A Journey Into Life

By Me

How it was then...

I did hard drugs for the majority of my life. I ran the gambit through marijuana and alcohol, ecstasy, and acid among many others before settling into meth for seventeen years. I have two drug charges--one for intent to distribute. For nearly two decades, I created hell in life through my choices and actions, my thoughts, and lack of feeling.

Then something happened. To me, through me...I really don't know. What I do know is that I saw what my choices were doing, and in a flash, I realized how I was responsible for the hell I was living in. I decided in that moment to change--for me and for my angel.

This is the story of my first days after treatment; my first days in life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662482649

Book preview

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A Journey Into Life

Me

Copyright © 2022 -Me-

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

ISBN 978-1-6624-8263-2 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-8264-9 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Author's Note

Day 45

Day 46

Day 47

Day 48

Day 49

Day 50

Day 51

Day 52

Day 53

Day 54

Day 55

Day 56

Day 57

Day 58

Day 59

Day 60

Day 61

Day 62

Day 63

Day 64

Day 65

Day 66

Day 67

Day 68

Day 69

Day 70

Day 71

Day 72

Day 73

Day 74

Day 75

Day 76

Day 77

Day 78

Day 79

Day 80

Day 81

Day 82

Day 83

Day 84

Day 85

Day 86

Day 87

Day 88

Day 89

Day 90

Day 91

Day 92

Day 93

Day 94

Day 95

Day 96

Day 97

Day 98

Day 99

Day 100

Day 101

Epilogue

About the Author

Author's Note

Dear Wanderer,

I am a drug addict. I am thirty-five years old, and I have used drugs for the better part of my life. I rolled my first joint at the age of nine and started using heavy drugs at age sixteen. At eighteen I started using meth, and for the next seventeen years, I fought an uphill battle with that particular demon.

Now on the eve of my thirty-sixth birthday, I have over six months in recovery. Since shortly before going into treatment, I have not touched the stuff. What follows are many of the things I did to stay sober—some of the things leading up to sobriety and my experiences, encounters, and emotions during the first days of my recovery.

I have been told that I am a rare occurrence. Not many people go through the places I've been and simply walk out the other side. I do not look to gain pity or support. I do hope something I have may benefit another. Consider these words as buckets of water for those still drenched in flame.

Addiction can be one of the toughest obstacles to overcome, and my constant hope is for others, all of us. I know if I can overcome my past, so, too, can you.

Love and light,

Always and forever,

-Me-

Day 45

Thought: Leave yourself alone.

—Jenny Janacek

At first I wanted this to mean the same thing my dad used to say when I was going through puberty, Quit masturbating so much, you'll go blind. But alas, life and recovery are not that simple. It amazes me how true to this day that still is.

After messaging with my ex this morning, as well as before, I was starting to second-guess myself. However, the conversation set my feet firmly beneath me again. She, at one point, was trying to convince me that our daughter was much better off where she was—with her—and getting constantly spoiled by her parents.

The conversation started with her slipping in some details about her and her new boyfriend, which kind of stung but did not derail me as I'm sure was the desired effect. The conversation was just as most narcissistic conversations go; how if I would have just—and if I had only—politely told her, we would have to be adults and agree to disagree. More than once, I had to remind her that we remembered things differently and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I was able to tell her, as a friend, that maybe she should seek professional counseling, if she was able to move past our ten years together and develop feelings for someone that quick. Of course, I was a little ego hurt. I'm still human. I moved past that, like a few months ago when it happened. Now even though I still love her, and I always will, I am able to say as a friend, That's kinda fucked up.

We were together for a long time. Ten years using meth with one person is almost as big an accomplishment as using meth for twenty years and not catching a charge, but it was time to change. If not for us, then for our daughter. It makes me sad that she was not ready to accept that every good thing must eventually come to an end. We had a good long run, and we had lots of fun. I had to accept that, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to accept. It still hurts.

What I am finding is a different type of fun. Adulting sometimes sucks. It's definitely not as easy as running and gunning. The rewards, however, are so much greater. The light at the end of my tunnel, I keep firmly in sight. I find my lows are not as low and that is good. I find little things to be happy about. I can be honest with people, and they can usually take what I say for what it is instead of reading into it and drawing horrible conclusions. Life is starting to be okay, and the farther along this road I travel, the more okay (life) it becomes.

Day 46

Thought: In my friend I find a second self.

—Isabel Norton

We tend to find people like ourselves, our tribes. This is the law of attraction. Look around you. Notice how the people you've chosen to be in your life are a lot like you—the same likes and dislikes, as well as morals and ideals.

This is the law of attraction. A lot of times, we get stuck on an idea, an idea about who or what we are, and we try to fit ourselves into a particular mold, especially where love is concerned. We want to make another happy because we think it will bring us happiness. It never works though. Only happy people are allowed to be happy. That decision starts inside.

When we find a friend and it feels like looking into a mirror, we keep them. Similar likes and similar interests make it easy to talk to them, and time flies. Weekends seem too short, going by in the blink of an eye, common goals come about.

As we wake and our faith