How to Bring up Happy Children

By Saamdu Chetri

What is the one thing every parent wants for their child?
The universal answer: To be happy.

How to Bring Up Happy Children, based on the Gross National Happiness principles of the small Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan, is about bringing life transformative changes to young families. Saamdu Chetri uses his decades of experience in working with Bhutan's Gross National Happiness concept, and disseminating its principles to the world, to explain how parents who are content and grounded in the nine domains of human existence, enable the raising of happy children who have the natural ability to live in harmony with themselves, others, nature, and the greater universe.

From young couples preparing for parenthood, to middle-aged parents navigating the difficult stages of confusion and inner conflict with their young adult children, this book spans every age and stage, helping every parent/caregiver to understand how nature and nurture blend in the evolution of a child to his/her highest potential. A life-long teacher, ecologist, philosopher and life-guide, Chetri guides parents on how to influence natural selection; how to gain a new perspective on collective and time-tested wisdom on thinking and doing; how to create standard life practices that encompass every domain of human life; how to break free of entrenched mindsets and habits and go beyond; and how to achieve both happiness and human potential.

These valuable lessons in mindfulnesss open the door to an organic understanding of how to live as parents, in a society, and raise happy children who in turn contribute to creating a better world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: One Point Six Technologies Pvt Ltd
• Release date: May 26, 2022
• ISBN: 9789354387791

Saamdu Chetri

SAAMDU CHETRI was born in a cowshed, in remote Bhutan. He grew up with animals, plants and insects. When he was nine, his father took him to school, but deciding that his son could not survive without milk, he brought the cow to school as well. Saamdu’s dream was to be a farmer and teacher, a rare combination. He did indeed become both. He worked as a farmer, first at home, then in Australia and Switzerland. In 2018, he joined the teaching faculty at IIT Kharagpur. Saamdu strongly believes that deep passions in life do come true if we have the right intentions. All his life he has maintained the disciplines learnt in childhood – going to bed early and waking at 4 a.m., for his morning meditation, exercises, chores and then working for three hours before going to teach. He has been a keen sportsman, and his sprint record still stands. He taught himself many survival skills, including those of tailor, barber, plumber and electrician. He has been named among 100 prominent people of Bhutan. Saamdu believes that every moment of life is beautiful, but we must train ourselves to be fully present.

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INTRODUCTION

This book, based on the Gross National Happiness principles of the small Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan, is about bringing living transformation to young families, so parents can be happy and grounded in the nine domains of human existence, and thus raise happy children who have the ability to live in harmony with themselves, others, nature, and the greater universe.

This book is about living every day with mindful intent, with the awareness of the small, everyday affirmations and practices that go towards inculcating in our children, from conception to adulthood, character traits and mindsets that make them into strong, noble and humane individuals, who are in tune with their environment.

There are ideas and practices presented in the book that may seem somewhat alien to minds conditioned to modern living and often far removed from the rhythms of nature and the seasons. Some may even consider the ideas old fashioned and outdated. But certain things are timeless, and our contemporary world is slowly recognising the importance of nature, our inter-connectedness, and being grounded. I only ask my readers to find the key to any locked doors and to throw them wide open. Approach the ideas and practices in these pages with an open mind. Let the magic in. Try it for a month, six months, a year... then decide.

Wise parenting, why has it become so imperative today?

For thousands of years, the people of the Indian sub-continent have strongly believed in Sanatan Dharma (the absolute or ‘eternal’ set of duties and religious practices ordained in Hinduism, irrespective of class, caste or sect), as a harmonious and organic way of life for all people on earth. They believe it brings peace, prosperity and happiness. It has gained strong credence as good practice, transforming into a culture of sanskara (values) for individuals, families and societies. It was this web of sanskara that made Indian wisdom far-reaching and lofty at one point in history. Through great teachers, it spread worldwide, informing people of the value of mindfulness and inter-dependence.

Great thought leaders have contributed to the understanding of human existence, from the theory of relativity from Einstein; nonviolence, humility and the power of truth from Gandhi, karma-yoga from Swami Vivekananda, the strength of forgiveness from Nelson Mandela, small is beautiful from F. Schumacher. There have been so many others. We only need to keep our minds open to learning.

India has contributed to the concepts of science, technology, astronomy, medicine, surgery, architecture, mindful practices, yoga, ahimsa (non-violence and tolerance), and more, to the world. Sanskrit is still under scrutiny by experts because it seems to hold the secrets of the quantum universe in its writings. Ancient Sanskrit has hidden treasures such as the accuracy of pi, in verse, including distances in space, such as from the earth to the moon and the sun. A star like Proxima Centauri, which Indian Vedanta wrote about in Sanskrit, thousands of years ago, is considered a new Astro-science phenomenon.

Today, there is a shift to modern education based on Western concepts. But contemporary education has produced human robots for various markets – less humane, more machine. Education today makes everyone shrewd, competitive, selfish, egoistical, driven by consumerist greed, desiring more and more. But sanskara arises from love, care, compassion, harmony, altruism, humility, kindness, sharing, loving, and other positive attitudes. If these are included and practised at home and school, the human race would achieve real excellence and reach far greater heights.

When we study human birth and growth, we realise that it is only the human child who evolves. Consider animals; their offspring have to be alert and running to fend themselves almost immediately after birth. For example, the mother giraffe kicks her baby hard if it does not run after she drops it to the ground from her womb. The universe has given humans a space to grow and harmonise through inter-dependence with universal vibrations.

But look at how we, who have been granted this great gift, live today. We are growing increasingly unaware of nature and the natural order of things around us, bent on contributing to the destruction of planet earth, the only home we have. A human being does not contribute anything to the planet, yet depends on it for her every living moment. Any destruction wrought on the planet is thus self-destruction. This paradox has its origin in rapacious greed that grows like a hydra-headed monster.

When researchers asked parents what they would like their children to be, 99% replied with what seems to be a simple answer – ‘happy’. The remaining 10% added ‘happy’ after mentioning engineer, doctor, successful businessman. Whatever else they wish for, all parents universally desire their children to be happy and healthy. If this is what every parent desires, we have to learn to bring up our children accordingly.

Two haploids (one from the mother and the other from the father), join together in the mother’s womb to form a diploid with 24 chromosomes – a living cell referred to as a zygote. The formation of a baby begins with this single cell, which then divides and multiplies, nourished by the mother’s bloodstream. This one cell contains the coding of generations, shaping the past. It stands as a blueprint, shaping what we pass onto future generations.

According to genetic science, every cell contains 1.4 volts of equivalent energy. On average, a human body has 37.2 trillion cells. This means that an average person is a vast energy field, the equivalent of 52.08 trillion volts. This is why ancient wisdom believes that we live in vibrations; nor do we die along with our bodies as we are energy fields. Michio Kaku, the father of String Theory in quantum physics, said in an interview with Russia Today (Jan 2020), that if we can vibrate at the dinosaur level, we will see them around us. The question here is what kind of vibration would we like our children to produce and use that energy for? It largely depends on how one guides the child.

If we can relate to inter-dependence, we are Bhagavan (God or the Ultimate). We are Bhagavan from before birth. The syllable bha in Bhagavan stands for bhumi, the earth and its minerals. It is the food a mother eats during pregnancy, and what a child eats thereafter during childhood, that causes cells in the body to multiply and grow. Cells divide and grow till a certain age (15-18 for girls and 18-20 for boys). But the replacement of dead cells in the body continues till one dies. Thus, bhumi contributes about 12% of our body mass in the form of cells, bones, and other elements through food.

The second syllable ga in Bhagavan stands for gagan or sky, to which our five senses are linked. The third syllable a, is often silent, and stands for agni or fire. To walk and function, the body has to have energy, an electrical field. Thus it is said 8% of the body mass is heat (fire), produced in 37.3 trillion cells.

The fourth syllable va, stands for vayu (wind). Every moment, we are consciously (better) or unconsciously (usually), breathing air. Our lungs purify the air and send oxygen through the blood system, carrying digested food to each of 37.2 trillion cells¹ for nourishment, repair, and replacement. It is said that our body mass contains 8% air. Finally, the fifth syllable n, stands for nir or water, which forms 72% of planet earth and also the human body.

So, if we add all the percentages our body is made of – 12% bhumi, 8% agni, 8% vayu and 72% nir – we are 100% made of the five elements of the universe. The five elements that extend beyond our earth unify into oneness.

Now, we need to realise that we are not what we think we are. The forces in our bodies are inter-dependent. We cannot exist when even one of the five elements is taken out of the human body form. It is well to reflect for a few moments each day on this complex abundance provided by nature, to remind ourselves not to take it for granted. For example, a wooden table is made from a living tree, with minerals from the earth, sun, water and air. It has merely changed its form. If we desire to be mindful, we need to see everything in anything. As the human body constitutes five elements from our planet, we can only live on it as long as space and time endure.

There is a beautiful metaphor about human life narrated by Zen Buddhist Master, Thich Nhât Hanh, on the transformation between birth and death. At a conference in Thailand (Feb 2013), he said, ‘When the sun heats the ocean, the water in the ocean changes to vapour, which rises up into the sky and turns to clouds and moves far and wide. In different places they collide with each other and fall as rain. The raindrops gather themselves into small rivulets and flow into channels or streams, then to the big rivers that flow back to the ocean. So, did the water die? It only changed its form.’

The same applies to human existence. No one dies because we live in the elements. Our genes live in plants, animals and insects, in our siblings and relatives. Mythologically, we do not die, we take different forms. We are born repeatedly until we completely purify ourselves and merge with the universal energy, never to return. This purification happens through our conduct every time we are born. The sufferance is karmic.

It may be true, as the information comes coded in our genes at birth. Genetic science says human beings contain genes of other species, both animals and plants. The human body constitutes 70% per cent banana genes, 25% rice genes, 46% per cent fruit fly genes, 88% per cent cow and dog genes, 90% per cent frog genes, and so on. All these have commonalities of make-up as well.

Having understood the human connection to the more incredible wonders of existence, we will discuss in this book on raising children, what creates good human beings, successful and happy in the journey of life.

Let us touch here on the great Indian epic, the Mahabharata. This mythical story offers numerous guidelines and reasons why we must re-orient our way of life to raise children. In the story of Abhimanyu, son of the illustrious warrior Arjuna, his mother Subhadra (also the sister of Krishna), was listening to how a chakravyu, a spiral strategy in warfare, could be created and broken. Abhimanyu was still in his mother’s womb. Subhadra fell asleep as Arjuna was explaining how to break the seventh barricade.

During the Kurukshetra war, Abhimanyu, a feared warrior, was sent in to break the chakravyu formed by their Kaurava opponents. He penetrated seven barricades before he was surrounded and brutally killed by his own kin fighting on the opposite side. How did he know these war tactics? He had heard his father tell his mother about the chakravyu formation while he was still in her womb, unborn. But she had fallen asleep before he finished. Hence, Abhimanyu knew how to penetrate the chakravyu but not how to get out.

Similarly, in this era, Aryananda Babu, a South Indian girl from Kerala, won the SaReGaMaPa Líl Champs 2020 competition singing Hindi songs. Surprisingly, she did not know Hindi.

She learnt to sing, it seems, when she was still in the womb. Her mother had a great love of Hindi songs. The ancient story of Abhimanyu is thus reflected in this present-day story. The question is: Can children really learn in the womb?

These stories tell us what science has now confirmed – that a child learns from the environment from zero to eight years of age. She picks up hearing, seeing, feeling, and sensitisation provided by the surroundings she grows in, and these get stored in her memory. It is possible that memories and genes can be added too, without erasing memories from the past, in the diploid state. Genetic science confirms that our genes are blueprints, but they can be reshaped accordingly to how we change the way we live, thus creating and developing a life of gratification rather than only for the living.

Let us consider here the mothers of some people who became great personalities in the world, both in India and abroad, picked randomly as examples:

Siddhartha Gautama became the Buddha. We know little of his mother, Mahadevi. Nevertheless, we do know her dream was to give birth to a male child who would rule the kingdom and beyond with love and compassion.

Mahadevi died seven days after giving birth to Siddhartha. His father, King Sudhodana, then married Mahadevi’s sister, Mahaprajapati, who raised Siddhartha with love, compassion, kindness, humility, respect, loyalty, dedication and truthfulness – the sankaras her sister had desired for her son. She even detached herself from her own son, to devote herself to Siddhartha.

Something to take note of here is that Siddhartha grew up with a friend called Chana, who hailed from the low caste of Untouchables. He became Crown Prince Siddhartha Gautama’s charioteer, but Rahul (Buddha’s son), referred to Chana as Uncle.

This speaks volumes about the values the family lived by.

Swami Vivekananda’s name is known across the world, a name given to him after his initiation into monkhood, but his childhood name was Narendra or Naren. It was his mother, Bhuvaneswari Devi, who instilled in him the values of humility, truthfulness, and calm focus of the mind. She maintained her dignity, strength, piety and calm while performing her duties with a steady mind. Of the many words of advice his mother gave Naren, one was, ‘Should the worst come to the worst, never swerve from the path of truth’. One day, he was beaten by his geography teacher for sticking to what he knew to be the true facts. The teacher was to later regret his mistake. When he came home in pain, his mother was pleased and proud of her son, that he had lived her advice never to swerve from the truth. Another piece of valuable advice she gave him was, ‘Bileh [Naren], just as we try our utmost not to lose our prestige, in the same way, never hurt or lower another’s prestige.²’

Putlibai, Gandhi’s mother, a wise lady with a great deal of common sense, did not think of herself and religion as separate. They are one. Gandhi learned very early to live with the vow of truth. A prodigious seed of discipline was also planted in him by his mother. She asked him to vow that he would always be himself in absolute truthfulness and not flow with the thoughts of others, before he left for his law studies in London. He was never to see his mother again, but the seed she had planted changed him into a great soul, a leader for the world in many ways.

Einstein was taught by his mother to be free-thinking, persistent and to never give up. Like Siddhartha Gautama, she always said, ‘Be your own light and never give up on the right struggle’. He was classified as foolish and asked to leave school. His mother taught him, clarifying his doubts and building within him the qualities that would make him into one of the world’s outstanding scientists. She also imbued in him a love of music, which remained with him all through his life. Music was his meditation.

Barak Obama did not become President by chance. His mother implanted in him some essential values and principles – to be kind, caring and useful to those less fortunate, never to instigate violence, to build peace, never to put anyone down, but lift them up instead. This learning took him all the way to the Presidency of the United States of America.

In Siddhartha’s story, there are also instances of how evil karma can lead a person to the wrong destination. His cousin Devadatta, who received the wrong sanskara from his parents, became uncontrollable. However wellborn or endowed with potential the beginning may be, we must inevitably pay for our wrong behaviours and actions. Karma does not spare anyone, high or low, mighty or humble, rich or poor, because it is the result of cause and effect.

The argument about imbued sanskara is not based on mothers alone. We merely put mothers first because they carry the child for nine months in the womb. What happens in this period is not known to fathers, but they have an equally vital role to play in providing comfort and support, love, care, compassion and kindness. Fathers have always been figures of security and protection, financially and otherwise. This seems to have been coded into our genes from the Stone Age. Despite the modern movements for women’s equality and emancipation, not much has changed in our mindset. Children continue to see their fathers as safe and secure figures, while mothers provide love, care, protection, guidance and encouragement. If a man cannot bring happiness to his woman, the child suffers, though mothers will struggle to give the best they can. To clap, one needs two hands. In the same way, the responsibilities of both parents are equally