What Do I Do With This Pain?: How to Keep Living When Someone You Love Dies

By Laura Lopez

What will life be like now? What will the days we have left feel like? Could the weight of this unexplained pain lighten even a little?

These are but a few of the thoughts that wander through the confusion of our minds when we receive the news of a loved one's death.

Since the death of my son, I've had the opportunity to speak with m

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jul 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685567125

Laura Lopez

Laura is a wife, mother, grandmother, counselor, author, speaker, and Bible teacher with more than twenty years of experience working with women and married couples at La Roca Comunidad Cristiana (The Rock Christian Community) in San Diego, California, and Tucson, Arizona.

Book preview

Dedication

I want to dedicate this book to the beautiful family God has given me.

To my husband, Mike, who has been my greatest support during my losses. You have accompanied me along the path of my life: forty-nine years of marriage plus two years of dating. I know that without God and my husband, I would not have been able to cope with these situations.

To my beloved children, Viviana and Rodrigo, who gave meaning and purpose to my life and who were my main engine to make me want to move toward recovery after the death of their brother. Your dad and I feel truly fortunate and more than blessed that God has chosen us to be your parents and to allow us to be an instrument of healing in your lives. Together we crossed the valley of the shadow of death and reached the other side: complete, stronger, and more united than ever!

God has blessed us with two more children and two precious granddaughters. Viviana married Abraham, a marvelous man of God. They made us the grandparents of two beautiful princesses who bring joy to our hearts and lives with their sweetness and love. Rodrigo married Amanda, a young woman beautiful inside and out, who has added joy to our family. Our lives are full and complete with each of you.

To my Omar, who inspired this book. In your short twenty-one years of life, you left an indelible mark on our hearts. You lived your life to the fullest and enjoyed every minute of it. See you in heaven, my love!

To God! My hero, my comforter, my faithful friend, my adviser, my fortress, my helper, my high refuge, my Savior, my King, and my Lord. For healing my wounds, for making me new, and for loving me so much, thank You!

Acknowledgments

Before anything else, I want to thank God for walking with me through the valley of the shadow of death and bringing me to the other side of mourning, to a place of completeness and health. I want to thank the Lord Jesus Christ for paying the price on the cross that made possible the healing and restoration of our family. Without Him, this book would not have been possible! For His patience and unconditional love, for restoring my life, my marriage, and family, thank You so much! No one else can do the things God can do.

Thank you to my husband, Mike, who continually prayed for me as I carried out this project, for his immense love, for giving me the motivation to write, for believing in me, and for being my biggest cheerleader. I love you more than you could even imagine!

Thank you to my children, Viviana and Rodrigo, for making my life something special so that my journey on this earth could be beautiful and worth living. Thanks for sharing and allowing me to include your experiences in this book and for your love and full support. I love you with all my heart!

Thank you to my beautiful granddaughters, Viviana Bella and Alexa Victoria, who, without even knowing it, were a gift from God to bring healing and joy to my life.

Thank you to my dear son-in-law, Abraham Mayorquín, who is not just a son-in-law but a true son to me. Thank you for your support and love. You’re the best son-in-law anyone could have!

Thank you to my beloved daughter-in-law, Amanda Morrison, who brought joy and life back to our son Rodrigo. Your life is precious to our family. We love you, Amanda!

Thank you to my dear siblings who have been with us, always supporting us and taking care of us. Thank you, Yoly and Alberto, Norma and Adalberto, Raúl and Martha. You have played key roles in our recovery.

To my dear friends, Héctor Esquer and Mara Durán, who encouraged me to write my story. Thank you for not leaving me alone during the years it took me to do it, for asking how it was going, for encouraging me when it hurt to write and to remember, for revising my drafts and helping me make corrections, for your time and love for this project that you believe in and never doubted. Your support and love have been invaluable. Thank you very much!

To my dear Amigas Punto Com, Vivian Nieto, Gloria Vasquez, and Rossy Rivera, for accompanying me throughout my recovery, for our long conversations full of tears and laughter, for your unconditional support, and for always being present when I needed you. Thank you very much!

To our pastors and friends José and Michelle Mayorquín, for all your support and love during all these years. Thank you very much!

To Daniel and Cynthia Osuna, for your advice, for your selfless help in this project, and for your time and contributions, thank you—you cannot imagine how valuable it has been!

A big thank you to Margarita Chinchillas and Pilar Palacios for polishing my manuscript. Your unique and special touch has provided the perfect framework so that this book can be of the best quality.

To my dear, loving friends who partnered with me in the financing, the photos, and the promotion of this book. Thank you very much!

Finally, I want to express my gratitude to all the people who have been with me during the journey of my losses. Thank you for listening to me, loving me, helping me, comforting me, allowing God to use your life to bless mine, praying for my family and me, and always being there for us. You have touched our lives in ways you can’t even imagine. To all of our family and friends, thank you very much!

Foreword

To think that the people we love could cease to exist makes us shudder because, from childhood, we are not taught to live with the thought that death is a natural process of life. Even though it is, that reality is something we are never prepared to face.

Laura’s book captures you, makes you smile, and envelopes you in nostalgia, but it also fills you with hope. She shares how she found meaning in life through her tragedy and how the heart can be restored even after experiencing the pain of losing someone as loved and hoped for as a child and then, while attempting to move on and overcome, receiving blows that are just as severe. When it rains, it pours, as they say. Will the sun ever come out again?

What will life be like now—what is left of it anyway? How will my days feel? How can the weight of this unimaginable pain be lessened even a little? These are thoughts that swirl around in the confusion of our heads when we receive news of the death of a loved one. We feel the pain of loss, the void that cannot be filled, a silence without an answer, a hole so deep that it makes thoughts of the future just a blur. Our pain traps us in a labyrinth that seems to have no way out. We feel like we are in a storm that will never end.

I know there is nothing that can make up for the absence of a person we love, nor can anyone understand the depth of this pain unless they themselves have lost a loved one.

It is never easy to get out of stagnation, to dust ourselves off, to feel the freshness of love again, and continue to believe that life is worth living, that there still remains a why, a for whom, a how, and a where, to keep taking firm steps forward and feel safe in the middle of so much chaos.

Laura’s story is written from her heart with a loving pen. Surrounded by emptiness, wrapped in anguish, she still finds the path to hope in the shadow of pain. She discovers how to smile again and how to reach out to others in love. Her heart is warmed by the rays of indescribable peace that only God gives. Laura embraces it, finding answers for her doubts and shelter from the desolation that had tormented her. God transforms her sadness into joy and her weakness into strength. Every page of this book is an opportunity that opens new pathways for us and helps us understand the true meaning of life, including the farewells. It helps us not only learn to deal with our pain but also to know what to do and say when we don’t know how to comfort someone else who is experiencing pain of their own.

Laura shows us that the presence of God is so real that it is an extension of His love toward us, even through those who are no longer physically here. None of us has all the answers to our doubts, but God does. We may not understand why we go through painful experiences, but we know He is present in every moment of our life.

Receive comfort from the heart of a mother who learned to reach out her arms and receive the love of God. He replaced her uncertainty and anger with the precious love that resides in the hearts of mourners, who recognize that we cannot make it through life alone, but only by the hand of God.

This book opened my eyes to something I had never contemplated: to learn to be quiet and simply listen when grieving family members want to talk about the person who has gone. Remember, even in all the pain, God is with us.

—Mara Durán

Psychologist,

Master of Brief Psychotherapy

Introduction

This book was born out of the need to share my emotions. To express what I have experienced, the path I have walked, and all that God has done in my heart and life through my son’s death.

The road has been long, and I have learned a lot, but it has not been easy at all. I wrote it over many years. At first, it was excruciating to write about the painful events that had occurred because it felt like I was reliving them. I had to stop writing for a while because the wounds were