The Sociopath Next Door: by Martha Stout | Key Takeaways, Analysis & Review

By IRB Media

Inside this Instaread of The Sociopath Next Door:

• Overview of the book

• Important People

• Key Takeaways

• Analysis of Key Takeaways

• Language: English
• Publisher: IRB Media
• Release date: Dec 1, 2015
• ISBN: 9781944195410

IRB Media

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Book preview

Overview

Sociopaths comprise an alarming four percent of the population; that is, one in every 25 people is a sociopath. But this mental disorder is not well understood and many people fail to recognize it in others, which makes sociopaths difficult to identify and potentially very dangerous. It is urgent that people understand what a sociopath is and learn to recognize their revealing traits in order to protect themselves against these individuals who otherwise blend into the general population.

Fundamentally, sociopaths have no conscience, no feelings of guilt or remorse, and no sense of shame or responsibility toward others. This is because they do not experience emotions the way the vast majority of humans do. Above all, they cannot love. For sociopaths, relationships are empty and other people are just pawns in a game, a means to achieve an end—not human lives to value or respect. Because they are indifferent to the suffering of others, sociopaths feel free to act however they please, and because they cannot derive meaning from relationships, they live by dominating others and pursuing their own objectives.

Though sociopaths share these traits, they vary significantly in terms of other factors such as intelligence, ambition, and bloodlust. For this reason, they can range from the merely deceptive to backstabbing coworkers and cruel, selfish spouses. Some are rapists and murderers. But there are certain key traits that sociopaths share across the board, and it is important to look for these

Reviews for The Sociopath Next Door

[theyarnstashattacked · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

As much as I liked the book, I was looking for a way to deal with my grandmother, who happens to be a sociopath herself (and doesn't care, btw). It doesn't offer enough advice for me to classify it as self-help.

[ifool_2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Only wish I had come across this book much earlier in my life.

[juva_3 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A fascinating survey of the current science about the unique and terrifying condition of sociopathy. The author walks us through some of her more memorable experience in her career of counselling victims. As a psychiatrist she's made a lifetime of treating the damage sociopathic people have wreaked upon those they manipulate and control. Though the psychopath figures largely in our culture as a merciless killer, most actual sociopaths spend their lives in much more mundane activities. Still, even though they might not kill you, he sociopaths in your life can still cause huge damage. The author strives to help us understand the condition and provides some tips for dealing with potentially dangerous sociopaths.

[jimocracy · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Parts of this book I liked and others, not so much. I think the frustrating part about this book is that the author seemed to be doing what is known in BPD parlance as "splitting". She presented all sociopaths as morally inferior and even leaning towards evil. On the flip side, all the "normal" people in her stories were innocent pawns and just good people.

Life isn't that simple and to present sociopathy in such stark black and white terms makes me question the author's biases. And that calls in to question her impartiality on this subject. I did, however, enjoy many of her anecdotes about sociopaths and learned a lot. I only wish the subject had been explored in a more comprehensive manner.

[magnolia2_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

If you would like a good read to understand just what a sociopath is and how they think and operate, this would be a good read for you. It even offers suggestions for dealing with sociopaths in your own life.

[drinkingtea_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I swear, she must have met an ex of mine. The book doesn't go into 'scare everyone' mode and offers the good advice that sometimes being polite and not making waves is NOT the right thing to do.

[snash_44 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This book presents the sociopath in its various guises with some hints as to how to recognize them which is its value. Other than that it's moralistic and simplistic.

[memccauley6 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I thought this book was a fascinating read, made intentionally lighter for the layperson like me. I just wish she had included more examples of sociopaths “in action”. I was especially disappointed that she didn’t have more stories about “slacker” sociopaths, because I think all of us have encountered more of those than the “world domination” variety.

Of course, the problem with reading anything like this is the tendency for the reader to go around diagnosing every jerk they encounter {Hmmm… I don’t think she’s a sociopath, just a narcissist}. I had a list of several people who wanted this book before I was halfway finished.

[cariola_6 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Stout's brief book is designed to help laypersons identify the sociopathic persons around them. Often charming and charismatic, the sociopath plays on the emotions of others while he himself is devoid of any conscience or sense of empathy for others. They feel no sense of guilt, shame. or remorse and look at life as a series games designed to dominate and "win" over others. Stout provides several extensive examples to illustrate the primary traits of sociopaths. Her goal is to warn "the rest of us" to be wary of the 4% of the population who are sociopaths. If you've ever found yourself in a relationship--with a colleague, friend, or even family member--that leaves you wondering what happened and how you didn't see through this person's sick game, you will appreciate Stout's tips and the explanations that leave you knowing that you are not alone.And it's not a bad read for Americans in the midst of the Trump regime . . .

[bookcrazed_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I picked up The Sociopath Next Door because I so admired Martha Stout’s The Myth of Sanity. Myth was a helpful, hopeful book, reminding us that all of us have moments of dissociation, when we drift off into another world (in a movie, perhaps) and that we are not so very different from those who are diagnosed with DID (dissociative identity disorder, formerly multiple personality disorder). Though every bit as readable, informative, and generally helpful, Sociopath is not so hopeful. “1 in 25 ordinary Americans secretly has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty,” the cover warns. That’s the definition of a sociopath, Stout explains, someone who has no conscience. Sociopaths are consummate liars and usually charming, she says, spending their lives trying to blend in, to look like they give a damn. After describing the various faces of sociopathy, using case studies as she did in Myth, Stout offers a list of ways to spot a sociopath and advises the only way to deal with them is to avoid them altogether. Stout’s description is so eerily like someone I know, someone her family and friends often describe as “evil,” that I launched into a reading frenzy on evil. Simon Baron-Cohen in The Science of Evil and William Irvine in On Desire share Stout’s advice to simply steer clear of sociopaths (or at least minimize contact if you’ve got one in the family). What emerges, though, in these latter two books based on the authors’ own research, is that there may be hope for the future. Though psychotherapy is useless with sociopaths -- a fact upon which all three authors agree -- there may actually be a way to train sociopaths to be “good.” It’s a societal goal right up there with world peace. It may take a long time, but it’s worth the effort.

[kristina_brooke-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I now think everyone is a sociopath... Thanks! Just kidding.

[kr_patterson · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

I want to give this book less stars as more time goes on. I feel the author's words were too slanted by her own opinions and prejudices. I also feel that saying people don't have a conscience is just a convenient explanation, but in my opinion, is not really true.

[ashleyelizabeth89 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This is a fantastic read to get into the minds of socio/psychopaths. Very clear, informative, and interesting. Everyone should read this book at least once in their live.

[voracious_reader_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Sociopath Next Door wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. I didn't really get much from the pop psychology parts or the case studies; the tidbits concerning philosophy and ideas about why one nation or another might have fewer of greater numbers of sociopaths than others was much more interesting. I don't necessarily agree with her characterization of Western and Eastern cultures, nor do I buy that individualism is as poisonous as she appears to. Her discussion about Freud and the absence of love in his system was really interesting. That said, the majority of the book, while easy to read, was not as engaging as the portions that she spent less time discussing.

[talk0underworld · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

This was a huge disappointment. It's not very informative and is mostly a vehicle for Dr. Stout's personal views on everything from sociopaths being undeserving of pity to the endorsement of Richard Dawkins and his theories. The "case studies" are vague at best and there is very little depth to most of her opinions on them. The writer's voice comes through as subtly patronizing. Overall, a waste of time.

[meggyweg · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is a very good how-to guide to recognizing and dealing with sociopaths. Suitable for the ordinary person, and it takes care to emphasize that most sociopaths are necessarily violent or even criminal, just garden-variety turds. I would recommend it to anyone who’s in a bad relationship with someone who may be a sociopath.

[crazybatcow · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

It was quite interesting - a psychologist's examination of the nature of sociopathy which she defines as, essentially, a lack of conscience. Literally... sociopaths don't feel a thing when they do bad things to other people.Kinda disheartening because, well, there's nothing you can do to "redeem" them since they are incapable of redemption. The author does provide some steps to follow to protect yourself from sociopaths in your life, but since there's nothing to be done for people without a conscience, there's no advice on how to "help" them. (Well, other than to avoid trying to help them because by doing you're playing into their hands and you'll just end up getting hurt by them since that's what they do.)This is not a self-help book (and if you're a sociopath, you probably won't get the book's point anyway, and, even if you did, you wouldn't care). It's a pop-psychology glimpse at what might be going on inside some of those mean/abusive/controlling people you know in your life.The only real advice that comes out of it is to get away from a sociopath as quickly as possible... you can't help them - and they don't want to be helped - so just move along.

[darcia_10 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book is well-written, in simple language that anyone can understand. (Unlike many books written by psychologists.) Martha Stout uses stories from her own psychology practice and experiences to illustrate the various ways a sociopath operates within the world. I found the information extremely interesting. Stout gives us great insight into human nature.

[tbritny-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

"Psychologically speaking, conscience is a sense of obligation ultimately based in an emotional attachment to another living creature (often but not always a human being), or to a group of human beings, or even in some cases to humanity as a whole."The last few books I have read featured sociopaths and/or narcissists, so this book caught my eye! As the cover and title suggest, it is alarmist and sensationalist. It was also a bit shallow and repetitive.The parts I found most interesting in this book were:1) “Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life”2) The case studies were cartoonish, but they were effective in illustrating that a sociopath is not necessarily the psycho murderous criminal you might imagine. (ex. The slacker story.)3) Interesting discussion on conscience.4) The book is about 10 years at the point and many of the experiments Stout references are much older than that. In fact, you've probably seen these studies referenced many times before in other books. Even so, it is interesting to read the results of these older experiments.I think this book would be most useful for people who have dealt with or are dealing with an actual sociopath. I could also recommend it for someone who wants a quick overview on conscience and sociopathy.

[richard9thurman · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I give the book 4 stars primarily because it does what great books do; it makes you think. I also give the book credit for giving good advice as to how to recognize a sociopath, and what to do if you discover one in your life. However, I found myself disagreeing with Stout often throughout the book. She's the ph.d and psychologist with expertise in the field, but I think it's too simplistic to think that most people have a conscience but 4% have none. First of all, she never explains how she came up with the figure 4%. Secondly, it seems likely to me that conscience exists on a spectrum. Some people have more, some less; and a person's conscience waxes and wanes not only according to the person, but according to the situation. For example, good, thoughtful, caring people sometimes exhibit uncaring behavior toward other people when they are driving that they would never demonstrate if they were interacting with the other person face-to-face. But as I said, the book makes you think; and that's my favorite thing for a book to do.

[librarycin · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

3.75 starsThere are apparently more sociopaths among us than one would like to think (1 in 25 or 4% of the population). They aren't all serial killers, so you may not even realize they are there. In this book, the author (a psychologist) explains what a sociopath is (basically, someone who doesn't have a conscience and who doesn't feel), and uses case studies to help illustrate. Mostly, I found it very interesting (one really interesting thing I learned: culture/society may play a role in “creating” sociopaths), but there were a few tangents that kind of lost my interest (like the last chapter, that focused on various religions).

[oddbooks · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An excellent book about sociopathy. A must read for anyone interested in the topics of sociopathy and psychopathy.

[vulco1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book was great. It explained a lot about different kind of sociopaths and just how different even neurotypical people think from one another. A good read. Interesting vignettes and slices of different peoples stories used to illustrate points, ideas and interactions between people with conscience and people without. It also discusses other culture's and religions takes on sociopaths.

[bordercollie_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An informative stroll through the contrasting worlds of psychopathy and of conscience. The author gives the Rule of Three for dealings with anyone (1 lie or failure to follow through can be a misunderstanding; 2 can be a warning; 3 is a clue to end the relationship), and a sure way to detect a sociopath: anyone who tries to make you feel pity for them. Since psychopaths are 4% of the population of the western world, this is handy advice.

[trgllylibrarian · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I recommend this to pretty much everyone. It's eye-opening and very useful, because chances are there is a sociopath in your life. Reading this will help you to recognize what you're dealing with and deal with it more effectively. It will help prevent you from being harmed by people who are unable to feel any emotional attachment to other people. The book also offers profound, inspiring thoughts about what conscience is, where it comes from, and how central it is to our humanity.

[duncanmoron · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I left this book feeling mixed emotions. I liked some of the stories Martha Stout used as examples, but I was often left wondering how she felt inclined to throw about diagnosis without ever having met any of the actual subjects. It was something like reading a book of short stories and then being told how those interpretations led you down the path of acquainting yourself with 1 out of 25 people who presumably fit the mold of insanity. That being said, I couldn't help but compare some of the characteristics to my ex-wife, and admittedly seem to have gained some insight into her way of thinking.Yes, if the book did anything for me, it has helped me realize my ex-wife is as close to a sociopath as anyone described in this book. While we all conjure up ax murdering Freddie Kruger types, in reality that is just not the case. Most of the conscious devoid human beings spend their time making us average normal human beings miserable. Lying, manipulating, playing people for all they are worth, it just comes natural to the selected 4% of society that somehow fell off the gene pool one stop too quickly.I did love the advice on how to deal with one of these mentally disturbed people, avoid them. Damn, if only life were that simple. I have found firsthand, once they sink their teeth in you, they are like a rabid pit-bull and won't let go. They just keep chomping down, over and over again hoping to severe an artery. Interestingly, you will never even know you are dealing with one until the very end and then your mouth will drop to the floor with the sudden realization of damn, now that helps a lot of things make sense. For me personally, I just hope I am alive when my ex finally decides to torture somebody else.I am not really sure where the author was going with this novel though. It isn't a typical psychology book, filled with facts and figures that make your head spin, and it isn't geared toward the "intellectual" crowd either. It is just too simple to read and understand. I found myself enjoying it for a few pages, and then questioning what the point was and how she could make such broad generalizations the next. While I have firsthand experience with my ex-wife and I can definitively say she has all the qualities of a true sociopath, the author of this novel was not personally involved with most of the subjects she was labeling.Anyway, I did enjoy the novel overall. It wasn’t perfect, but it was an interesting read and if nothing else it did help me understand my own situation so much more. I think I will find it easier to refrain from anger in the future knowing that my ex is completely devoid of a conscience. It is just who she is, so I will attempt to use the advice from Martha and do my best to avoid her whenever I can. For that I will give the book 3 solid stars and would recommend it as an enlightening easy read for the everyday afflicted common man.And it might even help you understand that person in your life a little bit better, who is driving you absolutely crazy.

[sebastianhagelstein · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book explains and defines sociopathy really well but also talks about how humans develop conscience, sociopathy and discusses the causes of both.

[reverends_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

These days, with the abundance of books, movies, and television programs available on demand for instant entertainment, our knowledge tends to be informed by popular culture rather. Because of this,our intake of the dramatic simplification of most topics is outweighed drastically by factual representation.With this in mind, it is no wonder that most of us envision dangerous people as wild-eyed lunatics noticeable a mile way, disheveled madmen that are encountered far and few between.As Martha Stout demonstrates in The Sociopath Next Door, there are people capable of unimaginable atrocities all around us, and not only do they appear like everyone else, but they might even be less conspicuous than one would hope.If Good and Evil are opposites of the same coin, and Good people are those who care and feel for others, then it stands to reason that evil exists as people lacking the ability to care or love. These people exist, cold and calculating sociopaths unfettered by the restrictions of guilt or conscious, and they do so in alarming numbers reaching epidemic proportions. 4% of the US population are afflicted with Sociopathic Personalities, far greater than those afflicted with cancer. Meaning one out of every twenty-five people you meet feel no remorse or regret, and are capable of anything.Martha Stout's book strikes an elegant balance between clinical facts and anecdotal examples, making this book an easy read that manages not to come off as either a fluffy fear-mongering diatribe or a stuffy jargon-laden medical tome. The examples created from personal case studies perfectly illustrate the points of each chapter, but don't detract from the factual or philosophical topics discussed.Despite chapters warning of the realities of the sociopaths among us, such as their alarming ability to blend in and even charm us into their confidence, her tone never reaches an alarmist level. This is a book that informs and prepares, with instilling false hope or blind panic in its audience. Also, while this topic is heavy with emotion, Stout never descends into supermarket tabloid prose. Apart from a slight detour into 9/11, which almost has no bearing on the topic at hand, the examination of the origins and ramifications of the human conscious remain informative and exploratory without becoming preachy. Especially interesting is the chapter that delves into the nature vs. nurture debate, in which she examines the genetic, environmental, and cultural influences that can help create or subdue a growing child's sociopathic tendencies.If you have ever witnessed someone behaving extraordinarily ruthlessly or cruelly, and have wondered how someone could even bring themselves to act in such a manner, this book will go a long way towards satisfying your curiosity.

[pitcherbooks · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

The author makes a good point in that the public tends to assume that psychopaths are only the superbad guys: murderers, rapists, or drooling serial killers one sees on the nightly news. Most sociopaths/psychopaths are chameleons adept at hiding in plain sight. With a prevalence of 1 in 25, the odds are you know more than one. Could be a date, family member, neighbor, co-worker, student, teacher, doctor ... Think of the person that sets off your antennae, that you like least tho you might not be sure why, and - of all the people you know - you already avoid this particular person as much as possible. Odds are s/he's one. They look just like you and me. And their charm is legendary... til you cross them. Sooner rather than later you come to regret any interaction with them. The most important thing is learn how to spot them, avoid them when possible and protect yourself from them. They come in every age, race, creed, color and sex. The good news is that 96% of the world's population are good decent people so don't get all paranoid. Just educate yourself. Speaking from experience, you'll be glad you did. An excellent survival manual on how to spot, avoid or get unentangled from these initially charming but amoral predators. Life is good when you only allow good people be part of it.

[patl_53 · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Meh. A very interesting topic, but the author writes in a breathless local-news style ("and up next... which of your everyday kitchen cleaning chemicals MIGHT CAUSE CANCER IN YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY FOR NINE GENERATIONS!!!?").

I'd recommend passing on this, and looking for alternatives if you are interested in the topic.