Through the Ring of Fire: From Narcissistic Abuse to Spiritual Awakening

By Nadine Claire

Claire's 15-year relationship may have just ended but her problems are far from over. She quickly finds herself in a battle she never wanted with her ex-partner and father of her children, Mark, who launches a systematic and calculated campaign of psychological abuse and manipulation.
Unaware of the game he is playing and clueless as to its rules, Claire falls into the trap of narcissistic abuse without even realising. What follows is a spiral of chaos, instability, hopelessness and betrayal. As those she once trusted seem to turn against her, will Claire regain control of her life and rediscover her sense of self?
A thoughtful and inspiring read, Claire finds herself at an important crossroads. When the universe itself seems to be sending her signs, will Claire find the strength to fight back and follow a new path?
Through the Ring of Fire will resonate with anyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse themselves or helped a loved one survive it. The book serves as a cautionary tale of the insidious nature of domestic abuse and how you don't need to experience physical violence to become a victim.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nadine Claire
• Release date: Mar 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9781912680849

Book preview

1

IN THE BEGINNING

The beginning of my spiritual awakening started back early in 2016. I purchased a journal from the stationary store and wrote a heading at the top of each page with the areas of my life I wanted to improve. Looking back, although I had good intentions, it was a very superficial attempt at addressing my faults and flaws and how to move forward in my life. I did not know the depth of inner work I needed to do to make this my reality. Who knew that the universe would work in many ways to bring these things into my existence? Or should I say, I manifested them over time by working through my mental and emotional blockages. The list read:

Spending more time with my children.

Maintaining a positive attitude and outlook.

Controlling my emotions.

Honouring my words.

Staying in control of situations.

I had broken up with Mark in October 2015, and I knew I had to look at the parts of my character that led to the break-up and what I wanted for my future. After all, I had spent the last fifteen years with someone, and I realised that I wanted better for myself, so the person I needed to look at was myself. I wanted to be a better version of my current self to align with what I truly desired in my heart. I mean, how can we ask for what we are not ourselves?

I had started a new role as a fine jewellery consultant a few months before the break-up, and things were starting to look up for me. It was just a part-time job because I wanted to continue to have the space to work on my luxury shoe design business, which I had started to set up back in 2013. I was making good progress within the company, and my colleagues were great to work with most of the time. But it wasn’t long before my life, along with the residue of my broken relationship, started seeping into my work life.

It was about 5pm, and it was almost time to close the shop and finish for the day. I walked out of the shopping centre to the coffee shop to have a ten-minute break when I received a text from Mark.

I'm in your house. What are you going to do about it?

Panic and anger started to set in me as I wondered why Mark thought it was ok to trespass into my home. I was a key holder for the boutique, and it was my responsibility to close the shop that evening. There was nothing I could do to leave early to deal with Mark being in my home. I walked back to work and hurried into the back office, and I cried. Hiding away from my colleagues feeling powerless and violated. "Who the hell does this man think he is?" I thought to myself. I couldn’t believe the audacity of his behaviour. At the time, Mark was still picking up our youngest daughter, Lydia, three times a week from the after-school club and dropping her back home, where my eldest daughter would be waiting for her. He was no longer allowed inside the house due to a threat he had made to me previously and smashing a hole through the bathroom wall during his rage.

At this stage, Mark and I were still well into going back and forth with each other, arguing for hours on end about the break-up, rehashing what went wrong or who was to blame. We were both used to that dynamic in the relationship, which continued as if we had never parted ways. Less than four months into my new job, my doctor had diagnosed me with anxiety and advised me to take two weeks off sick:

Claire, you are under a lot of pressure. You really should take something to help you to sleep. She said.

No, I’d rather not take any medication. I want to work my way through it.

I couldn’t sleep, I couldn't eat, and I was losing weight, just surviving on soup and green teas. I never knew what anxiety was, how debilitating it could be, or how it even manifested. So, I just brushed off my doctor’s concerns and continued to ‘live life’ and plod along with the daily battles as if they were a normal part of life - you know, shrug off as much as possible and keep on moving with the world.

It was the run-up to Christmas, so taking time off work for sickness wasn’t acceptable in the company's eyes as it was such a busy period of the year, but I needed the break to get a grip on my health and my sanity.

Whilst off sick, the work timetable was sent out by my manager for the following month, but my name was missing from the rota. I then found myself removed from the work WhatsApp group. Instantly, my fears were my reality - they were going to fire me. I went back to work on my return-to-work date and was confronted by two managers. My direct manager and another manager whose store was getting refitted, so she was working with us for the time being.

Why was my name taken off the rota for next month? I said to my manager. She wouldn’t explain herself but went on about me, being in my probationary period and taking sick leave. I found myself having to defend myself when the other manager towered over me and said,

You can’t speak to her like that.

No, none of you have any right to speak to me like this. You are no different to me! I snapped back.

My manager then started to cry and said I was giving her anxiety because I questioned her about the rota. I was so angry with that slick move that they tried to pull off, I wasn’t going to back down, and I knew what was going on since they made it so obvious. The area manager called the store, and I explained and emailed the evidence to her. She told me to take the day off and rest whilst she investigated the issue. However, it didn’t matter in the end because the damage had already occurred. Even though I enjoyed my job, going back was no longer an option after that. Once issues like this raise their head, it's always uncomfortable for me to work with people pretending, being false, and having to watch my back.

I was out of work for a few months, but I applied for another job in the same area as my last job, but this was a high-end luxury boutique selling diamonds and luxury watches. I loved selling jewellery because it was just so intimate, getting to know my clients, hearing their stories, and connecting with them on a personal level. It was a full-time position, and as a result, I had no time to put the work into my passion for shoemaking. So, I decided to put it on the back burner until I got back on my feet again and had the time and energy to dedicate to it. One afternoon I was at the front of the boutique putting some jewellery on display, and I looked at my hands, they were shaking uncontrollably, but I didn’t put much thought into it. I was also beginning to daydream and became almost out of myself like I wasn’t home physically in my body, but I felt strangely separated from myself. Every day I would rush to eat my lunch just to sleep for thirty minutes after. My colleagues used to laugh when they found me snuggled up in the backroom trying to catch up on my lost sleep from the night before, but it was the only way I could get through a full working day without feeling like I was going to collapse from fatigue.

Things were up and down between myself and Mark arguing about the break-up. Me telling him all the reasons why we would never get back together and him trying to love bomb and making new promises of giving me the world. It was too late, I had already heard all the barren words before, and I wasn’t interested in hearing them for the hundredth time. It was truly exhausting having these looped and heated conversations, going over the same problems we never found solutions for in the past. A few months before we officially broke up, I told him that I was a powerless woman being with him, meaning that our dysfunctional relationship was draining me. I didn’t have the same burning fire for my future as I had before we met. We didn’t hug or show affection towards each other because I no longer wanted the relationship, and deep down, I knew it had run its course. I was even more concerned the children would think this behaviour was normal; then go on to carry out the same behaviours towards their partners later in their lives. I recognised that we were setting them up for some serious troubles ahead and this grated on me. In fact, we had already set them up for problems in the future due to the dysfunction they had already been exposed to and lived through. I imagined my son being with a woman who didn’t care and him not wanting to lead the household, and my daughter settling, or having to take control of everything because she wanted better for her family. All these scenarios started to weigh heavily on my heart and mind.

One evening at the boutique, we put the jewellery away into the safe and got ready to close the store; it was just like any other day. At 6pm we closed the shutters, I said goodbye to my colleagues, and I took my usual fifteen-minute walk to where I religiously parked my car on a side road midway down the hill. As I walked down the busy high street, my phone began to ring.

---

It was my childcare provider, Lisa:

Hi Claire, Lydia hasn't been collected.

---

But Mark was supposed to pick her up as normal, I said.

---

I know, but it’s 6:10, and he still hasn’t arrived.

---

Ok, I’ve just left work, but I will make my way there as quickly as I can, I said and hung up the phone.

I dialled Mark's number, but he wasn’t picking up his mobile phone, and I still had to get to my car and take a thirty-minute drive to collect Lydia. I thought quickly and wondered what may have happened to him, was he in an accident or something? I thought some more. Then it clicked after a few seconds, ahh yes, we argued the day before about him spending time with my family and Sundays with my elder sister Karla, all whilst taking the children along with him.

---

Don’t worry, I'm not trying to take your family away from you, he said, followed by his Machiavellian snigger. Not picking Lydia up was my punishment, to set me straight and put me in my place in a passive-aggressive way. I rushed through the traffic to pick Lydia up and had thirty pounds fine to pay the school club for being late. I was furious.

I started to become lethargic, constantly worrying about who I could find to pick Lydia up in the case of any emergency after Mark decided to pull this trick on me. My family were turning more like enemies because they were sneakily involved in the whole mix-up. I was slowly estranging myself from them. Mum lived too far away from me to be an emergency pick-up for Lydia, so I was in a bit of a tight spot in that area.

Life was like a crazy whirlwind as I tried to hang on to myself and my ego like my life depended on it. I wanted to hold on to the illusion that I was holding things together and painted a face of happiness like glue to secure everything into place. Things would start to crumble, but I would prop them back up again with a few nails and screws to get ready to go another round in the ring of insanity.

It was a beautiful summer’s day, and I took my usual walk up the hill to work after parking my car. I took in the blissful warm sun rays and ordered a tea to takeaway on the way. I needed my English breakfast tea in the morning before starting work! I arrived at the boutique at 8:30am, and as I put my coat away and put my work jacket on, ready to start my day, I went to check my phone.

Call me when you get this message. It was Mark.

---

The children were with him for the weekend as scheduled, so I called him back immediately.

---

I've just seen your text. What's wrong? I said.

"When you've finished work, you