Confessions of a Teacher: Hope for the Underdog

By Kellyanne Dunaway

In Confessions of a Teacher, she shares the many stories of her teaching and coaching days. She tells how she’s fallen in love with more people than she dares to admit. Some of her loves were nearly invisible, some were fragile, and others were bold, but all of them were beautiful. None were of a sexual nature, but all are very much a part of her, even now.

Dunaway expresses her appreciation at being able to witness and celebrate the everyday people in her life. These experiences remind her everyone has a story, a starting place no other human being truly understands. She celebrates the world of staggered starting lines, hard times, and the unexpectedly beautiful outcomes that came from not giving up.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Dec 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9798765236109

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Dedication

Every good and beautiful thing is multiplied by a million when it’s shared with loved ones. I know because I’ve felt the emptiness that comes from being alone with my joy. That was fine, and of course it’s likely to happen to us more than we desire. But it freaking amazes me how the little things are so much more colorful when we share them. Those things reverberate in our conversations until we are filled us up with such pleasure that our relationships are also richer and deeper. I know love grows here.

For the genuine connections that sustained me in all kinds of weather, you are probably not even aware of the impact you made. Uncle Robert understood the Neither world that I cherished. You know, that place that isn’t greatly valued at home but is a niche that blows your mind in every healthy way possible? Born in ’57, I craved all things athletic and competitive. Carolina and Jean know. My coaches and my teammates valued it. Yep, Coach R saw it in me. Thank you for giving this woman a place to experience that magic. I’m personally thrilled for the tremendous opportunities female athletes have these days. And oh, how it magnifies a girl’s potential to succeed.

For all my colleagues who became my school family, there is no relevant compensation for the beautiful love and intellect you have shared with the world. I know you are gratified, as am I, by seeing young minds blossom and confidence reflected. Even more so, the value of our connections and relationships with students. Those things grasp our hearts until we are more resilient and intentional in our every decision. Patience being on the top of that list, we begin to perceptively see the whole person even when their behavior is simply impossible. For all those precious times we laughed and cried, cheered victories and suffered our losses together, my heart is full, and I thank you immensely. You are in the middle of me and all of my stories.

For my children, I need nothing more than your presence in my life. Everything you are and everything you do comes to me like a colorful sunset blending into a star-filled night. You are stunning enough, but then God gave me more! There is my sister, my partner in crime, my evil twin, my confidante, my bestie, my Esther. I just start laughing. We shared careers, raised our kids, celebrated grandkids, golfed together, coached, retirement life, our faith, adventures, and vacations, and now she has pushed me to complete these stories to give to you. When you have a friend like this, nothing is ever too small to celebrate or too big to handle. Esther, this book is very much yours! Cal and Sue were a constant inspiration as well! They have been the ultimate silent partners, always greasing my wheels and cheering me to sanity. Love you all for the fire you bring every day, rain or shine, and the ultimate friendship we celebrate!

Finally, my students and athletes, you are my darlings. Thank you for giving all of yourselves to the learning process and to your high school experiences. I address each of you individually when I say that you are mighty, worthy, beautiful people, ready for the ever-changing world. Remember, the only way to succeed is to get off the couch and take a risk with something that serves your honor. If it doesn’t work out, get up, brush yourself off, and try again. That’s how we all arrive at our destinations. As always, I love you. Have a great weekend, and please come back safely to me on Monday!

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1    A Fortuitous Frustration

2    After High School

3    Direction Produces Purpose

4    Everything Isn’t Equal in Love and War

5    Breathing Life into a Career

6    Life Is Short

7    The Compromise Dividends

8    A New Direction

9    Alma Mater Life

10  The Fruits of Purpose

11  So This Is Work

12  Cabin Cravings

13  Another Door Opens

14  Who Stands for Me?

15  Mom’s Right! It’s More Than a Game

16  Champions above All Champions

17  The Kindness of an Earthly Angel

18  What the Hell, Chico?

19  Unbelievable Grace

Preface

You may not know it, but you’re winning at life right now. It’s true that winning implies victory over the competition. It says others aren’t as successful as you are this time around. You’re standing alone on the top of the podium, the mountain top of triumph that glows throughout the kingdom, acknowledged in history books and in retold stories around the office and glowing campfires. OK, we took it a little far, didn’t we?

Indeed, life isn’t a competition. After all, we aren’t all running the same race with the same fair starting line. And what of the different obstacles we face? Children with cancer, various parental influences, born into money or born into poverty, endless influences that spring us forward or hold us back. Here we are, billions of human beings spread all over the earth, just trying to find our way through our own personal mazes.

When I was a child, I could see the sun peek out behind the clouds and fantasized about the treasure at the end of a rainbow after a welcomed rain. Imagining the diamonds and rubies gushing out of the treasure chest as they spilled around my feet, I marveled at the concept that grown-ups weren’t rushing out to gather their share. Then I realized that they were too busy and tired to feel excited. I didn’t want to grow up.

As the years passed, I came to understand that dreaming is a necessary and powerful tool. We can’t deny that wanting more out of life is a strength of the human condition. Pursuing career dreams and comfortable living conditions ultimately provides us with priceless personal rewards. Eventually, those pursuits can induce an uncomfortable stress, but that’s not a bad thing. After all, it’s nature’s way of increasing our awareness and kick-starting our reaction mode.

Ultimately, a day comes when we recognize that choosing to see the world through a positive lens adds infinite depth and fulfillment. It comes from sharing life’s intricacies with those precious people who share our love. When they lean into us, we know we’re in a good place.

In those moments, our goals have greater value. Our achievements, even the tiny steps it takes to get to those achievements, give us reason to celebrate. Within the beautiful conditions of secure, transparent relationships, our vision becomes clearer, and the goals we pursue become that much more achievable. One powerful byproduct of such an experience is that we pleasantly discover that we are more than we ever imagined.

Dreams unexpectedly change over time and under the pressure of uncontrollable variables. The key is to embrace and build a better way. I didn’t know for sure if it was a perfect plan, but one day I retired. After thirty-seven years of teaching and thirty-two seasons of coaching high school kids, I followed many great friends into a new era.

These days, looking back gives me a heart full of reasons to celebrate. I’ve fallen in love with more people than I dare to admit. Some of my loves were nearly invisible, some were fragile, and others were bold, but all of them were beautiful. None were of a sexual nature, but all are very much a part of me, even now.

The earth travels so quickly around the sun that these days I find myself with a sense of urgency to share their stories. That’s why this book had to be written. We’re going to celebrate the world of staggered starting lines, hard times, and the unexpectedly beautiful outcomes that came from not giving up.

Here’s the catch: In truth, I’m not a psychologist or a renowned sociologist. What I have to offer is not mine at all. It is, however, a heart full of respect and admiration for the intimate details of people who have reasons to feel defeated. I just know that these heroes simply decided to grow, expand, give more, and be more. Certainly, there were always those in the village filled with hope who freely gave a hand up. But not all!

You see, here’s this thing. For some ungodly reason, in the complexity of the human being, we simply love to judge other human beings. The tragedy of wasting our intellect on this useless endeavor seems to be lost on souls who are seeking to step on the backs of others in an effort to rise up. It’s like we’re self-appointed experts on other people’s circumstances but miles away from understanding our own glaring issues.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m not innocent. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, hear this. No number of righteous judgments, from the finest to the most catastrophically imagined assault, filled me up with joy. Not even a little. I had to see myself in a different way. And when I did, the truth of that judging spirt voluntarily gave up. The weight of it vanished. Then—don’t laugh—the light of love shined right through the need to make my ugly observations. Instead, I could just go with it. Accept people right where they were. And that made all the difference.

Drug user, liar, cheater, lazy, backstabber, gossipmonger, racist, wild child, limited social skills, alcoholic, drama queen, different from me in the smallest or the biggest kind of way? OK. But I’m literally going to love you right where you are because I can’t fix it, and we don’t have time to work this out. What I want, what has greater power, is to see and cherish the best parts of people.

Do I get pissed, disappointed, and tired and often temporarily reject that situation? Of course, because I am a complicated human and because I tire of the drama or lies or excuses for repeated bad choices. But let me tell you, there is courage enough for all of us to keep going. Compare it! How can I expect the injured, aching, heartbroken to always win their battles? I can’t! I, we, seek courage to love what is difficult.

Love isn’t easy. No one ever said it would be. It’s more like a superpower you decide to use. We all need a clear plan for future endeavors:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NIV)

Love isn’t easy, but without love, we are nothing.

The truth is life is not a culmination of our own personal decisions. Instead, countless people influence the trajectory of our existence. Additionally, when we add to another’s life by playing even the smallest role, the sweetest connections can be made. Who knows how much a person needs that moment or how long they reflect on its meaning? Giving is powerful, life changing, and the equal act of receiving.

As I trust Christ to walk with me, I have learned that love is the room where the greatest life takes place. I hope I will find you there.

Acknowledgments

My life, as common as it is, is chock-full of complexities. As I pull each one in for a closer look, it’s clear that I’m part of a network, a spiderweb if you will, of wonderful people who have influenced me in a variety of ways. In the short course of this endeavor, I find it impossible to fully express my gratitude, yet I have each of you in my heart. I humbly thank you for investing in me with your words and actions that built an unbreakable connection. With each spoonful of confidence and certainty, you improved my ability to make decisions that ultimately have impacted all of my people. I pray you are gratified in your beautiful choice to serve humanity.

Introduction

I’ve never met a perfect person, perfect teacher, perfect parent, or a perfect student. Instead, I met up in the teacher’s lounge and got the stare. What brings you to the castle?

An exhausted Work Force teacher was hunched over his vending machine dinner. You mean the dungeon? We made great eye contact, and I smiled really big. We both giggled, but it was a depressing space. With no windows to offer up the sunshine, it was left gloomy and uninviting, except for the exit sign.

I once had a student who had similar issues to my oldest son. I could relate to the parents on a personal level, and knowing how my son grew up, I believed there was reason to have tremendous hope. Every time we took time to share our common joy and grief, we seemed to have a deeper appreciation for their son and the hope we had for him. One day in third period, this kid was absolutely oppositional on every level. No words could soothe him, and no firm directive could de-escalate his unprovoked outbursts. In the silence of a very focused class, he threatened to kill me. With all the emotional and anxiety-filled distraction, Linda, my all-pro instructional assistant, quietly went outside to contact security for an escort.

The next day, the dean called to assure me the boy didn’t have access to weapons. Laughingly, I just wondered if he knew that weapons don’t always look like guns, but I could see where this was going, and I agreed that I felt safe enough. Later, our new dean brought him to my classroom, where the boy repeated the dean’s words of apology, and we hugged in reconciliation. In his naivety, the inexperienced dean heartily patted himself on the back with his own words before heading back to this office. I couldn’t hold back a smile, thinking about the nearly six hundred expulsions required of me when I was the dean across town. Those long days were full of heartache, so the new concept of healing and returning kids to class was a pleasant change.

Once inside, the boy returned to his old self, boldly barking his defiance for a roomful to consider. Fuck you. I’m not doing anything you fucking say. All daggers and flames, he simply pushed himself over the edge. He didn’t get the response he wanted.

There was no best way to handle this, so I stayed calm, quiet, and unmoved. Looking at him with little interest, I said, OK. Are you able to sit at your table? After a few cold seconds, he flopped down and threw his pencil on the carpet. Pretty clear he wasn’t going to grow today.

He was struggling mightily with himself, so I stuck with him in the best way I knew how. I mothered, ignored, pampered, and tutored him. His classmates watched closely, looking at one another and certainly wondering if it would be the same with them.

Sometimes, when they didn’t ask for help, I made myself at home just inches away from them, one at a time, or in twos, but always with watchful, sincere smiles that said, Know that you are very important to me.

Whatever he could handle in those moments, I gave it to him. Teenagers stink it up sometimes. We all know that. If we give up on them, toss them out, set ultimatums, and use our authority to prove we can wave a wand and be rid of them, well, we aren’t modeling what we expect from them. Changing behaviors takes a long-term investment. Have you ever tried to diet?

Within a few days, he recovered. My students understood the gift that kid received, and they worked hard to be kind to both of us. I was extremely blown away by their composure, because none of them were saints. They came with far too much baggage for their age, making them either super tough or very vulnerable to one another.

In the following days and weeks, we laughed more, learned more, and grew more than my other classes. Maybe there was a new level of trust or understanding gained from that experience, or maybe that was their first opportunity to display their maturity. Either way, my kids were awesome individuals, and I made sure they knew it. Even in my last year of teaching, kids continued to delight me.

After retiring I returned in the fall to work on projects for my school. At lunch one day, that same boy saw me from a hundred yards away. Now a sophomore, he did the most uncommon thing. He yelled my name, jogged across the quad, and hugged me like a long-lost friend. It was cool to see the genuine joy on his face. Still holding my hands, he said, I love you, man. It’s so great to see you. Man, I miss you! Life is not the same here without you. Our hug was mutual, and I said the same—because why wouldn’t I? There must always be hope for the underdog.

Truly, I have failed so much in my lifetime I could write a series of expansive books on the matter. Fortunately, I have learned from all of it, which should have made me pretty smart by now. What I do know for sure is that life on this earth is gone in the blink of an eye. That kid, he’s headed to junior college this year. That dungeon of a staff lounge is part of the fifty-year modernization plan. These days, it’s bright, welcoming, and lacking for nothing. Things change, and people change. Stay hopeful!

As we pick up the putter, favorite book, fishing rod, or hammock or bang away at other fun adventures, we have time to process the value of our lives. For me, it was the great people I have revered for years—people I would consider normal, everyday folks, who so strived to fervently serve others in some capacity, both great and small. In doing so, they lived their best lives. They won the race, regardless of their starting line.

I shared my story concept with a highly regarded writer’s agent, who said, No. Don’t tell their stories. Tell your story with each of their stories incorporated in your story. I was reluctant to give a first-person perspective, but soon their lives were translating one particular message over and over: we don’t have