Raising a Child

By Shail Chaturvedi

Raising a child involves, emotional and physical development which is impacted by nature and nurture. The socioeconomic factors, the environment, family, culture, education and stability are some of the essential ingredients to build the optimal quality of our future generations. One can not create ideal situations and circumstances for our children in the unforseeable future, so we need to equip them for the challenges they may face in life. The preparation for the best possible crop begins from the seed quality. This book illustrates the preparation for parenthood, what can go wrong , how to prevent, ameliorate, rectify or minimise the potential danger and maximise the chances of positive life experiences. This book has taken the best child raising practices from Eastern and Western cultures and philosophy in creating disciplined, independent, productive, compassionate and creative generation. There is ample information relating to childhood physical ailments, psychological development and safety from adverse experiences.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Jun 14, 2019
• ISBN: 9781504317986

Shail Chaturvedi

The writer is a qualified and experienced medical professional with background of Eastern and Western culture, in which she has lived and worked intimately, studying the trajectory of life, which evolves from childhood experiences. The impact of family and the people the child meets can be profound. Children are the most precious gift of the nature, which not only is essential for the survival of human race, but a pliable phase of life when it is possible, to groom him/her for a happy, healthy and successful life. The writer has widely researched, evidence based scientific information, to complement the ideal and cautious development of a child. The author was born in a small town of Uttar Pradesh in Northern India. She mostly studies in the capitol city of Lucknow graduating in medicine in 1967. She has been writing from the age of 12 with published poems articles and stories . She lives in Sydney Australia with her husband having worked as a psychiatrist for well over 4 decades. She has been actively involved in social reforms and health services for underprivilaged people.

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Copyright © 2019 Shail Chaturvedi.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-1799-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-1798-6 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date:  06/12/2019

Dedicated

to my sister Shashi

(1948 -2019)

Contents

Acknowledgement

Foreword

Preface

Chapter 1     Introduction

Chapter 2     The Family and Preparedness for

Parenthood

Preparedness for Parenthood

Contraception

Abortion

Infanticide

The Pregnancy

Mental Health Issues

Pre natal Depression

Consanguineous Marriages

Infertility and Assisted Pregnancy

Childbirth

Stillbirth

Chapter 3     Genetics

Chapter 4     Infancy

Club Foot

Breast Feeding and Bonding

Postnatal Care

Immunization

Teething

Vision Screening

Hearing Tests

The Healthy Kids Check

Childhood Illnesses

Allergies

Female Genital Mutilation

Cultural issues

Chapter 5     Children with Disability

Chapter 6     Safety Issues

Chapter 7     Nutrition

Chapter 8     Sleep

Chapter 9     Blended Families

Chapter 10   Education

Chapter 11   Special Needs Children

Chapter 12   Childhood and Adolescence

Discipline

Chapter 13   Stress Management

Day Dreaming

Social Withdrawal

Depression

Addictions

Chapter 14   Adolescent Health

Self Esteem

Anxiety

Chapter 15   Mindful Parenting

Gender Diversion

Chapter 16   Communication

Bullying

Grief and Trauma

Chapter 17   Adverse Childhood experiences

Chapter 18   Global Warming

Chapter 19   Spirituality

Chapter 20   Determinants of Health

Chapter 21   Cost of Raising a Child

Chapter 22   Complementary and Alternative

Medications

Chapter 23   Conclusions and Recommendations

Recommendations

Acknowledgement

This book is the accomplishment of my life long cherished dream. It is about the most treasured creation of our world, our children. I never ceased to be amazed and inspired by the dedication and total commitment of most parents for their children.

I owe so much to my parents who together gave me the most secure and stable start in life, instilling hope, aspiration and confidence for accelerating in life.

I am eternally grateful to the most important teachers, my patients who taught me about love, life, endurance and resilience. The profound experience of sharing their life, groomed me from a carefree naive young woman into a mature, compassionate, well grounded professional. Most of the stories and the knowledge in this book have come from the insightful journey I shared with them though the names have been changed and I have added some narration.

I am indebted to my dear friend Dr Chandra Gariyali IAS whose directions, encouragement and expertise helped from the outset in setting up this book.

My heartfelt thanks to Kiran Krish aged 13 years who skilfully designed the cover of this book.

My deepest gratitude goes to Prof Perminder Sachdev for whom I have highest reverence as a scientist who has also written the foreword for this book.

I immensely appreciated Sameer Waditwar for his help in improving my computing skills.

No accomplishment would have any meaning if it were not being shared with my family who in their own way provided me the space and the freedom with their masked support and inspiration.

Foreword

Raising a child is arguably the greatest joy as well as the biggest challenge in one’s life. There are times when it appears to be the hardest job of all, and yet it may also surprise you with its natural simplicity. Few would argue against the claim that it is possibly the most important task of society. Without it, there can be no perpetuation of culture; the very existence of our civilisation depends on it. Are parents aware of the importance of this when they embark upon the journey of becoming a parent? How many parents deliberate upon child rearing practices and try to change their behaviour to an optimal standard? Indeed, is there a standard one can measure oneself against? Is there one right way of raising a child?

The ‘wisdom’ on child rearing comes from knowledge accumulated down the ages. The messages are diverse and fail to act as guideposts for nervous young parents eagerly awaiting their first child. There is consensus that children need love and a close bond with an adult, and a parent is best placed to offer that. Beyond this, the consensus dissipates, and in some places, the voices reach a cacophony. Do they need both their parents? Do the parents have to be of different genders? What is the role of the grandparents, the extended family, and indeed the ‘village’? How does one inculcate independence and at what age? How does one make them moral citizens, and indeed is that good for their wellbeing and survival? How does one make them creative and successful and more importantly, happy and indeed contented?

One might ask, what does one wish to achieve from child rearing? The answer generally is that one is preparing the adults of the future. This is not necessarily in the image of their parents and even less so for their benefit. It is for the benefit of the society they are going to live in, and the next generation they are going to bring forth. To achieve this, parents need guidance, and who better to take them on this journey than Dr Chaturvedi, the author of this excellent work. I have known Dr Chaturvedi as a colleague for more than two decades and have jointly treated many psychiatric patients with her. I have come to know not only of her professionalism and clarity of thought but foremost her humanity and compassion for her patients. The majority of her patients consider themselves very fortunate to have found her as their doctor. She has of course had several other roles, not the least as a parent, the wisdom from which has been distilled into these pages. Less well known are her abiding interests in Indian philosophy and poetry, and she is an accomplished poet herself. These influences are clearly visible in her writing.

Dr Chaturvedi is correct about the rapid change in our societies, with the accelerating trajectory into the future. As she points out, this change is driven by the rapid advances in technology. These developments threaten to increase the inter-generational divide and also pose a challenge to parents as gatekeepers of values in the family. For a young person growing up in modern times, the technology comes naturally and is possibly assimilated in the cultural milieu. For a parent, technology may be threatening, and some may conceptualise it as the antithesis of ‘normal’ socialisation that a child needs. This is compounded by the fact that ‘village’ to which a child belongs is increasingly without boundaries. The ethical and moral challenges that a child is exposed to are also myriad, but they may well occur in the virtual rather than the real world. How are parents expected to guide a child through all this, especially when they may not even be aware of these myriad influences? Moreover, a modern parent looks at the future with wonder and awe admixed with trepidation. What will this world look like? Most parents do not know what skills their child would need to navigate such a world successfully.

Dr Chaturvedi herself navigates two worlds. She grew up in India and her thinking is deeply influenced by old Vedic philosophy and values. She contrasts the Eastern philosophical approach of child rearing to the modern approach, largely of Western origin but increasingly global in its adoption. The Western view emphasises independence, with the goal of raising children being to make them independent so that they can venture into the world on their own. Giving them wings, as Goethe put it. At the same time, they need a sense of belonging – a place, real or metaphorical, that they can come back to – giving them roots, as he added. Yes, they need both roots and wings. The Eastern way perhaps emphasises the roots more than the wings, and emphasises inter-dependence over independence. The ideal in the East is therefore Dependability, over the Western Independence. The child rearing practices that achieve this have been the subject of much study and Dr Chaturvedi alludes to some of this in her book.

The path to adulthood from infancy is not linear and the influences are many. While the book is about ‘raising a child’, it does not forget biology which plays a sometime unseen but defining hand. Biology also sets up many of the challenges that parents face in child rearing, and as a psychiatrist, Dr Chaturvedi has encountered many. She guides the reader through the various emotional problems children and adolescents face, and the strategies that have worked in dealing with or indeed trying to prevent them from occurring. She punctuates this with poignant examples from her own practice.

I congratulate Dr Chaturvedi for being able to distil a lifetime of wisdom into these pages. She acknowledges, like those who have come before her, that there is no one correct way of raising a child. She therefore does not come up with a prescription. For most of the journey, she is on the side of love, tolerance, compassion and mindfulness, all carried out with good communication. It has been said that we want our children to be what we would have liked to have become ourselves. At the same time, we want our children to be themselves. We want our children to move away from home and yet retain an unbreakable bond with their home. We want our children to be happy and contented, and yet not so contented that they do not strive for greater achievement. As parents, we will continue to struggles with these dilemmas. Once in a while, a benevolent guide such as Dr Shailja Chaturvedi will come along to hold our hand along the path.

Perminder Sachdev AM, MD, PhD

Scientia Professor of Neuropsychiatry

Director of the Centre for Healthy Brain

University of New South Wales Sydney

Australia

Preface

"Raising children is a creative endeavour, an art rather than science’ Vedic Philosophy

Technology has changed the society for ever and must be incorporated in every human action.

The newfound wealth, freedom, convenience and technological revolution, no doubt have opened the floodgates to the new world, yet there has been a cost to it. In this newly created virtual world, the last thing we want to hang on to is human emotions and relationships, which must have its base of values, expectations, happiness and compassion.

Indian culture, religion and spirituality with its interchangeable boundaries have proven the test of time by the virtue of its flexibility to fit in to all sizes and shapes. It has remained the exponent of human race through the millenniums. It is widely accepted that Indians generally prosper wherever they go though remain quiet achievers, and generally the unsung heroes. It may well be the quality of the roots, which they seldom forget, provides the wings for all seasons.

Emigrations and immigration have been integral part of the human history and India is no exception. Preservation of traditional values and identity has never been as challenging ever before as it has been in the 21st century with increasing dependence on technology and diminishing human relationships.

There has never been such a vast and rapid change of civilisation, culture, the array of choices and opportunities in the entire history of human race as in the 21st century. Today we live in the global village with receding lines of demarcation. The revolutions caused by the technology needs to complement and not replace our