My Mother’s Truth

By Fe.l.alberts.

Janice Lynn Jamison a successful real estate agent and owner of her own company has been a faithful and dedicated wife to the love of her life ,her husband Steven Kale Jamison for the past 25 years. Meeting each other, experiencing love at first sight Janice confessed to having heightened sexual desires from her hurtful dating history. Promising her commitment Steven vow to provide the loving she requires whenever and where ever she wants and needs it. Blessed with a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters Janice lived an happy, fulfilled life until her life is turned upside down by her youngest daughter Nicki attempted suicide. Family therapy being a requirement for Nicki’s healing, during a session with her mother and sister Dessi, Nicki unveiling of her ugly truth of having a sexual addiction brings forth an unimaginable confession from her older sister Dessi. Reeling with disbelief Janice is left to wonder if her sexual desires stem from a deeper, sinister situation that has somehow affected her daughters as well. The nightmare of her past resurfacing and causing unrest Janice seeks private counselling from Nicki’s therapist on how to tell her daughters the truth about her past and pounders her chances of getting closure from the individuals who were supposed to love her the most.

Come alone as Janice shares her story of lost love, pain and agony with her two daughters in hopes of freeing them from their demons to help them heal and live normal lives. Will she be able to maintaining the unconditional love and respect they hold for her and gain the closure she desperately needs.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 29, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664199576

Fe.l.alberts.

Hi I’m Felicia Johnson-Alberts -aka- Fe.l.alberts Born and raised in the windy city of Chicago I’m seasonably aged, married 22 years to my loving, devoted husband Rick we share a blended family of a grown son and daughter alone with my two god daughters that we consider our natural children. We are the proud grandparents to five beautiful granddaughters and love them dearly. I’ve worked in healthcare for my entire life so writing wasn’t my chosen path. It chose me .I believe it’s my God given talent since I’ve never taken a writing course , yet I find myself constantly writing poetry, songs and making up story for novels where I carry five or six character in my mind at any given time . I have over three hundred poems registered in the Library of Congress some of which I turned into songs. To date I’ve written and completed five novels. The first three a series that I self-published they are as follows, Nicki Ready to learn , The Secret Life of Dessi and My Mother’s Truth . Soon to be published Growing Up alone and The Bond of Sisters. Although I may not follow the rules of traditional writers I believe my stories plot and unexpected twists had the power to pull the reader in and keep their interest . Envisioning my books as movies for the big screen and seeing stars singing my songs I will continue to write until my desire becomes reality. Yours truly Fe.l.alberts.

Book preview

Prologue

Hi everyone, if you’ve purchased this book, I hope it’s because you already read and enjoyed Nicki ready to learn and the Secret life of Dessi. My name is Janice Lynn Jamison, mother to Nicki and Dessi who both dealt with sexual addition on different levels, apparently caused by me. Fueled with family love and support they each faced their problems head on, with courage and determination they both succeeded acquiring stable lifestyles and successful careers. I feel fortunate to have been given a second chance at motherhood, able to watch my daughters grow into wonderful women. Remaining loyal to the family business Nicki’s continued her education in computer programming and obtained a Bachelor degree. She was promoted to supervisor of the computer room. She’s maintaining a monogamous relationship with Jeremy. Dessi is happily married, living in New York with her husband Winton while she makes her mark in the world of accounting with her constant advancement I imagine she will own her own firm soon.

My Mother’s Truth

I had no way of knowing my lifestyle could have a negative impact on my children lives. My story is the third part of the series.

Chapter I

It was September 9, 1982 when I received a call from Dessi who asked me to invite her grandmother to her wedding. Knowing there was no way for my daughter to understand the severity of the situation between me and my mother, my heart was left crippled and in turmoil after the call. My buried pains of the past were resurfacing bringing controversy along with it. I start having reoccurring dreams of what happened to me and my mother’s reaction to the situation. I spent countless nights trying to determine if my hatred for her is something that I would ever be able to let go of. My lack of sleep was evident by the bags under my eyes, a no, no, for me. I feel preventable imperfection are unacceptable. Refusing to get bogged down by depression or let my spirit be taken away by hateful thoughts I knew it was time for me to face the past and get some kind of closure in the process. I readied myself for tell all session with my children that would allow them to decide if they would have a relationship with their grandmother or not. Envisioning their facial expressions and response to question they may ask, prevented me from moving forward with telling them my story. Finding it difficult to predict the outcome, caused my emotions to be all over the place. After more sleepless nights I decided the time had come for me to be as brave as my children, settle the past, and move forward to a peaceful future. I woke early, kissing Steven I fueled myself with his loving power before biding him good day. While getting ready I tried determining which of my daughters I should tell first, and then concluded it would be best to tell them at the same time. Thinking, "My story could leave one or both of them in a venerable state," Left me with a feeling of uncertain panic. Noticing the time, I realize I’m running behind schedule. Although I’m the boss I’ve always made it my business to be punctual for work. I believe it sets a great example for the employees, but for some strange reason I couldn’t seem to get going, as far as I had gotten was taking a shower. I hadn’t even begun the rest of my daily routine. Looking at myself in the mirror I say, "Get it together Janice, it’s time to go My image spoke back clearly saying, It’s time." Blinking with resolve I knew what I needed to do. I called my office, leaving a message that I won’t be in until noon and I’ll call back if my situation changes. I wondered what the employees would think of my tardiness. I cleared my mind of office gossip distraction to focus on the major task that lies ahead.

My first action was to place a call to Dr. Randolph with the hope of getting an appointment sometime in the near future, her receptionist answered, after a brief moment of silence Dr. Randolph says, Hi Janice, how may I help you?

Hi Dr. Randolph, I was calling to set up an appointment for an informational session on how to proceed with telling my children my story. Fully aware of the situation she said, If you like we can do a telephone session right now.

Thrilled I jumped in, That’s great, I’ll start talking and you let me know if I go over the allotted time. She replied, It’s okay Janice I have an hour before my next group of clients.

Okay! So here’s the deal, I’ve been putting on a brave facade for my husband and children, when in actuality I suffer with how such a dreadful illness has befallen on our lives, and how devastated I felt because it was caused by me. I plan to tell my daughters my story, but I wanted to make sure my telling them wouldn’t cause either of them to have any type of set back of their own, but I feel it’s imperative to find out if my children truly forgive me, or if they are like me, playing a game of pretend. I have several unanswered questions which weighs heavily on my heart. First of all, I’m finding it hard to believe my children’s characteristics fit the criteria for this terrible illness. Second, how a mother allows her children to feel like they are being abandoned when both parents are there. Third, how could we care more for our jobs than we did for our children? And most importantly why weren’t my children able to come to me with their problems?

She said, Janice! I did wonder how you were dealing with your issues; you seemed to be handling things quite well. I’m here if you need my services and support, or if you become overwhelmed, or in need of medication. I would like to go back and answer your first question. I feel confident that Nicki and Dessi are strong enough to handle your story. As for the characteristics, you couldn’t have known what to look for because you didn’t know what the condition was. And the issue of your children coming to you they saw you as hard working parents providing their needs, so they didn’t realize they were experiencing abandonment issues. When you’re in a situation you can’t always see things, even when there being revealed right in front of you. Sometimes it takes someone or something to make them visible. I commend you for having the courage to revisit such a painful time in your life. I believe confession brings about forgiveness. I believe your daughters have discovered the true meaning of mother’s love. I feel everything will turn out just fine. Good luck, remember I’m here if you need me.

Filled with confidence I thanked her saying I’ll call back if I need you.

She replied Anytime

I hung up Thinking, "Now all that’s left is figuring out a good time and place to tell the girls. I stood there trying to remember if we had any upcoming occasions where we would be getting together. Unable to think of any I considered waiting until the holidays. I was sure Dessi would be coming for Thanksgivings, or Christmas. I felt good about my plan and intended on following through on it before the end of the year.

My spirit had been return to a pleasant mode. I know this was far from over but I believed I was on the right path. Sitting in my bedroom after hanging up from Dr. Randolph I suddenly felt compelled to try obtaining total closure. I opened the bed side table drawer and took out the envelope my husband had given me three weeks ago. It contained information regarding my mother’s location, her phone number and two current pictures of her. Looking at the picture brought tears to my eyes. I saw a frail woman that had aged well I wondered if she had been ill, or was still grieving my father’s death. Knowing she resides in Key West was reassuring she wasn’t too far out of reach if I decided on personal contact. I toiled with the idea of calling her, deciding a telegram was more impersonal, and if she didn’t respond it wouldn’t hurt as bad as being rejected over the phone. My mind reflected instantly, "I cried thinking about our last conversation, and the hateful words I spoke denouncing her from my life It has been twenty-four years since I’ve laid eyes on her." After sending the telegram I shivered at the thought of what her response may be. I headed for my office relieved I had finally begun my journey of healing. I fought off the feeling of impending dread.

On October 9th Dessi called saying, Thanks for the exceptional gift you’ve given me.

I reminded her she had thanked use already for paying for her wedding. She says,

No I’m talking about the other gift from you. Unsure of what she was talking about I asked,

What other gift? She responded,

I received a wedding card from grandmother it contained a check for three thousand dollars and a great desire to meet me and my husband. She included her phone number and an open invitation for us getting together. Letting me know you had to have contacted her, so I say again thanks!

Taking a deep breath, I say, You’re welcome Darling. I have something I need you to do for me.

She says, Anything mother just name it.

I need you to make time to come to Chicago for a weekend visit.

Okay! I’ll tell Winton we have to plan a trip.

No Dessi! I need you to come alone.

Mother has something happened?

No! It’s time for me to tell you and your sister my story and I want to do it before you meet your grandmother.

Oh! Alright then, I’ll come alone, how does next weekend sound?

That’s fine. I’ll clear my schedule and tell your sister we will be having a mother daughter weekend getaway.

Are you alright Mother? Has my bringing up grandmother caused a problem?

Somewhat! It’s time to deal with the past and I need the two of you to know what I went through. I’m not in a bad place because you brought up your grandmother. I’m actually ready for some type of closure if at all possible. Your grandmother may not ever want to talk to, or see me again.

Dessi says, I’ll be there next weekend and I’ll be by your side when you’re reacquainted with her. I’ll support you like you did me and Nicki.

Thanks baby! I may need it.

I love you mother.

I love you too baby, see you soon.

Bye! See you soon.

Hanging up the phone, I sat on the sofa waiting for Nicki to come home to let her know next weekend will be my time for confession. She came in perky, Hey mom my day has been great. How was yours? I felt so proud, not only had she made outstanding progress she was focused on her goal. Committed to her vow of celibacy Jeremy remained in her life and they both seemed very happy. I believe of the three of us, she is the one who has triumph in her situation. I say to her,

Dessi coming and I’ve planning a getaway for the three of us for next weekend. Are you available?

Ecstatic with delight she jumps up and down saying, I’m always ready to spend quality time with you and Dessi. All I need to know is the time I’m there.

Watching her with delight, I think five p.m. is a good time to head downtown. I’ll book a room at the Radisson. She went bouncing out the room, It’s going to be a great weekend Standing I watched her praying she was right. I couldn’t imagine how receptive either of them would be once they heard my real life story, as it pertained to my relationship with my mother and why she would have nothing to do with me. My biggest concern was who side would they choose. I thought, That’s nonsense, I was a child, I did nothing wrong, my uncle was the only one who should have been punished. I thought of being forced to live my entire life without my mother’s presence, not being a good influence on my two daughters I blame this on never being given proper mothering skills by anyone who had children of their own. I felt my mind being overworked and a headache building, taking two Tylenol I lie down to release the pressure before it could become a bigger problem. I apparently drifted off to sleep. Steven was placing soft kisses on my face as I stirred awake.

Hey babe, are you alright? It’s not like you to take a nap in the middle of the day.

Yeah I’m fine now. I had a headache. He strokes my brow then stands removing his shirt he asks, Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

For the first time in years we had sex that didn’t involve me forefeeling a hidden desire, it was me and my husband embracing, kissing and being passionate toward each other for mutual fulfillment. Lying in his arms afterwards, Thanks for always being so loving and caring, you have been my saving grace, and I would hate to imagine what my life would have been like without you. Kissing my brow tenderly,

Thanks babe, now tell me why you sound sad like something else is on your mind.

I grunt, Um! Then say, You know me well, I’ve decided to tell the girls about my past, and I’m going to do it next weekend."

Oh babe, I’m proud of you! No wonder you have a headache, let me guess you’re trying to figure out how the conversation will go.

Yeah, and I don’t want them to think badly of me. He embraces me tighter. Our daughters think the world of you. I believe after you tell your story the three of you will share an unbreakable bond. I’ll probably start to feel like an outsider.

Discontent builds, Please don’t ever think that Steven, you are the love of my life and no one or anything could ever change that.

He grins, I’m kidding…., babe I’m trying to get you to see nothing can come between us and the love we share with our children.

I smile, As always you know how to make me feel better. I love you so much.

His hand glides across the side of my face. I love you too. I’m starving, let’s go to dinner just the two of us then we’ll come back and redo the sex part again. How does that sound?

Perfect let’s do it.

We had a great meal at an Italian restaurant around our house. Returning home later to intensify our desire we looked into each other’s eyes as we pleases each other with old fashion missionary stroking. I thanked the lord for my many blessings, before I turned over to sleep. As the week progressed, I found the clients harder than usual to satisfy and full of complaints. Feeling forgetful and annoyed I realized my nerves were getting the best of me. I decided to give myself some much needed time off for the next couple of weeks, dividing up my case load amongst the staff, leaving Daryl Lester Harrington, who’s twenty eight year old, about 5'10, medium build with smooth dark skin and mellow voice has unmeasurable confidence. He a go getter. I consider him my chief staff member, overly excited he says,

You know I can handle it. Go with assurance that your business will be run in an professional manner, deals will be closed and the place will be intact upon your return.

I smiled saying I trust you completely, I’m heading home, call me only in case of an emergency. He says,

Got it, we’ll be fine. You go relax. Besides Steven’s love, my real estate business was the only other thing that I felt confident about. I reminded myself "I would be talking with my children not my mother, that seen to ease some of the tension." I just wanted the day of confession to come so I could exhale. The anticipation of the moment had my nerves unhinged. Getting home, so use to having somewhere to be and something to do I found being idle difficult. Unable to relax my second day home I felt I needed mental stimulation. I called the office to check on things. Daryl answered, Jamison real estate finding your dream home is our priority. You’ re speaking with Daryl Harrington, how may I help you?

Hey Daryl, It’s me Janice how are things going?

Great! Arleta has the Carlson mansion under contract. The clients want to be able to move in by early next month.

Twenty six year old Arleta Ann Nichols, blessed with a beautiful caramel color, baby face, curvy hips, loads of personality and a sassy walk she’s cute and a dynamo. She’s has never missed a day of work and gives a hundred percent at all times. You wouldn’t know she’s a single mother of two boys. Her family support along with the drive and determination of a seventeen year old, surely she’ll probably own her own real estate business before long. That’s wonderful! You’re talking about the property that’s only been listed for two months right.

That’s the one, she did two showings and the second couple offered full price they didn’t want anyone else to outbid them.

I asked to speak with her; she answer the phone cheerfully saying,

Jamison real estate finding your dream home is our priority. Arleta Nichols speaking, how may I help you?

It’s me Janice.

Hi! Mrs. Jamison. What can I do for you?

I would really like it if you wouldn’t be so formal, we are colleagues you can call me Janice.

I’m sorry, I’ve just always been taught to be respectful, and so it’s hard for me to feel comfortable calling my boss by her first name.

I understand, but I want you to try. Okay!

Okay, I’ll try harder.

Thank you. I wanted to congratulate you on the Carlson contract; you know this means big commission for you. I’m very proud, keep up the outstanding work.

She answered in an approving voice, I plan to, thanks for calling.

I’ll see you in two weeks or less.

Okay! Bye Mrs. Jamison. I’m sorry, I mean Janice."

I hung up smiling thinking, "how great my business is doing and how wonderful my staff is. I made a mental plan to give a celebration to let them know how great I think they really are." It was Wednesday before Nicki realized I haven’t been to the office. She asked, How are you beating me home every day?

I’ve given myself some leisure time away from work. I’m off for two weeks, how about that?

Her eyes wide she says,That’s unbelievable! I’ve never known you to take off work. You’re not sick or anything right?

No, I wanted to see what it feels like to do nothing just because.

Looking a little sad she says, Oh mom! I wish I could stay home with you but I don’t plan to take advantage of my status working for dad, so I put in vacation days like everyone else. I’m not really entitled to one until next year.

I grin, Since I’m tight with your boss, would you like for me to get you some time off.

Smiling she replies No, I want to be fair, so people can see my dad does the right thing by all employees, even his daughter.

I’m so proud of you Nicki. You have become an exceptionally, outstanding individual, remember how you talked of being your own person and doing things your way. You have arrived and you’re in control that’s a wonderful accomplishment.

Blushing she says, Thanks mom, I don’t think like that anymore I now take other’s feeling into consideration before my own, it’s all about doing what’s right and I feel good about it.

I hugged her saying, you will make a wonderful mother someday.

Her smile widens she says, I’ll keep that in my plan for somewhere down the road.

I hold my hand up doing a stop sigh Oh no, I’m speaking of the future. We hugged each other laughing. Saying good she announced, I’m spending the evening with Jeremy, were going to dinner and then bowling.

Nodding yes, I point at her saying, Have fun, I’ll see you later. Nodding also she heads for the door saying,

Bye mom, I love you.

I touch my chest saying, I love you too. I sat reflecting on how far my daughters have come and I felt the weekend would turn out fine. I have nothing to worry about. When Steven got home I announced, We have the house to ourselves. He immediately starts removing his clothes saying, Where you want me?

I lead him over to his favorite sofa chair having him to remove his pants and underwear so I could straddle him, positioning myself on my knees so he could palm my ass cheeks as he raise and lower me until we climax. I felt like a different person having sex with my husband lately was exciting on a whole new level. I didn’t feel like he needed to be forceful or get me to the point of exhaustion to fulfill my sexual need. I now enjoy taking our time pleasing each otherwhile experiencing the emotional benefits. Laying my head on his shoulder afterwards meant so much more now. I wondered, "If he felt the same." It’s as though he read my mind, Janice the passion in our love making seems different now, am I right about that?

I giggle, I was just wondering if you sensed it.

He joins in, Yes and I love it. It’s like we’re starting over as new lovers with an intoxicating magnetism for one another.

I expose a smirk, I feel the same; we headed for the couch to make love once again. All day Thursday my nerves were totally rattled trying to anticipate questions my children will ask me, the uncertainty of how they would respond to my answers had me frazzled. I found myself having a couple of cocktails in the middle of the day, they help me regain stability. By the time Steven got home I was ready to be swept away with some intense love making. I drifted far away in my mind as he caressed, fondled, and playfully nibbled on sensitive body parts. Intensifying my arousal, by the time he began his stroking, my breathing had become deep paintings of Oh yeah. I was entirely susceptible to anything he wanted to do to