How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too

By Sherryn Chapman

In How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too, author Sherryn Chapman presents a two-part guide to better relationships written in a friendly, conversational tone. Part one takes a humorous, satirical look at some of the horrors many of us are living through today; while part two explains how we can reduce or eliminate many of these horrors from our lives. Also included is a simple but highly effective technique that can assist in eliminating the reasons behind the horrors.

Sherryn uses the metaphor that each of us comes into the world reading from an unconscious scriptone that tells us who to be and how to feel about ourselves and our lives. Once we begin making changes to the way we see and feel about ourselves, we begin writing our own scripts. Taking a few simple steps can enable us to become the people we choose to be, saying what we choose to say, and feeling the way we choose to feel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Mar 7, 2014
• ISBN: 9781452511580

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Copyright © 2014 Sherryn Chapman

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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Balboa Press rev. date: 03/05/2014

Table of Contents

My Message to You

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter One

       - How to Stuff-Up You & Your Life

Chapter Two

       - How to Stuff Up the kids and their life too

Chapter Three

       - How to make your kids life a living hell, when you choose to separate, or get a divorce

Chapter Four

       - How to Stuff-Up your Relationship & your Marriage too

Chapter Five

       - The 4 Factors

Chapter Six

       - How To Ensure You Don’t Stuff-Up You & Your Life

Chapter seven

       - How to ensure your kids grow-up to be happy and free to be the best they can be

Chapter Eight

       - Please Leave The Kid’s Out Of It! How NOT to make your child’s life a living hell when you choose to separate or get a divorce

Chapter Nine

       - How to have a happy relationship and marriage

Chapter Ten

       - The main causes of separation and divorce and how to avoid the Separation Quicksand

Afterword

Time for Your New Journey to Begin

Awareness and knowledge give us choices

Choices to change and make things better

Without awareness and knowledge

We have no choices at all.

—Sherryn Chapman

Knowledge is of no value

Unless you put it into practise.

—Anton Chekhob

My Message to You

My mission and my passion in life is to help bring peace into the minds and lives of as many people as I can and in doing so, bring peace into our world as well.

I truly believe we all have our own reasons for being who we are and for feeling about everything, the way that we do.

No Rights, No Wrongs, Just Reasons.

As you start to become more aware of these reasons, you will see the truth’s that connect us all.

I liken us to a jigsaw puzzle that has four main pieces

As you fit your pieces together

You will know

Who you are

What you are

And

Why You Are!

Acknowledgments

I truly wish to thank all the special people who have been a part

of my journey thus far.

In particular my husband Phil who loves and supports me

In everything I do.

My mother Lesley for always believing in me

My children, Sue, Anthony, Donna and Jodi for allowing me to share their journey’s with them.

Thank you to Jessie and all of my amazing grandchildren who have allowed me to practise many of my programs and ideas with them.

Gary and Andy for their insights and inspiration, and Susan for allowing me to learn from her life and her pain.

Introduction

I would like to invite you to imagine we are sitting together as you read my book. I write as if I were speaking with you, and the first thing I want you to know is that How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too, is in two parts. The first part comprises a humorous, satirical look at the horrors many of us are living in today, and the second part explains how you can eliminate many of these horrors.

I wrote my book this way, because I wanted it to be a little different from the thousands of wonderful books, CD’s and DVD’s that are already out there in the market place, today.

But, if all the statistics on adult anxiety, depression, stress related illnesses, eating disorders, suicide, divorce and relationship breakdowns are anything to go on, we might say:

There’s a whole lot more writing, reading, talking, listening and actioning to be done!

Then, if you take a look at the horrific statistics on anxiety, depression, suicide, bullying, asthma and eating disorders amongst our children and youth, one might ask:

What on earth are we doing wrong?

I chose to take a humorously sarcastic approach first, because who better to have a bit of a laugh at, than ourselves.

Then after you’ve had a good laugh or look at yourself, I will show you and prove to you that you really are capable of being happy or at the very least, happier than you are right now.

So please don’t take the first part of my book seriously, it’s just me taking a different approach to help you understand what you might be doing or not doing that’s causing you and possibly your children, to be unhappy and living stressful lives.

I also discuss a subject that’s very close to my heart, and this is the pain and the suffering caused to children when their parents choose to separate and or get a divorce. I call this chapter:

How to make your Child’s Life a Living Hell when you Choose to Separate or get a Divorce.

Tragically for these children, their parents are so caught up in their own stories and self-justifications they seem totally oblivious to the psychological, emotional, and physical suffering their children are going through.

But the real tragedy is the flow-on effect that this may have on these children, because many of them may also struggle to have healthy relationships when they are older.

Then the chapter to ensure you don’t make your child’s life a living hell if you separate is called:

Please Leave the Kids Out Of It.

This is where I give you sensible guidance and strategies on the best ways to separate, if that is what you have chosen to do, or feel you must do.

I dedicate this chapter to all of the sad and desperate children who are caught up in their parent’s separation and divorce war, and to those who have already experienced the pain and to those, yet to go through it. Take a moment to think about the millions of children who are suffering at this very moment, suffering the agonising pain of having to live without one of their parents.

I also devote a chapter to relationships, and after having a good laugh in the first part of my book, I explain how to avoid some of those ‘quicksand’ like issues that many couples are sinking into today.

I talk about how to create and maintain a healthy relationship with our partners, before it actually starts to sink and disappear.

Let’s face it, unless you and your relationship are healthy and strong to begin with, why go ahead and complicate things by having children? Yet so many of us do, we have children before we understand what it takes to be happy within ourselves and within our relationship, let alone how to be a good parent and role model to our children.

One of my most important chapters is called: The 4 Factors.

This chapter will help you to understand yourself, and everyone else in your life as well.

The 4 Factors are the four main pieces to your jigsaw puzzle, and they will explain why you are who you are and why you feel about everything the way that you do.

The 4 Factors will also help you to see and hopefully accept that everyone has their reasons for being the way they are, even the people you dislike and disprove of.

The 4 Factors prove that we are all doing the best we can right now, based on who we are, what we know, and what we are capable of being, in this moment of time.

The 4 Factors are not our excuses, they are our reasons and they are not right and they are not wrong, they are the reasons.

The knowledge contained in this book, will give you a greater awareness and your awareness is not only the first step to change, but it is the ‘major key’ for us all.

This knowledge will give you choices, choices to stay the same, or choices to make some changes to make things better, Better For You!

I believe in knowledge, as knowledge gives us choices, without it, most of us have

No Choices at All!

So sit back and have a good laugh as you read the first section of How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too and continue reading to discover how my knowledge, experience and passion, can help to make this world a better place for you, your relationship and most importantly, for your children.

Chapter One

How to Stuff-Up You & Your Life

Based on the presumption you are determined to continue being unhappy and miserable, let’s begin with some questions that I frequently get asked. You will then see that my answers to these questions will make it easier for you to justify to yourself and to others, why you can’t do any better than you might be doing, right now.

Question 1: Why shouldn’t I blame other people for doing what they did to me, or for what they still do, to make me feel unhappy and or angry?

Answer: It’s your right to blame others, most other people do! Let’s face it, blaming other people is easier because at least this way, you can avoid making the changes you might need to make, or deny any responsibilities that you might need to own.

Yep I agree, it’s much easier to blame everyone else for everything.

Question 2: What can I do to ensure I feel depressed all the time?

Answer: This is easy to do. Start by making a list of all the things you don’t like about yourself and your life. Then each night, before going to bed, read your list over and over, making sure you dwell on, and visualise each and every point.

Then as soon as you get up in the morning, start reading your list again. I call these Red thoughts and red thoughts are the ones you need to think, because they induce negative feelings such as hopelessness, anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy and envy etc.

Here are some common red thoughts to inspire you.

I hate my life! (A great one to start with)

I’m ugly! (This one works for everyone)

I’m fat! (A great one for lots of us)

I hate my job! (Another good one)

I hate my car! (This one helps you to feel inferior)

I hate where I live! (Great)

I never have enough money! (The best one to make you feel inferior)

Nothing ever goes right for me! (This one works every time)

I’m Useless! (Fantastic)

No-one likes me! (Excellent)

I always get sick! (This one will ensure you do get sick)

I’m always tired! (This is a very important one to include)

I’ll never find someone to be happy with! (Fantastic)

I’m dumb! (Perfect)

Everyone picks on me! (It doesn’t matter if this one isn’t true it’s still worth saying)

Now, you might be saying most of these to yourself already, so examine your list and add more as they come to you.

Repeat them to yourself at least three thousand times a day and remember, the more effort you put into this, the better your results will be.

Warning! Eliminate as many Green thoughts as you can. Green thoughts are easy to detect, because they are the positive ones and they might make you feel good and we wouldn’t want that now, would we?

Question 3: What’s the best way to feel anxious?

Answer: The answer to this question is the same as question 2. Make a Red thought list of all the things you have to worry about, and make sure they all start with What If? Let me give you some good examples.

What If no-one likes me? (A perfect one to start with)

What If I fail? (An oldie but a goodie)

What If I get sick again? (An important one)

What If I get it wrong? (You can always count on this one)

What If I never find someone to love? (Fantastic)

What If I can’t get it right? (This one works every time)

What If I never have enough money? (Perfect)

What If I don’t look good enough? (This one is vital)

What If I can’t find a good job? (Fabulous)

What If I don’t know what to say? (Brilliant)

What If they think I’m stupid? (Perfect)

What If they laugh at me? (Works every time)

What If they think I’m fat? (Great)

What If I do and What If I don’t? (Make sure all of your sentences start with either one of these)

What If that happens? (Perfect and again, always use this one at the start of sentences)

What If that doesn’t happen? (Make sure you remember to use this one too)

May I suggest that for optimum results, you combine your Red lists as this will definitely ensure you get to feel depressed and anxious at the same time! How good will that be?

Remember, make sure you weed out those annoying little Green thoughts, because if you were to start saying;

So What? to the What Ifs? you might inadvertently eliminate some Red thoughts and we wouldn’t want that, would we?

Question 4: I’m okay at times, so I don’t need to make any changes do I?

Answer: You’re right! As long as you are okay at times, that will have to do. Effort and commitment is required to improve you and your life and so it is easier to pretend you’re okay even if you’re not, right?

Question 5: I’m sick and tired of hearing people go on and on about positive thinking, what’s the big deal about it anyway?

Answer: Let’s face it, being happy isn’t for everyone, so why make an effort to think more positive thoughts? Billions of people are miserable, unhealthy and anxious, so at least you are not on your own. That’s good isn’t it?

Questions 6: It’s not my fault that I’m unhappy, so why should I keep trying?

Answer: You’re right; you shouldn’t have to keep trying.

This is your life and you need to do whatever is easier for you. You already know how to be unhappy, so why should you choose to learn something new?

This is who you are and this is how it has to be, right?

Question 7: Why should I have to change?

Answer: If change was taught at school we might all know how to do it, but it’s not, so you can’t be blamed for not knowing, or being prepared to give it a go. Besides, you mightn’t even like yourself, or know what to do with yourself if you were to change, right?

Question 8: I’m tired of trying to improve my life, because nothing ever goes right for me. Why should I bother?

Answer: If everything always goes wrong for you, just give up as it’s a whole lot easier than choosing to do things differently, right?

Question 9: Why won’t people believe me when I tell them that I don’t have enough time, to devote to myself?

Answer: Of course you don’t have enough time for yourself! You’re probably too busy doing everything for everyone else to make time for you, and you might even be accused of being selfish, if you were to put your happiness before others. Just keep telling yourself, I really will do it when I have more time! or my favourite and the one I hear the most, I’m gunna do it one day, I just need more time! That will make you feel heaps better, right?

Question 10: What would I talk about if I stopped judging and complaining about my life to other people?

Answer: Let’s face it; there’d be a whole lot of silence in the room if we didn’t complain about everything to everyone. What would we all talk about? At least this way, most of us have lots of things in common, because talking about how hard life is and how stupid other people are, makes us feel much better. That’s good isn’t it?

Question 11: How else could I feel like I am better than other people, if I didn’t judge and condemn them for what they do and don’t do?

Answer: Of course it’s important to have an opinion and to judge people—doing this helps many of us to feel like we are better than other people and when we all agree that someone is stupid or pathetic, we all get to feel good together. We feel good, because what we are really saying to each other is: We are much better than them, because we wouldn’t do that, would we? How good is that?

Question 12: How will I cope if I don’t live in my own Pretend World, pretending I don’t intuitively know what I am pretending not to know?

Answer: The Pretend World is a very important world for most people and I agree,