How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too

By Sherryn Chapman

Written in a humorous and conversational tone, Sherryn presents a two-part guide on how to better understand and improve your relationship with yourself, your partner, and your kids too. In part one of Sherryn’s book, she takes a satirical and at times a humorous approach to some of the horrors many of us and our families are living in tod

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stratton Press
• Release date: Dec 5, 2019
• ISBN: 9781643458403

Book preview

Acknowledgments

Thank you to all the special people who have been a part of my journey thus far.

In particular, my husband, Phil, who loves and supports me in everything I do.

My mother, Lesley, for always believing in me.

My children, Sue, Anthony, Donna, and Jodi, for allowing me to share their journey’s with them.

Thank you to Jessie and all my amazing eleven grandchildren and my beautiful little great-granddaughters, who have allowed me practise many of my programs and ideas with them.

And Gary and Andy for their insights and Susan, for allowing me to learn from your life of pain.

Message to the Readers

My Gift to You

Even though I’ve never met you in person, I feel like I know you.

I know that you have your very own set of reasons for being who you are, how you are, and how you are not.

My gift is to show you the truth, the truth behind why you think and then feel about yourself and everything else, the way you do.

No rights, no wrongs, just reasons!

Then as you start to become more aware of these reasons, you will see the truths that connect us all.

I believe we are all like a human jigsaw puzzle with four main pieces, and as you fit them together, you will have a clearer picture of everything.

Please know that whatever your reasons have been up until this moment, my gift to you is to teach you how to tweak, change, and make different reasons for yourself and for your life from now on.

Introduction

I would like to invite you to imagine we are sitting together as you read my book, and the first thing I want you to know is that How to Stuff Up You and Your Relationships and Your Kids Too is in two parts. The first part comprises a humorous, satirical look at the horrors many of us are living in today, and the second part explains how you can change and or eliminate many of these horrors.

I wrote my book this way, because I wanted it to be a little different from the thousands of other wonderful books, CDs, and DVDs that are already out there in the marketplace today.

But if all the statistics on adult anxiety, depression, stress-related illnesses, eating disorders, suicide, divorce, and relationship breakdowns are anything to go on, one might say,

There’s a whole lot more writing, reading, talking, listening, and actioning to be done!

Then if you take a look at the horrific statistics on suicide, anxiety, depression, bullying, asthma, eating disorders among our children and youth, one might ask,

What on earth is going on?

I chose to take a humorously sarcastic approach first, because who better to have a bit of a laugh at ourselves, than ourselves.

Then after you’ve had a good laugh or look at yourself, I will show you and prove to you that you really are capable of being happy or, at the very least, happier than you are right now.

So please don’t take the first part of my book seriously. It’s just me taking a different approach to help you understand what you might be doing or not doing that’s causing you, and possibly your children, to be unhappy and living stressful lives.

I also discuss a subject that’s very close to my heart, and this is the pain and the suffering caused to children when their parents choose to separate and or get a divorce. I call this chapter How to Make Your Child’s Life a Living Hell When You Choose to Separate or Get a Divorce.

Tragically for these children, their parents are so caught up in their own stories and self-justifications, they seem totally oblivious to the psychological, emotional, and physical suffering their children are going through.

But the real tragedy is what trauma and stress can do to developing brains. This can have a serious impact on children and their futures, as many of these children will struggle to be happy and have healthy relationships when they grow up.

Then there is the chapter to ensure you don’t make your child’s life a living hell if you separate or get a divorce, and it’s called Please Leave the Kids Out of It. This is where I give you sensible guidance and strategies on the best ways to separate, if that is what you have chosen to do, or feel you must do.

I dedicate this chapter to all the sad and desperate children who are caught up in their parents’ separation and divorce war and to those who have already experienced this pain and those yet to go through it. Take a moment to think about the millions of children who are suffering this very second, suffering the agonising pain of having to live without one of their parents and the uncertainty of what’s going to happen to them in the future.

I also devote a chapter to relationships, and after having a good laugh in the first part of my book, I explain how to avoid some of those quicksand-like issues that many couples are sinking into today.

I talk about how to create and maintain a healthy relationship with our partner before it actually starts to sink and disappear.

Because let’s face it, unless you and your relationship are healthy and strong to begin with, why go ahead and complicate things by having children? Yet so many of us do. We have children before we understand what it takes to be happy within ourselves and within our relationship, let alone how to be a good parent and role model to our children.

One of my most important chapters is called The Four Factors.

This chapter will help you to understand yourself and everyone else in your life as well.

The four factors are the four main pieces to your jigsaw puzzle, and they will explain why you are who you are and why you feel about everything the way that you do.

The four factors will also help you to see and hopefully accept that everyone has their reasons for being the way they are, even the people you dislike and disprove of.

The four factors prove that we are all doing the best we can right now, based on who we are, what we know, and what we are capable of being in this moment of time.

The four factors are not our excuses. They are our reasons. They are not right, and they are not wrong—they are the reasons.

The knowledge contained in this book will give you greater awareness, and your awareness is not only the first step to change, but it’s the major key for us all.

This knowledge will give you choices, choices to stay the same or choices to make some changes to make things better—better for you!

I believe in knowledge, as knowledge gives us choices because without it, most of us have no choices at all!

So sit back and have a good laugh as you read the first section of How To Stuff Up You and Your Relationships and Your Kids Too and continue reading to discover how my knowledge, experience, and passion can help to make this world a better place for you, your relationship, and most importantly, your children too.

Part I

Chapter One

How to Stuff Up You and Your Life

Based on the presumption you are determined to continue being unhappy and miserable, let’s begin with some questions that I frequently get asked. You will then see that my answers to these questions will make it easier for you to justify to yourself and to others why you can’t do any better than you might be doing right now.

Question 1: Why shouldn’t I blame other people for doing what they did to me or for what they still do to make me feel unhappy and/or angry?

Answer: It’s your right to blame others—most other people do! Let’s face it, blaming other people is easier because at least this way, you can avoid making the changes you might need to make or deny any responsibilities that you might need own.

Yep, I agree, it’s much easier to blame everyone else for everything.

Question 2: What can I do to ensure I feel depressed most the time?

Answer: This is easy to do. Start by making a list of all the things you don’t like about yourself and your life. Then each night, before going to bed, read your list over and over, making sure you dwell on and visualise each and every point.

Then as soon as you get up in the morning, start reading your list again. I call these red thoughts, and red thoughts are the ones you need to think because they induce negative feelings such as hopelessness, anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy, and envy, etc.

Here are some common red thoughts to inspire you:

I hate my life! (A great one to start with.)

I’m ugly! (This one works for everyone.)

I’m fat! (A great one for lots of us.)

I hate my job! (Another good one.)

I hate my car! (This one helps you to feel inferior.)

I hate where I live! (Great.)

I never have enough money! (The best one to make you feel inferior.)

Nothing ever goes right for me! (This one works every time.)

I’m useless! (Fantastic.)

No one likes me! (Excellent.)

I always get sick! (This one will ensure you do get sick.)

I’m always tired! (This is a very important one to include.)

I’ll never find someone to be happy with! (Fantastic.)

I’m dumb! (Perfect.)

Everyone picks on me! (It doesn’t matter if this one isn’t true. It’s still worth saying.)

Now you might be saying most of these to yourself already, so examine your list and add more as they come to you.

Repeat them to yourself at least three thousand times a day, and remember, the more effort you put into this, the better your results will be.

Warning! Eliminate as many green thoughts as you can. Green thoughts are easy to detect because they are the positive ones, and they might make you feel good. We wouldn’t want that now, would we?

Question 3: What’s the best way to feel anxious?

Answer: The answer to this question is the same as question 2. Make a red-thought list of all the things you have to worry about, and make sure they all start with "What if?" Let me give you some good examples:

What if no one likes me? (A perfect one to start with.)

What if I fail? (An oldie but a goodie.)

What if I get sick again? (An important one.)

What if I get it wrong? (You can always count on this one.)

What if I never find someone to love? (Fantastic.)

What if I can’t get it right? (This one works every time.)

What if I never have enough money? (Perfect.)

What if I don’t look good enough? (This one is vital.)

What if I can’t find a good job? (Fabulous.)

What if I don’t know what to say? (Brilliant.)

What if they think I’m stupid? (Perfect.)

What if they laugh at me? (Works every time.)

What if they think I’m fat? (Great.)

What if I do, and what if I don’t? (Make sure all of your sentences start with either one of these.)

What if that happens? (Perfect and again, always use this one at the start of sentences.)

What if that doesn’t happen? (Make sure you remember to use this one too.)

May I suggest that for optimum results, you combine your red lists as this will definitely ensure you get to feel depressed and anxious at the same time! How good will that be?

Remember, make sure you weed out those annoying little green thoughts because if you were to start saying, So what? to the What ifs? you might inadvertently eliminate some red thoughts, and we wouldn’t want that, would we?

Question 4: I’m okay at times, so I don’t need to make any changes, do I?

Answer: You’re right! As long as you are okay at times, that will have to do. Determination and commitment are required to improve you and your life, and so it is easier to pretend you’re okay even if you’re not, right?

Question 5: I’m sick and tired of hearing people go on and on about positive thinking. What’s the big deal about it anyway?

Answer: Let’s face it, being happy isn’t for everyone, so why make an effort to think more positive thoughts? Billions of people are miserable, unhealthy, and anxious, so at least you are not on your own. That’s good, isn’t it?

Questions 6: It’s not my fault that I’m unhappy, so why should I keep trying?

Answer: You’re right, you shouldn’t have to keep trying.

This is your life, and you need to do whatever is easier for you. You already know how to be unhappy, so why should you choose to learn something new?

This is who you are, and this is how it has to be, right?

Question 7: Why should I have to change?

Answer: If change was taught at school, we might all know how to do it, but it’s not, so you can’t be blamed for not knowing or not being prepared to give it a go. Besides, you might not even like yourself or know what to do with yourself if you were to change, right?

Question 8: I’m tired of trying to improve my life. Nothing ever goes right for me, so why bother?

Answer: If everything always goes wrong for you, just give up as it’s a whole lot easier than choosing to do things differently, right?

Question 9: Why won’t people believe me when I tell them that I don’t have enough time to devote to myself?

Answer: Of course you don’t have enough time for yourself! You’re probably too busy doing everything for everyone else to make time for you, and you might even be accused of being selfish if you were to put your happiness before others. Just keep telling yourself, I really will do it when I have more time! or my favourite and the one I hear the most, I’ll do it one day, I just need more time! That will make you feel heaps better, right?

Question 10: What would I talk about if I stopped judging and complaining about my life to other people?

Answer: Let’s face it, there’d be a whole lot of silence in the room if we didn’t complain about everything to everyone. What would we all talk about? At least this way, most of us have lots of things in common, because talking about how hard life is and how stupid other people are makes us feel much better. That’s good, isn’t it?

Question 11: How else could I feel like I am better than other people if I didn’t judge and condemn them for what they do and don’t do?

Answer: Of course it’s important to have an opinion and to judge people. Doing this helps many of us to feel like we are better than other people, and when we all agree that someone is stupid or pathetic, we all get to feel good together. We feel good because what we are really saying to each other is, We are much better than them because we wouldn’t do that, would we? How good is that?

Question 12: How will I cope if I don’t live in my own pretend world, pretending I don’t intuitively know what I am pretending not to know?

Answer: The pretend world is a very important world for most people, and I agree, pretending we don’t know things can be very handy at times. When we all pretend together, no one needs to confront whoever or whatever the situation really is. That’s better, isn’t it?

Let me give you an example of the pretend world.

Jane is a girl at work, and although we are all nice to her face, none of us like Jane because she is lazy and inefficient in her work. Unfortunately for us, Jane is our boss’s sister, and she protects Jane by never giving her any of the boring or difficult work, and so we all feel like we have to pretend that we don’t see how biased and unfair our boss is being to the rest of us.

This way, Jane and her sister get to pretend that they don’t know that we all know what’s really going on, and because we all pretend together, everyone’s safe, safe from confronting the situation and safe from what might happen if we did.

So if this is happening with someone or something in your life, you can keep on pretending to yourself that it’s not happening, and you will be safe from having to do anything to change it. That’s better, isn’t it?

I hope after reading the chapter How to Stuff Up You and Your Life, you have some new ideas on how to be unhappy, depressed, or anxious. That you will also be able to feel more justified living the way that you do, because you now have ample excuses to deny and avoid the chance to create a happier life by making some changes needed to ensure this happens.

The moral of the story is this:

You can go on hitting your head against a brick wall if that’s what you choose to do, because that brick wall isn’t going anywhere, and unless you start thinking and doing things differently, neither are you!

Chapter Two

How to Stuff Up the Kids and Their Lives Too

This chapter contains vital tips on how you can stuff up your kids and their futures too.

Your children model themselves after you, so how you see and feel about yourself sets the scene for them. But don’t worry, because there are billions of other parents around the world who are just as unhappy and living dysfunctional lives too. So why be any different from them?

Question 1: Does yelling and screaming at your kids help?

Answer: Seriously, how else can you get them to do what you tell them to do? And even if yelling and screaming isn’t working, at least you feel better for it, don’t you?

Another great benefit is that