Behind the Door to Parenting: A Supporting Handbook
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About this ebook
"Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression"
– Haim Ginott
Parenting has always been challenging. However, today it has become complex with materialism, permissiveness, and immediate gratification in play. The wires are so tangled for parents to address the fact that it is okay to seek help when necessary. Parents raise their children with good intentions as far as their understanding goes. While physical needs are met abundantly in many families, it is the emotional aspect that might be neglected.
Therefore this book aims to bring in awareness for parents and parents-to-be about the stages of childhood and adolescence, and the many potential barriers in each stage so that it can be better understood for a positive growth. It not only emphasizes on the developmental stages that children go through but also the stages that parents undergo and the emotions experienced by them.
This book will lend a helping hand to parents at each stage in the fascinating passage of bringing up children who are one-third of our population and all of our future!
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Behind the Door to Parenting - Element H
BEHIND THE DOOR TO PARENTING
A supporting Handbook
By
Element H Psychological Support Services
Disclaimer
This book is a collaborative effort by psychology enthusiasts and students of psychology. This book is compiled and published by Element H Psychological Support Services. This book aims to serve as handbook for those who want to gain a basic understanding of Parenting
This book may not be a great source for in depth understanding and knowledge of the same. This book also does not claim to be a textbook reference material. Our aim is to bring the concepts in psychology to the common reader in a simple language and create awareness on mental health and need for parenting. Do not use this book for any diagnostic purposes.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of the interns – Aprajitha Krishnaraj, Sowmya Dhanasekaren, Leena Shri. P., Kirthika. S, A. V. R. Anjana, A. Abitha, P. Shweta, Kirthka. N, and Umekulsum. M at Element H Psychological Support Services, May – June 2019, who have contributed individual chapters to this book, and their tireless work throughout the process.
We would also like to acknowledge the effort taken by our team, R. Gnana Parvathy, Shwetha J.B., Veenaguru B., and Kavya Kumar in motivating our interns and co-ordinating with everyone and Mr. Jagan Raj for technical support.
We would be remiss if we do not offer our gratitude to children’s author and chief of Kahani Takbak, Shyamala Shanmugasundaram by educating us through sharing her experience on book writing and publishing which helped us realise our dream.
Finally, we would like to thank the Managing Partners at Element H Psychological Support Services, Dr. Keerthi Pai and Dr. Sandhya Rani Ramadass for providing a wonderful learning opportunity for the interns and facilitating their development in the field of Psychology.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER 1: INFANCY
CHAPTER 2: TODDLERHOOD
CHAPTER 3: PRESCHOOL CHILDREN
CHAPTER 4: LATE CHILDHOOD
CHAPTER 5: ADOLESCENTS
CHAPTER 6: YOUNG ADULTS
CHAPTER 7: FACTORS AFFECTING PARENTING
CHAPTER 8: PARENTING STYLES
CHAPTER 9: PARENTING CHILDREN WITH DISABILITIES
CHAPTER 10: PARENTING AND ADULTHOOD
REFERENCES
ABOUT ELEMENT H PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT SERVICES
PARENTING – AN INTRODUCTION
Parent – one of the many roles that we adopt in our lives. It is one of the most important roles to play – and this role begins even before the child is born. From the moment of conception – or perhaps from the moment you find out that you are going to be parents, parenthood begins. Even as the fetus is in utero, you may start building a relationship with the child.
Many studies over the years have provided a strong basis to believe that the fetus can feel, hear and even smell things while in the womb, and has been identified as a key aspect of fetal growth (Graven & Browne, 2008; Kreuger, 2010; Varendi, Christensson, Porter, & Winberg, 1998). Whatever the mother may experience, the fetus has a backstage pass to them as well. They get to experience both the highs and lows, and this may have an impact on the child. What you do as a caregiver matters much before the birth of your child.
There is a common misconception that parenting comes naturally to everyone and that mothers can step into the role as easily as stepping into a new pair of shoes. But just as it takes some time to get used to a new pair of shoes, it takes time to adapt to the changes that parenthood brings about. The concept of parental instincts
is simply perpetuating the myth that it is evolutionary, when in fact it is a socially learnt behaviour as well. While it is true that our instincts are evolutionary to a certain extent, this does not extend to parenting entirely.
Some things may come more naturally (such as feeding, holding your child and providing comfort) for most parents, but these are not sufficient to become the optimal parent. Thus, there is an increasing awareness for the need to educate oneself about the parenting journey before they embark on it (Connell-Carrick, 2006). This edification can happen through books, talking to your general physician or gynaecologist, reading magazines, – and in this day and age, the world wide web. There is a plethora of information out there, so it is important to only read and subscribe to those from credible sources.
It is important to build an inviting physical and emotional environment (Chamberlain, 2017) for your child even before they arrive in this world. This simply means that you prepare a physical environment that is safe, and includes things such as appropriate clothing, bedding, a safe house that is free of any hazard both physical and chemical, to name a few. The emotional environment refers to the psychological state of the mother and the situations that she encounters while pregnant. For instance, a fetus exposed to great levels of fear and distress, might develop a negative reaction to the world around it when it is born, and this might later need to be tended to. Instead, it is best to maintain a calm, soothing and nurturing environment even as the fetus is in utero (Chamberlain, 2017).
Once the infant is born, as parents, you are the primary contact that your child has with the outside world. It is the skills that you teach, the resources that you provide your child that helps them develop confidence in their ability to step out of their nest to explore the rest of the world. On the contrary, if parents do not provide their children with a safe and secure beginning, they might find it difficult to build a base for themselves, alone (Bowlby, 1968).
As children grow, they pass through various stages of development. These stages are characterised by marked changes in the following:
Physical Development, which includes their body mass, organ, skeletal