For a Better Chance at Life: Achieving Life Satisfaction

By Jonathan J. Woolverton

Achieving life satisfaction is our ultimate goal. And to achieve it we must set out our purposes in life. We exist in three spheres: our Personal Growth sphere, where we determine what we wish to accomplish in our own personal life given what is important to us; our Family Values sphere, where we set out our goals and objectives for what we wish to accomplish as a family unit; and our Career Focus sphere, where achieving a certain status and income level will determine our successes and accomplishments as they relate to our working life. As well, we must determine how to achieve happiness in our life-after-work years.

This book addresses the purposes we require within each of our three spheres, how to manage our expectations as we go through our life cycle, how to achieve true balance within our lives between our personal goals, our family goals, and our career goals, and, most importantly, how we prepare for our life-after-work years. All of this to give us a better chance at life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Sep 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9780228880127

Jonathan J. Woolverton

Jonathan J. Woolverton was born in Ontario, Canada. Shortly thereafter he moved with his family to the U.S. J.J. attended a private boys' school in Western New York State and later enrolled in a university in Pennsylvania, where he graduated with a BBA in economics and accounting, with a minor in psychology. He achieved his Chartered Financial Analyst designation. Over his career, J.J. has consulted and advised committee members on how to set and accomplish their internal goals and objectives within their own organizations. J.J. Is a published author and has been a keynote speaker at numerous conferences and seminars.

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For a Better Chance at Life

Achieving Life Satisfaction

Jonathan J. Woolverton

For a Better Chance at Life

Copyright © 2022 by Jonathan J. Woolverton

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-2288-8011-0 (Hardcover)

978-0-2288-8010-3 (Paperback)

978-0-2288-8012-7 (eBook)

The bluebird is:

•a universal symbol of happiness and joy

•a representation of hope, love, inspiration, and faith

•a spirit in animal form

•the dawning of a new day

•associated with the rising sun

To family

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

It is difficult to know where to begin to thank the people who have had a major influence on my life. This book is written from my heart. It reflects the learnings and experiences I have gained throughout my life. As a result, both my heart and my mind have been shaped by the positive environment I was raised in, as well as by my family and friends whom I have interacted with on a day-to-day basis. My mother would tell you I have lived a charmed life, and I would have to agree. She once asked me what the most negative thing that happened to me in my lifetime was, and I could not think of a thing. Yes, if I had a chance to redo certain things in my life I might do them better, or make different choices; however, they might have created a different person than the one I am today, and I would not take that chance. I have been self-disciplined throughout my life, starting at a very early age. This has kept me grounded.

Earlier, I included a dedication page that says: To family. At every dinner hour with my family, this is our toast, and it has continued with my children and theirs wherever they go. It is a constant reminder how important family is. I grew up in a supportive family environment. My parents made sure I had the best education possible. Our kids have never disappointed us, and they have entered into long-lasting relationships with their spouses, and most importantly have provided us with four of the most amazing grandkids ever. My daughter, Kimberley Woolverton, and her husband, Alex Versluis, have provided input for this book, even though they have heard the stories many, many times.

I am fortunate to have a loving wife, who is a great support and my best friend. She read the final draft of this book and asked that I remove all the perceived unflattering references I made about her life. She thinks I did. I did not. As a true partner, I thought she should share the moment. I just hope she will find it in her heart to forgive me.

I have also been fortunate to have had many good friends along my life’s journey, with a few very close ones, friends I might not see for a year or so because of distance or circumstances, but I know I can count on them to be there for me at any moment. One such friend is Don Ezra, whom I have known for the past forty years. Among other accomplishments, Don is an author. His recent books deal with happiness (Happiness: The Best is Yet to Come) and life after our working years (Life Two: How to get to and enjoy what used to be called retirement). Both are bestsellers. Don gave me the inspiration to write this book and provided helpful insights.

I must also thank our good friends Bonnie Sye and Eric Kay for proofreading the original manuscript and providing their useful comments. Eric, who apparently has too much time on his hands, actually read the book three times. We are blessed by their friendship.

This book was written during the COVID-19 years. COVID has changed our social environment. Our habits have changed. Our way of life has changed. It is important for us to regroup. We must get back to discovering the true meaning of life satisfaction.

This book is for everyone. Hopefully, it will change your life for the better.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

WELCOME

• Purpose, Success, And Happiness

• Happiness Defined

• Our Primary Needs In Life

• Our Three Life Spheres

• Our Three Eras

• Living Under A Microscope

• Our Goal: Life Satisfaction

• How Do We Know If We Are Truly Happy?

• About This Book

• For A Better Chance At Life

FIRST CHANCE

FINDING OUR PURPOSE

• Introduction

• Defining Our Purpose

• Why Is Purpose Important?

• Creating Our Own Purpose In Life

• Happiness: The Elusive Elixir

• The Three Stages Of Happiness

• Where To Begin?

• Steps To Achieving Happiness

• Achieving Success/Avoiding Failure

• Present-Day Living

• Establishing And Setting Our Goals

• What Could Go Wrong?

• Summary

• For A Better Chance At Life

• Exercise Starter Kit

SECOND CHANCE

PERSONAL GROWTH

• Introduction

• Purpose Statement: Personal

• Focusing On Quality Of Life

• Seeking Balance In Life

• Finding Your Briar Patch

• The Third Place

• What’s Love Got To Do With It?

• It’s A Test; It’s Aways A Test

• Life: A Process Of Elimination

• Memories

• Assessing People’s Actions

• Life-Altering Events

• Mentorship

• Biases

• For A Better Chance At Life

• Exercise Starter Kit

THIRD CHANCE

FAMILY VALUES

• Introduction

• Purpose Statement: Family Values

• Our Family Culture

• Building And Maintaining A Family Culture

• Managing Expectations: Family

• Married Life

• Some Helpful Hints To Navigate Relationships

• Raising Children

• The Path To A Healthy Partnership

• For A Better Chance At Life

• Exercise Starter Kit

FOURTH CHANCE

CAREER FOCUS

• Introduction

• Purpose Statement: Career

• Managing Expectations: Career

• Personal Career Success/Failure

• Not A Clue

• Intervention

• Incentive/Reward System

• Reputation

• Know Thyself (And Others)

• For A Better Chance At Life

• Exercise Starter Kit

FIFTH CHANCE

LIFE AFTER WORK

• Introduction

• Purpose Statement: Life After Work

• The Family Lifecycle

• Preparing For Life After Work

• Managing Expectations: Life After Work

• Steps Involved For Preparing For Life After Work

• The Risks To Be Addressed

• What To Expect

• Net Worth Vs. Cashflow Statements

• The Binder

• How Old Are You?

• Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

• So, How Have You Done?

• For A Better Chance At Life

• Exercise Starter Kit

SIXTH CHANCE

THE ENDGAME

• Not The Destination—The Journey

• What Does Quality Of Life Mean?

• And Then There Is Wisdom

• The Male Ego

• Activities We Can Control

• Life Satisfaction: Our Ultimate Goal

• And Now The Proof

• The Meaning Of Life: An Old Tale

• Summary

• Lessons In Life

APPENDIX

• Appendix One: Legacy Of Life

• Appendix Two: Personality Types

• Appendix Three: Generations

WELCOME

Purpose, Success, And Happiness

Without the flow of time, everything we know would happen all at once. In this day and age, it seems like everything happens simultaneously. We are living in the microwave society, where it seems we are constantly rushing from one activity to another. Everything moves quickly around us, and there is little time to accomplish the things we set out to do.

We would like to do more in our lives; however, we seem to be consumed and controlled by our environment, dealing with circumstances that appear out of our control. As the experts tell us, one of our primary goals in life should be to seek out happiness: finding activities, events, and circumstances that make us happy, and being with family and friends who bring us joy. Because we work hard for it, and life is too short, we owe it to ourselves to take control of our lives.

During our lifetime, we operate within three primary spheres: personal life, family life, and career life. Each takes a certain amount of our time and has its own unique characteristics. We are constantly moving from one sphere to another and never feeling like we are devoting enough time to any of them, time that is necessary to achieve our own purposes in life, to outline accomplishments that will lead to successes and ultimately attain our desired level of happiness. It seems no matter what stage in life we are at, it is difficult for many of us to have a rich and fulfilling existence. And most of us are consistently under time constraints. We sometimes are anxious, we can get angry and frustrated, and we are constantly under pressure. Our lives are not being fulfilled in the way we had hoped, we are not happy, and we are short of reaching the success levels that we have worked so hard to achieve. We are drifting through society and have been placed into a reactive role, adjusting our character, behavior, habits, attitudes, and activities given the noise, confusion, and distractions around us. We may find it difficult to live in the present and achieve our desired levels of happiness.

Many of us have lost touch with our social support environment: family members, friends, and associates. However, improving our lives will result in feelings of fulfillment and accomplishment. Purpose will lead us to happiness. We need to be motivated to do and be better. We need to know ourselves more thoroughly. We need to remove any barriers along the way that will prohibit us from achieving happiness. We need to change the behavior and habits that are headwinds to our growth as individuals. It has been proven that those with a well-thought-out purpose, vision, or mission, along with stated goals and objectives, have a better chance of succeeding in life. As well, those who have a declared purpose in life tend to live longer than those without. Having purpose helps to reduce stress levels, provides for better coping skills and a healthier lifestyle, and results in a satisfying life. Are there any greater incentives?

We need to take control of our lives, get back to when we could manage our own outcomes, to the time in our lives when we were the happiest, doing happy things, being with happy people. Today, there seems to be too many distractions. There are too many little shiny objects that grab our attention and pull us off course. Four main obstacles inhibit us from achieving our purpose, success, and happiness:

1)Not defining our true purpose in life, the whats: what we want to achieve during our lifetime with our family, in our careers, and after we exit the workforce.

2)Not establishing and outlining our beliefs within each of our three spheres, the whys: why our vision and mission are important to us, and why we want to achieve our goals and objectives.

3)A lack of well-thought-out realistic goals, the hows: how we plan to get the results and outcomes we want in life.

4)A fear of failure, of moving out of our comfort zone, unwilling to take calculated risks to prosper and grow throughout our lives in the pursuit of happiness.

Happiness Defined

Happiness is often described as reaching a level of pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, and joy in life. It is purported to be the outcome of achieving the ultimate good. Happiness has three primary levels:

1)Purpose in life: Typically, a vision as to how we see our lives unfolding over the longer term (e.g., a quest in helping those less fortunate).

2)Passion in what we do: What activities bring us joy, and generally happen over the medium-range term (e.g., a hobby).

3)Pleasure: An emotion that is caused by an event or a moment, and typically short-term in nature (e.g., going on a vacation).

Happiness is influenced by a number of factors: our genetic makeup, the background and location we were raised in and how we were raised, our academic achievements, the circumstances and experiences that occur in our everyday life, the level of success we have had in achieving our goals, our relationships, our work environment, and our social activities and involvement.

Our Primary Needs In Life

To determine who we are we must understand and address our basic needs in life. Our four primary needs in life are:

1)Our instinct for self-preservation—survival and the need to be safe and secure.

2)To seek purpose in life.

3)To determine measurements of our success.

4)Always working towards the pursuit of happiness: one of our main reasons to be.

A fifth need is procreation, which is beyond the scope of this book, and for which I have no useful insights. If we can define our purpose (as it relates to what is important to us), achieve success by our own standards and definition (and not by what others think), and reach a level of happiness (once again, by our own definition) these will hopefully make our lives fulfilled, providing us with a sense of accomplishment. However, reaching the desired levels of purpose, success, and happiness we believe we deserve is not easy. Time, effort, discipline, and a clear focus are required. The difficult part is that we can be successful in our own opinion or others’, but not happy—that’s the bad news. The reverse can also be true: We can be happy in life even though we did not achieve the successes we had mapped out, but this is acceptable. We can also be successful and happy in one of our three spheres, but not in one or both of the others.

As indicated above, our life can be separated into three distinct spheres: our personal life and what we hope to accomplish for ourselves; our family life and what values we want to instill within our family environment; and our career life, covering all working situations and our level of satisfaction and accomplishment with the career path we have chosen. Each of these three spheres will require a well-thought-out purposes-and-goals statement. Only by setting our path through life will we be able to achieve purpose, success, and happiness.

Our Three Life Spheres

Each sphere should have a set of guiding principles for us to live by. To achieve purpose, success, and happiness in each sphere we must have a purpose-and-goals statement setting out what we want to accomplish and why it is important to us in our own personal lives, our family lives, and our working career, and determining how we will accomplish the purposes we have set for ourselves. As an example, our purpose (the what) might be to help others who are less fortunate due to their circumstances. This will give us a sense of joy (the why). Our goal (the how) might be to volunteer at a seniors’ living facility for three hours a day, two days a week. Each of these spheres will be discussed in more detail in the following sections (referred to in this book as Chances).

Our Three Eras

When we move through our lifecycle, we encounter three distinct eras. As with the spheres above, each era has unique features, with each acting as a building block for the next. The three main eras in our lifetime include:

1)Our education years, which can take us into our early twenties.

2)Our family/career years, taking us from our early twenties to our early- to mid-sixties).

3)Our life-after-work years, taking us through the rest of our lives.

As an aside, the term life after work was coined by a good friend of mine, in an excellent book he wrote titled Life Two. The author, Don Ezra, has retired the word retirement, as it tends to indicate that life is now over as we know it. Don believes that this is just another chapter in our life, a point where happiness should be prevalent. As he states: It’s a time of freedom, our time of enjoyment, our time of greatest happiness. I agree, and have used his term throughout this book.

Each era defines who we are and what we would like to accomplish. Each has its own purposes, dictates our successes, and helps to determine our level of happiness. Another good friend of mine, Eric Kay, created a personal list of items he refers to as a Legacy of Life. Eric has a master’s degree in social work. He put this list together to capture the various thoughts, activities, actions, and deeds within each of our three eras. The purpose is to create a legacy of our memories, traditions, practices, principles, and achievements to pass on to future generations. A list of the items that may be addressed in each era is presented in Appendix I. It is not designed to be all-inclusive; it should be a starting point to reflect on what is important to each of us as a legacy. Basically, how do we want our families to remember us?

The primary focus of this book will be on our three spheres and life after work, as each sphere is associated with one or more of the eras mentioned above. As an example, our Family Values sphere spans all three eras where we move from being fairly dependent in our education era, through being independent in our family/career era, and, perhaps, becoming dependent again in our life-after-work era.

Living Under A Microscope

Life is an experiment. We are tested, evaluated, and judged every step of the way, no matter what sphere or era we are in. We are tested throughout our school years: how we compare to others in our class, how we compare to students who came before us, and how we compare to some benchmark that we might not even know exists (e.g., the old grading-on-a-curve system). We are evaluated through our working careers against our associates, and by perceptions from our bosses on how the work should be done. We are judged by our family members, friends, and associates in our later years by how successful we have become, our current status in life, the material possessions we have accumulated over the years, and how happy we are perceived to be. In all three spheres and eras we are judged by others—as well as ourselves, perhaps the most critical examiners. As an example, some of us are constantly ranking people, events, and property on a scale of 1 to 10. This scale allows us to compare our perceptions of people and events with others (like how critics rank movies against how others perceive them—we may even avoid movies that received poor reviews from critics or audience members, as we seem to believe that others know better than us). Comparing ourselves to others is not healthy. We will lose our identity if we attempt to change who we are based on who someone else is, or who they think we should be. We have to be careful about planning our lives by what others might think of our beliefs, deeds, and actions.

There are four basic criteria as to how others will measure and judge our status in life. The first is by our academic achievements—how far did our education take us and what were the degrees we obtained along the way? The higher the education level we achieve, the greater the opportunities and choices we have. Entering some careers, like medicine or law, is only possible if we reach a certain level of academic achievement. The second measure of our status in life, as perceived by others, is defined by the career we have chosen, and how successful we have been within our career path (what level and title within our organization have we obtained). It is perceived by society that some careers are more prestigious than others. The third measure relates to income: the higher the number, the more it is associated with a better lifestyle. Not that it should be thus, it is just a fact. And the fourth is marital status. In this day and age, married life as a status symbol is not as prominent as it used to be; however, it is still considered a small measure of