Problem Solved: Simple Habits For Complex Decisions

By Sarah K. Ramsey

Beat Burnout. Less Time Overthinking. More Time Living

Why do some people remain stuck and others continue to move forward faster no matter what obstacles life throws at them? We've all wished we had a map to demystify what to do next ei

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bounce Back LLC
• Release date: Sep 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986043227

Book preview

Problem Solved

Simple Habits For Complex Decisions

Sarah K. Ramsey

Copyright © 2022 Sarah K. Ramsey.

Publisher:

Lionhead Publishing

All Rights Reserved. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author/publisher.

Names have been changed to protect identities.

ISBN: 979-8-9860432-1-0 (paperback)

ISBN: 979-8-9860432-0-3 (hardcover)

ISBN: 979-8-9860432-2-7 (ebook)

To my husband and best friend, Ben.

You continue to be a great decision.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Get Clear On The ONE Problem You’re Trying To Solve

Chapter 2 Seven-Level Problem Solving

Chapter 3 From Spaghetti Thinking To Waffle Solutions

Chapter 4 Getting Past Emotions To Move Forward

Chapter 5 The Gravity Habit

Chapter 6 Abstract Thinking Will Keep You Stuck

Chapter 7 Identify Your Problem’s True Owner

Chapter 8 Choosing A Perfect Solution For Your Type Of Problem

Chapter 9 Solving Problems That Seem Impossible

Chapter 10 Toxic Culture Problems

Chapter 11 Don’t Forget The Obvious

Chapter 12 Identify Problem-Solving Partners

Chapter 13 When Both Options Seem Terrible

Chapter 14 Buts Block Solutions

Chapter 15 Learning To Make Quick Decisions

Chapter 16 Life is Easier as a Powerful Problem Solver

Definitions And Important Concepts

Continuing Educational Resources

Appendix: Real-Life Examples Of Problems To Solve

Introduction

I believe the quality of our lives rests on how successful we are at two things: figuring out how to handle our problems and learning how we move forward with our decisions.

When I was a child, I thought adults had all the answers. I assumed they had access to information we as kids didn’t have, and this information gave them the perfect data to solve problems. I presumed there was a magical grownup map, and if I just got another year older, I too would get the answers when it came to what I should do next.

Imagine my surprise when I grew up, faced major life decisions, and still felt like I had all the problems and none of the answers. I certainly didn’t have a system for making decisions, and I was terrified to realize how much of my life felt like a guessing game. I tried getting another degree and taking yet another new course, but still couldn’t find the map I thought existed. I knew certain areas of my life were not working, but making decisions around change felt like walking through a maze, and no matter which way I turned, it felt like I bumped into another problem. First, I tried not thinking about it. Then, I tried overthinking it. And when that didn’t work, I tried talking to everyone I knew about it.

But I still felt stuck.

Eventually the stress of my indecisions took over my nervous system. Burnout shut my mind and body down, and I blacked out while driving through a major intersection in Charlotte, North Carolina. Thank goodness, my friend grabbed the wheel, but I will never forget waking up and hearing the fear in her voice as she asked, What happened to you? Where did you go? We were both completely sober, and the blackout was both terrifying and unexpected. I walked away from that day knowing two things: indecision is a decision, and I needed a system for making intentional decisions so I could move forward.

I began changing my own habits when it came to decision making, and it didn’t take long for people to notice the difference. Personal friends and coworkers said things like You seem to have more hours in the day than everyone else and How do you make things happen so quickly? I went through my own life coaching certification and began life coaching others and noticed distinct patterns between those who rapidly moved forward and those who wrestled with the same problems, year after year. I grew frustrated with stories of people who had spent years in therapy and gained more awareness about their past, but not about their future. I was shocked by the amount of money I saw people dump into business coaching without seeing their business grow as a result. Obscure statements such as trust your gut or follow your heart kept me up at night as I watched people wrestle with the same issues over and over.

I recognized that talking about your problems is not the same as solving your problems. I recognized that many people who were labeled as having a victim mindset simply didn’t have a strategy for making decisions. I watched leaders want to help others get unstuck, but not speak in a language that could move their teams or families forward.

I began to realize that having emotional intelligence and being a good listener aren’t enough when it comes to helping people actually have better lives. And I knew that having a better life was connected to how people make decisions. But still, it seemed like so few people were connecting the dots between life strategies and life outcomes. They may have been able to connect the dots in certain areas of their life, but other areas felt stuck. Even people who had been incredibly successful in business weren’t using strategic thinking in their personal lives.

Despite my previous belief that grownups had a map for a great life, it became clear that most people are better at explaining the steps of how to brew a perfect cup of coffee than those for making a great decision.

How do you make a decision? seems like a simple question, but try asking someone about their habits when it comes to making great decisions, and see what they tell you. Usually, when people face a decision, they try tactics which leads to their own burnout and stress. I’ve never seen a class on decision making taught in school, and most of the people around me grew up with absent parents or parents who said, Just do what I do. Then the world changed, the internet happened, and we found ourselves face-to-face with decisions our parents never had to make.

As a life coach, I’ve worked with therapists, executives, and other leaders, but none of them had a college degree in making great decisions and solving problems. No wonder so many of us have areas of our lives in which we feel stuck. No wonder so many of us are working with people who can’t seem to solve problems quickly. We were never taught a framework for how to do this stuff!

As nice as it may be to suggest that there aren’t problems, only opportunities, we still have to decide how to handle medical care for family members, change workplace culture so we can retain employees, figure out how to help our teens, and navigate the unexpected. We don’t get to choose what hand life deals us, but we better figure out a strategy for making decisions based on the cards we are dealt. Leading ourselves means understanding how to make high-quality decisions. Leading others means helping them cut through the chaos to make their own high-quality decisions, and I’m confident that making great decisions is the fastest way to upgrade our lives and get us closer to happiness and success!

When you have a strategy for leading yourself into great decisions, you can create the life you want. Likewise, when you have a strategy for leading others into great decisions, you can help them avoid costly mistakes. Whether you are a parent, CEO, manager, or teacher, there is power and kindness in helping people succeed in navigating and solving their own complicated problems.

Problem Solved is about helping yourself and the people you lead:

Break problems down into categories so situations don’t seem so overwhelming

Separate problems and develop micro-strategies so complicated situations are easier to untangle

Push past emotions that prevent people from taking intelligent action

Create better conversations with others so you can work together toward solutions with clarity

Develop strategies for those who complain or act helpless when solving their problems

Spend more time on problems that have solutions to help you save time and experience more success

I’ve not yet found a magic pill that solves all my problems. However, I have found a blueprint for decision making and problem solving that works magic. It will help you find solutions to problems that seem unsolvable, and it will help you solve problems before they get too big to manage so you can create the life you want. You will be able to talk yourself through your own problems so that you can move forward faster and have a language for effectively communicating with others to decrease frustration and increase productivity. You’ll be more confident in dealing with difficult people, feel more hopeful when leading others who seem stuck, and experience less conflict in your personal and professional life through clearer communication.

This process saves you time and effort when making simple decisions, and it saves you years and tears when unraveling life’s biggest problems. It helps prevent self-sabotage when you or someone you care about is tempted to focus on problems guaranteed to waste your time. It can even help create wealth by streamlining your decisions as well as the decisions of those who work with you and for you.

It all starts with the question that changed my life and has changed the life of others. In fact, I call it the magic question, because the clarity it gives will magically align your thinking, change how you communicate with others, and help you make great decisions more quickly. Remember the map I thought grownups had? The question, which we will break apart in depth in Chapter 1, is the compass that will help you navigate your way to getting what you want: What problem are you trying to solve?

Chapter 1

Get Clear On The ONE Problem You’re Trying To Solve

"We cannot solve our problems with the

same level of thinking that created them."

—Albert Einstein

Every great pilot knows where to land the plane. Every successful coach knows the goal is the championship. Every amazing teacher knows what to teach before they pass out the test. Success is found through knowing what you want to happen and then working backwards to figure out how to meet your goal.

I doubt this is new information to you, but I guarantee you or someone you know isn’t taking the time to get clear on their intentions and objectives when it comes to decision making. Think about the last conversation you had with someone trying to make a decision. After talking to them, did you have clarity on the end goal and spend your time talking about the steps to achieve success? Or did the two of you spend the bulk of the conversation focusing on:

Why it’s unfair they are in this situation.

Why they wouldn’t be in this situation if other people had made different choices.

Why they hate this situation and why it’s making them angry.

Why they are secretly afraid of their current situation.

Why someone else should have already fixed this situation.

Why other people should do things differently.

Why they should have made different choices in the past so they didn’t end up in this situation.

Why they need to not let the situation bother them.

Why people should feel sorry for them and solve the situation for them.

Why this situation is so difficult.

Numerous sources report that the average adult makes around 35,000 conscious decisions a day. This enormous number makes more sense when research shows we make 226.7 food related decisions each day.¹ If we are making 36 decisions every minute we are awake and we are in the habit of talking to the points on the list above, then we are going to stay stuck. When we realize that we aren’t spending our time getting clear on what we want to happen and focusing our energy on the steps that can get us there, it quickly becomes apparent why so many of us are tired, experiencing burnout, frustrated in our relationships, not hitting our goals, or confused about what to do next.

If, as leaders, we are having conversations with people about the list above, we are wasting our time and energy, and not getting people to the results they want. As a society, we are in the habit of distracting ourselves from solutions by talking about additional problems. We may think it’s common sense to name a goal and then work backwards with the action steps necessary to get to the goal, but unless we are putting it into practice and helping others put it into practice, it isn’t helping us in our daily lives.

The missing piece: We need to establish a bullseye.

My extremely athletic daughter could throw a ball and hit a target before she could even walk. She did not inherit this gift from me. When my twentieth high school reunion rolled around, she heard my former classmates were planning an axe-throwing event. She’d watched me attempt to throw a ball, began to imagine me throwing an axe, and quickly started having concerns. Major concerns. She expressed concerns that I might accidentally chop off a finger, she expressed concerns for the safety of my friends, and she knew there was about as much chance of me hitting the bullseye as there was for me sprouting wings and flying home from the party.

Throwing around alternative problems that get you no closer to your goal is like throwing axes without having any idea where the target is. My daughter is still in elementary school, but even she knows what a terrible idea it is to throw things around with no hope of hitting the target! The next time someone is trying to solve a problem and starts going into the whys, shoulds, and blames in the list above, I want you to imagine them picking up an axe and throwing it into a crowd of people. Sound terrifying? Good! If we throw an axe without knowing where we’re aiming, someone is probably going to get hurt. If we need to make a decision, and our thinking processes are all over the place, we are going to get hurt. Success is found in knowing exactly where the bullseye is and getting as close to the target as possible, not in randomly throwing axes.

So how do you know what your bullseye is when faced with a complicated decision? Especially if you or someone you know is stuck in the common distractions listed above?

You ask the magic question: What problem are you trying to solve?

At first glance, answering what problem am I trying to solve? should be easy, right? Yet it’s not a question we often ask ourselves because clarity is difficult when emotions are involved and the stakes are high. We get off topic, especially if we are uncomfortable with the topic, and find other problems to pick up and throw all over the place, like the dangerous axes these alternative problems represent. Plus, when we look around at humanity, it won’t take us long to find clues letting us know that just because something should be easy, it doesn’t mean people are successful in putting it into practice.

Have you ever seen a late-night TV host interview people on the street, asking them seemingly simple questions? I recently watched a video where people were given a map of the world and asked to name one country on the map. Several people named Africa as a country and were embarrassed to be reminded that Africa is a continent. One person thought Russia was Asia, and another thought Alaska was Iceland. It’s funny to watch adults embarrass themselves over questions their elementary-school-age children would know how to answer. What isn’t funny is feeling confused about what our next step should be or watching someone around us have no clarity on what problem they are trying to solve, bring other problems into the conversation, and remain stuck. I’ve seen thousands of people able to narrow down and find the bullseye when they are directly asked what problem they are trying to solve. You can watch them stop, think, and shift from venting to thinking. They go from feeling disempowered by the enormity of their problems to feeling empowered as a problem solver. They might not like the problem they are faced with, but they are no longer confused about what problem they are faced with. I’m convinced people could save themselves years of frustration if they got clear with a simple three-step formula:

Get clear about the problem you are trying to solve.

Turn your thinking toward creative solutions.

Take action on the problems and solutions within your control.

I believe this is the playbook that great leaders, decision makers, and problem solvers live by, and the playbook so many others are confused by. People who already understand these three steps assume everyone in their lives already understands the rules within this playbook, and they become frustrated with others who remain stuck. Because they already have a habit of living by this playbook, they don’t know how to communicate this playbook with others, and communication turns toxic. People who don’t know these three steps watch the lives of people they consider successful and assume everything always magically works out for them. They then become frustrated at the things not working in their own lives and slip into helplessness.

Imagine how frustrated you would feel if you were having a conversation with someone about basketball and they kept bringing the conversation back to surfing. You would probably think they were nuts for not being able to stay on topic. Or imagine you were trying to talk to your family member about Thanksgiving, and they keep bringing up summer vacation. After a few minutes, you might feel like shouting, Stay on topic! Let’s get this handled so we can move on to something else!

Now, imagine you were talking to your child about finishing their homework, and they kept talking about how dumb school is and how they hate their teacher. Probably a little more familiar, right? The problem to solve is finishing homework, and the problem they want to solve is their teacher having a different personality or school not being a requirement. As a parent, you may have empathy for the child and their concerns, but it doesn’t mean they don’t need to finish their homework. Now, imagine you were talking to a coworker about scheduling a project, and the coworker wants to talk about how unfair the budget is and why it’s impossible to work under these financial constraints. The problem to solve is setting a schedule, and the problem your coworker wants to solve is having a different budget.

We will all have more time, more energy, more clarity, better attitudes, and better lives if we can figure out what problem we are trying to solve and then actually solve the problem rather than continuously distracting ourselves and others with problem pimples.

Problem Pimples: Additional problems that pop up and cloud the original problem to solve. Problem pimples infect your ability to see clearly because they only cover up the original problem.

Issue with Problem Pimples: Adding pimples to your problem allows you to procrastinate because you can keep focusing on the new problems that pop up rather than taking action to solve the original problem.

Solution to Problem Pimples: Staying clear on what problem you are trying to solve and not adding extra problems when a solution is clear.

Over the course of my life, pimples and