Seeking Christ: Testimonies, Thoughts, and a Dash of Dogma

By David A Jamadar

This book describes a three- to four-year period of my many mundane and ordinary interactions through the Holy Spirit interspersed with infrequent dramatic and life-changing encounters, such as being a conduit for healing. For most of these testimonies, I have tried to explain what I learned from the experience, if anything. I have also introduced some discussion about ideas that I have had trouble grasping, such as how we as Christians should pray and fast. I have also included some probably "nontraditional" views of mainstream Christianity, including an understanding of sin and repentance, with the hope that the reader may embrace the option of engaging a different perspective. A different perspective does not necessarily mean agreement, but rather the willingness to accept that God's ways and understanding of the universe are probably a little different from our own ideas of what we believe are the ways of our Holy Father.

I use scripture to support my understanding, and to a lesser extent, my testimonies, as best I can. I suspect that the scope of the material within is somewhat limited, as I look primarily at healing, peace, prayer, demonic influences, and my experiences of moving into a non-egoic understanding of God. My overall approach is not academic but is generally experiential and in places feels almost conversational. In the chapter on "Prayer," however, it is primarily didactic. I have come to believe that relationship with God through surrender is one way that we may get a glimpse of what it means to live an inclusive Christian life, a life from the perspective of love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685177614

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Seeking Christ

Testimonies, Thoughts, and a Dash of Dogma

David A Jamadar

ISBN 978-1-68517-760-7 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68517-761-4 (digital)

Copyright © 2021 by David A Jamadar

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright c 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Endorsement

David,

I have read the sections on repentance. Excellent! I find it all very compelling, and from my perspective, authentic (as being true). Well worth my reading, and well worth sharing. Some of your synthesis seems very original (at least for me), and I really was inspired by those sections where you (a) interpreted the three gates and did the comparisons with the Cloud of Unknowing, and (b) your applications and parallels between the Apostolic practices and traditional contemplative practices. All great stuff, and potentially very helpful, to persons within the Apostolic traditions, as well as generally. Your insights will be welcomed by those in the contemplative traditions, and you build many easy-to-cross bridges between the traditions.

Most importantly, I experienced this to be sincere and written with a pure and selfless intent. I have no doubt that you are inspired to do this writing. This kind of writing would usually require great reflection, analysis, and discipline—effort. That you have written it on the flow, as it were, speaks to its inspiration. Thanks for sharing, I have myself been inspired.

Peter Jamadar

For Polina, who continues to teach me what it means to be a dad.

Acknowledgment

My heartfelt thanks and appreciation to my brothers Peter and Richard for their perspectives, inspiration, and gentle criticism. To my friends Alton, Roromu, Chanda, Girish, Jeanine, Shadi, and Venkat for discussions, arguments, encouragement, and support, and for being a captive and sometimes helpless sounding board. To my brothers and sisters in Christ at Solid Rock Church, for helping me to understand, among many things, the important differences between relationship and religion. To the team at Christian Faith Publishing, for making this book possible. Finally, and most importantly, to the Holy Spirit, for standing by my side through the whole process and providing that push to keep me moving forward on the many occasions that I have faltered. Without you all, I would not have been encouraged to complete this book.

Introduction

It was during the prayer and worship segment of church service, and I had just returned to my place in the second from front row in the sanctuary, after laying hands and praying in other tongues with a middle-aged man in the center of the church gathering. I felt a tap on my right shoulder, and the gentleman whose name I cannot remember, with a huge smile on his face, said to me, Thank you, brother. I did not understand why he should say this and enquired. He responded, After you prayed with me, my back pain completely disappeared. I was confused for a moment then thankfully blurted out, You should thank Him, pointing upward in the general direction of where I thought many believed heaven was located. He nodded his head, and still smiling, thanked me again and returned to his place next to his wife.

*****

What just happened? If what I believed had happened had truly happened, then this was evidence that I needed to continue in my new church, in the direction I was moving, with as much energy and enthusiasm as I possibly could. It took me many months to be even a little comfortable with this encounter, and it generated several questions with no clear answers. I was confused about many things, and clarity did not seem to be coming from those who were more experienced. Years passed, and as other interesting and inexplicable things continued to occur, I came to the belief and understanding that the Holy Spirit was answering my many questions in His own unique way.

So why am I writing this book? The most difficult and frustrating part of this journey was that during those first two to three years in my church I could not find any satisfactory answers from the people around me. I almost left the church on a couple of occasions. Please do not misunderstand what I am trying to say. Many people tried to explain what was happening in my life, and with good intention offer direction, but nothing seemed to make sense on a deeper level. I now believe that a large part of the reason for my frustration was that I was not centered enough in myself, in my faith, in the presence of the Holy Spirit, to understand what was happening.

I realized that there must be others like myself, likely many others, who may be in a place of some uncertainty, who may benefit from reading experiences similar to theirs, helping them to relate to that disorientation and confusion which is one way, perhaps even a necessary way, that an understanding of the experiences in Christ may unfold. I have learned and continue to learn that trust in and patience with the Holy Spirit are an integral part of understanding as we walk along the path to Christ, and some mystery will always be present. It is what keeps us moving forward.

In this book, I try to explain some of the things that I found difficult, such as one way to pray (and later, a completely different way), and explain a possible path through which I was able to find some peace. I have included many of my experiences/testimonies in order to recreate to the best of my ability my confusion, awe, and excitement throughout this book, including my experiences with the Holy Spirit. I have tried very hard not to be dogmatic, but it seems that this is how I write, and I ask the reader to be patient with me.

Not everything presented here will resonate with everyone, as the material is after all, the narrow and limited experiences of one individual. Given the nature of the material, and even with my best intentions to be as truthful as I can, I am learning that language can never convey the exact feelings and emotions of any personal experience. My intention is not to tell you the reader what to do, but rather to encourage you through sharing of similar experiences a perspective, so you will hopefully be more receptive to the unbelievable and awesome mystery and power of our loving God and Father. I try to do this by following my testimonies with my thoughts on what these experiences have meant for me.

I use God, Holy Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit interchangeably throughout the text and I hope that this is not confusing to the reader. By connecting, I mean that I believe that I am in the presence of God, and/or God is working with me or through me. I have noticed that this connection is expressed for me as speaking in other tongues, by tears, or by stomach and muscle cramps, or all three. I do not hear words from the Holy Spirit, I just feel a nudge, a gentle push, which I interpret, introducing potential for error. My testimonies are written in italics and are found in the chapters on testimonies and are scattered throughout the other chapters except the chapter on prayer. I have changed some names to protect privacy. The material is presented in two parts; the first part from the perspective of the ego, the second part as my perspective starts to move away from the ego. This spiritual path is a journey, and of necessity, any book can only go so far. In the last chapter, I reference other reading material that will allow the reader to continue moving forward beyond what I have presented, if so desired.

It was not too long ago that my own experience with books about God was about books that had too much scripture, to many rules, too dry and uninviting. As I look at my own material here, I see some areas where I too have written like this, as serious issues need to be presented seriously. I respectfully suggest that instead putting the book down, just skip over and move on to the next chapter as returning always remains an option. In the first part of the book, I have interspersed short chapters with testimonies between more serious topics. Have fun with these chapters, feel free to pray and cry with them. Laugh with or even at me, it is okay as I believe that the Holy Spirit has a loving sense of humor. After all, learning about our Holy Father should be something positive, happy, upbeat, and filled with love, peace, and contentment.

I have prayed about this work, put it down, and picked it up, then put it down again. I have been dissuaded, criticized, told you are not ready to write a book, but through it all, I believe that I could feel the Holy Spirit smiling with me and in His own way gently encouraging me, giving me a nudge, that gentle push to keep on going. Some of what I write may be considered controversial, and I expect criticism, probably most from people that I know, but I feel a sense of peace with this. I pray that this book finds at least one person who will be convinced, through the material presented here, that seeking a close relationship with our Lord and Father is the most wonderful gift that anyone can receive.

Part 1

The Martha in Us (Luke 10:38–42)

Martha was distracted with much serving…

—Luke 10:40

"And for this reason God will send them strong delusion, that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth…" (2 Thessalonians 2:11–12). For whom are these strong delusions? The person being judged or the person doing the judging?

Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:5). Our hands have been anatomically designed so that when we point our index finger at someone, three fingers point back at us.

Chapter 1

Some Testimonies

Testimonies are our experiences and, in the spiritual context, are supernatural experiences or other experiences that we believe are due to the work of the Holy Spirit (or other spirits) in our lives. These experiences usually cannot be proven, and it is easy for someone who has not had a similar experience to ascribe them to coincidence or even a vivid imagination. The interpretation of these experiences is even more difficult, and when we attempt to explain something that is not reproducible, or tangible, things may get surreal.

However, our testimonies may be encouraging, and affirming, and I hope that some of these that I write about throughout this book will reach someone in a way that is encouraging and supportive. Some of my experiences continue to baffle me, but I believe that this is just a part of the process. I will admit that for some of my experiences, my explanations may be influenced by my own background and biases, and I may have missed the point of the experience, or I may have tried to read too much into the experience. I hope the reader will have patience with me and approach these experiences of mine with an open mind. I begin with a testimony about a testimony.

1

Write Down Our Testimonies

I was in a Russian Orthodox Church in Odessa for the ceremony of my godson where I was to be formally acknowledged as his godfather. As part of the ceremony, little Daniel was completely immersed in a large ornate basin of cold water, was then brought out naked into the cold hall and handed over to me screaming, spluttering, and waving both hands and feet vigorously. I held the towel into which he was placed, shivering. Poor little guy was justified in being upset, and I could not help but think that this must be a very poor introduction to the house of God. The remainder of the ceremony was very interesting, but all in Russian, so I did not understand everything. At the end, the priest asked Irina, Daniel’s mother, if he could kiss me. Irina translated for me, and I thought it was very interesting, thinking this was all part of the ceremony. I said yes, so he came over, gave me a hug, and a European kiss on each cheek.

After the ceremony as we made our way to the reception, I said to Irina, That was an interesting ceremony, but I did not expect the ceremony to include the priest kissing me. I was not offended; I just thought it interesting. Irina said that it was not part of the ceremony.

What! Then why did he kiss me? Irina’s response was surprising. The priest said that you were full of God. Anyway, the remainder of my visit to Odessa went very well, and I was now a godfather. I returned to my home in the US and wrote about my experiences in my journal. About one year later, and for many months after, as I was relating this testimony, I unknowingly omitted mentioning the European kiss, as I just spoke about the hug. Some time after this, I was looking through my journal, and I realized that when I related the experience, I was not telling the complete story. I was unknowingly underrepresenting this part of the testimony. At that moment, when I realized that I had forgotten to include this detail, I was very thankful that I had written things down in my journal.

*****

As part of a sermon, one of our visiting pastors preached on gone fishing. He did not understand what the fuss was all about until his son caught a fish. He was so excited by his son’s experience (testimony) that he was then better able to understand why people go fishing. Sharing our testimonies and hearing the testimony of others can encourage everyone and can inspire others. If God can work through someone I know, then perhaps he can work through me. Paul may allude to this when he writes in Philemon 1:6 that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you.

We should write down our own testimonies and refer to them from time to time. The word testimony comes from an ancient Hebrew root, which means to do again, so it seems that reviewing a testimony and sharing it is a good thing. Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples! (Psalm 105:1). Writing down our testimonies does at least three things: It maintains the truth of the testimony (no drift or exaggeration over time) keeping it and us honest, perhaps even allowing the power of God to act through it. It allows us to easily share the testimony with others as we can remind ourselves exactly what transpired. When we read our own testimony over again, it reminds us of how privileged and fortunate we are to be a part of God’s plan in our lives and in the lives of others. A somewhat unexpected consequence of sharing a testimony is that it places on us the responsibility of aligning ourselves with the message portrayed by our own testimony. We cannot be encouraging and say something to others if we ourselves are not prepared to stand by what we say. "For I was ashamed to request of the king an escort of soldiers and horsemen to help us against the enemy on the road, because we had spoken to the king, saying, the hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him…" (Ezra 8:21–23).

I believe that sharing a personal testimony is a good way to encourage people to want to hear more, and if I am sharing any testimony about an interaction with my Holy Father, I want to be quite sure that I am being accurate and honest. I was so happy that I had written down my experience with little Daniel, so I could be reminded of what truly transpired, in truth, as I continue to share this experience with others.

2

The Healing Power of Sliced Tomatoes

Sister Rita is one of the young ladies on our praise and worship team. During preservice prayer, I noticed that she had some acne, which looked inflamed. I was praying and talking with the Holy Spirit, and I said in prayer, It would be nice if she did not have any acne. I remembered my little girl, Polina, who was eleven years old at the time developing less than five pimples on her face and having a disproportionally severe emotional response. I told Polina about using natural tomato juice from a sliced tomato applied to her face and allowed to dry, left on overnight, and washed off the next morning. Within five days of nightly application, the acne had disappeared, and Polina now thinks that I am the best doctor in the world!

I thought to myself, such a simple solution that has the potential to save so much angst. I felt the Holy Spirit give me a nudge to tell Sister Rita about the tomato solution. I thought to myself that I could not go over to her and talk to her about her appearance. She is a young lady and that would seem rude. I get the nudge again. I ask the Holy Spirit if He (the Holy Spirit) is sure, as I did not want to offend. I get the nudge again. I questioned myself. Is this me trying to be a doctor, or is this the Holy Spirit trying to tell me something? I am undecided, so I decide to check my peace. Not telling her, my peace was disturbed, but telling her, I felt my peace. Reluctantly I said, Okay, Lord, this one is on you, and I feel uncomfortable about this.

After preservice prayer, I walked up to her and said, Sister Rita, I want to talk with you about something, but I would like to apologize before I start. I do not mean to offend, but I believe the Holy Spirit has led me to talk to you about this. Her response was very practical: If it is from the Holy Spirit, it is okay. What is it? Of course, this was not the time to admit that I never know for sure if it is the Holy Spirit, that I just step out in faith and boldness. It is only after, and only if I get feedback, that I may know that what I pray or say was from the Lord. I asked for her forgiveness for approaching her and tell her about my noticing her acne, then I tell her about my Polina and the tomato. Her response was surprising but again practical. She told me that when she was sitting in the front of the church, just before I came up to her, she was praying about her appearance and the acne. Wow! She and I were talking to God about the same things at the same time. When I heard this, I felt more comfortable that I have heard from the Holy Spirit, and I told myself that at least she will be more receptive to what I have to say. She said, I was just thinking about starting a very expensive medical treatment, and the cost of one tomato is nothing, so I will try what you suggest. We chatted a little while longer, and we both walked over to the new sanctuary for service. It sounded to me that what I did was directed by the Holy Spirit, so I felt much better as I left church and returned home.

*****

Well, I saw Sister Rita a week later, and I walked up to her. There was this huge grin on her face, and I could tell even from a distance that things had cleared up a lot. I think I had a huge grin on my face as well. I said, Things look like they have improved. She was very excited and told me that even after three days things were looking much better. I said, I am very happy for you, and she replied, I am very happy for me too. I could not help it, but I reached out to her, and I connected strongly with the Holy Spirit. She also connected, and we were both speaking in tongues. I wonder what would happen if more of us would hear from, trust, and listen to our Lord. Well, a slice of tomato is certainly not a miracle, but I was so happy that the Lord gave me a nudge, despite my reluctance, and pushed me out of my comfort zone so I could share a previous experience of mine to bring some small measure of comfort to Sister Rita.

3

I Cannot Read Minds

Czar is a sixteen-year-old young man, the son of my good friends. I felt led to pray with him during praise and worship in church. I laid hands on him, prayed in tongues, and spoke a word to him, which I promptly forgot. The church service ended, and I went home.

Two days later, my friend, his wife, and I were having lunch, and she says to him, Did you tell David? He said no. Of course, I have no idea what was going on and I asked, Tell me what? I am told that Czar came to them and told them what I had spoken to him in prayer, indicating that it was exactly what he was thinking. He asked his parents, Can he read minds?

*****

I thought that was a little funny because I cannot read minds. I do not think anyone can read minds. What I said to Czar in prayer, I believe had come from God and our creator knows what we are thinking probably even before we know ourselves. I was very happy that my friends shared this with me, as it reinforced my realization that I am starting to hear God’s soft voice.

4

Trusting Our Lord

During the praise and worship segment of the Sunday church service, I felt the nudge from the Holy Spirit to step out and walk around my side of the sanctuary and pray with those I was led to pray with. I had done this and was ready to return to my place when the Holy Spirit said, What about the opposite side of the sanctuary? I usually do not like to go all the way across the sanctuary as it is some distance away, and if the praise segment of the church service stops, I have a long distance to walk to return to my place. I felt a little self-conscious about walking around at the transition to the sermon. Anyway, I was learning to listen to that soft voice, so I dutifully walked over to the other side and waited for the Holy Spirit to point me to someone to pray with. I got the nudge and walked up to Brother Saul. He was relatively new in church and had been attending now for several weeks, and he was sitting next to his wife. I asked his permission and laid hands on his shoulder and spoke in the spirit and then felt led to give him a word of wisdom. I do not remember what I said to him. Anyway, having done what I was asked to do, I returned to my place. Weeks passed, and we started to say hello to each other when our paths crossed. More weeks passed, and we met at men’s breakfast then shared a meal together. Then Brother Saul told me something very interesting, and I will relate his testimony as best I can, as it has a direct bearing on my own testimony.

Brother Saul and his wife were looking for a new church and visited our church to see if they felt comfortable with it. When he observed how things worked, he spoke with the Lord and expressed to the Lord that he did not want anyone to lay hands on him in prayer at that time. Some time later, he spoke again with the Lord and said to Him that it was okay for someone to come and pray with him, as he felt more comfortable with the church and how things went. On that same Sunday that he expressed comfort in having someone come to him and lay hands on him in prayer, it was I that was led by the Holy Spirit to lay hands and pray with him.

*****

Of course, I had no idea about any of this, which is as it should be. I can speculate that the Lord looked around for someone He could guide and found that I was available. I believe that we should try to get into an attitude of surrender to allow us to be receptive to the Holy Spirit. This is comforting to me as it reassures me that I am walking in the correct direction.

5

An Appropriate Word?

During the praise and worship segment of the service, I felt led to lay hands and pray with a brother. I went up to him and placed my hands on his shoulder then began to speak in other tongues. I felt led to speak a word, but the word did not seem to me (my intellect) to be appropriate. I was led to speak the word weakness to him. My brother in Christ was a tall, muscular, middle-aged man who was probably more fit than anyone else in the entire congregation. I could not understand how weakness would apply to him. I was trying to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, so I said to him that I had been given a word for him and told him. I then confessed to him that I did not understand why I was led to tell him this specific word, as I could not tell if it was relevant. Anyway, having done what I was led to do, I returned to my place a little confused.

The praise and worship segment of the service was now complete, and the pastor came to the podium to start delivering the sermon. The focus of the sermon was weakness before God. I could not believe what I was hearing. As a conduit, I had tried to interpret a message that was not meant for me, I had interposed myself and doubted the leading of the Lord.

*****

I believe that our Lord puts us into places where we must step out in boldness and trust. I was trying to understand what the word I was given to convey meant for the person to whom it was being delivered (silly me). For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord (Isaiah 55:8). As a conduit for the Holy Spirit, what I am given to speak to others is none of my business. It seemed to me that I was not as smart as I thought I was.

Chapter 2

A Glimpse into the Ministry of Healing

I could not understand what all the fuss was about. All this talk about healing. It was in the Bible, so I did not disrespect what was written there, but this was nothing like what I knew Christianity to be from my own past experience. At this time, I did not believe any of it. As a physician, I was aware of what the physiological and pathological principles concerning disease and healing entail, and nothing about healing in the Bible bore any resemblance to what I understood as truth. I thought that it was believable for the son of God to do things like that, but not for ordinary people like me. Simon’s wife’s mother lay sick with a fever… He came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and immediately the fever left her… (Mark 1:30–31). A nice story, and something I believed that Jesus could do all those years ago. Then similar things started to happen to me. At first,