The Crazy Indian and Other Stories

By Dr. Krishna Murari Soni

“The Crozy Indion and Other Stories" is a short stories book containing mostly humorous and few thought provoking stories. These stories have no relevance to any person, incidence, organization, religion, culture or policy and are not true stories.
Some of the stories are translated from Halki Fulki Laghu Kathayen, a book written in Hindi by the author and published by Diamond Pocket Books (Pvt.) Ltd. New Delhi.

Since these stories have no relation to any person, subject, organization, religion, or government policies, they should be read only with the perspective of enjoyment.

Dr. Krishna Murari Soni is a civil engineer and I takes interest in writing on various issues including technical to make a difference in a small way.
He has done post graduation from MANIT Bhopal, PhD from Indian Institute of Technology Delhi and MBA from IGNOU, Delhi.

Dr Soni has also authored Lord Krishna and His Leadership, 88 Pearls (A Collection of Short Stories), Halki Fulki Laghu Kathayen, and Aas Paas ki Laghu Kahaniyaan.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Jun 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9789350830581

Book preview

CRAZY INDIAN

Indians were not rich enough that time to take up study. Even if they studied, it was just up to high school or senior secondary school enough for someone to get job of a clerk or equivalent. Very few could do graduation, which was essential to get an officer’s job.

My grandfather did his graduation. He became famous in the district, a lone person who did graduation in the entire district.

Job waited for him as he was just to submit an application to the collector.

But he didn’t apply. Nobody knows why?

In spite of graduation of that period, he carried out farming like an ordinary farmer.

The villagers called him crazy and the British as ‘Crazy Indian’. I tried to know from elders why he was called by this name but they were unaware.

I wanted to ask from my grandpa but had no courage.

One day his school friend came to the village. I thought to ask him the reason of not doing a government job from him. He had retired from the government job of sub divisional officer but had very high respect for my grandpa.

Getting chance I asked him.

He told me that he was younger to my grandpa and had completed tenth while my grandpa had done graduation. I wanted to do job after tenth so both of us went to the district collector to apply for the jobs. The district collector was an elderly Englishman. I was asked to apply for the job of Naib Tehsildar (Deputy Circle officer) while your grandpa was asked to apply for Sub Divisional Officer (SDO).

We both wrote the application. In the last we were asked to write ‘Yours Obediently Servant’. I wrote and submitted the application, but your grandpa refused to write. The district collector clearly told if you do not write ‘Yours Obediently Servant’ and sign it, you will not be given the job. All the employees of collector’s office had gathered there and were surprised that a young boy was leaving the prestigious job of a sub divisional officer on a small issue though they were sure that ultimately he would bend upon and sign. But surprisingly, your grandpa was adamant and did not budge. The district collector talked to him personally and looking him adamant, called him, Crazy Indian.

After that incident, everybody started calling him ‘crazy’. When I told to father of your grandpa, he told me that he was proud of his son. That was all. Neither your grandpa told anything to his father nor did his father ever asked him for not taking up the government job.

What a self respect!

* * *

Five Declarations

It is said – Marriage is such a laddu (sweet) that one who eats it, repents and who does not, also repents. May be this proverb was invented by a divorcee and he ate laddu first and then had to leave eating it so had both the experiences. I had read that one is intelligent if he learns from the mistakes of others so wanted to become intelligent and thus was not in favour of the marriage at all. So I decided not to eat this laddu at any cost but one is really helpless before the circumstances. Even after my strong determination of not eating it, I had to because of my silly mistake.

For a long time, my parents were pressing me for the marriage and I was refusing as I didn’t want to repent. Whenever my parents asked me to give consent for the marriage, laddu came on my way and put an invisible tape on my mouth. My parents could not understand the reason of my denial so they arranged a dinner at the residence of one of our family friends in which I was also invited. I thought it as a normal dinner but by the time I came to know that it was a planned conspiracy, it was too late.

I accompanied my parents for the dinner and enjoyed it as many dishes were prepared. Nothing was unusual as the dinner was being served by aunt and uncle. After the dinner, we took seats on sofa. I thought; we would be going home shortly but then I saw a girl bringing sweet dish in the form of laddu. She served laddu that too, first to me. Sweet dish was really very tasty and wonderful. I started enjoying it. Suddenly my father asked me, "Bete (son), did you like girl?"

I was enjoying the sweet dish and could not listen last word ‘girl’ and thought my father was asking about the sweet dish so I replied, Yes, I liked it. It is very beautiful, really wonderful! What happened thereafter was beyond my imagination. My father immediately asked the girl to exchange rings and handed over one to me. By the time I could realise, a ring was in my finger and my sister took my hand in hers and put the finger in the girl’s finger. My in-laws then started celebrating the function. By that time my sisters-in-law had surrounded me and brothers-in-law were touching my feet.

I started praying God to save me but it was too late. My in-laws had gheraoedme as heroine is gheraoed by rowdies in a third class movie. In a movie, director sends hero to save the heroine but here nobody came to save me.

I came back home as I had failed in an interview. Now you can imagine what a laddu had cost me and I had no choice but to agree for the marriage.

The date of my marriage was coming close, and I was afraid because I had heard that a groom had to pledge five declarations during the marriage. Nobody had taught me about these declarations! Believe me, even I had not read them in any class. I couldn’t understand how teachers had missed such an important lesson, after all this was essential for everyone. After a considerable thinking, I decided to ask Panditji (priest) who was supposed to solemnise the marriage. I was sure that he would guide me as he had wide experience of solemnising marriages.

When I went to Panditji, he was extremely busy, more than a minister. There was a long queue at his place so I had to wait for more than four hours just to talk to him for few minutes. He was my family priest and was aware of my engagement. He told me that my father had already briefed him and he was going to solemnise my marriage. I told him my problem that I wanted to know the declarations to be made during the marriage. He thought for a while and told me, Son, at this time it is difficult to explain as many visitors are waiting for me but I will write them on a piece of paper so you can read them during your leisure time. These would be real declarations and not just prescribed ones. I will certainly give you before you start for the marriage venue however it would be better if you read them after the marriage.

As he was very busy, he gave me only two minutes. I paid five hundred rupees to Panditji and came back happily.

The date of marriage was approaching fast but Panditji had no worry and handed over no paper to me. I was getting nervous day by day and no one was extending any help to me. Even the day had come when baraat (marriage party) was ready to move. Panditji was also with the marriage party but was paying no attention to me. Having no option, I started getting ready and then saw him approaching to me. He came and handed over a packet and then said, Read it only after the marriage and then only you would realise the difference between prescribed declarations and real declarations.

Now I was finding very difficult to wait even for a single moment and wanted to read the declarations but was not getting time. My friends and relatives had surrounded me and were helping in dressing. They were decorating me like a he-goat to be sacrificed to the goddess. After I was decorated, they asked me to follow them. I had no choice so followed them. They brought me near a horse or mare whatsoever it was and asked me to ride over it. I had never taken ride of a horse and therefore was scared. Whenever I get scared, I run to washroom so I asked my friends and relatives to excuse me and went to washroom. Reaching the washroom, I locked it from inside and started reading the pages, which Panditji had given me. On the first page, heading was ‘First Declaration’. It was written on the first page, Your condition would be like a horse controlled by a jockey from today onwards. You will see all dancing but you will not be allowed. Today onwards give up dancing and singing. So you must provide first declaration to your wife that you will be controlled by the jockey i.e. your wife and will give up dancing and singing today onwards.

I tried to open second page but by that time my friends and relatives started knocking the door of the bathroom, actually not knocking but almost breaking so I came out. This time my friends lifted me and put me on the horse. I imagined as a donkey riding a horse. Thereafter, friends and relatives started dancing and singing ahead of me so that I can see them dancing. I was just like a dumb unable to dance or sing. I thought to get down but then someone put a child with me and asked me to ensure that he did not fall down. Now I had no choice but to keep on sitting like a donkey having no authority.

After some time we reached to the bride’s house. Surprisingly, my in-laws started worshipping horse before me. I could not understand why the horse was being given priority? But I got chance as everyone was busy in worshipping the horse so took out second page and started reading it. On the page was written, O fool, remember, today onwards your position has gone down below the animal so give second declaration that you will always remain faithful to your owner like an animal. I immediately understood who was being referred as owner. By this time, worshipping of the horse was over and in-laws started paying attention to me so I slipped the papers in my pocket.

After this programme, I was taken on the stage where I was asked to wait for the bride. When I enquired, I was told that it would take some time for the bride to come as she was getting ready. I understood what was my status before the bride? I was made ready many hours before and madam was still not ready. Finding some time, I took out third page and started reading. It was written on the paper, Go on reading, now you will be treated like a bird. You would keep up your neck like a crane to avoid putting chain in your neck but still your neck will be chained whose end would be in the hand of your wife. So better give this declaration.

I thought, I would not raise my neck like the crane and ensure that this declaration does not prove to be correct. Suddenly my friends and relatives came running and I pocketed the papers. I saw the bride approaching towards the stage.

When the bride came on the stage, her friends also came up and surrounded her. On other side my friends also surrounded me. After a considerable wait, the bride tried to put garland in my neck and I bowed my head but suddenly some of my friends caught my head from back and raised it up in a way that the bride could not garland me. I understood that my neck has become like a crane and my misfortune had an edge so gave third declaration in favour of my wife. And when the bride put the chain in my neck, every one present there became so glad that they started clapping. I understood to which species I have equalled myself now.

After this tradition, there was a programme of taking oath before fire God and taking rounds of the same. I was told that after this programme (parikrama), marriage would be complete. I felt nervous and got scared so went to the washroom. Finding some time, I tried to read fourth page which mentioned, I knew that you would read the papers before marriage though I had cautioned you for reading after the marriage. OK, listen, now you would take rounds of the fire and put red colour (sindoor) on the head of your bride. And you might be aware that red colour is also put on goddess and prayer offered by bowing to her. So you would always bow to your wife is your fourth declaration. I was called by someone so I had to rush without reading fifth page.

When I came back, I saw Panditji smiling. I understood that he knew about me having read the pages. I saw the house of the bride and blamed myself, why I had eaten laddu in this very house.

Panditji started proceedings of the marriage and asked me to provide five declarations to my wife while she was asked to make seven. I realised declarations narrated there were entirely different from actual ones as I had already read four.

After the marriage, the time had come for bidding farewell. I was upset so did not read the fifth page. I decided that I would not read it before reaching home. My wife was crying and relatives were consoling her. Then she came in the car and after some time crying converted into weeping, then weeping also went on subsidising so I took out the last page which read, You fool, still not understood; your wife has wept before everyone present here and you remained silent. Now onwards, she will remain silent and you will weep forever that too in isolation. So give fifth declaration to your wife immediately. Finding no alternate, I gave fifth declaration also.

Now believe or not, I am honestly following all the five declarations of the marriage.

* * *

IDIOT PA

Idon’t know why