in his voice.

He switched to the third gear and the car started to increase speed. But he drove unstably, changing rapidly between high and low velocity.

Then the road ahead seemed to have no turns for many miles ahead.

Christos switched to the fourth gear and stepped on the gas, reaching a speed of over 160 miles/per hour!

Then, in a glimpse of a second, he saw the bigger picture: for so many years isolated from the world, without social experience, without love affairs. A cave man that tried in vain to fit into society. Cut off for so long from the outside world, that he himself could not come back. And he realized why:

His mother wanted him inside the house, away from social interactions, because it benefitted her cause somehow. Most probably, driven by her lust for power. His father on the other hand also isolated himself and feared people, so he didn’t know how to help him.

A strong urge to faint began to overwhelm him and fearing for what would mean his physical death, he immediately pressed the brake.

Slowing down progressively, and seeing a crop field to the right side of the road, he entered the private property. He managed to successfully stop the car.

At that point he allowed himself to fully feel the rage that boiled inside him. Feeling like being closed in a small cinema theatre where the story of his life was being played, emotions like pain, sadness, anger and rage but also physical sensations such as rapid heartbeat and extreme heat, all together made him choke, unable to breathe. He made a desperate effort to escape his sudden immobilization and a small cry escaped from a crevice of his anger. He saw himself being humiliated in his home, out while playing, in front of his female friends.

Slowly, he began to lose himself and then came images of violence and humiliation that shook him! He started shouting and yelling out loud, making himself heard around the area. That temporarily revived him. He then shouted for the last time: THEY HAVE PLUNDERED MY LIFE! and finally fell to the ground unconscious.

When he recovered from his fainting, minutes later, his whole solar plexus had tightened up like a hanging rope and his hands had become rigid, white and hard. His feet were rooted in the ground.

Having as only shelter the inside of the car, which in a while would start to boil under the blazing noon summer sun, he understood that he couldn’t stay in this condition for too long.

He grasped his mobile phone and realized that his hands trembled from the tension. Putting in massive amounts of effort, he managed to ring a number.

Hey, his fathers’ voice sounded. Are you coming for lunch? We are waiting for you!

Come and get me! I cannot drive!, he said with a trembling from rage voice.

What happened?, his father sounded worried.

I am on the highway for Aleksandroupoli, come and get me!, he repeated.

But what has happened my son?, asked his father with growing disquietude.

I cannot take it anymore! YOU HAVE HUMILIATED ME ALL OF YOU!, shouted Christos with rage and pain.

You are right . . ., answered his father giving up, you are right . .

I cannot take this anymore!, said Christos and hung up.

Then Christos’ mind went into suspension. He was far from being calm, but his anger had to wait.

A message then received by his phone said: Me and your brother are coming to take you home. Stay where you are!

He replied: I am unharmed, but playtime is over!

After a moment that seemed to last for an eternity, his fathers’ car appeared in the distance. The car stopped and from inside, his father and his brother came out.

He sat inside the car and waited for them.

You will suffocate in there, his brother said, get out!

Christos, ignoring him, shouted: What the hell is going on dammit?, and he started bashing hard the cars’ steering wheel.

Seeing the steering wheel oscillate abnormally, Christos’ brother said: Calm down! You will break it!

Without feeling the least bit calm, Christos got out of the car and went on a rampage, shouting and waving his hands as if being possessed by evil spirits. HELL! HELL!! he cursed, picking up big rocks and throwing them to the ground with force.

Father and son, not knowing how to deal with this situation, started shaking with fear.

Christos, realizing their fear, stood still.

On the other side of the road grew a crop field with huge boulders scattered around.

Let’s take him there to calm down!, said his father to Michalis.

They walked to the opposite field and Christos walked with them, his feet seeming like tree trunks, being ripped from the ground and rerouted as he walked.

What am I gonna do with you?, cried Christos. Is this a life? To live like this so many years? I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

They didn’t say anything, only sat and listened.

Only studying – studying – studying! NO MORE! NO MORE!

Then he said: I should have left the house when I was sixteen to work in a bar and escape from you! I shouldn’t have stayed with this family!

As if a bag full of cement was placed on his back, his fathers’ expression became heavier.

Calm down Christo!, Michalis said, things are not as you describe them to be!

With rage reaching its’ maximum, Christos went berserk: CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU ALL! He went near a bush crop and started kicking it.

Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!, he cursed and the plants started to suffer heavy casualties, members being thrown in the air from rapid hand and kick hacking. Why have I done this? WHY?

Not being able to watch anymore, his father stood up and said: I must leave!. He took the car and left.

He is doing this to make me feel guilty!, Christos said and started crying.

No, Christo, said Michalis who remained with him. He simply felt emotionally overloaded.

Then Christos’ rage started subsiding, leaving room for exhaustion to take place.

His brother realized this and he suggested that they should return home.

On the way home, Christos said again: I cannot take this life anymore!

But you did something good, Christo, Michalis replied, Only considering the fact that you expressed this much anger, doesn’t it make you feel more alive?

Yes, it does, Christos replied. It was then that he felt the physical exhaustion from this anger outburst. Long was since he felt so much alive. Maybe he never had.

They returned home and the stillness there appeared suspicious. I am going to take a nap, said Michalis.

Feeling an insatiable hunger, Christos went to the kitchen to eat lunch. There, on the kitchen table, his mother sat thoughtful and silent.

Hi, she said.

Hi, he replied.

Christos wanted to repeat to her everything he said to his father, but at that moment he felt completely drained out.

He took a plate and served himself.

What’s going on with you Christo?, his mother