Where is God?: My Personal Search

By John C Handfield

This book was originally going to be a coffee table book on church architecture, to utilize my experience in photography and my interest in church architecture. But, over the last thirteen plus years since having the initial idea, working with the Coast Guard, plus other volunteer work and projects, my idea morphed into a totally different direction. This book is made up of fifteen chapters that is an eclectic collection of written words, scripture, poems, and photographs.

It revolves around the difficulties in my faith search, and my growth through various life events, including near-death, as well as how society approaches the subject of God. It also covers the goings on with society, from history as well as what is happening to Christianity today. A nationwide trip that took me to many different churches, talking with many people of different faiths. All of which has helped me in finding answers to many of my questions.

The book tells of everything that has brought me to where I am today in my walk with the Lord. It also covers religions and their differences, which has helped me with the never-ending questions I have had throughout my life.

The ending chapters cover what things I did to build and grow my faith, along with suggestions and resources to help those who have also struggled with their faith. The last chapter uses photos and is a guide to where you can find the Lord God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9798385006939

John C Handfield

John’s photography and writing for corporate clients, as well as articles in magazines produced many successes. Additionally, all his work and time in volunteering, including time in the U.S., Coast Guard Auxiliary, meant nothing until his search for a solid faith brought the Lord God into his life, providing a burning desire to follow a new path.

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Copyright © 2023 John C Handfield.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by

any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author

except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author

and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of

the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of

people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

844-714-3454

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation,

copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Interior Image Credit: John C Handfield

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0691-5 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0692-2 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-3850-0693-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023917117

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/26/2023

To the Lord

God, my own personal Savior

for His forgiveness, compassion, wisdom,

guidance, and love throughout my life.

To Pastor Bill Mautino, for his never-ending friendship

and support and his words of wisdom, from the very

beginning to the conclusion of completing this book.

And lastly,

To my loving wife Michele, for her continuing

love and amazing support throughout my

journey and the detours in authoring this book.

With her sometimes not so gentle pushes of

motivation, but always with a helping hand.

CONTENTS

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Authors Statement

Chapter 1     Setting the Stage for My Personal Search

Chapter 2     Unsettled Times

Chapter 3     My frustration Grows

Chapter 4     My Search - When did it Begin?

Chapter 5     My Awakening to Real faith His Healing Hands

Chapter 6     A Trip for Answers

Chapter 7     Cross Country or Bust

Chapter 8     An Eye Opener of a Trip

Chapter 9     God’s Word Disregarded

Chapter 10   So Many Churches, So Many Religions

Chapter 11   Getting Very Personal

Chapter 12   Still Growing in the Lord God

Chapter 13   Ways to Get Closer to God

Chapter 14   What Worked for Me

Chapter 15   Conclusions

Bibliography

PREFACE

If you are wondering why anyone would have authored a book about God with so many on the market, the answer for me is my wanting to inspire those reading it. To possibly have it relate to anyone who has read it, as to how someone who came from an almost nonexistent religious environment growing up to this point in their later years. That someone is me. The bumpy road I journeyed and how, after three near death events, along with other life changing happenings in my life, sent me on a path in search of answers. Answers to the many, many questions as to where God had been at times of need. Where God was at other times in my life, who is God and where is He at this moment.

Questions about religions, what it means to be born again, what is God’s choice of church. So many other questions as to why prayers seem not to be answered, and where we can find the Lord God in all the turmoil going on in the world. That long and sometimes very frustrating journey has made me who I am today.

It all began with what I felt was an urging from God and a major push from Him to put my story in writing. To put into words my testimony. The book idea did not start out that way. It was to be a coffee table kind of book on church architecture. To use my experience with photography of weddings, events, and advertising, and to use my church photographs and artwork for the book. I believe the process I have been going through has been His way of furthering my growth in my faith. I have had to relive my life in my mind and look at it from a microscopic view. A view that I have now compared to what His Word teaches us.

Being a Christian has not always been easy or given me much peace. It has, at times, frustrated me, given me more questions than answers. As an older adult, it had become my quest to finally find those nagging answers. As I have gone through life, several happenings and events have occurred that always brought me back to the one nagging question: Where is God? That question, along with numerous others, has been a major part of my life as I have searched for answers.

Over the years I have found some of those answers which have helped me to grow my faith. But it seemed as though I would always slide back with doubt, sometimes even contempt, that dissolved some of my faith.

Today I find it even more so, that I must draw on that faith and God’s Word to give me the answers and His guidance into what is currently happening in my life. As my faith continues to grow, those answers are becoming extremely easy. Where and how did I get my faith and the answers I so earnestly chased after?

How did I get out of the lows of life and how did I grow my faith to the level it is today? Do not get me wrong, I am still learning to be that kind of Christian that pleases the Lord God so I can be what He wants in all of us. I am still a work in progress.

I have found many of the answers to my questions which have given me comfort and acknowledgement of the Lord’s presence in my life. I have, on several occasions, felt a gentle nudge from the Lord God to a not so gentle shove. Times when I became lazy in thought or just feeling like what am I really doing in trying to write about me and my life. I know there are times when God must have been frustrated with me. Times when His shove gave me a real jolt only to provide an answer to a question or opening my eyes. Adding information that sometimes made me feel inadequate. But, in the end, it also provided a positive feeling as to why I was authoring this book.

It was really the Lord God using me as in instrument to bring attention to how faith can grow from nothing and flourish into a life of hope, love, and joy. It all came from God wanting me to share how it all came about. To document my testimony to the power of the Lord God and His glorious love and compassion to those who choose to follow Him. Certain events have occurred in my life that have visibly shown me His power. In a couple of those situations where His power over death occurred, it allowed me to still be alive and able to have authored this book.

Because of the book’s subject matter, I know there will be some people and certain groups who might not agree with its content. I want to make it clear that it is and has not been my intention to slight or disparage anyone or any group. These are my opinions, perspectives, and observations about Where is God and how He has had a major impact on my life and who I have become today in my journey as a Christian.

Lastly, my main intent is for this book to be a positive influence for those who take the time to read it. Especially for those who have been searching for answers to a life with God; to possibly be a help even with what life hands out at times and what is going on in today’s world; to provide a road map in their search; a road map as to how they might reach that point where I currently am in my own walk with God.

My hope is for those who might be struggling with their faith to unclench their hands and open their hearts. To be removed from a life of being in a tiny like prison because of all those fears, desires, goals, anger, and even sinful activities, and let go as they reach out to God. It saddens God to the point of displeasure for those who cannot seem to let go.

Give up those things that bog you down with what seems like the weight of the world. Learn to let God in and help you with those weighty things in your life, as I have had to do. By doing so, you will see your world open into a more peaceful, loving, and compassionate one. One where you will feel His presence in your life and build a strong faith.

I hope this book will bring those who desire it closer to God in their own journey through life, and for those who are skeptical, a little closer to finding a rich faith and a relationship with the Lord God.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Calvary Church of the Valley in Scottsdale, AZ for providing their friendship and the opportunity to become one of their Deacons. Being involved in the church through the friendship that developed between me and Pastor Bill Mautino as well as several of the members helped me look at their style of church from a different point of view. It gave me some good years of attending a nondenominational church as my walk began to take on a more committed direction.

Grace Community Church in Hilton Head Island, SC provided me the opportunity to finally make peace with myself and the restfulness I had felt throughout my life. I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge their friendship and the Bible-based sermons by Pastor Matthew Palmer. They gave me a fuller and more in-depth view of the Bible, as well as bringing me to that point in my life where I was finally able to make that all important decision leading me into a life of peace and joy. I also found reaffirmation from the sermons that my book was going in the right direction.

Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander, M.D., a Neurosurgeon. This book gave me some real hope early on during my search for God.

INTRODUCTION

This is a book dedicated to those individuals who have felt life’s pressures and have not been able to find joy while going through the hardships of life.

To all who have witnessed a love missed and gone by or a love once lost but found again. To those who have experienced the loss of someone who has been taken from this world. To everyone who has enjoyed the birth of a baby, so soft and cuddly, pink, and warm and to those who must bury a child before their time.

As you read the words let your mind and your heart paint, with each letter and word, the pictures they describe and let yourself reflect into a time, an experience of life that each of us has truly known, be them good or bad. The loss of a job, the promotion, the new home, a home lost, financial hardships, health issues, a collection of what life has been, is and will continue to be unless we try to see life in a new way. To view each day, each hour, each moment as a new beginning, an opportunity to reach the highest star and make life into a set of experiences that we each have hidden down deep inside but burn with the hottest desire.

Every experience in life has molded each of us into the very being we are today. Each experience given to us by our Creator has built in our minds a philosophy of life and in our hearts a caring towards others that might sometimes get lost, as we scurry around each day doing and yet not accomplishing all that we might. If only we had wisdom and guidance from someone who knows.

Each of us come to this earth with nothing and when we leave, we leave with nothing. It is the time in between that we must account for and make the best use of that time. To at least be able to leave behind some part of us to help another to experience a better life over a bad one. To have many more hopes and desires for the future than just sitting idly by and not looking forward to tomorrow.

The intent of this book, if for only one scripture, one paragraph, or one picture described, is to touch you in some way and to make a mark upon your life, or allow you for that fleeting moment, to recount a positive or happy memory or experience. Along with that memory or experience hopefully to also find wisdom and guidance through the Word of God.

Only since authoring this book have I really found the missing link for me. I learned more from the Word of God and how life should be lived. But for such a large part of my life, I wrestled with who God was and where He was at the times, I needed Him. I found that only through a deep faith can one be in His presence.

Early on in my life I had a question as to what was faith? One of the tasks I received from my grandmother was to begin to read the Bible. Here is a scripture that gave me my answer.

Hebrews 11:1. states it perfectly: Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

It would seem from what this scripture is saying that the key feature is having confidence or trust. This is something that did not come easy for me in those early days, or even at times during my life. As I have learned in the Bible, the object of faith is the Lord God and His promises.

Over the years since those early days, I have found that faith without works cannot be called faith. Faith without works is dead, and a dead faith is worse than no faith at all. Faith must work, it must produce; it must be visible. Verbal faith is not enough, mental faith is inefficient. Faith must inspire action.

Here are a few of the scriptures that have contributed to how I gained my faith and give me credence to it. They relate to our forgiveness, living righteously and the joy faith brings.

Psalm 65:3. Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.

Psalm 34:12-14. Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous? Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.

Romans 5:1-2. Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of underserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

What I have put together in this book, along with my testimony, is an eclectic collection of writings, poems, and scriptures. I have also used my own photography and artwork to supplement the writing. At the same time the facts and figures noted in the book have been developed by companies that are leaders on the topic of religion analysis.

AUTHORS STATEMENT

For this is only a beginning

My beginning

My trip to a dream

Continuing ever onward

Towards my goals

And during my travels

To find I hope

The answers

For as time passes

My life also passes.

Fulfilling today’s goals

Solving today’s problems

Enjoying today’s treasures.

For Life is:

Love of God

His forgiveness

Warmness

Compassion

Friends

Children

Family

Happiness

And even sadness

Life is all …

Life is everything.

And now to be born

To be born again and start life anew.

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CHAPTER ONE

Setting the Stage for My Personal Search

When I looked back at my life, there were times when it was sinful and not what the Lord God would prefer. Various problems seemed to occur throughout my life, and it had become obvious I needed to investigate becoming a more faithful Christian who would follow the wisdom of the scriptures. There were other times when I was very spiritual, and my life followed a more peaceful path. During these times, I felt more at ease and content.

Why then could I not be that way all the time? Was it because of my questions about religion, about who God is and where is God? I would ask these questions especially at those times when I needed help because I was trying to find a lost item or needed that one check to help me cover an exceptionally low bank account. Times when sickness or an accident might have taken my life, and I needed Him to help. Was He going to help me? Was He present in my life? What is the correct religion? Those questions, among others, had a constant negative impact on my faith.

Even trivial things have led me to ask these questions, like losing my keys when food shopping and then spending an hour going back and forth to all the areas of the store, looking, and not finding them. I continually walk around the store, looking on the floor and under counters of the meat, vegetable, fruit, and dairy sections, but to no avail. I pray to God for His help in finding the keys or at least hearing my name over the in-store intercom, but nothing is found, and nothing is heard. Finally, I leave my phone number just in case there is a kind person who finds them and turns them in to customer service. As I walk out, knowing I have a single vehicle key in my wallet, I think, So where is God? No keys were found! But I thank the Lord God that I have at least my vehicle key in my wallet. I open the car door, and lo and behold, there are my keys on the floor of my car. So, did God really answer my prayer, or did He do something good because I had thanked Him for my key in the wallet? These are the kind of questions that seem to crop up most days of my life.

I am sure you, like me, have heard about being born again and being washed in the blood of the Lamb. But what does it really mean to be born again? That is one of the questions that used to haunt me;