The Secret of Happiness

By Jas Mand

This is not a self help book in the conventional sense, where you will find ready made solutions to all your life's problems. This book does not endorse any religious methodology to achieve a state of bliss as most religions claim. The author has attempted to approach the subject of happiness from the scientific angle of a rationalist. Unlike self-help books, it does not offer first-aid. It proposes regular and non-stop work on your growth all the time. The basic emphasis is on cultivating the attitude of happiness, which primarily is in one's own hands. If this book succeeds in helping you a bit in this direction, author shall feel justified in writing it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Dec 7, 2021
• ISBN: 9788128822858

Book preview

PART - I

What Is Happiness?

Every human being is striving to attain happiness. However, not many of us comprehend the meaning of this concept. Some may even argue that in order to be happy, it is not at all necessary to know what happiness is! It is further argued that the conceptual knowledge in itself is useless and futile in leading one to happiness.

These arguments might be valid in their own right. But there is no denying the fact that the scientific study of any concept or phenomenon dictates the necessity of its clear understanding. In order to avoid any confusion with the other related concepts, we must ascertain what it is about which we shall be talking all through the book. In practical life also, the clarity of concepts decreases the confusion, and helps in our growth. Further, it is seen that when it comes to expressing our feelings, we use a very limited vocabulary. In the English language there are approximately 400 words identifying our different feelings, ‘happy’ being one of them. Don’t you think it’ll be helpful to know whether we are using the appropriate word for our particular state of mind, which we define as ‘happiness’? Especially, when there is scientific evidence that we human beings actually think in words!

It is true that knowing is not everything, but there is a difference in taking an aim in the daylight or firing in the dark. Of course, when you have fever, what matters ultimately is getting well. But doesn’t it help if the fever is correctly diagnosed (whether it is viral, malaria or typhoid) and the prescription is based on sound theoretical knowledge?

1

Definition Of ‘Happiness’

Strange as it may seem, but the fact remains that you won’t find a definition of HAPPINESS even in the books written specifically on the topic! The encyclopaedias and dictionaries have either avoided a definition or given a circular and confusing one. Here are a few quotations of some famous men and women:

Happiness is the rational understanding of life and the world

— Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677).

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind

— Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826).

Happiness is the stock that doubles in a year

— Ira U. Cobleigh.

The formula for complete happiness is to be very busy with the unimportant

— A. Edward Newton.

These quotations may look serious and slick or funny and fancy, but they surely do not define the term ‘HAPPINESS’. The definition to which we shall try to confine throughout this work is as follows:

Please note the highlights of this definition:

Happiness is the characteristic of a human being only. Animals might have emotions, but they are not mentally developed enough for achieving the state of mind, called happiness.

It is an attitude, which is consistent and enduring. It is a trait of one’s personality.

The contentment is with the life in general and not with relation to a particular activity.

Happiness is a state of mind. It is not something that exists outside you. Your mind is an inseparable part of you. It is not an entity that is independent of body. It is just a concept, which is useful for the purposes of dealing with those aspects of our personality, which encompass our emotions, feelings and thinking.

There are numerous examples in our daily life which illustrate that individuals with similar outside conditions have different (sometimes even opposite) frames of mind and hence varying degrees of happiness.

There were two bricklayers working at a construction site. When asked what they were doing, the first said. Please don’t ask. I have been doing this useless job of laying bricks all my life. It is a dirty, difficult, monotonous and unrewarding job. However, the other mason’s reply was the opposite. I am doing a great job of building this church, the house of God. I’m immensely happy that I’ve been assigned this job.

The mood of the same person may change from one extreme to the other even while outside conditions remain absolutely the same. Just one thoughtful touch or an encouraging hint by somebody may bring you out of sinking mood.

A woman named Kisagotami took her child’s dead body to Lord Buddha and asked him to revive it. I can help you, said the Buddha, if you bring me a handful of mustard seeds. The woman promised to procure it, but as she was leaving, he added, I require the mustard seeds be taken from a household, where nobody has ever died.

The woman went from house to house. People agreed to give her seeds, but she could not find a home where no death had ever occurred. Realising that she was not alone in her grief the mother let go of her child’s lifeless body and returned to the Buddha feeling substantially less pained.

The 1999 Oscar winning Italian film Life Is Beautiful of Reberto Benigni also endorses the point that the intensity of the physical pain largely depends on your mental make-up. In this film, a father confined to a Nazi concentration camp, along with his six year old son, makes him believe that it is all a game being played and as a result the boy goes through all the tortures of the Camp very happily!

2

Don’t Confuse ‘Pleasure’ with

‘Happiness’

Pleasure is the satisfaction, you get from gratification of your sensual desires. For example you get pleasure from watching the sun set, wandering in the woods or hills, playing a game, engaging in sex, reading a book, watching television, or even consuming drugs and alcohol, spending hours in the casinos etc.

Most of the time pleasure is used synonymously with happiness. Nevertheless, it is not so.

Pleasure is dependent on a particular activity or happening, while happiness is a state of mind, independent of any such activity.

Pleasure is not constant or stable. It is short lived and ceases shortly after the activity, on which it was depending, halts.

The source of pleasure is the outside world, the source of happiness is your own attitude.

Because the pleasure may depend on another person, it is possible to be given or taken. But happiness being dependent only on you, cannot be given or taken.

Not only that pleasure is not durable, the pleasure bringing activity cannot be prolonged beyond a certain span of time. In fact if it is done, it starts bringing displeasure, instead of pleasure.

Pleasure, in some cases, may be derived from anti-social or negative activities; happiness is never negative. In fact, some pleasures (for example, pleasure derived from consuming drugs or eating fattening food) are outright negative pleasures.

In short we may say that Happiness is universal while Pleasure is particular. The former is related to mind, while the latter is related to sensual gratification.

In his book Utopia, first published in 1516, Sir Thomas More writes about pleasure at length.¹ He says that the Utopians define the whole or the greatest part of human happiness by pleasure. One ought to seek pleasure by right means: a lesser pleasure should not stand in the way of a greater or not to follow a pleasure, which would be rewarded by pain. But actually they do not think that happiness lies in all pleasure, but only in that which is good and honourable.

The Utopians divide the pleasures as spurious and real pleasures. For example, spurious pleasures include: feeling, considering oneself superior for wearing better (actually only different) clothes; to enjoy empty and useless honours, when somebody for example kneels down before you or takes off the hat; getting delighted with gems and precious stones; hunting etc. These and innumerable such practices have nothing to do with real pleasure, as there is nothing in them sweet by nature. They are the result of the corrupt habit of men involved.

The true pleasures, according to Utopians, include the pleasures of such as intelligence, contemplation of truth, the sweet recollection of a life well led and the certain hope of future good, and the pleasures of body such as eating, drinking, emptying bowels, sex, rubbing, scratching, massage, music, fragrance, good health etc. The pleasures of eating, drinking, scratching, rubbing etc. are considered the lowest of all, for they are never present unless associated with the opposite pains. For, with the pleasure of eating is associated hunger, and by a very unequal law too. For the pain is more intense, as well as more enduring, since it is produced before the pleasure and is extinguished only when the pleasures dies too.

The creed of utilitarianism holds, as John Stuart Mill claimed, that By happiness is intended pleasure, and the absence of pain, by unhappiness, pain, and privation of pleasure.². The hedonists would suggest that the purpose of our life is to extract as much pleasure as we can. For them, happiness is the sum total of all the pleasures. Epicurus suggested that Pleasure is the beginning and end of the blessed life. Sigmund Freud asserted that Our underlying motive is to seek pleasure. But these views are grossly mistaken.

Nancy O’ Connor too, in my opinion, confuses happiness with pleasure when she says: Happiness is a feeling of well being and satisfaction. We can experience it alone while watching a sunset, hiking in the wilderness, or soaking in a bubble bath, or with others while dancing, singing, laughing, playing a sport or game, walking together, talking intimately, or sharing a tender moment.³

Let me emphasise this once again: Happiness refers to a deeper level of experience than Pleasure; and also than terms like ‘well being’ ‘gay’, ‘comfortable’ ‘amused’ ‘gratified’, ‘pleased’, ‘enjoying’, ‘liking’ etc. For example a man can be happy when he is not enjoying himself at the moment (for example, when he is in the dentist’s chair). A man can be happy even when he does not like his job. He can be comfortable with his finances and still unhappy. A person can be quite happy in a situation, which is harmful to him, if he does not know it is, and perhaps even if he does. A person’s happiness may not be affected even with the change in his welfare or well being (if he regards it unimportant).

It is necessary to ascertain the difference between happiness and pleasure from a theoretical point of view, so as to avoid any confusion with the concept of Happiness, which alone is the subject matter of the present work. On the practical side as well, we should know exactly what we are looking for, when pursuing the goal of happiness.

Let me at once clarify that in no way we intend to suggest that every pleasure is bad or unnecessary. The only necessary caution here is: Never confuse pleasure with happiness.

Foot Notes

1. More, Sir Thomas. Utopia. Translated by Peter K. Marshall. Pocket Books, N.Y., 1965, pp.72-83.

2. Mill, J.S. Utilitarianism. Indianapolis, 1957

3. O’Connor, Nancy. How To Grow Up When You’re Grown Up: Achieving balance in adulthood. La Mariposa Press, Tuscon, Ari zona, 1994, p.91.

3

‘Happiness’ Is Different

From ‘Bliss’

‘Bliss’ is another term, which is often used synonymously with ‘Happiness’. Dictionaries, while defining ‘bliss’, generally add some adjective to ‘happiness’; for example ‘complete happiness’ ‘perfect happiness’ ‘real happiness’ etc. Most religions usually speak of bliss, which according to them, is the state of being, where man is united with the God, the state of mind of a Realised soul (the man of perfection).

According to Mahatma Buddha one can attain real happiness, real liberation from all misery by totally eliminating the cause of suffering, which is craving. This state is more popularly known as nirvana.⁴

The Bhagvad Gita says:

"With the self unattached to external contacts, he finds happiness in the Self; with the mind attuned to the Self (Brahman), he attains endless happiness"⁵,.

Swami Chinmayananda (1916-1993), an erudite scholar and a dynamic missionary of Vedanta⁶, said: As long as one identifies with the Self, he is in the state of absolute perfection and bliss.⁷

Sikhism also relates happiness with that state of being, when he is attuned with the Name of Almighty:

"Nanak dukhiya jug chare bin Naam Hari ke man vase"⁸

O Nanak, he will be suffering in all the four Ages, whose mind is not occupied by the Name of Hari (The Almighty).

Swami Anand Robin in the Introduction to a book by Osho says: Happiness is of the mind, joy is of the heart, bliss is of the soul.⁹

Hence, the term ‘Bliss’ is primarily used to express that state of mind of a person, where he is in tune with the Almighty and hence free from all kinds of suffering. ‘Bliss’ does not mean the same as ‘Happiness’, at least in the sense I have defined it for the purposes of this book. I am primarily concerned about the happiness here and now. It is not so called bliss, promised in some after-life or after-detachment or renunciation. If you have a particular belief system that promises you after-life bliss, you may continue adhering to it. But my basic concern and hence the subject of study is comparatively more earthly - happiness here and now!

Foot Notes

4. Gotama the Buddha: His life & His Teaching. Vipassana Research Institute, 1997, p.4.

Chatterjee, Dr. S. and Datta, Dr. D.M. The Eternal Moral Order and Buddhism. In: Beyond Sorrow. Central Chinmaya Mission Trust, Mumbai, 1996, p.16.

5. Bhagvad Gita, ch.5, verse 21.

6. Vedanta meaning End of Vedas is a system of Hindu philosophy evolved from the Upanishads. Vedanta teaches that the purpose of life is to realise the supreme Reality.

7. Chinmayananda, Swami. The Pursuit of Happiness. Central Chinmaya Mission Trust, Mumbai, 1996, p.5.

8. Guru Nanak, Guru Granth Sahib, p.1110

9. Anand Robin, Swami. Introduction to: Rajneesh, Bhagwan Shri. Sat - Chit - Anand. The Rebel Publishing House, Cologne, (year not given).

4

The Concept Of ‘Suffering’

‘Suffering’, as I understand this term, is the opposite of ‘Happiness’. It is synonymous to unhappiness and used for deeper feelings than the terms such as pain, grief, problem, worry, stress, tension, etc. Suffering, just like happiness, is the state of mind, which is more or less stable and constant.

It is generally stated that the human beings all over the world are a suffering lot. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge and as punishment were sent to our planet - to live in regret and suffering. The first of the four Noble Truths of the Buddha was that the world is full of suffering. Buddhism believes that when you perceive that you have fallen into an ocean of suffering, you will develop the wish to be liberated from suffering.¹⁰ Guru Nanak, the first Guru of Sikhs wrote: "Nanak dukhyia sabh sansara"¹¹ – O Nanak, the whole world is suffering.

The most convincing logic given in favour of this assertion is that because every human being is pursuing happiness, he must, at the moment, be unhappy, suffering. However, in my opinion, this view emanates from seeing the world only in black and white:

If people are looking for happiness, they must be unhappy now.

The truth is that the life is not just black and white. It is rather colourful. The natural tendency of a human being to strive to go up the ladder all the time does not mean that at the moment he is lying in the ditch. Pursuing happiness means developing oneself further. It does not necessarily mean that one is unhappy or suffering at the moment. Also the absence of suffering does not automatically mean happiness. Happiness is a positive attitude, which has to be cultivated, not something which surfaces only occasionally like a porpoise in a quiet sea.

Man is not a suffering being. First of all, no Nature (or for that matter a God, if any) will create something just to suffer. I believe that the suffering is less natural than happiness as far as a human being is concerned. Second, just a cursory survey amongst common people would reveal that what they call ‘suffering’ (the incidents of sorrow, for example, death, disease or some other calamities) are just like some intermittent bouts in the otherwise smooth life. And third, if we agree that we are really just suffering all the time, then why, as intelligent beings, should we continue living? We do have the choice not to live this life of suffering. Don’t we? Thus, my view in a nutshell, is that man’s life is predominantly happy than unhappy.

Then, why were all these wise men emphasising the prevalence of suffering? I think, first of all, they were expressing the psychology of masses, who in their day to day life, notice their sorrows more than the joys. A common man notices red traffic light more than the green, death more than the birth, accident more than the accident-free routine life. Second, the people around these religious leaders asked them all the time for a way out of their sorrows, which further made sorrow the focal point. Third, as everybody wishes to have a sorrow free life (whatever amount of place it occupies in his life!) and continuously endeavours for happiness, this creates the perception that everybody at present is unhappy, and suffering. And the last, the main product with these religions is supposedly the medicine for achieving happiness. If they say life is full of joy, don’t worry, why would anybody come to shop with them!

Let me make myself clear. I do not deny the existence of suffering in life. It is just as natural a part of our