Twisted Love Languages: A Workbook to Freedom

By Susan Serena Marie

Growing up in today's world leaves most people with dysfunctional wreckage and improper coping mechanisms. It therefore makes sense that our natural love languages would get damaged in this process. Therefore this workbook's sole purpose is to aid in the healing of some of this damage.

The book briefly goes over the five love languages in conjunction with the author's own story while at the same time asking the reader to reflect on themselves. Additionally, the book takes a look at what God has to say on the subject. As Christians we strive to follow God's Word, so that we can be of maximum benefit to Him. Our unhealthy modes of communicating are no different; we want Him to mold us and make us an example of His love. Since this is a workbook, it has both questions and exercises to achieve this end. It is intended to be used as a tool, to open the eyes of the reader, as well as give glory to God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098095338

Book preview

Chapter 1

Twisted Love Languages

The way we express and see love is at the root of each of our relationships. We may be greatly loved and yet feel completely alone, or we may be completely alone and yet feel greatly loved. However, in either scenario, as well as any other variations, there is still room for improvement. If we feel alone, then we need to focus on Jesus, because if we have been saved, then the Holy Spirit resides within us. And we are never alone.

But when the Father sends the Comforter instead of Me—and by the Comforter I mean the Holy Spirit—He will teach you much, as well as remind you of everything I Myself have told you. (John 14:26 TLB)

Likewise, if we really are alone, then we need to focus on Jesus so that we can be a blessing to others because the Bible says, Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment (Proverbs 18:1 ESV).

It is for this reason that I urge you to remember, Then the Lord God said, ‘It’s not good that the human is alone. I will make him a helper that is perfect for him’ (Genesis 2:18 CEB).

One of God’s many blessings to us is the blessing of other believers. It is the blessing of human connection!

According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. That means five ways that we express love and five ways that we can receive love. It also means that if someone else expresses their love in a different way than we do, we may be completely oblivious to it, and vice versa. These five love languages consist of (1) words of affirmation, (2) gifts, (3) acts of service, (4) quality time, and (5) physical touch.

So, it is with this in mind that I am going to tell you a little bit of a background about myself. The purpose of this background information is not so you can witness a pity party in action, but rather so that you can see the example of my damage and hopefully recollect your own. We want to uncover our damaged roots and expose them to God’s healing light!

My mother was a survivor of childhood incest and therefore was completely clueless about healthy boundaries. Combine this with the fact that I grew up in the seventies and the drug and sexual revolution that was going on then, not to mention the lack of police protection against domestic violence, and you have a brothel type of home setting. I, therefore, felt the most comfortable and safe when hiding alone in my closet.

Moving forward in time, so that I was then a preadolescent, I got punched in the stomach by my mother and told, If you are going to let yourself get fat, the least that you can do is hold in your stomach.

I then went to visit my father; and when rushing up to hug him, my father pushed me away and said, I think that you are old enough now to know that we are not a hugging family.

Clearly you can see that physical touch was getting warped for me. For Christmas my father stopped giving me gifts and said, Your stepmother is now in charge of getting the gifts.

From my mother, my only gift was a dictionary. My mom said, Yeah, so you will stop asking me how to spell words!

For the next two birthdays, as well as the following Christmas, I got told, I’m sorry, your brother needs new clothes. I’ll get you next paycheck.

Now, just for informational purposes, my brother did not live with us, nor did the next paycheck ever actually come around. So, you can see the expression of gifts was becoming warped.

I thought to myself, that’s okay. Let me just spend time with you and I will pay for everything myself. However, that weekend turned out to be one of the many weekends that my mother never came home.

She called to tell me, Happy birthday! When I answered the phone in tears, I received, You are so selfish! I work all week. Can’t I have a little time to myself?

I visited my father in the summer and he took me on vacation. Unfortunately, he also took a student from one of his classes (he was a teacher). Adding in additional difficulties, the über-popular student did not like me. So, my father spent the entire vacation with her instead of me. We now see quality time being brought into