Finding: The Oasis in My Soul

By Mayple Dorrington

Do you have a constant ache to fill that empty void which sits deep in all of us? A desire to find and validate a purpose for your life? Are you feeling powerless to cultivate the staying power to stare down doubt, overcome your shortcomings and elevate your talents and self-worth? Finding the Oasis in my Soul chronicles an inspiring journey through the prism of real-life experiences of trials and triumphs. Turning each page, you are sure to see yourself in some, or most of life's journey. The biblical examples of faith and obedience, coupled with everyday life application, will challenge your thinking and arouse a sense of gratitude and wonder. You'll be sure to build an awakening to bolster your faith, while transforming the mind to draw power and strength, from the source of God's amazing love, peace and hope. Anchoring deeper and lasting convictions, you can replace worry, fear and uncertainty, with the joyful assurance of God's promises, to live the most authentic life God intended for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098010300

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

God Gives Us the Desires of Our Heart

Delight yourself in the lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

—Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

This scripture from the Bible has both enthralled and puzzled me for a very long time. Having experienced and witnessed many people contested with unfulfilled desires and vanquished dreams, while others achieved their desires living in undeniable contentment with passion and joy, I had repeatedly questioned the sincerity of the promise. Why would good and noble desires not come to fruition, sometimes inordinately delayed, and others ending in frustration? At the same time, why do so many evil desires prevail, leading to heart breaks, disappointments, and in extreme cases, utter destruction? What constitutes the difference? After all, if we delight in the Lord, we all want the desires of our heart to be fulfilled. In my attempt to comprehend, my mind-set was that when my desires are denied, my heart may not be aligned to God’s will. Perhaps that’s true, but the perplexity of the promise has pressed heavily upon me, forcing me to seek clarity to help demystify my confusion. When the revelation came to me, it was very subtle. The source of the desires of my heart is not germinated from me, but from God who inspires the desires He places into my heart. Reading the same sentence from the scripture, the difference resides in the emphasis on the source of the desires. Let’s read the sentence in this context:

My desire: He will give you the desires ofyourheart.

God’s desire: Hewill give you the desires of your heart.

The second emphasis is on the He. Desires of our heart do not originate from us but given to us from God and planted into our hearts for action. All good things come from God above.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17, NIV)

Once I came to that realization, I spent the time to intentionally examine the "desires of the heart" to qualify this aspiration on a deeper level. I saw more clearly how in our humanness, we are eager and insistent on God to penetrate deeply to know our heart’s desires and, like a genie, to give us what we long for. Otherwise, we conclude He is not loving, or caring, or considerate towards our needs. On the other hand, I saw how we are not so eager or fervent for God to pierce and infiltrate our heart, exposing the evil or wrongs that lurk within us. We also are reluctant to welcome His discipline to purify us in conformance to His moral image. Let’s be fair. Do we really want God to know and act upon all the desires and intentions of our heart? Or do we want God to be selective and satisfy the desires that suit our selfish needs? The latter response is the usual popular option, and I am not exempted from that universal choice.

One day I am filled with the power of God, moved to renew my commitment to walk closely with God, enthusiastic, passionate and inspired. The next day I am worried, anxious, and on a downward spiral, moving away from the centrality of God. Overwhelmed with work obligations, demanding household chores, unexpected difficulties, judicious parenting, balancing relationships, ongoing injustices, I often lose my primary focus. These distractions have often succeeded in using their aggregate power to divert and force me toward the pursuits of my own agenda. I noticed that desires, when left to our own doing, can be misguided, taking on multiple faces justified as necessities to navigate and survive in a complex, crowded and competitive world. For me, it has been common place to conjure up desires defined as ambition, cloaked in the tailored suits of professionalism and the impetus described as being driven. In reality, my aspirations have been mostly self-seeking, using my time, resources and talents as I deem warranted and beneficial to me and others of my choice.

Growing up, my first glimpse of the wider world was through the pages of National Geographic magazine. I recalled seeing different captivating people, enchanting places, majestic landscapes—a diversity of culture captured through the lens of the photographers, narrated with descriptive commentary from various authors. As early as six years old, I remembered wanting to be a part of the wider world. During my high school years, when my friends would be having fun during recess and lunch hours, I would volunteer for library duties to get closer to the books, literature and facts, to learn as much as I can. One of my desires was to explore a world without confinement, to see, touch and gaze in wonderment of what lies outside and beyond the perimeter of my immediate environment. At that time, we were years away from having access to the Internet and videos. Television and printed materials were the options, limited to what was provided to us. Information on demand had not yet arrived. This obsession to learn about the world around me led me to become a teacher, specializing in history, geography and economics. My grandiose desire was to work in a global organization like UNESCO, UNICEF, or to become an economist for the World Bank. Not knowing the demanding work involved, my aim at the time was to visit distant places and meet the different people I saw in the National Geographic magazines. Then and there was the advent of traveling as one of my greatest passions.

Following a short twelve months sojourn in the classroom setting, I eventually changed my occupation to pursue a career in the financial industry. As my fate would have it, I ended up working with an international corporation with a global footprint. While working in this giant corporate machinery, I meandered into many different areas of responsibilities. I garnered immense experience, enriched training that enhanced and expanded my strategic skills and business acumens, a career with far more ups than downs, filled with great achievements and lifelong relationships.

I recalled a pivotal time in my career which taught me an indelible lesson. The potency of the lesson outpaced and outlived the event itself and further aroused my spiritual discernment and growth. Being a meticulously hard worker, I believed competency, proficiency, strong work ethics, solid education and willingness, should be adequate for rewarding and moving me up the professional ladder in my sphere of work life. With many years of commitment and engagement, I steadily moved ahead and prided myself with the fact that I earned my stripes and accolades on my own merit.

So it was not surprising, when a senior promotion opportunity came along, based on the job description and criteria for the position, I could figuratively see my name written all over it. It was customized just for me. There was no doubt in my mind, validated by the endorsements from my colleagues, that I would be offered the new position. I was so confident I did not want to apply. After all, I thought, they should approach me, as I was undoubtedly the best candidate. Nevertheless, since it was the policy of the organization, I applied. Following the interview and follow-up discussions, on the Friday when the decision was made, I was offered in principle—no, more like promised—the job. When I left on the weekend, I was walking on the clouds, praising God on how awesome He is to give me exactly what I wanted. No, correction, my posture was more like, what I deserve. I have worked for it, I have earned it, and I got it. Case closed! I must have sung louder in church that Sunday, but only my husband knew the extent of my happiness. I was expectantly waiting my promotion announcement to be made official before I share the news with anyone else. Monday was going to be my big announcement to all.

On that fateful Monday, I arrived at work, confidence soaring and job guaranteed. When I was invited into the office, believing I was there to sign the offer letter, my excitement was electric. But instead, I was greeted with an outcome equivalent to a type 5 seismic earthquake tremor. To my dismay, they had decided to give the job to someone else. The update from the decision-maker who delivered the news on the job status, was curt and succinct. My heart convulsed into a tight knot, and, with difficulty to find suitable words for a civil interaction, all I could say, in the lowest decibel I could muster was, You promised, you gave me your word. There was silence! No sorry, no deliberation on the fact that I had been misled. What followed was a quick exit from the room, stating he was late for another meeting. Obviously, it was to avoid any in-depth conversation or to provide the expected explanation for the change in the decision.

Really! What just happened? I exited the room in slow motion, livid, vacillating from disbelief to anger to resentment to aggression. These emotions cascading in rapid succession spiraling into helplessness. I felt justified in my emotional conundrum because when the job appointment was made known, everyone on the team, along with friends outside the group, sided with me on the matter of unfairness and inequity. Needless to say, I was miserable for weeks, and my distress was compounded by my bruised pride and shattered sense of entitlement for the job position. I felt betrayed. It was no longer about the denied promotion but more about the broken trust. What else could they renege on? Since this approach had not been consistent in my past experience with my employer, the shock effect created an unwelcomed fear factor.

Initially, I found myself snapping at the successful candidate, but that retaliation tactic jolted me back to my senses. I saw how unkind my behaviour was and, being a Christian, how this would impact others around me. Not that this should dictate how I behave, but I also realized that this person did not give herself the job, nor did she deliberately harm my chances in the selection process. Swiftly sizing up my unacceptable behaviour, I sincerely apologized and wholeheartedly accepted her in the new role. After I surrendered to the reality of my situation, I quickly bounced back, accepted my circumstance, and became more introspective. I helped my colleague adapt, taught her new things, watched and genuinely delighted in her successful transition to hone the senior responsibilities that came with the job. She had a remarkable, congenial personality that attracted people to her, and she effectively applied this affable skillset to get many things done. I observed and I learned. We grew in our mutual respect for each other’s strengths and gaps and counter balanced any shortcomings. My career hijacker became my close friend, a relationship which lasted to this day.

The experience was not lost on me. I returned to my usual pondering nature and was stuck on "You gave me your word." Allow me to share how this one word, word, became the catalyst that prompted me to dig deeper and what I uncovered.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1, NIV)

I asked myself, What is the purpose of reading my Bible, praying, and meditating on God’s Word? I wrestled with my thoughts as I delved deeper. Was my reason, remedial or random, therapeutic, to fix problems, a moral compass, for comfort, to seek wisdom, a self-help manual, to get blessings, my Christian duty?

Yes, check all the above! While nothing is wrong with the reasons outlined above, with deeper insights, I started to see that these are all beneficial outcomes, not the purpose why I should feed on God’s Word. This job episode showed me how I was willing to accept, rely and take confidence in man’s word but less eager to digest the living and active Word of God who came to transform my life. Intellectually I got it, but I had continued to live under the old prideful me, similar to the old covenant, whereby my reliance was based on a legalistic blueprint of rules, patterns, benefits, cause and effect. The focus was about me and what I wanted, not on knowing God’s plan for me to accomplish His good purpose. I was in bondage to an unhealthy self-assured mind-set, resulting from all my deserving hardcore check box effort versus measurable outcomes. Instead, I suppressed the freedom given to me, the sacrifice Christ gave through his life, liberating me to be God’s handiwork to do good work, which God prepared in advance for me to do. In other words, how to harness and excel in the talents and gifts apportioned to me, while relying on God to direct my path of execution. Previously, as soon as the outcome did not match my heart’s desires, I would collapse under the weight of disappointment and defeat, often interpreted as failure. Today, I see things differently.

Yes, I admit the broken promise for the job position was a source of disappointment and caused me some pain. But in God, every promise is as assured as His immutable nature. God ordains the promises, Christ purchases them for us with his blood, and the Holy Spirit brings them to fruition in our daily experiences. From the outcome of the job decision, I was so quick to speak of ambush, injustice, and betrayal, without acknowledging how the same attitude was applied to Christ on my behalf. God graciously massaged my heart and renewed my mind to realize that the very desire I asked for, He has already given me: a new creation, a novel mind-set, fresh direction, and a new paradigm.

Allow me to take you back to the workplace scenario. While my heart was being realigned and the daily renewal was in progress, several months after the missed promotion, our team had grown closer. After the dust had settled, signaling fresh team dynamics, we had coalesced into a strong harmonious working team, producing great results through our unified efforts—the best two years that I can remember in my career as we accomplished some remarkable feats. Today, looking back, there is still a