The Rain That Never Stops: And the Problem of Depression

By M. R. Scott

The Rain that Never Stops takes a theological and transparent look at the problem of depression through the lens of Scripture and the life experiences of M.R. Scott, concisely detailing the hope that we have in Jesus when we find ourselves in the rain.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 31, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664281851

M. R. Scott

M.R. Scott is a husband, an author, personal trainer, librarian, and an avid believer that God can use any circumstance for His own glory. He is married and lives in Yuma, Arizona, with his wife, and their dog.

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Copyright © 2022 M.r. Scott.

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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked (NIV) taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked CSB are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Used by Permission HCSB ©1999,2000,2002,2003,2009 Holman Bible Publishers. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8186-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8187-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8185-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022919667

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/31/2022

CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Introduction

I Looked Out My Window To See

Chapter 2: Depression

The First Cloud of Gray Approaching

Chapter 3: Loss

To Steal Away the Sun

Chapter 4: Trauma

Before the Pouring Began

Chapter 5: Suffering

Of a Rain that Never Stops

Chapter 6: Purpose

I Couldn’t Find a Reason

Chapter 7: Value

Nor See its Hidden Worth

Chapter 8: Suicide

So I Went to Close the Curtain

Chapter 9: Redemption

But Upon Seeing the Flower, I Knew

I want to

dedicate this book to my late mentor and former

pastor who lived his life for the glory of Jesus Christ, and

also to my wife, who has always supported my writing

and encouraged me, even when I doubted myself.

the rain that never stops

i looked out my window to see

the first cloud of gray approaching

to steal away the sun

before the pouring began

of a rain that never stops;

i couldn’t find a reason

nor grasp its hidden worth

so i went to close the curtain

but upon seeing the flower, i knew.

1

INTRODUCTION

I Looked Out My

Window To See

I t’s said that from beginning to end, the creation and setting of a stage for a play can take weeks or even months to complete. The play itself, of course, is far shorter than the time it took to create it. I find it fascinating that such time and energy can be invested into theater—over the course of what can be considered significant time—for an event that only lasts a fraction as long as its own creation. Generally speaking, people go to these plays to observe and interact with the characters—the drama. They may admire the settings, the stage, and the display, but it is not the focal point of why they are there. It is, both literally and figuratively, just a background after all. The real thrust of their attendance to such events is to partake in what unravels on that stage. Because of this, the production team does not preface their work with a laborious explanation of why they choose green drapes, or why the main character is wearing a purple tunic instead of a brown one. Indeed, it would be painful to sit through hours and hours rehashing the decisions and their motivations. For that reason, though I must preface this work with an explanation of why and how it came to be, I will do my best not to bore you with all the irrelevant details (and certainly won’t take weeks to set up the chapter for you)!

The foundation of this work is heavily based upon my own experience with the problem of depression. I find that my most influential and meaningful work stems from my own experiences with the subjects and depression is no exception. As I go about my life, it would appear to be that I am not the only one fighting with this monster. Many persons I know have a familiarity with depression, if only having suffered it for a season. Others have hinted at suffering it, while a few have outright told me that they are in one way or another engaged in a fierce battle where swords are swung, and flesh is ripped to pieces. It comes as no surprise that depression has such a far reach, nor does it surprise me that as many people struggle with it as they do despite the overwhelming number of self-help and positive you can do better books flooding the shelves of our local bookstores. It seems like the world’s answer is within the grasp of our fingers, yet the answer has never seemed so far away. But why is the problem of depression so pervasive that we can’t seem to shake it no matter what we do?

To be sure, the problem of depression is not one easily solved. It is a burden, and a complex one at that, especially since the root of it can reach further back into our pasts than we might be aware of. For some, their depression is rooted in a trauma they experienced in their lifetime. This could come in the form of abandonment, abuse, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or spouse, or something else. Others have no discernible trauma, but rather have chemical imbalances in the brain. Many others suffer from depression that is the result of spiritual drought. Some depression is temporary, while other forms are chronic. Some depression manifests with relatively low impact, while others drown the soul. One of the puzzling obstacles about solving depression is while it seems simple on the surface, it has complexities and variables that all need to be taken into consideration before attempting to tackle it head on.

While the aim of this work is to point the reader to freedom from the burden of depression, it must be understood that the scope of this work leans more toward anecdotal as opposed to academic. I am not licensed to diagnose or treat depression. I am not a psychiatrist, but I am a human intimately familiar with the problem of depression, having battled with it for the last fourteen or so years. Because of this, I feel that I can make this work relatable to those who are in the same trench as I am, even if they’re a few feet down the way. Sometimes, one of the uncanny aids to our most desperate battle is realizing that we are not alone, that there are others like us, and that we need not be ashamed of our burdens. While I do not discredit modern medicine and have found great help in utilizing counseling for myself, I recognize that the availability of those resources may be outside the reach of some. However, I believe in the efficacy of this work in providing clear perspective to those who take up and read it. It is also pertinent to state here that if you have thoughts or temptations to hurt yourself or worse, it is best for you to seek prompt help. Regardless of where you go, however, be sure to keep this book with you.

Most people who meet me for the first time soon come to know that I’m a Christian and that my relationship to Christ as my Lord defines all that I am and the way I see the world. I will go into more detail about that in the proceeding chapters, but for now, it will suffice to say that just because this book has a theological framework does not mean that the book cannot serve its purpose in helping you in your battle. I will say with all humility that there is no hope in this world outside of Christ and no life to be found in death. I will endeavor to show it in this work as I bear my soul and pour out all that I have in hopes that God’s mercy breaks through your heart—and no, this is not a prosperity message. This is not a work claiming that if you believe in Jesus, your battle with depression ends and your experiences of suffering are over. To make such a grandiose claim would be to err greatly, both in my integrity and in representing the Word of God. We live in a world marred by sin, overrun with brokenness, and destitute of God in a great majority of places and governments. If God is life, then the absence of His presence can only be death. Because this work is theological in nature, I will be drawing my sources from the Scriptures. Truly, it is no exaggeration for me to proclaim that Christ is the only reason that I am still here and the reason why I write this work. It is a testimony to His grace, love, and compassion; a call to arms for my fellow believers to get in the trenches; and a beacon of hope to those who do not yet know Christ as Lord and Savior.

So as you take up and read, I encourage you to remember that you are not alone, that there is hope, and it is found in Christ, who will by no means turn you away if you come to Him in faith. May this work bless you, whether a believer or not, and may the Lord be glorified by the words on these pages.

2

DEPRESSION

The First Cloud of Gray

Approaching

I don’t want to be here anymore.

If I was looking in a mirror at the genesis of this thought, I am sure that my expression would have been one of confusion. I was standing in the family den when all of a sudden, this thought sprung into my mind. I gazed out the window. It was winter, and while I don’t remember if there was any snow, I do remember that it was bleak. Gray.

Standing there alone, I felt a bit unsettled that I would think something like that. I had always been taught that suicide was bad. Yet, what made the thought worse was that it was followed by a desire to hurt myself—to take myself away from the gray of the world. I imagined myself going into the kitchen, grabbing a knife from the drawer, and running it across my wrists. I wondered what my mother’s expression would be when she found my corpse, or if my brother would have regretted the way he had treated me all my life. I also wondered if anyone would truly care. I kept thinking to myself, Why not?

They say that isolation is a dangerous thing for humans because, by nature, we’re relational beings. In that den, I was alone because in that house I was alone. There was no noise except that of my buzzing thoughts and The Office playing across the television screen. In that loneliness, I tried to piece together why I would feel that way. I quickly surmised that I was simply flirting with taboo thoughts because I knew that I wasn’t supposed to think them. So I dismissed it, though from that moment on, the depression would only continue to grow.

As time crept by, I felt as though the world was continuing to lose its luster. Color seemed to wash out. My world began to feel increasingly gray. To make matters worse, life’s burdens would by no means alleviate the depression I was experiencing. One bad moment had the potential to obliterate the ten good moments that preceded it. In some respects, I became internally cold. I felt indifferent toward a lot of different things, especially my outer family issues with my immediate family. There was always some sort of conflict. I recall one time when I was at my grandmother’s house downstairs in the basement. Attached to the house was a sunroom that acted like a porch. In the cool of the night, my cousin asked me about how I felt about the family situation and if I missed anyone. She asked that second question because when family conflict would arise, it was inevitable that the family would no longer associate for a time. The drama of the adults quickly trickled into the lives of the children.

I thought about it for a fraction of a second before I told my cousin that it never bothered me not to see the family. I rarely missed people. My cousin looked at me and to my surprise, said, Wow, M.R., you’ve gotten really cold. A comment like that today would cause me to self-analyze. A comment like that then? I didn’t flinch. There was no impact. To me, they were just words.

This is not to say that I was a recluse, or emotionally detached from the world. Ironically enough, I have always possessed a relatively keen empathy. I relate well to others and their emotions. I spent much time talking my peers through relational issues, felt very powerful emotions in other ways, but nothing as strong or fortuitous as my depression. It had a tenacity that could give Hercules an inferiority complex.

In a lot of ways, my depression has shaped me into the man I am. While I will share more about this in the proceeding chapters, it will suffice to say for now that the depression you now suffer is not in vain, nor is it purposeless. To be sure, nothing in this universe is. But what is depression truly?

Depression? Isn’t that just a fancy word for feeling ‘bummed out’? is what Dwight Schrute says to his boss, Michael Scott, when Michael is putting on a display of the dangers of depression by pretending that he is going to throw himself off the roof of the company building.

After calling Dwight a pejorative, Michael goes on to assert that, Depression is a very serious illness.

Michael’s response, while not exactly proper as far as a theological perspective is concerned, is right about depression being a very serious illness. The reality is, many people associate depression with simply being sad, but it is far worse, and anyone can tell you that depression is more akin to despair and hollowness than it is about feelings of sadness. We know that intense moments of grief and/or trauma can cause seasonal depression, where the response of the grief or trauma is so elevated that its symptoms often mock depression. We also know that certain life changes can prompt such responses as well, such as women who suffer postpartum depression. Before diving into some of these topics, however, I want to state a few things.

First, there is no shame in suffering from depression. The truth of the matter is sin has marred the entirety of creation. In the Garden of Eden, Adam, the first created human, had paradise. God gives Adam a woman, whom he calls Eve, and both live in the garden enjoying the paradise that God made for them. However, shortly after describing creation, the narrative of Adam and Eve takes a sinister turn when Satan, in the guise of a serpent, deceives Eve, and influences her to disobey God’s only command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This disobedience was completed when Eve gave Adam and fruit, and he ate of it as well. It is important to keep this in mind, as the result of that wickedness has reaped consequences for us all. The consequences of sin are so severe, in fact, that Paul writes that the entirety of creation groans for redemption (see Romans 8:19–23).

In order for this to make sense, we have to summarize what sin is. In brief, sin is a want of God’s righteousness, or a want of conformity to the law of God. At this juncture, you may be scratching your head wondering, How is a wanting to conform to God’s law sin? Isn’t sin supposed to be a bad thing? You would be correct if we were using the modern understanding of want as being that which relates to desire. However, there is another usage of the word want, and it means lack of. So in a very real sense, sin is a lack of God’s righteousness, and a lack of conformity to God’s law.

To understand what a lack of God’s righteousness means, we have to first know what it is that God is in His nature and His character. I add God’s character because God’s character is supremely relevant, for we are made in God’s image.¹ For example, the Bible teaches us that God is truth, life, and light (see John 1:1–5; 14:6). What would the lack of those characteristics look like? Deception, death, and darkness. Ours is a society that rejects God. If God is light, then by process of elimination, to run from Him is to run into the dark. Another attribute of God is that God is orderly. A lack of order is unmitigated chaos. When we run away from God, these are the things that we must run toward.²

So, coming back to Adam and Eve, when they disobeyed the Creator, they subjected themselves and creation to futility, and along with it, us. This is because by nature, Adam and Eve were sinners, and two sinners who procreate cannot make something outside of their natures, thus, another sinner is born. The more sinners that enter the world, the worse it gets, until God destroys the world through the flood, save Noah and his family. Why didn’t God destroy Noah too? We will answer that later on in the book.

If a broken world is where we live and all of us are broken, then is it any surprise that brokenness resides within us? That our emotions, our thoughts, our relationships, our perceptions are broken? If this is the case—and it certainly is—then the experiencing of depression or sorrow of any kind is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes, It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart (7:2). We read of Jesus that He wept at the death of Lazarus and the sorrow of the crowds (see John 11), and that He prayed and cried to God (Hebrews 5:7). Many characters recorded for us in Scripture also suffered with bouts of depression, some even asking God to take their lives!

The second thing I want you to know is that God is sovereign over all things, including your depression. Many people, when discussing the problem of evil as it relates to God’s sovereignty get it wrong. To be sure, their intentions are generally good. They wish to absolve God of all possible involvement with the evils and sufferings of this world. They will make statements like, This suffering isn’t God’s will for your life! and, You just have to have faith and God will heal you! or, God has nothing to do with the evil in this world! Such statements, while again, having good intentions, are not biblical. Why do I say this?

Scripture is rather clear that God is sovereign over all things. This includes the problem of evil. In Isaiah 45:7, we read what appears to be a problematic text: I form the light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity. I am the LORD who does all these things. That is God speaking. A lot of critics point out this text in contrast with James 1:13, Let no one say when he is tempted, I am being tempted by God, for God cannot be tempted with evil, and He Himself tempts no one. Here, James clearly asserts that God does not create evil or tempt mankind with evil. Yet Isaiah tells us that God creates evil. Is this