Tha Womun Who Forgave Hirself: The Avery Victoria Spencer Fables, WEnglish, #4

By Vivian Ruth Probst

An old photo reveals Avery's forgotten past…

When Avery reaches to close a window shutter against a pounding London rainstorm, an old photo falls into hir hands, restoring long-forgotten, painful memories. It was all my fault, shi remembers.

Stunned by grief, shi grabs an umbrella and leaves tha house with no idea where to go. When the umbrella blocks hir view of an approaching car, shi ends up on life support.  

The Angel of Life argues for Avery to live because shi has so much to live for--if she can forgive hirself. But Avery is tempted by the idea of a 'do-over' in hir next life, offered by tha lovely, but impatient Angel of Death who has pressing quotas to fill.  

Avery's husband, George, has waited years for hir to love him again, and will not live without hir. Whither thou goest, I will go. 

 

Tha Womun Who Forgave Hirself is Book Four of the Avery Victoria Spencer Series (written in WEnglish for WEquality)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vivian Probst
• Release date: Oct 24, 2022
• ISBN: 9781735513447

Vivian Ruth Probst

Vivian Probst Trained in culture, anthropology, and linguistics with bachelor’s degree in Multicultural Ministries 34-year veteran/national trainer and consultant to the affordable housing industry (theopro.com) Creator of the endowed CANIF Fund through the Women’s Center of Waukesha, WI Creator of gender inclusive WEnglish™ (vivianprobst.com/WEnglish) Author/playwright/songwriter/poet (through LifeMark Press): (vivianprobst.com) Website:  VivianProbst.com Contact for information and events: Sharyn Alden/Sharyn Alden Communications

Book preview

1

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Monday, August 18, 1975, London

I now pronounce you man and wife. Sir, you may kiss your bride. Avery looks up into hir new husband’s eyes as he lifts hir veil. A terrible jolt and an insistent tugging at hir arm startle hir.

Avery, darling, we’ve just landed. Welcome to London. George leans over to give Avery a kiss as their plane’s wheels smack Heathrow’s tarmac. Such a rough landing, he adds. Shall I ask tha pilot for a do over? Avery smiles as shi snuggles against him.

I was just getting married, Mr. Logan, Avery teases. Now I’ll never know who my bridegroom was. How could you intrude on such a pleasant dream?

Pleasant dream? George retorts. I thought any form of cohabitation would be your worst nightmare. Surely a gorgeous, intelligent, talented, reasonably wealthy womun like you has had some serious offers. Hmm, I wonder why you’re not.

Not what, George? Avery replies as shi comes back to tha present after hir dream.

Married, George replies.

Married? Me? Avery laughs. Who would want me at my age? Besides, in case you haven’t noticed, all tha marriageable men I know, excepting your wonderful self, of course, want me for my job, my money, or are terrified of me. Plus, most are divorced with bratty, spoiled…. Shi stops. Oh dear. George, I don’t mean your child, of course; Allisyn, right? Shi’s an adult, isn’t she? I really want to meet hir. I was referring to men with child support payments and angry ex-wives. Besides, I’m not exactly easy on men.

No kidding! George looks at hir and both laugh. After all this time, Avery still doesn’t remember that shi and George are already married—and have been for more than twenty years. But at last thay’re finally lovers, and that, for George, is enough. As long as Avery is by his side, he feels ready to live again.

London and love! Avery’s trip with George is as a business consultant and his lover. Tha Logan family will be hir first client of Swan Investments, Avery’s new consulting firm. Shi’s offered to study their financial situation to look for a remedy for their sinking ship. There’s always a way out. I’ve proven that over and over again, shi reassures hirself. 'Turning ugly losses into beautiful profits' is hir motto, with years of a proven track record behind hir.

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But Avery's greatest turn-around isn’t about money–it’s about love. George’s visit to Waukesha in May was intended to formally end their relationship. He’d been sure it was over. Instead, Avery stunned George by boldly declaring and showing him hir love, while accepting his business proposal. Now she’s going to handle tha Logans’ family business as well. Shi’s calling it a ‘two-for-one special' and George isn’t complaining. Avery by his side, in England, and in love with him at last; he’s as giddy as an Englishman can be.

Yes, Avery’s in love for tha first time in hir life. It took hir challenging third journey for hir to truly understand it. Shi’s embraced it (and George) with hir whole heart and, shi blushes, hir body. Shi comes alive when he touches hir.

As shi resigned as president of Prairieville Bank, Avery easily convinced its Board of Directors to create a consulting arm, Swan Investments, which shi will now oversee. Some bank officials squirmed at hir new division’s title because it felt ‘too feminine,’ but Avery’s motto, ‘Turning Ugly Losses into Beautiful Profits,’ has been proven over and over right under their noses. Shi has their enthusiastic support, especially with a foreign client so quickly. Avery Victoria Spencer hasn’t lost hir touch. As soon as tha bank was able to find a suitable replacement for Avery, shi was packed and ready to go.

Equipped with his brothers’ support and Avery’s brilliant financial expertise, George is finally ready to take over tha Logan family’s very old and outdated publishing company. Their father conceded ownership, but not without roaring like a lion at his sons’ decision to hire Avery’s firm. It’ll be a challenge to reintroduce Avery to his family, all of whom are sworn to keep hir past a secret, because everyone over the age of thirty recalls Avery’s long-term dissociative amnesia and George’s constant devotion to hir–a womun who doesn’t know she’s married to him.

Avery doesn’t remember the accident that killed Adele, one of their twin three-year old daughters, and crippled Allisyn, their living daughter, who was cared for by George and his parents, as he raised hir mostly at their Scottish manor home, Logan Hall. Being only twenty-one years old, blind, and crippled, hasn’t stopped hir from excelling at life. Shi’s created a unique hair styling business in London, called ‘Out of Sight.’

George’s father is Avery's father-in-law, and tha Logan family has endured George's love for Avery because George can’t stop loving hir. No one in his family has wanted Avery back in George’s life, except Allisyn. His brothers, Peyton and Grant, are willing to support their venture because both know hir financial skill, plus hir fee was dirt cheap. Thay also know that with Avery by his side, George will stay active with tha business instead of pining for Avery.

With hir memory still under wraps, Avery is simply delighted that hir first official post-bank client is someone shi knows and loves. Hir six-month visa gives hir time to resurrect tha Logan family heritage, proving that shi can handle business and love at tha same time. Shi wants to get to work right away.

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During their flight to London, Avery told George more about hir fables, but he hasn’t read any of these yet. I can hardly take credit for writing these, shi confessed. Each one came to me as a dream and almost wrote itself. I feel more like a secretary than an author. Shi doesn’t go into detail and shi keeps hir books locked in a briefcase under tha seat in front of hir. When tha time is right, she’ll share them with George. Plus, she’s hesitant to tell anyone how these came to be. Thay’ll think I’m nuts and that won’t bode well for whatever financial work I do for them. Family financial recovery first; books second. These cannot intertwine.

George knows far more about Avery’s three stories than she’s aware. He also knows more than shi does about tha characters who show up, because there are hints at their daughters and clues that George is also a player. He almost had to resuscitate Avery tha day he came back to Waukesha to collect his things, because he was wearing a sweater that was patterned exactly like Al, hir flying serpent and spirit of transforming power, in hir third book. George’s spirit has been visible in all Avery’s writing.

Without hir realizing it, it’s through hir dream journeys that Avery is reclaiming hir memory. George doesn’t want to interfere. That door must open as she’s ready. Otherwise, hir doctors long ago told me that those memories could kill hir. Avery has yet to forgive hirself for letting their nanny, Bee, take tha girls Christmas window shopping on that snowy night in early December so long ago, so that shi (Avery) could study for college exams. Both Bee and Adele lost their lives as Avery lost hir memory. Allisyn lives, but with severe physical limits.

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In preparing for their move to London, George has been careful for Avery and has requested that his family and staff remove ‘all things Avery’ from both their London townhome in Holland Park and also Logan Hall. Avery also doesn’t remember that she, George, and their daughters had visited tha Logan family in England and Scotland when tha girls were eighteen months old– before the accident, George reminds himself. At tha time, Avery and tha twins were a great joy to everyone.

Now, most of tha Logan family despise Avery–not that thay blame hir for the accident–but without Avery, George’s lack of interest in their publishing company, Logan Press International (LPI or LIPPY, as George calls it)--has been glaring. Avery knows that George was married–that there was an accident in which Adele died, and that Allisyn, hir twin sister, is both blind and crippled. What Avery doesn’t know is that she’s Allisyn’s mother. Shi doesn’t recall that she’s the one who permitted Bee to take tha girls out that night. George won’t let tha past destroy tha delicate hold he and Avery have on their future.

2

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Will our plane ever get to tha gate? Avery wonders. Years of presidency at a small city bank has failed to give hir room to grow until now. Shi hasn’t felt such enthusiasm for business in a long time. Just hours ago, there was a farewell party for hir and George—everyone who was anyone in Waukesha celebrated at tha Clarke Hotel downtown with best wishes. Millie St. James provided media coverage on behalf of tha local paper, and was remarkably kind as shi said good-bye. Avery still isn’t sure what changed Millie, but even Millie’s husband, Frank, was different. Both seemed happy, and Avery’s glad. After years of being subtly undermined by Millie’s society column, it’s a relief to move on. Avery hopes overseas is far enough away to let bygones be bygones.

Avery’s best friend Evelyn, already has plans to visit Avery in England (or Scotland) if Avery doesn’t return to the U.S. in six months. Shi’s been by Avery’s side through thick and thin since thay met in college.

Of course you might be Mrs. Logan by then. Evelyn smiled broadly as shi hugged Avery good-bye. It wouldn’t surprise me at all, shi adds. Shi knows George and Avery are already married, and shi can hardly wait until Avery remembers it hirself.

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George takes charge of everything once their plane arrives at tha gate. It’s a good thing we’ve ordered tha company van to pick us up, darling, George observes with humor after Avery’s luggage passes through customs and is added to his single suitcase. It would take several taxis to transport just you and your bags.

A womun in my position must be prepared for anything, Avery retorts with just as much humor. It’s true that she’s packed for every conceivable possibility, but that’s been hir motto for years. Even hir dream journeys have taken hir to places where hir attire matters.

A uniformed man appears, an LPI badge sewn on his suit coat. Avery is stunned. Except for tha quill pen in tha middle, it looks exactly like Avery’s own emblem from hir dream journeys. Suddenly shi feels unsteady on hir feet and reaches for George’s arm.

Mr. Logan, excellent to see ye, sir, Harris says as he looks at a list George hands him. Fifteen bags. Is that correct, sir? For only two people? He’s obviously shocked.

Yes, Harris. Fourteen are Ms. Spencer’s. He smiles as he explains–fourteen bags suggest a long stay. Oh, it’s so good to see you! George replies with obvious pleasure as he pumps the older gentleman’s hand. Harris, I’m pleased to introduce my darling, Avery Victoria Spencer, who’s come to give LPI a look, and see if we can fix it up a bit. Avery, may I present our most gifted and capable driver—also currently our only driver, Harris Tott.

Avery feels hirself come back to earth as shi shakes Harris’s hand and smiles into his ruddy-cheeked face. Shi sees a swift look from him before he turns his eyes away.

It’s going to take a wee bit to queue up and get these bags loaded, Harris tells George. Why don’t ye both go off for a bite to eat whilst I coordinate things? Twenty minutes or so should do it. I’ll meet ye both at ground transport. Miss Spencer, would ye like me to take that briefcase off yer hands?

Thank you, Harris, but I’ll keep it with me for now, Avery responds so quickly that it’s obvious she’s protecting something.

Vera good, ma’am, Harris replies as George ushers Avery off to an airport coffee shop. He directs hir so expertly with his arm around hir that shi feels as if she’s his dance partner. His touch always excites hir now; shi becomes aroused almost instantly. Stop it, shi tells hirself. A little caffeine will do me good, shi decides after George miraculously finds a place for Avery to sit at a bustling airport shoppe. Shi knows it’s best to stay awake an entire day to adjust to a new time zone. George goes to tha cafeteria line and places their orders.

Nervous, Avery? George returns with coffee and bakery goods, taking a seat beside Avery. There are probably a few challenges in front of us now that we’re here.

Nervous? Goodness, no, Avery replies. I’m far too excited to be nervous. You should take me right to the office so I can get started. Shi tests hir tea’s warmth and sweetness before sipping. It’s perfect—George knows details about hir preferences that amaze hir. Besides, we get a few days to ourselves before I meet anyone, right? And if you’re referring to meeting your cantankerous old father, you can relax, George. I’ve dealt with some pretty tough customers in my line of work–mostly men–and I’m still standing.

We’ll be alone with only staff for these few days—all tha more reason for you to be nervous, don’t you think? George smiles and Avery blushes. "Alone with me for days?"

While bold and forthright in business, Avery is shy about hir intimacy with George. Hir thoughts turn to how easily their bodies express their deepest feelings–even a simple touch sparkes a desire that neither is able to resist for long.

George stands up before full arousal takes over his own body and downs tha rest of his coffee. But he enjoys knowing that his body works after so long a time of being impotent. We’re scheduled to leave Saturday to meet my parents and Allisyn at Logan Hall; she’s visiting them for a few days. He smiles. My brothers live in London, as well, so I’ve arranged for us to meet Thursday night. Oh, Avery, darling, I can’t wait to show you everything!

Avery has no idea that George plans to propose marriage to hir that evening with his brothers present. He’s sure she’ll agree. Tha fact that thay’re already married is a minor obstacle he’ll take care of later. He and Avery were too poor when shi got pregnant and thay ‘had’ to get married all those years ago.

I’m glad I’ll get to meet your daughter, George, Avery says. I’d love to have had a daughter of my own–she’ll be tha next best thing!

Who says you can’t have your own child? George quizzes. You’re not too old…but maybe Allisyn will be enough of a daughter so we don’t have to start over. You’re going to love hir. George says tenderly. Shi might be physically impaired, but she’ll amaze you. He stops and turns to Avery. Does it make you uncomfortable, darling, knowing I was married and have a–a grown child? Please be truthful.

George, Avery says thoughtfully, "I was an only child, so I only know what that feels like. I’m thrilled to meet your daughter. Please don’t worry. I just hope she’ll like me," shi adds.

Don’t you worry one second about that, he replies. Shi loves you already. Remember that she’s never really had a mother.

What’s our plan from here? Avery asks as thay head toward ground transport.

First few days will be here at our Holland Park townhome. Today we’ll unpack. We’ll turn in early so we’re full of energy for our visit to LIPPY tomorrow, where you’ll meet our sole employee and administrator of Logan’s financial enterprises, Paul Brickman. We’ve got dinner with my brothers and their wives Thursday night, with theatre tickets after dinner, and at some point, we’ll enjoy shopping at our locally famous department stores. I’d like to take something to my parents when we go to see them on Saturday.

Has Hir Majesty been informed of our arrival? Avery jokes.

All in good time, dear, George laughs. Now let’s get going. Traffic in London is always busy, so it’ll take a bit to get home. We’ll pass some interesting sites—Harris is a marvelous tour guide. Avery could care less about a tour of London’s historic sites; all shi wants is a tour of George’s body this evening and LPI offices tomorrow.

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Avery and George step out into London’s hot August weather. It’s been a wet summer, with some record flooding, so it’s unusually humid. Harris pulls up in tha black company van. As shi waits for him to come around and open doors for hir, Avery notices once again that LPI’s company emblem closely matches hir own magical coat of arms from hir stories. How can their crest be so similar to mine? It can’t be a mere coincidence.

Harris offers Avery his hand. Watch your step up, Mrs. Logan—I mean--Miss Spencer, he stammers slightly. Goodness. Ye’ve been here only a few hours and I’ve got ye married to Mr. Logan already! Beggin’ yer pardon. He recovers and continues. We brought our van to make room for everythin’. It’s a beastly day—I apologize on behalf of tha Queen. He nods in slight deference to Avery.

There’s that look in his eyes that Avery noticed before—something that speaks of a tender sadness and forces him to look away quickly. His stammering apology for calling hir ‘Mrs. Logan’ isn’t lost to hir either. Shi remembers George has lost a wife and a daughter; Avery takes it as a sign to be very gentle with these people.

After George steps in and sits behind Harris, both he and Avery listen, as Harris whistles while carefully stacking Avery’s suitcases behind. Why did I bring so much luggage? Perhaps I intend to stay longer than I’m willing to admit. Perhaps forever, shi thinks to hirself and smiles.

What’s funny, Avery darling? George asks as he sees hir face.

I packed like there’s no shopping here! shi laughs. Either that or I’m staying for a very long time.

Why not stay forever, darling? George has a twinkle in his eyes, but he’s quite serious. He can’t wait to propose.

Evelyn assisted Avery in packing; shi could blame some of hir massive wardrobe on hir best friend. It was such fun to tackle that project together, putting items on lists and noting matching accessories so that Avery has very chic and professional ensembles. I intend to look smart and sophisticated as I meet tha people in George’s life, and I don’t want to waste any time shopping in London. I have my own fine clothes.

George has already told Avery that Nellie, their housekeeper in London, will be available to assist Avery in choosing what to wear, getting it cleaned and pressed, and even in getting Avery dressed. Surely an unnecessary expense, shi thinks to hirself. What shi knows is that shi likes to be undressed--by George. Shi blushes.

3

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Harris does indeed talk about London, just like a tour guide. Avery feels sorry for George who has probably heard it all over and over again. He appears tired, as he leans his head against a window, closing his eyes; but there’s a smile on his face. Avery listens to Harris attentively, noticing that it’s truly hard for him to call hir Miss Spencer. Shi hopes it’s because he already sees George and Avery as a couple, but shi wants to make it easier for him.

Call me Avery, Harris, shi assures him. I’m from tha Midwest and am not used to being addressed formally.

Thank ye, ma’am, Harris replies, but I’ll be callin’ ye by yer proper title ‘til Mister Logan instructs otherwise. We’ve just not had a w-womun f-friend of Mr. Logan’s to visit for quite some time. I’ll be gettin’ used to ye after a bit.

Avery laughs and wonders what prior ‘wimin friends’ Harris might be referring to. If George was married before, that’s what’s so challenging for Harris. Shi wonders, too, what things will be like in six months. George puts his hand over hirs as if to reassure hir—as if he can read hir thoughts. I’m not nervous really, Avery reassures hirself. It’s just that so much has changed in such a short time.

Soon tha van pulls over to a curb. Harris steps out and around to open a side van door for Avery. He takes hir hand to assist hir. Welcome home, he says and stops himself. "I mean, welcome to our home, Miss Spencer. There I go again, imaging that yir living here already. Ain’ it perhaps a good sign for ye? Avery doesn’t miss his inference. Shi’s pleased that he already includes hir as family, even if accidentally. Perhaps it is, Harris," shi says as shi steps to tha curb.

Welcome to Holland Park, darling, George adds. Avery knows of it. Whitewashed townhomes elegantly line its streets, their entrances all gated with lovely old wrought iron accents. After Harris opens tha gate, Avery sees steps leading up to a large set of ornate front doors, which open as if on cue. Another older gentleman stands with a stern but officially welcoming look.

Stanley, old chap, so wonderful to be back in London. George runs up tha steps and grasps Stanley’s shoulder with obvious feeling. Avery darling, Stanley has tried to take care of me since I was a boy. It hasn’t been easy—for either of us. He laughs. You’ll eventually win him over, but he’s quite protective of me.

Stanley, who is dressed appropriately for a butler, eyes Avery suspiciously. Welcome, Miss Spencer, he says coolly, but graciously. Harris is taking your bags to your rooms as we speak, and Nellie will see to your unpacking. You’ll meet hir shortly. Mr. Logan, your brothers both phoned to confirm for dinner Thursday night.

Excellent! George is obviously pleased. Stanley turns back to finish speaking to Avery.

Miss Spencer, you must be tired. Let me take your coat and show you to your rooms so that you can rest and refresh yourself. It’s just past 11 a.m. here. I’ll have lunch served in tha dining room at 1 p.m.; tea is at four, and dinner is eight o’clock sharp.

Thank you, Stanley, Avery replies, feeling like she’s on a movie set. Which movie, shi doesn’t recall, but it triggers a scene.

Stanley. George takes charge immediately. I’ll show Miss Spencer up. I’d like to give hir a bit of a tour as well. Avery is relieved.

Very well, Sir, Stanley replies, still aloof. With a slight bow and a frown, he disappears.

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George and Avery stand together in a small, but grandly decorated circular foyer. To one side, a pair of tufted red velvet Queen Anne chairs stand on both sides of a gracious black lacquered cabinet with opal inlays. A pair of crystal-based fringed lamps frame an antique, gilt-edged mirror.

In tha middle of tha circular space, a round Sorrento table of honey-colored burl wood with tiny inlaid cream, melon, and orange-colored roses, graciously displays a crystal vase full of fresh flowers. Black and white marble tiles lead to an elegant staircase.

Oh, George, it’s lovely! Avery exclaims.

I’m glad you like it, George replies softly. It’s one of my decorating projects from a number of years ago—it actually made one of London’s leading architectural magazines. Decorating is sort of a hobby of mine, as you might recall, he adds, smiling.

Really? Avery replies in a teasing laugh. I had no idea! Which, of course, is absurd because George was very hands-on, assisting Avery in renovating hir own home in Waukesha. Even today, Avery doesn’t completely understand how George had ended up in Waukesha, of all places he could have gone as he ‘ran away’ from his family. Apparently, George spun tha globe and his finger