The Single Christian Woman's Guide

By Russelyn L. Williams

The Single Christian Woman's Guide shares some of the common experiences that single women go through. Ms. Williams gives heartfelt and Spirit-led insight as to how to navigate the world of being single successfully. The Single Christian Woman's Guide deals with avoiding bitterness as a single woman, dealing with voids that att

• Language: English
• Publisher: Intercession For A Generation Media & Publishing
• Release date: Jan 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781732127258

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Copyright © 2021 Russelyn L. Williams

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973,

1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible,

New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015

by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House

Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

This book is dedicated to God’s unique daughters who at times

have questioned themselves and their own worth—feeling lonely,

discarded, and rejected due to their uniqueness. This book is

to remind you that you are not rejected, but you are precious,

beautiful, and worthy of God’s best. Please, be encouraged as

you read through the chapters to know that God is completely

dedicated to your growth, development, and security in him. Just

like there are many beautiful flowers that come in all shapes, sizes,

and for various purposes, so are God’s unique daughters specially

made for God’s divine purpose, and in God’s purpose we are

completely fulfilled as we realize our priceless worth in Christ.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1        My Foundation

Chapter 2        Learning My Identity

Chapter 3        The Stigma of Being Single

Chapter 4        The Rejection of Being Single

Chapter 5        Walking by Faith (Eyes Off What You See for Eyes on God)

Chapter 6        Just Because You Are Single Doesn’t Mean You Should Be Available

Chapter 7        The Lord is your Covering

Chapter 8        All About the Hormones

Chapter 9        Letting Go of Anger, Bitterness, and Unforgiveness for God’s Best

Chapter 10      When I Turned Thirty

Chapter 11      The Closer He Gets, the Harder it Gets

Chapter 12      Pros & Cons of Dating

Chapter 13      What to Do During the Wait

Chapter 14      Four Years Later Plus Interviews

Chapter 15      The Last Chapter: Nuggets

Introduction

When I was younger, I made the decision to wait until marriage to have sex. I had no idea it would take this long. When I was managing my hormones and denying every urge as a teenager, it helped to think that not much longer, I’d be older and married, and the urges would not be a problem anymore. Little did I know that doing things God’s way for me would not just be a short wait into adulthood—the normal time I felt that people got married. It would instead take years of learning and growth into a beautiful daughter of God, who has become prepared for God’s best.

At 37 years old today, I still stand as a single woman without knowledge of who my husband may be. I originally released this book at age 32. At that age, I still had not been able to have a boyfriend or consistent relationship with a man that could have led marriage. I had never held hands with a man nor kissed a man. For some reason, I’d thought that by age 32, I would have met someone who made me feel comfortable enough to do those things, but that had not been the case for me. As an older more developed woman, I can now understand why.

Everything that I thought I stood for as a young adult Christian, I would be tested on, and the test would be hard. I would have to learn why certain things were instilled in me as a child. I would have to be thankful that I adhered to those things once I knew the value of what I had learned, and once proven in those things, I would have to share them with others being an example.

If only I had a roadmap or guidebook. Something to tell me what would lie ahead and how to handle it. The ride would not have been so bumpy or painful at times. The good thing however is that God was with me through everything and he is still with me today as I continue to wait on him for the promise of the husband that God has for me.

This book is for every woman who seeks to honor God in her singleness. For every woman who wants to do this relationship thing God’s way, but has no clue as to how that can even be possible. This book is for the woman who either sees the value in herself or needs to see the value in herself—to know that her heart is so valuable to God that not only does he want her to guard her heart, but he wants to protect her heart as well with his word and his gentle hand.

Contrary to how things may appear, God is on our side as single women who seek to honor him. God’s word says that to the faithful, God shows himself faithful (Psalms 18:25 NIV). The truth is when we seek to honor God, he seeks to honor us. He watches over his word to perform it in our own individual lives.

My prayer is that in reading this book, things would be confirmed in you, made clear to you, and your growth and trust would multiply in the Lord, because of what he is doing in your life—as he walks with you and talks with you on your journey to your God-ordained promise of the man that God has for you.

Lastly, I want to say that while this book may be directed at single women, I believe that the very same principles taught can also be of great benefit to single Christian men as well—simply because I’ve noticed that often Christian men are going through some of the same things that I’ve noticed Christian women going through. There may be slight variations based on gender expectations, but in all, both single Christian men and women can benefit from this book. So don’t be discouraged from reading this book if you are a male. Take away all that you can as you wait for your promise of your God-ordained wife and help-meet made especially for you.

Chapter One

My Foundation

When I was younger, I went back and forth with the idea of wanting to be married. Sometimes I thought I’d like to be married when I got older, and other times I did not partially because of some of the things I saw in my parents’ relationship. There was abuse that took place that was both physical and verbal, which at times would create an unsettling environment that caused me to question whether I wanted to be in a relationship if experiencing abuse is what being in a relationship m eant.

The other thing that affected whether I would one day like to be married was the fact that I had a very strong zeal as a new Christian to want to set aside my life to just win souls for Christ. My brothers and I all got saved around the same time. I was 12 years old when I received Jesus Christ as my savior. I listened to a lot of television and radio ministers as my parents were very strict and did not allow us to go anywhere without them taking us. That meant if they did not take us to church, we did not go, but we were encouraged to watch church on television and to listen to it on the radio.

Many of the ministers on the radio and television talked about how God’s heart was for people and souls to be saved, and how Christians should not be selfish, but instead willing to do whatever it takes to get the gospel to people so that they could be saved. The seeds were planted, and I had decided at about 14 years of age that I did not want to get married. I wanted to win souls for the kingdom of God without distraction.

I remember having to go to the local junior high school to take the Constitution test as a home-schooled student. The person who administered the test made a comment about me having kids one day when I got older, and I told him that I probably would not have kids because I wasn’t planning to get married.

I also remember at 16 praying to God about how selfish I felt that church folks could be. In prayer, I remembered saying to God that I did not want to be selfish like that. I told God that people were dying and going to hell and that is more important than the selfish things that I could want. I asked him to help me not to be selfish. I told him in that prayer that I would follow him and take as many people with me as possible. At the time of that prayer, I don’t know if I understood the seriousness of what I was praying, but God actually held me to that prayer.

When I was in my mid-twenties, a friend of mine invited me to a group called, Transformed Mentoring Institute. The group’s leader was a teacher and a prophet. One day she was prophesying, and she mentioned a line from my prayer that I had prayed to God while I was 16 with no one in the room, but me and God, and I did not even know this lady at the time. She told me that God was saying, Are you the one who said that I would follow you and take as many people with me as possible? I said to myself, Whoa! God is expecting me to hold true to what I said. She continued saying that God wants a yes.

By this time, I had given up on the not wanting to be married thing. I had a plan in mind that I wanted to meet my husband at 24 and be married by 27. However, I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship at that time because I did not know who I was. I continued to go to the mentoring group and the leader would encourage us and teach what God was saying from the Word and she would pray for us. She unraveled my plan in prayer and prophesying one night by saying that I have to learn to follow God.

She told me, "God is saying that he sees your plans that you just kind of laid before him. Like, this is my plan, if you could work that out that would be cool, but he wants you to learn to follow him." She shared how the enemy wanted to destroy me and had set up pitfalls for me. Also, that God had been covering me and he knew where the pitfalls were set up, and that’s why it was so important for me to follow him.

I was learning at the time that I was not on my own. I had been bought with a price by Jesus, and he was the one to call the shots in my life. My job was to submit myself to him in obedience to his will for my life. I did not just submit myself over night. As a young person you can kind of buck against the plan of God until the plan of God humbles you into submission.

With a sure desire to one day be married, I saw that a lot of older women in the church I attended were single. From the pulpit I would hear messages such as, Wait on the Lord, and if God never blesses you with a spouse, you should be happy and fulfilled. In my immature mind I wondered why it had to be so deep. Why can’t they just go get somebody who’s saved and decent?

I was unaware of how hard it really was out here. However, in an attempt to not end up like the older women that I had seen, I entertained men who were not going in my same direction. Taking things into my own hands was like playing with fire. When you play with fire as an immature person who doesn’t understand the severity, you can easily get burned. It was during this time that I joined the mentoring group and was warned regarding people that I allowed around me who were not right.

I was talking to a gentleman who was not saved that I needed to let go of. After being tired of being drained and starting to hate myself because of the negative things that he would say about me due to misunderstanding the type of person I was, I had to cut him off and