Voice of God: Put PTSD in the Hands of God

By Mr. Steve " E" Engel

This fictitious war story follows a troop from boot camp to Geneva. From high school to Washington. From private to general. From learning to walk to fighting PTSD. Using a weekend retreat to bring peace of mind for the whole troop. Lead by the “Voice of God” to victory in Vietnam.

If soldiers have post-traumatic stress disorder, a Life in the Spirit Seminar (LITSS) will relieve the haunting of dead soldiers from the battlefield in the war. Give it up to God.

-Life in the Spirit

-Knights of Columbus

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098079956

Book preview

Chapter 1

Day 1

As I, BJ, and thirty other winners of the draft lottery departing their ride from the bus station.

While surrounded by a group of wayward high school students came a voice. Get in a line over there, somebody yelled at us. This way, girls, and bring your bags too. He said, Line up. Do you know what a straight line is? Follow me.

We walked down a huge line of buildings to the last one.

Okay, now let’s make another line. The officer shouted as he pointed, Straight this way. We followed him into a door of a green hallway of the green shed. Halt. Okay, count off, one, two, was the command. And we counted off. Ones left and twos right, one step. Welcome home, girls. This is where you will live for the next six months. Everybody just started looking around.

Then the introductions began. Now we will have a little meet and greet. Strip and hit the showers. I don’t want to smell anything but soap. Just think of this as a six-month gym class. I’m your gym teacher, but you can call me sir. This is where you say, ‘Sir, yes, sir.

A quick chorus of Sir, yes, sir came out of us.

Sir responded, I said strip and hit the showers. Then get your grundies and street clothes back on. Then line up again. I don’t want to hear another word until you’re lined up again. Is that clear?

Another round of Sir, yes, sir rang out.

Then dead silence. Naked dead silence.

Exactly thirty showers too.

Warm water running, towels drying, grundies back on, clothes on, and lined up. Very good, girls. Now follow me. Out the door, across the yard, and into the biggest barn on the lot.

Strip again for inspection, detection, disinfection, say auh and cough, bend over and insertion and then off with the hair. Follow me, says Raoul. Into the fitting room.

All of the clothes lined up—small, medium, large, extralarge, double extralarge, and jumbo. One-size does not fit-all. If it doesn’t fit, you get back on the bus with a Section 8, unfit for military duty.

Given three sets of all, but one helmet. Please and thank you. Off to lunch we go. Then lined up and back home again. Sir said, Get in your khakis, and stand next to your bunk.

Now, girls, throw your dirty grundies and clothes into your bag. Throw the bag under your bunk. You won’t need them until your first leave, six months from now… Silence now. Get down and give me twenty pushups. Count off one to twenty… This will be your easiest day you will have while you’re here. I’ll be back at 1700 hours for chow. There is a diagram in your locker to show you where your uniforms go for inspection after chow. This is it. Everybody here is your new best friend. Like your life depended on it, which it does. Get to know them. Love them like your mother, girls. We are your new family. Here we wash each other’s feet. Got it? Get it. Back at seventeen hundred hours. Sir says, and he was gone.

Thank God. We had time to take a breath. Once the shock wore off, we all realized it was why there was a draft. Who would volunteer for this? It was as if we all died and went straight to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, and go directly to hell.

I never felt like every eye in the room was on me before. Paranoid. Ya! Scared ya! I want to go home. I want to kiss my Bett and Billie. I want a sauna. Can I have a piece of cherry pie? I want a pedicure. I never wanted a pedicure before in my life. Whose feet do I have to wash? Can I get a massage?

We all just looked at each other, like as if we just realized our life was in the hands of somebody else. Somebody we never saw before in our life till today. A complete stranger will have to save my life in six months. Creepy, to say the least. Okay who are these lifesavers? I wanted to ask every one of them, have you had lifesaver training?

I said hi to my new neighbors. One said hi. We started talking. What’s your name? Where are you from? Same old, same old. But it wasn’t. Not anymore. He has a name. Now I know him. This might be the one. The one to save my life. We sat down on the bunk and really started talking and looking around. One guy yelled, Hurrah. We all yelled, Hurrah. So weird, I never yelled hurrah before in my life.

Sam from Biloxi, Mississippi. Not married, a girl, though, no kids, he said. And you?

Wow, that really struck home. The old wheels on the bus started turning round and round. Name’s Bobby Joe, from Memphis all my life. Just call me BJ. My girlfriend had my baby six months ago. His name is Billy. He will probably be walking and talking by the time I get leave.

We started looking around at the rest of the thirty. Some taller, some smaller, some fatter, and some skinnier. Could use some music, I said. Sam started laughing.

Not likely, Sam said. Think sir has a name?

No, sir, I quipped. We both started laughing. A couple of the other guys walked over.

What you think? one said. Glad you can laugh, shows spunk.

Been through worse, I joked.

Sorry about that. Where? he asked.

I said, Gym class.

We all started laughing again. That felt so good. Oh! What a relief I felt. How do you spell relief? Laughter. With friends. Roommates. Lifesavers. Oh my God.

Extending a hand, I said, Name’s BJ.

Ted, he said, shaking my hand and nodding to the others.

Sam and Ted, twenty-seven to go, I jeered.

Mine is George, another said. But I probably look like a Henry, huh! Started laughing again. No, I mean it. Do I look like a Henry?

Do you want us to call you Henry? We can if you like, Ted said, laughing.

Oh, could you? I think I look more like a Henry, George said.

We all said, Hi, Henry.

Names started flying around like sweat. Didn’t hear any other Memphis. Chatter started getting louder. Some going to the bathroom. Walking around. Checking out the others.

Then.

To-Sir-with-Love entered. Chowtime. Line up. Off we went to the buffet-style dining with the stars. Or, dare I say, lifesavers. I wondered if we’d get a sergeant escort every night. First class, I must say. Wow, I couldn’t believe it—porterhouse, T-bone, New York stripe steak, baked potatoes, cheesy vegetables, and pie. They filled my order right off the menu, with the cherry pie. All but no menu. I was full!

Then back to the dorms. After chow. Sir said, The days start at 0500 hours. Lights out at 2000 hours. That’s when the chatter ends. Tomorrow, the real thing starts. You’re going to need your rest. I suggest taking a shower in the morning. That will help you wake up and get ready for the day. Wake up in the shower. I don’t want to throw you on the floor to wake you up at 0530 hours. That’s when we eat. Lights out at 2000 hours. Shit and pee before lights out.

More meet and greet. With clothes on. Probably met half the squad. Felt pretty good about that. A bunch of nice guys. I thought maybe I’d have to save some of their lives; I could do that.

Lights out, girls. Stay in your own bed tonight. Wouldn’t want to make any of the other girls jealous on our first night together, Sir said. Good night.

Twenty hundred hours

Lights out.

Wheels started to turn. First time in a year I slept alone.

Billy was such a cute baby.

How were the rest of the 4Bs doing?

Better than me, I hoped.

Love you Bet!

Days of old flew round in my head.

Then reality set in. Living in hell!

I thought, How’s it going to work out? Can I take this? Wished I was the Brawler. But I could use a good workout. Do some bulking up. Always wanted to get buff. Silence and out.

Chapter 2

Day 2–60

After two weeks of two-a-days, the hutt, as we called it, had a round of meetings with the chaplain. His favorite saying was, The doors of heaven are always open. The chaplain met with two scrubs a night. Eighteen to nineteen hundred hours and 1950 hours so as to make lights out at twenty hundred hours. His name was Father O’Malley. He came over from town as part of his chaplain ministry. As a Catholic, I enjoyed looking forward to meeting him tonight. I was waiting in the outer room to get into the inner room. When it was 1900 hours, I knocked on the door. The voice on the other side said, Come in. That sounded like Sam was in the inner room. He said, Come on in. I’ve been waiting for you.

I went to Father and introduced myself. A Memphis boy, I said, from Father Riley’s parish. Everyone calls me BJ, Father O’Malley.

Glad to meet you, BJ. Sam asked if he could stay with us for a few minutes. Would that be okay with you, BJ? I know Father Riley. He is a good man, father said.

What’s up, Sam? I asked.

We were talking about the hutt, and Father wondered what your thoughts were, Sam stated.

We were talking about the morale of the squad, Father said.

Sam and I have become good friends. We are experiencing new things. But since we came here, all the guys in the hutt were in the same state of mind. Shock and awe. Every day it keeps getting worse. Father, I think the morale keeps getting worse. I came in to ask if we could pray, I said.

Yes, of course that is where we should start, Father said. Let’s pray about it. Where two or more are gathered in his name, Jesus Christ is present. Father God, we pray in the name of Jesus Christ for the men in BJ and Sam’s squad. They need a morale boost for all thirty men of the squad. Uplift their spirits, Lord. Please bring joy, trust, and love to their hearts. Show us, Lord, how you plan on accomplishing this prayer request from your servants, Lord. Please, Lord, give us the direction you need us to take. In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray to you. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, amen.

Sam said in amazement, Father, I feel much better already.

Thank God, Father said. Praise God. Praise God.

I feel much better now too. Thank you, Father. What came to me was a weekend retreat. We can’t leave the base, but we have the whole weekend free. Do you think it would be possible to have a retreat for our squad on the base? I asked.

Father said, You know I think that’s the first time that suggestion has been made that I am aware of. The cafeteria would be perfect. After dinner on Friday night. And we all need to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Whoever wants to participate from the barracks would be welcome. A Life in the Spirit seminar is an internationally, all-denominationally accepted spiritual retreat. What do you men think?

Sam and I had both had one as part of our confirmation class. We agreed that would be perfect. We both said simultaneously. Father? I asked. Do you think you could come to our hutt and pray with our men there?

I think so. That would be a great idea, Father finished. Walk with me, okay?

Sure, we said. Then we can talk on the way over.

Yes! We all agreed. On the way over, we discussed how we would have to go about getting permission from the commanding officer. Father assured us of his expected cooperation. We felt relief and joy.

As we entered the hutt, a chorus of Hello, Father rang out from the troops. Father was surprised that he commanded a superior’s welcome though we were at ease.

Gentlemen, Father started, these men asked me to say a few words to you if I may have a moment of your time. I would be blessed if you all would consider coming to the outer room and pick up admission forms for a group in the Catholic Church called the Knights of Columbus. The Knights helps to keep communications open between your families and friends. Also, anyone else you care to write to while in the service. They work with the USO, which must keep track of soldiers in foreign lands. I am willing to pick up any correspondence you would like to mail whenever I am on base. I will check the outgoing mailbox in the outer room and take it to the post office for you. When on active duty, all chaplains will see to it that your mail is moving. When on duty, you will always be told how to address your mail and to enclose your return address inside the envelope for confidentiality. The forms are in the brochures on the shelves in the outer room.

Thank you, Father, again came from the hutt.

Father started. If anyone would like to join me in prayer, please go to one knee and close your eyes. Everyone knelt, and Father continued. Dear Lord, I pray that a spirit of joy, trust, and love would fill the hearts of these men of the hutt. Strengthen them to great extremes. Carry them throughout their basic training, to learn how to protect themselves and each other. Protect them here and in active duty from injury or loss of life. Lead them to safe passage on this journey. But as always, God’s will be done in all things. In the name above all names, I pray in Jesus Christ’s name. A chorus of Amen rang out.

As Father started praying, Sir Sergeant walked in behind us. I think he knelt down too. As Father completed his prayers, Sir jumped up and thanked Father O’Malley. He turned to the hutt and said, Get ready for bed. I mean lights out. I’ll give you five minutes. Father, I’ll walk you out. Everybody was smiling, running to the bathroom, and jumping in bed.

Lights out.

Sam and I got a chance to make a peace sign to each other as the lights went out.

OMG, what just happened? The thought kept running through my head all night and until I woke up the next day. Sweet dreams indeed.

Chapter3

Reflections

Lights out. Every night lights out,

Night after night. Capturing the good dreams.

Tossing the bad dreams in the garbage disposal.

Relishing the good old days.

I was lying in bed thinking. When I thought of Father O’Malley calling me BJ, I thought of how it all started, and it was such a joke. When I was born, my name was Robert Joseph. My dad wanted to call me Bobby Joe Memphis style. My mom still always calls me Bobby.

The 4Bs called me Bobby Joe until I got sick with the flu when I was ten years old.

I was in bed sick when my neighbor Tommy brought my homework from school over for me. We were doing our homework together when we started talking about what was going on in school. Suddenly, I had to go to the bathroom. I had a runny nose and a runny butt. My nose started running, so I grabbed some toilet paper. As I grabbed the toilet paper, I thought my friends were starting to call me a shorter name like BJ. I never thought much of it before, but I kind of like it now. Why toilet paper would make me think of BJ seems very weird, but I decided to have my friends call me BJ that day. Then I remembered, I never told Tommy about toilet paper, but I’m glad my name isn’t Tommy Paul.

Tommy kept coming to the door and wondered if I fell in. Being sick was no fun. Even if you get to stay home from school. You just don’t feel yourself. Well, I decided to change my name when I was sick since it made me feel like someone else. I became someone else. Bobby Joe became BJ.

Ya, ya, okay. Go back in my room, then, or something. I don’t know if I’m done or not. Ya, ya, go away. I stayed on the toilet till I was cleaned out. Then I went back in my bedroom to finish my homework.

Let’s finish this math. I gotta go home for supper, Tommy said.

Okay, I said.

I’ll never forget that day. That’s the day I found the help for a hard movement. Now whenever I can’t get it out, I blow my nose or cough real hard, and it helps to get the movement out. A helpful tip.

All the Bs were the best friends.

Wow, we had been together since we were four years old.

But Tommy and I, I guess, had been together since we were born.

Our houses were right next to each other.

Our dads worked together and were best friends.

On Sundays, we always got together with each other because our parents had drinks and dinner together on Sunday afternoon, watching football, basketball, or baseball games. Then we would go outside and play with our dads afterward. As long as I could remember, that’s how it had been. Until we were four years old. The family across the street invited our two families to go over to their house one Sunday afternoon. My dad brought a brown bag over, and my mom brought her special dip and chips. Tommy’s dad brought a brown bag over, and his mom brought my favorite caramel bars for snacks.

Tommy and I met Johnny and Stevie. Their houses shared their backyards, just like Tommy’s and my backyards. The men and boys went out in the yard. The boys just took off running round and round. Dads chasing us felt like freedom. Like fun. Like let’s escape. Like my daddy is faster than your daddy.

All of a sudden, we lined up on the side of the pond.

We just stopped in our tracks.

I couldn’t believe what I was looking at.

All the dads grabbed the boys and held them tight.

Stevie’s dad said, "This is our swimming hole. If the boys can take off their shoes and socks, they can sit beside the pond and wiggle their toes in the water. We all started taking off our shoes and socks. Our dads sat us on the side of the pond with our toes in the water. A feeling of sheer delight. Of course things like that never last long enough.

All four of us took swimming lessons at the YMCA. We were skinny-dipping before we were in kindergarten. Friends together forever.

BJ: I was Bobby Joe till I got the flu when I was ten years old.

Baller: Tommy was the best shot in basketball.

Buddy: Johnny; Brawler called Johnny Buddy in first grade.

Brawler: Stevie became our middleman on and off the court.

Tommy and I played nerf hoops in his bedroom on Sunday afternoons. We started watching games while sitting on our dads’ laps. I don’t remember if we were in timeouts or if the dads just got tired of chasing us around. A couple of sit stills, and we were hooked on the games.

Johnny and Stevie’s dads worked together downtown at the big bank as investment bankers. Tommy’s dad and my dad worked at the liquor store. My grandpa brewed the gin and vodka at the brewery. My dad ran the store. We were the biggest liquor store in Memphis.

These Sunday afternoons became our new standard for Sundays. We became like glue; we were stuck together for life. We all got basketballs, baseballs, gloves, bats, and of course basketball hoops in the driveway. But we spent all summer in the pond on Sunday afternoons. We didn’t know the 4Bs existed until we were ten. We came to be known as the 4Bs henceforth. Two-on-two was our creed. Buddy and Brawler against Baller and BJ. Always the same as when we were four. Kinda cool, I must say. Kinda kismet that we were all born the same year on the same cul-de-sac. Dads working same downtown. Bought the lots and built their own houses before they had kids. All only childs.

The brown bags were the White Lightning my dad sold out the back door of the liquor store. Tax-free and 90 proof. Vodka and gin out the front door. White Lightning out the backdoor. The two dads turned the other two dads from beer drinkers into martini drinkers soon. Also free for them. The brown bags didn’t get delivered unless needed. We always had a full stock in the wine cellar called No Label.

In the summers, we’d play T-ball during the week.

In the winters, we’d shoot hoops in the driveway.

Then we joined Little League, Pony League and then middle school, etc.

Basketball teams started at twelve years old in school league.

The backyards were great for us until we were ten-year-olds.

Our parents all went together and built a pool house by the pond. We called it a clubhouse. Visitors as young as twelve-year-olds would be invited for overnights in the pool house if they could swim. No drugs or alcohol allowed. We were the enforcers of the rules. We knew we had a good thing, and we were not going to screw it up for some problem kid. We knew whom to invite and whom not to invited. Girls trusted us because we were good Christians.

We all changed a lot when we turned twelve.

Middle school had confirmation class every three years.

We were confirmed when we were in the sixth grade.

What happens in the clubhouse