The Demon Staring Back at Me: A True Account

By Jesse Busdegan

The Demon Staring Back at Me is a raw and real account of the perils that many face in dealing with toxic relationships. Jesse takes you through his story of real life events in a vulnerable and authentic way. His bravery in sharing his truth is commendable and inspiring as many could relate to hi

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jesse Lee Busdegan
• Release date: Jul 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781777839505

Jesse Busdegan

Born and raised in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada . Lived a very hard life, i am a single father of 3 children, 2 boys and a little girl, manager of many restaurants and bars for over 20 years, took myself back to college, obtained a graphic design degree, fluent in Web Design, typography and proficient in all adobe software. I enjoy being artistic and leaving an impression on the art culture of today, excited to be in the field of expertise that i have learned..​​I was in a Narcissistic relationship for 7 years with a Sociopathic Covert Narcissist, we had two children together and i was abused physically, mentally and emotionally until i was beaten down to nothing. I had my children taken by this person and kept away from them for no reason other then to hurt and manipulate me.I used this to find my place in life, I became a Life coach because of this travesty, so i made it my calling to help people in abuse/depression/anxiety and trauma, i am happy to hold spaces for people to hold there truth. 

Book preview

Title Page

.00001 Copyright © Jesse Busdegan 2021.

Published in 2021 by Hillary Marek

ISBN: 978-1-777839-50-5 (eBook)

All rights reserved. They can not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the author's express written permission except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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Disclaimer

The conversations in the book all come from the author’s recollections, though they are not written to represent word-for-word transcripts. Instead, the author has retold them in a way that evokes the feeling and meaning of what was said, and in all instances, the essence of the dialogue is accurate. All characters and incidents and dialogue are real and are not products of the author’s imagination because the author had no vision whatsoever for those sorts of things at the time of this writing.

Although the publisher and the author have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time and while this publication is designed to provide accurate information regarding the subject matter covered, the publisher and the author assume no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any other inconsistencies herein and hereby at this moment disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

This publication is meant as a source of valuable information for the reader. However, it is not meant as a substitute for direct expert assistance. If such a level of assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Thank you

To Cynthia Spence thank you for being my shining light when I thought I had no one you came in and saved the day and to Tina Durbin, my rock and someone that kept me sane through this time and Edited most of the book I Thank you. To Hillary Marek, my publisher, your excellent kick-ass attitude and advice when it came to the direction we needed to go in and what way the book was to be given to this world and thoughts on how we could tell the story to the fullest of truth, I thank you, the book wouldn't have come to light, you are amazing, and I am honoured for you to be apart of this book. To my children, this is an account of the truth, and I hope one day you will know what happened, thank you for giving me what time I had as a dad, and know that I love you all very much.

Contents

The Beginning of The End

A Blind Eye

My Imperfections

The Transition

Minnesota and the Assault

The Thought of loneliness

The Star’s Align

The Demon staring back at me

The Setup

The Love Bomb

The Silence of Betrayal

Bibliography

The Beginning of The End

Sitting at the kitchen table the night of February 1st; playing over and over again in my mind; reliving what had happened earlier that day.

I came to the realization life was about to become a messy, painful dark hole of emotions. I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole would go.

I woke up that morning with my 3-year-old son as always happy and full of curiosity, my beautiful one-year-old daughter, who is getting ready to take her first steps. They ate breakfast and played a bit before I got them ready to go back to their mother’s, I watched them from the kitchen as I thought how lucky I was to be Greyson and Ivy’s father and that my love for them was more than words could describe.

Little did I know that was all about to change.

I got the kids ready and started walking across the street. Yes, I know what you’re thinking; what do you mean across the street?

In November of the previous year, I had given up our house for Shauna and the children and moved 400 meters across the street into an apartment she had helped me pick out.

I had done this so we could work on our family with the thought that eventually we would be back to where we had been the year prior. More importantly, I felt we could share time by alternating days we cared for our children.

We crossed the street and walked up the steps to their condo. There she was; the woman that I was still so madly in love with! The mother of my children was someone I would have taken a bullet to the face for; as she loomed in the entrance of her domicile, a smirk that was all too familiar perched upon her face.

A smirk I would eventually learn is referred to as the Narcissistic Smirk. A common characteristic of narcissistic abusers; which at the time was something I knew very little about. Though I knew something was up unfortunately when it comes to toxic narcissism or more specifically a covert narcissist anything is possible, nothing is off-limits and you never see it coming until it’s too late.

Good morning, my love, I said to her as she stood there with the smirk, my emotions flooded out of me why didn’t you stay last night, you only stayed for two hours and left, why don’t you want to be around me anymore………you told me you loved me, I moved here so we could fix things and be a family! I pleaded with her, the words that came back were a lie if I had ever heard one.

She responded in a sarcastic tone I’ve told you this many times Jesse the smirk never wavering I need a couple of weeks to find myself and to love myself again if I can’t be happy with myself how can I love my family! She said bluntly and followed the kids inside.

Leaving me hurt and alone for what felt like the umpteenth time. I was dismissed and lied to, a tear rolling down my cheek as I trudged back across the street, more depressed than ever before.

It wasn’t that she wanted to find herself, it was that she had already found someone else. Not a new love minds you rather what is commonly known as the new supply. Someone to focus her energy and toxicity on as I was slowly phased out.

I entered my apartment to start my job for the day; I knew my efforts had been in vain and the end of what had started as everything I had ever wanted was coming to an excruciating painful end. Painful because even after everything I had endured,

I still loved her and invited the thought of raising our children together.

At that time, I worked for a security company in a 2nd level technical support position wherein I would help; technologically inept, people stop their panels from beeping by walking them through fixing them over the phone.

As I slumped down in my chair and turned on my computer to begin work for the day, my phone alerted me of a new text message…………. This Is a formal request from Shauna *****; you are back on drugs, and your time with your children is suspended until you can provide and pass a hair follicle drug test, I read.

I felt as if my chest had caved in, and all the breath had left my body, leaving me feeling a pain.

I had not felt since June the previous year, an immense physical pain that only comes from loving someone so much that the idea of losing them, or worse the thought of them not loving you back that ignites every single nerve ending in searing pain emanating from a twice-broken heart.

As I brought my thoughts together, I messaged her back, "Why would you do this, why would you destroy our family again after I pulled my life together for us? I have done things no one else would do for anyone, and I love you more than anything!

PLEASE DON’T DO THIS!"

I waited for the reply… it never came. I knew it was the start of the Silent Treatment a punishment narcissist’s use to emotionally