Essays from the Desert: A Journey with the Lord, Through Grief and Loss

By Maria Hasten

Essays from the Desert is an inspirational journey of a mother and son following their tragic loss. It includes real-life stories alongside poignant personal journals. It is a seven-year journey of pain, loss, and triumph. Take a journey with this family and follow them out of the unforgiving desert and on to a new life and identity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512786064

Maria Hasten

Maria Hasten grew up in St. Louis, Missouri. She moved to Colorado in 1996 with her husband and her son Christian. Maria has been a christian nearly her entire life. She has a very grass roots approach to her faith and leans very heavily on the teaching of Jesus Christ for insight and guidance. Maria finds joy and peace when visiting the Colorado Rocky Mountains. It is there she finds beauty and evidence of God’s creation.

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Copyright © 2017 Maria Hasten.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-8607-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-8608-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-8606-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017907460

WestBow Press rev. date: 06/16/2017

Contents

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1 Refiner Of Souls

Chapter 2 Divine Faith

Chapter 3 Christianity On Trial

Chapter 4 Sanctified Through Christ’s Blood

Chapter 5 The Intimate Faith

Chapter 6 Revival Of The Soul, Revival Of The Heart

Chapter 7 The Face We Show The World

Chapter 8 The Least Of My Brothers

Chapter 9 A Great Light

Chapter 10 At The Heart

Chapter 11 Taking Up Our Cross

Chapter 12 Saving Face Or Losing Faith

Chapter 13 The Battlefield

My Testimony

FOREWORD

In 2009, my 25-year marriage ended with the death of my husband. Between then and now there have been man challenges for both my son and myself. Throughout this period, I have known instances that I can only refer to as being God driven. In other words, the only conclusion I can come up with is God’s presence in a tough, painful situation.

That is not to say that this book serves as my testimony. To be honest, I’ll leave that decision up to the reader. I will say that these journals and writings are inspired from a source other than me. I say this because I am not an extremely positive person. Even before the death of my husband I tended to be somewhat negative and I’m far from being a voice of reason also. To be brutally honest, I complain more than I give praise. I tend to look at life through the eyes of a victim and often I live as though I’m not blessed, always waiting for the next shoe to fall.

Therefore, it has taken me seven years to realize that proverbial shoe isn’t going to fall. And I’m finally at the point in my faith where I honestly realize that I am loved and valued. And although, I haven’t completely wrapped my head around it, it is a wonderful feeling and one that is welcomed.

It all began as a small spark inside of me that glowed a little brighter than anything else in my life. It has since then become a source of comfort and inspiration for me. It is powerful, beautiful, and calming to me. Therefore, I’m inclined to believe it is God. To be exact it is Christ who resides in me through the Holy Spirit. My faith would call it nothing less than a Godly presence and one that I dearly welcome in all the negativity and pain.

So yes, I’ll go out on a limb and say that God has touched my life and has begun to transform me into a loving, gentle soul. What makes this transformation all the more real is the fact that moments of peace, joy, and calm seem to fall in line with some of the harshest, most painful periods in my life. Perhaps He has carried me and it’s not just me applying my own brand of wishful thinking. I can say one thing for sure, it is not by my own hand that I’ve survived this horrible dry period in the desert. It could never have been by my own hand, never.

So here are my writings, or rather a chosen portion of them. Each chapter begins with one of my personal journals. I then go on to expound upon my journal with writings which have come to me through prayer. Often, these writings go hand in hand with my journal. Yet, sometimes I admit that it may be a bit of a stretch of the imagination to find the correlation, but it is there. Generally, that is the flow that the reader can anticipate when reading this book. Hopefully, I haven’t taken too many rabbit holes.

These writings span a period of seven years of growth and pain (which tend to go hand in hand). They are real, gritty, sorrowful, and often express a side of loneliness that I would just as soon not share with anyone. But God wanted transparency and that is what I offer. They are in fact the best I can offer to a hurting world. I say this because they are honest, not always pretty, but always honest. They are my way of saying to you dear reader Don’t give up your faith and trust that God is in charge. He really does love you.

These essays, although primarily my own, do include my son’s journey also. After all he too shared in this tragic loss. We went through this together. With that said, our story may never be popular or catch on. Honestly, I might not make a dime off what I’ve written. And although that should matter to me, honestly it doesn’t. If only a handful of people find comfort in these words, giving them the ability to rise above life’s crushing blows; then to me, it will have been worth the time and effort of writing them down. Maybe someone will see God in these words also.

So please, take my hand and walk with me. Be patient and open as I recount for you our time in the desert. I’ll share what the Lord has taught me and my small family during this period. If nothing else perhaps you will walk away with a new understanding of who you are and how greatly loved and precious you are also. I take no credit for these essays. The truth is I’m only the pen or the keyboard, not the author.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

When acknowledging my inspiration in these writings I must first and foremost acknowledge the God who created me. He is awesome, loving, caring, and ultimately the healer of my heart. Without Him I could not have written a word.

Next, I must acknowledge and dedicate this book to my son Christian. Without Christian in my life I would have chased after any crazy scheme or new and improved product relentlessly. He is an old soul in a young, brilliant body. He shows wisdom beyond his years and carries inside of him the love of Christ in a new and refreshing manner. He is my hero.

Next, I give a shout out to Mr. Tim Broztman a fellow traveler I met along the way. Tim showed me how to be bold and urged me to publish this book. He did so through his own brand of boldness. He taught me that God isn’t timid and I’m not a victim. This awesome man changed the way I embrace my faith and my circumstances. Tim is a Godly man and he too is a writer. I highly recommend his book. It is called What Never Give Up Looks Like. I read it beginning to end and it is inspirational.

Lastly, I recognize those folks who kept me inspired. This list includes Darla and Todd, Deb Miller and her husband Brad. These folks taught me about faithfulness because they have been there every step of the way. Without them in my life I would have allowed the depression to take me off point and this book would have never been published. I will call these folks friends for the remainder of my life.

CHAPTER 1

REFINER OF SOULS

Personal Journal Entry:

I keep reliving the past several years in my mind. I will pass an area I drove by while taking Dewayne to dialysis, or to the hospital, or to work. Songs, locations, pictures, people, all of which tend to bring back difficult memories. These same memories are the ones I dearly want to forget. Yet they are with me still. And although I believe they are here for a reason; for now, they resonate failure, loss, and depression.

For example, I took Christian to the doctor