Jest A Minute!: Philosophical Fun for Everyone

By Christopher Turner

Countless New Jests

Reside Inside

I must be a great lay

I heard someone say

'With that huge thing

• Language: English
• Publisher: Quipit
• Release date: Jun 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9781802275261

Christopher Turner

Christopher Turner first came across the orgasmatron whilst doing anthropological fieldwork at infamously progressive Summerhill School (Reich persuaded Neill to build an Orgone Accumulator and to test it on his pupils). He went on to complete a PhD – on the cultural history of disgust – at the University of London.

Book preview

front_cover.jpgtitle-page

Our Cover

You know

Is the new

Art Deco

Philosophical Fun For Everyone

Christopher Turner

With grateful acknowledgements to

Tim Jacobs

and Pradeep Kandan

for their help and advice

Published by Quipit

Copyright © Christopher Turner 2022

Illustrations by the author and Tim Jacobs

Editing and layout by Tim Jacobs

ISBN:

978-1-80227-527-8 (paperback)

978-1-80227-526-1 (eBook)

All rights reserved

No part or parts may be reproduced

by any means whatsoever without

prior permission being sought

and obtained in writing

from the publishers

Quipit

[e-mail]

Contents

Foreword

Slightly Saucy

Thoughts for the Grey

Let’s Have Fun

Adages Adjusted

Be a Sport

Love Thy Neighbours

Musical Offerings

Bless ’Em All

Would You Believe It?

Question Time

Let’s Do It

Don’t Do That

But Seriously

A Longer Rhyme For Those With Time

Love in the Afternoon

Give Us a Kiss for Christmas

Here’s Another Christmas

When I Start to Drink

This Way, That Way

Uncle John

Lunatic Limericks

Sweet Seasons

Old Pensioners Bare Their Knees

Owed to Eastbourne

The Naughty Owl

Trying Again

A Sort of Girlfriend

Tributes to Three Great Wits

Pause-Pluggers

Exeunt

Foreword

I began composing witty rhymes to help raise spirits while Coronavirus outlived its murderous sojourn. For various reasons, hurtful sarcasm (Oscar Wilde’s ‘lowest form of wit’) has lost much of its popularity, but I include a few examples.

Originally, ‘joke’ simply meant ‘wordplay’, usually a pun, but puns have become so blandly puerile that most now induce groans rather than grins and are thus rarely seen. Nevertheless, I have rescued a few exceptionally outrageous examples.

Hundreds of brand-new jests, the backbone of my book, are concise four-liners, many of them illustrated with specially commissioned drawings that enliven the pages but also extend the humour. Twelve additional, somewhat longer, rhymes complete the collection. Not only do all the verses rhyme but they scan scrupulously!

Some years ago, I met the author Graham Greene, who revealed that he wrote in the ‘wee small hours’ as it was then that his brain’s little grey cells were at their liveliest following a good night’s sleep. Ever since, I have followed the great man’s example.

So, let us now dip delightedly into this wealth of witticisms. I promise to have told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth… at least as I see it!

A good book that looks good makes a gift hard to resist

Slightly

Saucy

Slightly Saucy

1

Ensure

That your

Careless rapture

Doesn’t cause a painful rupture.

Acknowledgement: Auguste Rodin’s ‘The Kiss’ sculpture

2

Whenever he comes,

I’m not quite certain

Why my boyfriend

Pulls the curtain.

3

His biceps

Are exceptional

– But he’s not remotely

Bicepsual.

4

Pledges that

His new tattoos would be

‘For your eyes only’…

Were baloney!

5

My boyfriend

Gets everywhere

Without any

Flattery.

6

My darling

Won’t dare to get

Too close for comfort…

Just yet!

7

My ex-boyfriend’s hands,

Optimistically

Octopustic,

Got a touch too specific.

8

A rude awakening

Can herald the prelude

To crude

Lovemaking.

9

I wear tight shorts

When playing tough sports

So my balls won’t pop out

When girls are about.

10

I must be a great lay –

I heard someone say

‘With that huge thing

He’s The Lie-On King’.

11

My girlfriend looks best

Just dressed

In a very short

White vest.

12

My girlfriend’s not

A money-grabber

But she grabs at a lot

Of things I have got!

13

Did Jack and Jill

Climb up the hill

For water –

Or what they didn’t oughta?

14

Onomatopoeia,

My dear,

Makes bodily functions

Quite clear.

15

Pride is

Showing

Your cocky cock

Crowing.

16

There’s nothing amiss

In giving

A soft pussy

A kiss.

17

Some say

I’m young at heart,

But I’m younger still

In another part!

18

‘My big one’

Is a weapon

Of mass

Distraction.

Acknowledgement: Pieter-Dirk Uys

19