The Invitation

By Brenda Engelking

Do you desire an intimate relationship with God but struggle with questions about God's goodness? Have you ever asked, "If God is so good, then why did that happen? Why was my childhood surrounded by so much trauma and abuse? Why is there so much ugliness and pain in the world? How could a good God allow such terrible things to happen to me?" God is not afraid of these tough questions and offers everyone a personal invitation to an intimate relationship with him, the Creator of the universe. Will you have the courage to push past old beliefs about God and embrace him as a good and loving Father? The Invitation is calling you into a deeper, intimate relationship with God. Will you accept?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 26, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644718162

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The Invitation

Brenda K. Engelking

Copyright © 2019 Brenda K. Engelking

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

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www.covenantbooks.com

In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.

—Isaiah 30:15

God is calling each believer to a deeper, intimate relationship with him. The Invitation reveals God’s true heart and character. Discovering God’s goodness and his love for you will impact every aspect of your life. The Invitation is an opportunity to develop a closer relationship with God and discover your true identity. Will you accept?

Introduction: At War with God

My journey to healing was the impetus of The Invitation. The curriculum is based on my struggles, pains, failures and most importantly, my victory! For over twenty years, I had been a spirit-filled, born-again believer. For the past five years, I have been working in ministry, teaching classes, and speaking at various conferences. I also authored and self-published a curriculum entitled Love Trust Rest. Before ministry, I worked as a victim’s advocate for sexual assault and domestic violence victims for twenty years.

The fall of 2017 was my come to Jesus moment. Overwhelming sadness, discouragement, and self-hatred consumed my thoughts and feelings. Ministry became a burden and a source of resentment and failure in my life. Depression overwhelmed me, and anger consumed me. A fear of being found out haunted me.

More than anything on this earth, I wanted to have an intimate relationship with God. But in spite of that desire, my relationship with God was distant and at best lukewarm. I would teach on the goodness of God and his love while my heart believed the opposite. A war raged inside of me—a journal entry from the summer of 2016 read, I don’t want to be at war with you! But in spite of all my efforts, I was at war with God. My whole life, I had been fighting a secret war with God.

What was the secret war? A war to believe in the goodness of God! I wanted to believe I served a good God, but his goodness was something I could never truly believe in my heart. This disbelief about his goodness created a huge chasm in my heart. I wanted to believe, but I didn’t! This chasm was not only the source of all my frustration and pain but was also responsible for the haunting fear of being found out.

The age-old question, If God was so good, then why did (fill in the blank) happen? gnawed at my mind as it does for so many believers. Believers, including myself, have used safe but incorrect responses such as God knows why or You just have to trust that he had a reason. These worn-out answers never satisfied the haunting questions that filled my heart with doubt and unbelief.

I was secure in my relationship with Jesus; my salvation experience was unquestioned. However, Jesus’s love and the assurance of my salvation were not enough to heal the deep chasm in my heart preventing me from having an intimate relationship with God.

Deep in my heart, I knew I needed healing! I needed to have full confidence in the goodness of God and his love for me. Without this assurance of his goodness, I would never experience true love, security, or peace in my life. Never!

In the fall of 2017, I started my healing journey. My ministry, my writing, and my teaching all had to stop; I needed to focus my energy and strength on the task at hand. Letting go of everything I deemed important was terrifying! Fear was a constant companion asking the question, What are people going to think? What are people going to say? What if you never get healed? Shame entrenched me, bullying me with such thoughts as, You call yourself a Christian, but yet you are depressed, and People will judge you, and you will never be accepted into ministry. You are actually a waste of a life. The world would be better without you. Fear and shame taunted me daily, reminding me of all my failures. I knew this journey would not be easy, but in spite of that, I dug my heels in and made a commitment to both myself and to God: The revelation of God’s goodness will be mine and will fill the chasm in my heart, and I will be made whole! I knew one touch from God, one revelation, would do just that.

Prayer, worship, and meditation became an ax I used to chip away at the many layers of wrong thinking and deception. Revelation of God’s goodness had to become my own truth, my reality. My heart had to be filled with his love and goodness, and it did. The Holy Spirit gently led me through scriptures, revealing truths that once eluded me. The unconditional love of my spiritual mentors created an environment of acceptance and security. The unwavering love and support from my husband was a constant source of encouragement. God weaved all of these blessings together to create an atmosphere of revelation and healing!

I would liken this process to the refurbishing of old furniture. Hurts, disappointments, and rejections served as a thick layer of varnish over my heart. Shame provided a thick sealant of protection. If God is so good, then why was my dad killed? Why was my childhood traumatic? Tormenting thoughts from childhood tragedies ruled my mind and devastated my heart and created havoc in every area of my life. Security and peace stood just out of reach never to be fully grasped or experienced until I summoned the courage to invite and allow the Holy Spirit to dig deep in my heart, exposing the root of my greatest fears and chipping away at the deeply imbedded layers of deception and wrong believing.

The Holy Spirit opened my eyes to God’s true character through the person and ministry of his Son, Jesus Christ. My salvation was not the sole purpose of Jesus’s ministry, death, and resurrection. Jesus’s life served as a display of God’s heart, kindness, and love for me, which allowed my heart to open and receive from him my every need.

God had even greater plans for me—he wanted to become the very source of my security and confidence. He not only wanted to be my God, but he wanted to become my Father. The revelation of his goodness and love allowed me to open my heart and receive him as my Father and to understand my sole purpose in life was to live as his daughter. What an incredibly beautiful and simple plan!

In spite of my new identity, fear still reared its ugly face with thoughts such as You are really putting yourself out there. What if people reject your words? What if people reject your revelations? But God calmed those fears and spoke directly to my heart through Matthew 10:27, which states, Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. The revelation and the healing was not meant to be mine alone; the journey was to be