Yesterday is Gone

By Talented Evans

Adopted at an early age, I had no idea what was going on or what was about to happen to me. I found myself growing up in a household with people that abused me mentally, physically, and emotionally. Not knowing how to deal with living in a loveless home, I began to act out. I was out of control in school. I made sure I got good grades. My behavior, on the other hand, showed that I was a troubled child. I did not listen to teachers, principals, or anyone else. I pulled fire alarms and locked classroom and bathroom doors. I was always in the principal's office for fighting or stealing. I even remember sliding down the front hall in my slip. That was just kindergarten. I began drinking, drugging, and smoking cigarettes at the age of twelve. At that time, I felt like I was completely free of all emotion. There was nothing or no one that was ever going to hurt me again. I had become just as toxic as my environment. I carried all that baggage to college with me. It was there I met my children's father. From infidelity to prison, the back-and-forth in this relationship was shameful, to say the least. This had to be the pettiest relationship I have ever seen or been in. Instead of walking away, we got married and had two daughters together. It was thirteen long years of heavy drinking, drugging, and domestic violence. Our children witnessed far too much far too soon. I was creating more damaged goods.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645448358

Book preview

Part 1

Introducing Mz. Talented

Itold myself a long time ago that I would never give up on me. It’s never too late to make it—no matter what you’re trying to make it at. Like most, you may not make it on the first attempt. How will you know if you don’t try? You’ll get a little farther each time. Your idea of making it may be different from the next person’s. Worrying about them will trip you up in life. You have got to do you. There will always be someone moving different than you. Watch your own steps, and you will be all right.

I always knew I couldn’t please all the people all the time. Now I don’t even worry about pleasing some of the people some of the time. Most of the people we deal with on a daily basis are fake anyway. They don’t really want to see you do good or make it. You have to want it for yourself and be able to push past the judgment regardless of whom you have to cut off or how many feelings you may hurt. So-called friends, family, or relatives will stand in your way if you allow them.

Sometimes family can be your worst enemy. That’s why I draw a line between family and relatives. The people you meet and develop a relationship with treat you more like family than the people you are related to. I came to the realization that I can’t say that I love all my relatives. Just because we share the same blood does not mean I have to love you. Nor does it make you family to me. You will always be a relative, I can’t change that. However, I have some cousins I have only seen a couple of times. How can you honestly say you love someone you don’t even know? There is a difference between loving, caring, and liking someone that people seem to get confused. That causes a lot of problems that can be avoided.

Even if it’s the people closest to you, you have to learn to love you regardless of what they are saying or how they feel. It doesn’t matter what you do; someone is always going to have something to say. So do what makes you happy. No one can live your life better than you, and you only get one! Do the most that you can with it. Live it instead of existing in it.

I’m not saying you should be irresponsible. We are all adults and should know what it takes to maintain a household. We must pay bills and have necessities. I’m just saying that’s all you need. Everything else is a want.

I see so many people today sucked into what society wants them to do, doing what society thinks is best for them. I don’t think they realize they pass that judgment on to the people around them. They need the latest phone; they need the new Jordans. If you don’t have it, you must not be doing good. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with purchasing any of these items. I’m just saying make sure you have the proper bank account for it.

I’m one to live below my means because I want greater later. So I’m judged anytime I’m around some people. I used to get the Jordans and the latest devices. I decided I don’t need that to do me. I just started looking at the big picture. The money I’m spending on this could be used elsewhere. I stopped buying Jordans and started paying cash for my vehicles. I stopped buying the latest devices and got a washer and dryer. I believe it’s not what you wear; it’s how you wear it. I will rack up at the Goodwill.

We pay less than we can afford for rent. We buy what we need and enjoy each other. We do go out, just not every weekend. It’s the same shit every weekend in the club. I started early, so I’m not impressed. Some weekends we will cut off our phones, grill, and rent movies. It’s not always about spending a lot of money, even if you have it. You will still have it to do better things. I’m more concerned with stacking to own my own home than going out having drinks. Not to mention it’s cheaper to get drunk at home.

People are going to judge you. So let them. You cannot run around feeling sorry for yourself or others. Trust me, no one is running around feeling sorry for you. I’m not saying be mean and nasty. More like, you can’t save every puppy in the pound. You must always make sure you take care of yourself and your home before you can reach out to help others. They will not put themselves out for you. You will soon notice some people are only around when they need something. Their love extends as far as your help. Let those people go now.

Life is what you make it. I had to learn to love myself after everything I went through as a child. This is not a sob story. I know we all have something that we went through coming up. Some have gone through far worse than I have. No one had a perfect childhood. It’s unheard of. My kids didn’t either and could probably write a book about me. My goal is to encourage, to have self-love and better behavior in general. Some things are uncalled for.

It’s not how you start the race; it’s how you finish it. My life started bad, got worse, and spiraled out of control for a while, and then I reined it in. The number of people that remained by my side is slim. You most definitely have to be willing to finish the race alone. People you thought were solid will fall by the wayside.

My misfortune started when I was adopted by my aunt. I don’t agree with If you knew better, you’d do better. More like, You knew better, so you should’ve done better. We all know right from wrong. We have to stop making excuses.

All the situations in my life caused me to have my fair share of battles and struggles with religion. Forcing a child to go to church all the time growing up can actually do more harm than good. Going to church three or four days a week as a child made me not want to go at all once I was older. I only made my kids go on Sundays. When I left home, I didn’t go to church for years. No one could make me, and I needed a break. At one point I lost all faith in a higher being. As cliché as it sounds, I didn’t find him again until I was in prison.

What made my experience even worse was, my great-grandmother was first lady. Her husband was the meanest bishop I have ever encountered in my life. He used to make the hottest chili. I always felt like he was doing that on purpose. No one makes chili that hot for kids. Crackers, milk, or water would not help the burn. I did not like chili for years after that. He would make that anytime we came over. I ended up eating Vienna sausages. I couldn’t do it. His excuse was it was a cheap way to feed all of us. All he had to do was dial back the heat. On top of that, they kept the furnace on hell, and he always ran my bathwater piping hot. I would have to tell Grandma it was too hot to get in, and she would add some cold water. All the while, he was bitching about wasting water. So it was hot as hell in here, you just fed me chili that was a million degrees, and now you want me to sit in this hot-ass tub? He was trying to burn the sin out of me.

Nonetheless, I believe in a higher being and feel like he makes no mistakes. I was where I was meant to be according to his plan. I