The War Within

By Brian V Wieck

The War Within was written as a series of individual papers of encouraging faith. As Brian Wieck puts them together in his debut book The War Within, he learns to rebuke the lies he believed to be true and turn his life over to Jesus Christ. The War Within begins each paper with a lie and ends with the truth through a rediscovered faith in Jesus Christ. Brian Wieck literally changes his mind as he progresses through each paper and draws closer to God. As the book progresses, so does the healing power of Jesus Christ.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 31, 2018
• ISBN: 9781642143980

Book preview

cover.jpg

The War Within

Brian V. Wieck

Copyright © 2018 Brian V. Wieck

All rights reserved

First Edition

Page Publishing, Inc

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing, Inc 2018

ISBN 978-1-64214-399-7 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64214-398-0 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Special Thanks To:

My merciful God and

His beloved Son, Jesus

My wonderful family:

Verlyn and Alma

Susan

Brent and Chris

Justin and Gabby

Kyle

My entire church family at

Community of Grace

All my friends at Fresh Hope

(www.freshhope.us)

Why am I a Christian?

To keep from going astray

I need the faith that only God can give

I need to feel loved or just to feel

I need someone to believe in

Something to hold on to

Someone to pray to when I feel alone

Someone who accepts me just as I am

Even when I don’t live up to expectations

And when I don’t live up to expectations,

Someone who forgives.

Why am I a Christian?

I believe in God and His Word

I believe in Jesus and the resurrection and return

I need a reason to . . .

Die when he calls me home and says, Job well done

Why am I a Christian?

GOD

Introduction

How I Started

This was very early in my recovery from anger and depression. In a class at church, I was asked to write a paper on Why Am I a Christian? This is because I was questioning my faith, worthiness, and if I even believed in God anymore. Looking back at this paper, I can’t help but notice all the I in this essay. God doesn’t always answer prayers for I or me because they may be immature and selfish in nature. They may be nonrewarding or nonpraising in God’s sight.

I may want millions of dollars, but why? For me or for God? Look at all the people who have won millions of dollars in the lottery; most are broke due to foolish spending habits. God’s reward is far greater than money. God promises me an eternity in heaven through His Son Jesus Christ.

Isaiah 55:8, ‘My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord.

God has a plan for every one of us and He wants to hear from me, as any father wants to hear from his child. God loves it when I talk to Him and come to Him, humbled and with love as any child, because I am a child of God. I need to leave my worries and cares in the hands of the Lord. And pray, pray, pray.

Learning to Read and Write

The following is a compilation of edited and rewritten papers that I journaled while I battled the war within to conquer my feelings of anger, frustration, and loneliness. These feelings were complicated by my love/hate relationship with God, and made worse by my feelings of unworthiness and depression.

After my meltdown, a friend gave me a book to read and that book led to other books and soon I was learning to read and write all over again. I discovered a whole new world and my heart was torn wide open. I discovered my life is not totally wasted and I do have new hopes and dreams. I discovered I have to forgive those who hurt me and forgive myself for the hate and hurt I brought on myself if I am to find peace with God.

As I learn to read and write about my war within between myself, God, and the devil, I am learning to deal with my crisis, and most importantly, whom do I serve? These papers were a way to vent my feelings and were never meant to be shared.

2 Chronicles 16:9, For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. You have done a foolish thing and now you will be at war.

In 2 Chronicles 16:1–8, Asa took from the Lord and put his trust in man, as I too lost faith in the Lord and put my trust in money. My money was not working for me but against me, and I began cursing and blaming God for my circumstances. Now I am at war with Satan to take back my life and rededicate it to Jesus.

Through the books I have read about God, Jesus, angels, and heaven, I have rediscovered Jesus and the power of prayer to bring peace to my life. I have discovered things about my life that were hidden to me before and were unwelcome. Pieces of my past came rushing back to me and now I am able to review, respond, and renew my past in a new perspective through Jesus.

Jesus gives me the power and authority to accept my past for what it was and not regret if for what it was. I was reminded of the serenity prayer: Lord, give me the courage to change the things I can and to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Ecclesiastes 2:12–14, I turned my thoughts to consider wisdom, and also madness and folly. What more can a king’s successor do than what has already been done? I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness. The wise man has eyes in his head while the fool walks in darkness: I came to realize that the same fate overtakes them both.

As I began to read, I discovered that my eyesight is poor. Maybe that’s why I don’t read and only watched TV for so many years, or maybe so many years of watching TV is to blame for my poor eyesight. My eyesight is blurred and that makes reading and comprehension difficult. I have to read and reread every sentence to try to understand what the author is trying to convey.

While learning to read and write, I have discovered that I enjoy writing as well. At first, it was tough to share the personal failures but as I learned to write, I discovered it is like an addiction. I can get started with my reading and writing and not want to stop. It is a release of pressure, a way to safely vent my anger and talk openly with God. Writing helps me understand my feelings and grow from them.

As I relearned to read and write, I rediscovered my trials, triumphs, and anger turn to strength and praise. I believe God is using these tools to grow my inner strength and faith. God is allowing me to vent anger and build faith as I lift myself out of my pit of depression. I am growing my spiritual self through trials and triumphs, reading and writing, as I begin to know the real God and understand His works in me and His word.

Romans 9:22–23, What if God, although choosing to show His wrath and make His power known, bore with great patience the objects of His wrath—prepared for destruction? What if He did this to make the riches of His glory known to the objects of His mercy, whom He prepared in advance for glory.

I have learned that living in anger, frustration, and loneliness is a sin. I was giving power to Satan, and without knowing it I was fooled by his lies and deception. These lies almost led to my suicide. I knew God, but I did not know God, so it was easier to blame God for my trials and not love God through them.

After my hospitalization in 2014, I began to read and write and rediscover the healing power of Jesus, and I began to trust God on a personal level. I still have a long way to go to win the war within, but this book is my testimony to lift up the Lord’s name in praise as He has lifted my life out of the pits of depression.

I pray that the forty years I spent in my hell can be an inspiration to someone else who can relate and come to know God much sooner than me. I want others to learn from my mistakes and to take back their lives from Satan’s hold and praise God in all situations that may arise and cause strife in life.

Trusting Jesus Christ is the single most important event that helped me overcome depression. Faith in Jesus Christ is the only way to build my relationship with God. I have come a long way and have so far to go, but I have the rest of my life to build my faith upon Jesus. I pray to God that the next forty years will be rewarding as I continue to recognize God’s blessings despite the war within.

Chapter 1

Searching

Searching for It

For years I have been searching for it, always looking for something new, something different, something needed, missing, lost and not found. I wanted it and didn’t know I already had it. I needed it and didn’t know I already had it. I had it and didn’t know I already had it. I searched hard and long for it, but all I found was anger, frustration, and loneliness. I was lost without love and purpose, and I didn’t know how to find what I already had. I knew I needed it as much as an infant needs its mother, like grass needs rain and sun, but I failed at every attempt to find it.

Proverbs 2:1–5, My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your hear to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and you look for it as silver and search for is as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

I wish I knew the knowledge of God, but all I know is anger, frustration, and loneliness. I know this is not healthy for me, but I do not know how to get out. I was so blind in my rage that I could not think about anything other than suicide. I had it planned out but I lacked the courage to