Secret Struggles of a Single Mother

By Betty Mayfield

Single Mothers; does it seem as though you're not being heard or that people have stereotyped you because of your status? The voice of the Single Mothers has finally transcended. In a compelling novel, mixed with her poetry, author Betty Mayfield reveals the mysteries of what single mothers go through on a daily basis. Without compromise, she speaks on shame, abuse, lack, and many more topics that degrade single mothers such as herself. The author also offers various solutions to each demeaning topic discussed. Have you been stressed and it feels as though your life is a mess? Join Betty Mayfield as she takes you on a journey to cut away oppression. Walk with her as she reveals her deepest hurts and how she used her experiences to help others. This remarkable story allows the world to take upon a whole new approach to parenting. It is a recommended book for all single parents.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463441418

Betty Mayfield

Betty Mayfield, a Mississippi native, demonstrate how anyone can overcome life's obstacles. Her life experiences (i.e. raised in a split home) have led her to become an essential motivational speaker. She is a graduate from the University of Southern Mississippi where she received honors and awards for her excellence in academic performance. Mayfield is highly certified to work with families and children. Being the founder of two Outreach Programs, Young Sisterhood and S.M.O.O.T.H (Single Mothers Overcoming Our True Hurt), she understands her call and responsibility to society. In addition, Betty is a devoted disciple of Dominion and Power Family Life Center in Petal, MS. She is an ordained minister and the secretary of the church. Her leaders are Apostle Paul L. Beard Sr. and Elect Lady Donna Beard; at D&P everybody is somebody and Jesus is Lord. Betty is mother to her only beloved son, Jordan, who is her greatest influence and motivation.

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© 2011 by Betty Mayfield. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 08/02/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4634-4143-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-4142-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-4141-8 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011913212

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Introduction

The Struggles

Chapter 1: Childhood A Small Seed Produced A Tree

Chapter 2: Anger

Chapter 3: Loneliness

Chapter 4: Lack Robbing Peter To Pay Paul

Chapter 5: Fear

Chapter 6: Stress

Chapter 7: Settling

Chapter 8: Shame

Chapter 9: Suicide

Overcoming the Struggles

Chapter 10: Forgiveness

Chapter 11: Turn Around God Of A Second Chance

Chapter 12: Motivation Poetry Intellect

Final Words

Acknowledgements

Contacts:

I’d like to dedicate this book to the two men who inspired me to write; God and Jordan. God gave me the words to write. He has allowed my trials to birth a book within me. Jordan, my son, without him I couldn’t began to write. He’s challenged me to be the mother I am today. Words cannot express what they both mean to me. Also, to my family (natural and spiritual) I present this book to you.

A Heart-to-Heart with the Author:

I come to you with all honesty. I never dreamt of writing a book because I accepted people’s opposing views of me. Therefore, I accredited myself as being too stupid to write a one page paper, so writing a book was out of the question. I’m not the girl born and raised in an upscale neighborhood with her mother and father. I came from two gutter neighborhoods. The Gula was the part of town where my father raised me. As a child, this had to be the roughest part of all neighborhoods. It’s the place that everyone, who didn’t live there, stayed clear of. Here, you could be walking down the street and in broad daylight someone would pull out a gun. Franklin St. was the other side of town where my mother raised me. It became the working grounds for the drug pushers, but I could be a kid here. I rode my bike around the neighborhood and wasn’t afraid. I said all that to say this, I am not a product of my environment but I can’t forget where I came. I’d like for my readers to know that I am the person who society has wrongly labeled because of my defective environment.

My book is based on a true story, with included poetry. I’d like to call it my storoetry. Please, make sure to read the poems. My poetry pieces are truth and they paint a picture of my life. Everything inside this book is based on my life. These are genuine writings. Some things are courteous and considerate; some are not. Read with an open mind. I’m sure you will be able to relate. I wrote this book for single parents.

—Betty Mayfield SKU-000468438_TEXT.pdf

Introduction

Single parenting has become popular in America, and it is sad when you examine the rising statistics of them. As mothers, we are often overlooked because America feels that they should worry about the major challenges. Why worry about the single mother, of three: who’s living in the projects and working at McDonalds? This lady is about to lose her mind because her children has to share a can of Vienna sausage for dinner. Why worry about the single mother; who was once married but is now divorced? She has to make sure her kids eat at their school because that will be the only meal they receive for the day. There is no food in the house; the mortgage is pass due, and the car is about to get repossessed. Why worry about the unmarried mother; working two jobs just to provide for her children? The moment she goes to the government for assistance, they reject her by saying she makes too much money. The government is not considering that she pays $550 in rent, a $400 car note, and $125 in insurance.

I am here to be the mouth piece for single mothers all over the world. People judge us, and it’s wrong. When the baby comes, mothers have to step up to the plate and stay there. We don’t get the privilege, like the fathers, to choose whether or not we’ll remain in our children’s life. I was six months pregnant when my consciousness knocked me in the head, and told me to prepare myself for this one passenger flight heading directly towards single parenting. Things were not going well with my son’s dad, and it would take a miracle to improve our damaged relationship. God wasn’t in the miracle working mood that day. (ll> Anytime you see this symbol, that indicates I am pressing pause to say something out of character. This book is not a sad book; I’m not aiming to make you shed a tear. I want you to learn how to take off the garments of being a victim and put on the garments of a victor. I’m an extremely funny person, so lighten up). Being a single parent, I started out as a charity case. I wanted people to feel sorry for me because I happened to be a first-time mother, abandoned by a man whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and live happily ever after. My story doesn’t start or end with my son’s dad, but it’s the turning point that caused me to become the unique woman I am today.

I wrote this book in hopes of shedding light on the secret struggles of a single mother. We struggle daily without people knowing. Single mothers struggle privately because the moment we try to go to someone, they become critical and reflect negatively. Does this sound familiar, You should have thought about that before you laid down and had that baby, You knew he wasn’t any good in the first place, or I tried to tell you not to mess your life up, but you wouldn’t listen you just thought you were in love? I challenge each mother to destroy everything negative in your life. When you free yourself from negativity then, you can become the mother God shaped you to be. Today, you will remove all the disapprovals people have placed inside your head. You probably did make a mistake, but you got to remember that everything happens for a reason. Most of my struggles were a result of my childhood. My childhood issues were not addressed at an early age, so they grew into something bigger than what I’d ever expected.

Today my prayer is for single parents to be changed when reading this book. I am a young single; however, my life has been in a series as if I’m an older parent. My trials did not get me to bend or break; they made me stronger. Those trials helped me to learn, to overcome, and help others. My book is not presented with the Excellency of speech. I am not coming with big words and expressions, but I come with evidence. I want to show women that if I overcame these different struggles, you all can also overcome. There isn’t anything too hard for God. Through many of my experiences, I had to learn the hard way. However, I hope by reading my story it will be a model for avoiding the hard roads and pursuing the easy routes. I’m, also, writing to emphasize that easy path by informing others on the failed recognition of single mothers. We carry loads that no one else has to accept. We have to be a mother, father, companion, doctor, teacher, etc. to our children. We have to do all of this while juggling a 9 to 5 and school; hoping not to break down. In later chapters, you’ll learn that by being a single mother, you will encounter unavoidable trials and errors. Single parenting comes with designed falls, but the thing I love the most is that you have the ability to let it make you or break you.

Let us pray:

God, I thank you for this opportunity to pour into the hearts and minds of the single mothers. Lord I do not use this for my reputation. I know it is not about me; it is all about you. Lord I give this book to you, that you may obtain the glory. Father, allow your blessings to fall upon this book. Anoint my hands to be as a pen of a ready writer. Lord, tell me what to say, because I know I am nothing without you. I move flesh out of the way; flesh does not delight in your sight. I thank you for the trials that I have gone through as well as the tests. I realize those were my tools that assisted me in creating this novel. God, right now I come against every evil work. Your word says to touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm. God I appreciate you. Father, please as you compel people to buy this book, allow them to read it and let their lives never be the same in Jesus Name. Amen.

Chapter 1

CHILDHOOD "A SMALL SEED

PRODUCED A TREE"

God laid it on my heart to complete this section. Before you begin to read, I want you to know that everything written in this book has a purpose; to help someone. This chapter was hard to write, but I must obey. It is sensitive, so read at your own risk. Excuse my inaccuracies. Again, I do not come with the Excellency of speech:

I am sitting in a huge tree, as a little girl, not knowing the ins and outs of life. I expected that the world built itself on love; so therefore, I thought love was the world. I didn’t know, at the age of 8; there were evil people in the world. One day, while playing with my Baby-All-Gone, evil knocked at my door. My parents were blind and misled by their own affairs. Mama chased another man, daddy chased women; they never gave it much thought to chase after their little 8 year old girl. House split. I had no one I could go to and talk. Mr. Lonely and Mrs. Meek took me on a ride that I’d like to call Deceit. He told me that we were going to make a dance routine, in hopes of winning a talent show. When he took me in the room, something wasn’t well because he closed and locked the door. It was Mama who enlisted this relative as our new babysitter, so I felt safe and comfortable. It became clear that I had to respect his authority. Back then, I had no say so. It wasn’t lawful for a child to speak their mind to an adult, so all my feelings, opinions, and conversations became one-sided and forced into my little red book. When I see that red book today (ll> yea, I still have it), it reminds me of that day. That day he took me in the room, laid me in the closet, and pulled down my shorts and flowered panties. The immaturity of my female body should have spoken to his conscious; saying, No man, she is too young. If you interfere with her now, you will turn an innocent girl into a Mad Black Woman. He did not take heed. He told me to open my legs. Allow me to dialogue:

Me: I’m scared

Him: Don’t be scared I won’t hurt you

Me: My mama gon’ get me

Him: No she’s not that’s why they let me keep you (proceeds to pull out his penis)

Me: What is that?

Him: This is what boys have, and it goes right there (pointing at my vagina)

Me: Ok (still thinking that we are dancing) . . . What is that coming out of it?

Him: Oh that’s pee it won’t hurt… . (Tries to put his teenage body in me)

Me: Oh no it hurts

Him: Let me try it another way (tries it another way)

Me: Now that hurt too… (I