Reflections from a Long Life and Creations

By Bud Vear

I am now in the nighttime of my life. It has been a good life – no perfect, of course – but complete with challenges, accomplishments, disappointments, laughter and sadness. No two lives are the same, and my reflections will be from my unique experiences. They are not profound. You won’t find my name in history books or on buildings. I consider myself an average persons. Unless I record my memories, they will soon be forgotten, so I am choosing to record them. Hopefully, you or someone will find them of interest. I will share my experiences, but, also, I will share what small amount of wisdom I have gathered during my lifetime. I have reached my 95th birthday as I share the following pages. I have always had a fascination with live theatre, and, since I discover3d a creative gene in my old age, I have chosen to include a group of short skits I have written. Hopefully, they will produce a smile or two, and, if you have desire to perform some of them, you have my permission to do so. Some have already been performed, and I include a list of those occasions.

Before you start reading – you do plan to read, don’t you – let me share with you what I believe to be the three things necessary for a happy life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669813767

Bud Vear

Charles “Bud” Vear (Grandpa Doc to his Grandchildren) was born in 1926 and lived through the Great Depression and World War II. He grew up in Wheaton, Illinois, a small Suburb of Chicago, spent two years in the Navy during the War before returning to earn an undergraduate degree from DePauw University. His dream of becoming a doctor took a while to blossom. He first earned a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Indiana University and worked for the Chicago Boys Club in the inner city of Chicago for three years, trying to direct troublesome teenage gangs into more productive pursuits. After a 15 month stint in the hospital with tuberculosis, he taught middle school science and math for seven years before finally pursuing his doctor dream after he and his wife had eight children. After finishing medical school, he became a small town Family Physician in Hillsdale, Michigan for the next 24 years, delivering over 2000 babies in a town of 8000. He and his wife, Gloria, ended up with twelve children, 43 grandchildren and 30 great grandchildren (and counting) and are co-authors of a book, “Love, Laughter and Dreams”, the sometimes frolicking story of raising twelve children and pursuing dreams. His wife of 68 years passed away in 2019. Bud Vear has authored four other books Love, Laughter & Dreams (Co-authored with wife, Gloria) Ask Grandpa Vear Clan Tales Small Town Doc All books available at Xlibris [e-mail]

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REFLECTIONS AND

CREATIONS

Bud Vear

Copyright © 2022 by Bud Vear.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 03/04/2022

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

821839

CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

PART ONE: REFLECTIONS

Your Life

Cheaper By The Dozen Is Motto Of The Vears

Choices

Careers

Friends

Theatre

Vacations

A Little Wisdom Of Old Age

Homes

Hitchhiking

Marriage Success

Animals In My Life

Money

Senior Fitness

Medical School Graduation Speech At Missouri

University In 1966

Who Was Gloria?

Forgiveness

Meaningful Quotes

Musings

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I dedicate this book to my family, who have helped me, sometimes painfully, to acquire whatever wisdom I share in this book.

I am also grateful to people in the Hillsdale Community Theatre, who have joined me in performing and have provided me opportunities, not only to perform but also to present some of my short theatrical creations. Special thanks go to Trinity Bird, Kristi Gautsche and Jan Mackie Cobb, who have been instrumental in my theatrical pursuits.

And, lastly, I would like to thank my son, Kevin, for his computer expertise and once again my granddaughter, Gracie Cool, for her artistic talent in designing the book’s cover.

INTRODUCTION

I am now in the nighttime of my life. It has been a good life – not perfect, of course – but complete with challenges, accomplishments, disappointments, laughter and sadness. No two lives are the same, and my reflections will be from my unique experiences. They are not profound. You won’t find my name in history books or on buildings. I consider myself an average persons. Unless I record my memories, they will soon be forgotten, so I am choosing to record them. Hopefully, you or someone will find them of interest. I will share my experiences, but, also, I will share what small amount of wisdom I have gathered during my lifetime. I have reached my 95th birthday as I share the following pages. I have always had a fascination with live theatre, and, since I discovered a creative gene in my old age, I have chosen to include a group of short skits I have written. Hopefully, they will produce a smile or two, and, if you have desire to perform some of them, you have my permission to do so. Some have already been performed, and I include a list of those occasions.

Before you start reading – you do plan to read, don’t you – let me share with you what I believe to be the three things necessary for a happy life.

SOMEONE TO LOVE

SOMETHING TO DO

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO

FOR ME

I was blessed to have a marvelous loving wife beside me for 68 years

Now, my large family affords me with plenty of loving attention.

I still find things to do that are interesting and rewarding, such as reading, writing, exercising and spending time with interesting people.

And, finally, I have things to look forward to, not the least of which are family reunions and frequent weddings and births in my large family.

Life is good. Thank you, God.

PART ONE: REFLECTIONS

YOUR LIFE

A wise philosopher once said, Intelligence is something you are born with, achievement is how you use it and wisdom is what you acquire from your mistakes.

Your choices will define you. You are not defined by other people’s choices. Accept the responsibility for who you are.

Opportunity is your life’s possibility. Success is the result of what you do. There are no shortcuts to success. It is mostly hard work. Dream big but work hard.

Ultimately, happiness is a decision. You can be as happy as you choose to be Don’t depend on others to make you happy. It is not their responsibility.

Resiliency: Failure is a part of everyone’s life – and it will be part of yours – but failure is not the end. Failure is how we learn what doesn’t work. Don’t let it keep you from trying.

Love is an emotion, but so are anger and resentment. A sense of humor and forgiveness are important ingredients in happy relationships. Be willing to laugh at yourself when you do something foolish and remember that an apology is the quickest way to end an argument

Integrity: There is no more important character trait by which you are defined. It takes years for people to trust you, but only one dishonest decision to lose that trust. Once lost, it is almost impossible to regain it. Reputation is what you appear to be. Integrity defines who you really are. It impacts your career, your friendships, your marriage and your life. Guard it well.

Faith is believing in something you cannot fully explain. It is alright to question and to seek answers, but it is not a weakness to accept some things on Faith. If there is no Creator, then we are all just random beings. Part of believing in God is accepting the fact that someone else is in charge, and that there is a purpose in our lives.

Expectations: Success is sometimes measured by fame and fortune, but real success is something quite different. It is making a positive difference in someone’s life. You will meet many people during your lifetime. Most are people you will interact with only briefly. Are they better off or happier because they met you? Try to make people glad they met you.

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN IS MOTTO OF THE VEARS

By Judy Webber

Hillsdale Daily News

9/18/1967

(We had just arrived in Hillsdale.)

I guess you could say it all began with the book, ‘Cheaper by The Dozen’ said Mrs. Charles Vear, wife of Dr. Charles Bud Vear, newly established General Practitioner in Hillsdale.

We both had been impressed by the book and one of the reasons Bud was attracted to me was because I had mentioned once that I wanted 12 children and so did he.

Yet the dozen isn’t quite complete. The Vears have 10 children, but there’s more to come. Dr. Vear proudly announced that twins are expected in October. Then we will have completed our dozen.

The children range in age from 10 months to 15 years, and the sides are even – five girls and five boys. From oldest to youngest, they are Steve, 15: Ray 14; Gay, 13: Tony, 12: Terry, 10 Candy, 9: Pam, 8: Ricky, 7: Lisa, 4: and Michael, 10 months.

The Vear household is constantly humming with activity. If you were to drop in sometime, you might find the older girls baking cookies as Steve and Gay mix the children’s secret punch recipe. Terry might by painting with water colors, the younger children playing with their little kitten, Spiff and Tony and Ray repairing one or several of the five family bicycles. Of course, this would all be accompanied by the wailing or war whoops from their own cantor, 10 month old Michael.

It’s really not as difficult as it might seem, began their attractive red headed mother. In order to keep the household running smoothly, we have to have a system set up with each person assigned to a specific duty. I’m really great when it comes to ideas, but rather poor on follow-through. So, every month we institute a new regimen.

For example, this month Steve is in charge of washing the clothes and Terry is responsible for collecting the dirty clothes, sorting them and folding them after they’ve been washed. Each child has a container from which to collect his or her clean clothes after they’ve been folded and sorted. Ray is my handyman and builds new shelves, nails in brackets, etc. He is also responsible for the lawn.

The duty of dinner dishes is alternated among all the older children, except Ray. Since he is usually the last one to go to bed at night, he is responsible for straightening the kitchen before retiring. Gay helps me with the baby and washes the breakfast and lunch dishes. Tony cleans the living and dining rooms daily and the garage when necessary. Candy cleans the bathrooms every morning while Pam straightens the family room. Ricky is our trash man and Lisa – you might say that she attempts to make her own bed. What does Michael do? He just entertains, laughed the Vears.

A typical day at the Vears starts with breakfast. The children are quite self-sufficient, Even Pam, our eight year, old can fix her own eggs, said Mrs. Vear. Lunch, as described by Ray, is more or less helpy-selfy. The older children are responsible for fixing lunch for the little ones and themselves.

The whole family – all twelve of them – gather around the huge wooden dining room table for dinner. We’re seriously considering eating dinner in shifts – if only for the sanity of the parents, exclaimed the doctor.

Besides being wife, mother, chief cook and bottle washer, Mrs. Vear plans to add writer to her list of titles. As soon as I can find time, I’m going to write a book entitled something like ‘How to get Through Medical School with Eight Children.’ This is an opportunity I simply can’t pass up. We have had some funny experiences and, usually, when something unusual happens, I’ll jot down notes or describe the episode in a letter to my family.

Mrs. Vear graduated from Stephens College in Columbia, Missouri in 1950. When her husband decided to attend Medical School at Missouri University, in the same town, she started classes at the Chicago Beauty College to become a beautician. When the family moved to Columbia, so that Dad could attend Medical, School, Mom set up her own Beauty Shop in their home to help support the family. However, due to a zoning ordinance, the city of Columbia would not allow her to open her shop because their house was in a residential neighborhood.

We challenged the ordinance and won, but it took 14 months. We proved that you can fight City Hall and win. I could then officially operate my Home Beauty Shop, and it afforded an opportunity for me to have adult conversation in addition to the much needed income it provided. Because of all the publicity about our ordinance battle, I became quite well known in the medical community and I was as busy as I wanted to be. Most of my clients were wives of the medical school faculty or of Bud’s classmates.

We had purchased the house with the intention of renting the second floor to college students, and this we did. It covered our mortgage payments.

Now, in Hillsdale, we are facing another problem with our growing family – transportation. Can you imagine trying to take 14 people to church in a station wagon? We have toyed with the idea of buying a used airport limousine, but our children said, ‘NO WAY’ and announced that they wouldn’t ride in it. We are still trying to solve the transportation problem.

Just recently, Dr. Vear took the five older children to EXPO ’67 in Montreal while Mrs. Vear and the five younger children visited cousins in LaGrange Illinois. It’s a good thing I went to LaGrange with the younger kids because, while there, Candy underwent an emergency appendectomy.

There are so many more stories we could tell about our family, said Mrs. Vear Like the time the telephone repairman came to repair something, and there was a bat flying around the house with multiple children noisily in pursuit – but that’s for another time.

CHOICES

(A Perspective)

Every day we make choices – from the time we get up in the morning until we retire each night. While our choices are sometimes impacted by events that are out of our control, our responses are our own. Blaming others for what happens to us is a dead end street because we have little control over others. Ultimately, our lives are mostly the result of our own choices. I say mostly because some people are certainly impacted by illnesses or events over which they have little control.

I remember being asked when I was a child what I wanted to be when I grew up. My response was usually, I want to be happy. Doesn’t everyone? In my more reflective moments, I would say, I want to be a doctor. When asked why, I would respond, I want to help people. While this sounds very noble, I don’t think my response had a lot of depth to it. It just sounded good. However, now, at the twilight of my life, I realize that the three professions I pursued (Social Work, Teaching and Medicine) were all people oriented, so perhaps I did pursue my original focus.

When we are growing up, we go through three stages of making choices. The first stage is infancy, when our choices are in the control of our parents. They decide when we eat, when we sleep and how our days are structured. Total dependency. Then we reach adolescence, and, although our parents still set guidelines, we begin to make our own choices – and not always consistent with our parent’s approval. It is a difficult time for parents, but it is also a challenging period for us, as we gradually become independent. We make decisions that impact our lives – like how hard we study, what activities we participate in and who we choose as friends. And, finally, we become emancipated adults – no longer under the control of our parents, and we can no longer blame them for the consequences of our choices.

Choices are, of course, part of our everyday lives, and the consequences are frequently readily anticipated. If you choose to smoke, you can expect your lungs to be adversely impacted. Alcoholism is the result of choosing to drink too much alcohol. Obesity is the result of eating too much. Physical fitness results from exercising regularly. Success in your job is the reward for choosing to work hard. Good relationships with others depend on how you treat other people. Financial security depends on how you choose to handle your assets. All of these results are related to decisions that you make. Life is really not very complicated. Your choices determine what your life will be like.

CAREERS

(A Perspective)

In this Nation, people are free to choose their own careers. There are, of course, limitations, such as talent, intelligence or body structure that may limit our choices. If you are not blessed with athletic ability, you will probably not play in the NFL. If you are not good at math, you will probably not be successful as an engineer. If you don’t have some innate artistic talent, you will probably not earn a living as an artist. But the choice is yours. And no matter what talents you possess, you will succeed only if you are willing to work hard and persist. The career opportunities are abundant, but the journeys can be challenging.

Personally, I was an average student, but my desire to be a doctor was strong enough that I was able to overcome this shortcoming in a career that required much education. I have been privileged to meet many young people, and I frequently ask them what they want to do with their lives. Some are already focused on their goals, but many are still making up their minds. The average college student changes his or her major several times before graduating. Gracie, one of my granddaughters, with an abundance of natural artistic talent, didn’t declare this as her major field of study until her junior year of college. Although I always was interested in becoming a doctor, I did not pursue this dream until I was 34 years of age! Parents often try to steer their offspring into careers that will be fulfilling and will generate a decent living, but no one else can select your life’s dream. You are not likely to succeed pursuing someone else’s dream. However, dreams don’t just automatically come true. Your own dream has to be strong enough that you are willing to put in the effort to make it happen. Dreams without commitment and effort are just dreams.

One practical suggestion. Don’t listen to negative people. Talk with people who will offer encouragement and belief in your success.

FRIENDS

Have you ever watched two small children, meeting for the first time, quickly becoming friends and running off to happily play with each other? What produces a friendship? Why do we enjoy spending time with some people and not others? Why do some friendships last a lifetime and others only a short time? There may be a few hermits in the world, but most of us are social beings and desire friends no matter how old we are.

I can recall one occasion where I was without friends. It was a difficult time for me. I was in the Navy and on a ship headed for China, and I knew no one. The other sailors were with people they already knew, but I was among total strangers. For some reason, I was unable to establish any new friendships during the two week voyage. I wrote lots of letters and spent many hours just standing by the rail of the ship watching the blue ocean pass by. It was one of the loneliness times of my life.

When I was in college, I had a much more positive experience. I was in a fraternity, and friendship was stressed, so I had a lot of friends. I attended a small school (DePauw) and I consciously tried to be friendly to everyone I met. I also realized that when you call people by their names, your relationship with them improves dramatically. So, I got out the yearbook and learned the names of people I would often see on campus. I would address them by their names when I saw them. In my junior year, I was, surprisingly, inducted into a prestigious leadership honorary, and I am certain that my induction was, in large part, because of the friendliness I practiced on campus. It certainly wasn’t related to my mediocre academic performance!

Unfortunately, my memory for names has greatly diminished with the advance of years. However, I do make an effort to recall the names of the people I see daily at the Senior Center. It is my memory exercise! An expression I have learned to use often is, Refresh my memory. when I have forgotten someone’s name.

Friendships are often related to places where we live or activities in which we are involved. Most of these friendships are brief and essentially end when you no longer share the location or activity. A few persist, and the names of those people appear on your Christmas card list. Gloria and I once considered taking a Christmas card journey to visit people we only communicated with at Christmas – but we never did. We decided that calling them on the phone or, in recent years, e-mailing them made a lot more sense.

So, what are the ingredients that produce friendship? Why do we immediately feel connected to some people and not to others? I’ll offer a few thoughts for you to ponder.

First of all is trust. If you can’t trust someone, it is unlikely you will ever consider them a friend. Once trust is broken, it is almost impossible to establish or repair a friendship.

Secondly, you feel comfortable with someone who will become a friend – often when you first meet them. You don’t feel the need to convince that person that you are worthy of their friendship. There is an unspoken connection.

Thirdly, a friend is someone who will listen. We learn little about a person when we are doing all the talking. How are you doing? is much more friendship producing than, Let me tell you about myself.

Fourthly, a friend is someone you feel comfortable confiding in, confident that he or she won’t share your personal information with others.

We all need friends, even if we don’t always acknowledge this fact, and the old cliché still applies. If you want a friend, then be a friend.

THEATRE

What prompts people to get involved in live theatre? For me, this lifelong hobby started when my father introduced me to live theatre by taking me to a performance at