The Greatest Love Story Never Told

By Richard Orion

This story is based on a true love story that spanned almost two decades. The names and places have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved in this affair. The chronological sequence of events has been maintained for continuity. All the stories and experiences are based on facts. This book is about a love story that was kept secret for 18 years and perhaps shouldve remained a secret. The first book related to this love story was a book of poems entitled Somewhere, Sometime, Somehow: Love Poems and Short Stories published in 2008 by this author and Xlibris. For the perceptive reader of this book one can trace the ups and downs of our love relationship. These 18 years were filled with robust love and passion for each other. Perhaps it was fantasy; perhaps it was the most real thing we will ever experience. The heartbreaking part of this love affair is that I am not really sure my lover ever really understood or appreciated my profound and unconditional love for her. I opened my heart to her through poetry and thoughtful letters, but she rarely showed me what was in her heart. Perhaps it was a one-sided love affair, but I surely think and hope not. I was convinced that she truly loved me through her words and actions. At least I experienced a pure love that I had only dreamed was possible. The story is told mainly through the exchange of letters and emails to each other. Perhaps readers can experience and hopefully feel the deep love we felt for each other.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514409459

Richard Orion

Richard Orion is a pseudo name made up from the constellation Orion that was very important to the lives of the couple featured in this book. Richard was the name my lover and I made up for the center star of the belt on Orion. Each summer night when Orion was visible we would look at that particular star together at 10:30 pm and even though we were far apart we felt together in spirit and mind focused on one object. In the winter we each looked at the Big Dipper and especially at the star called Mizar (a double star) in the middle of the handle. We wished we were as close together as those two stars in cold winter nights. We also used the moon to bounce messages back and forth to each other when we were far apart.

Book preview

The Greatest

Love Story Never Told

Richard Orion

Copyright © 2015 by Richard Orion.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 10/30/2015

Xlibris

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CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1    Our First Year - 1989

Chapter 2    Our Second Year - 1990

Chapter 3    Our Third Year -1991

Chapter 4    Our Forth Year – 1992

Chapter 5    Our Fifth Year – 1993

Chapter 6    Our Sixth Year – 1994

Chapter 7    Our Seventh Year – 1995

Chapter 8    Our Eighth Year – 1996

Chapter 9    Our Ninth Year – 1997

Chapter 10    Our Tenth Year – 1998

Chapter 11    Our Eleventh Year – 1999

Chapter 12    Our Twelfth Year – 2000

Chapter 13    Our Thirteenth Year - 2001

Chapter 14    Our Fourteenth Year – 2002

Chapter 15    Our Fifteenth Year - 2003

Chapter 16    Our Sixteenth Year - 2004

Chapter 17    Our Seventeenth Year - 2005

Chapter 18    Our Eighteenth Year - 2006

Chapter 19    Our Nineteenth Year - 2007

INTRODUCTION

T HIS STORY IS based on a true love story that spanned almost two decades. The names and places have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved in this affair. The chronological sequence of events has been maintained for continuity. All the stories and experiences are based on facts. This book is based on a love story that was secret and perhaps should’ve remained a secret. The first book was a book of poems entitled Somewhere, Sometime, Somehow: Love Poems and Short Stories published in 2008 by this author and this publisher. These poems were inspired by the one I loved. For the perceptive reader one can trace the ups and downs of our relationship. These 18 years were filled with robust love and passion. Perhaps it was fantasy; perhaps it was the most real thing we will ever experience. The heartbreaking part of this love affair is that I am not really sure my lover ever really understood or appreciated my profound and unconditional love for her. I opened my heart to her through poetry and thoughtful letters, but she rarely showed me what was in her heart. Perhaps it was a one-sided love affair, but I surely hope not. I was convinced that she truly loved me through her words and actions. At least I experienced a pure love that I had only dreamed was possible. Perhaps readers can experience and hopefully feel the deep love we felt for each other. The story is told mainly through the exchange of letters to each other.

Grace’s written words will be in italics.

Richard’s written words will be in bold

CHAPTER 1

Our First Year - 1989

I T WAS A kind of dull and routine Tuesday afternoon in my office, a warm and sunny September fall day in 1979. I did not expect anything important to happen that day, but then the rest of my life changed when she walked through the door. " Can I use your copier? Mine is being repaired right now," she explained. If you have ever experienced love-at-first-sight, you will know what I felt. " WOW!! Thank-you God for creating this woman and sending her into my life", I said under my breath. I tried to keep my eyeballs in their sockets and control my gushing emotions. I hoped she wouldn’t notice my wide eyes or heart pounding. Multitudes of women have come through my office over the years, but I was happily married and I paid little attention to them. None of those women had such an immediate profound effect on emotions and physiology as this one. She appeared to be angelic and earthly at the same time. She was vastly different from the rest. I am not sure she even noticed me, which was good, since I was obviously mentally and physically shaken. In the weeks that passed, I asked people around me Who was that person? I found out that she works in another office on another floor. I had to have a name. Eventually I found her name to be Grace. What a perfect name, I thought, as it describes her demeanor perfectly. Over the months, although I tried, I could not get her out of my thoughts. Yes, I dreamed about her, daydreamed and night dreamed. How could such a woman control my thoughts like this? I had work to do; I couldn’t be thinking about her constantly and get anything else done. In my eyes she was a beautiful, exquisite woman- her voice low and sexy - her eyes enticing, dark and sultry. Her hair was long and auburn, as it fell over her eyes. I thought There’s no harm in thinking about her. Or so I thought. Then in October 1980, I heard that she married some guy in the television business. I sighed, What a lucky guy. I hope they will be happy. Thoughts of her still forced their way into my brain, although my conscience would try to block them out. We are both married now, and it would not be right.

It was a year or two later when I heard Grace was transferred to work for one of my good friends just down the hallway. That’s nice, I thought, maybe I will see her more often, and I did. Grace was a sweet, kind woman who worked diligently and learned quickly. She was a technician with an eagerness to do her job to the best of her ability. My friend, Bill, who hired Grace, had worked with me with for years on many projects thought highly of her as a technician. Bill introduced me to Grace formally and we shook hands. Why did grasping her hand weaken my knees? I never felt that before. The occasions to meet Grace and talk to her became more and more frequent. Almost daily I tried to fight off the feelings I was having for her. But what were these feelings? Was it physical animal magnetism I felt towards her? I ruled that out, as I thought I was too sophisticated to have that happen to me. Then one afternoon in 1984, Bill came into my office and said, I am leaving this company in a few weeks, and I would like you to consider hiring Grace, since I am in the area and doesn’t want to move. As it happened by coincidence, I was just then interviewing and hiring a technician. The search for a new employee was narrowed down to another man and Grace. With both resumes in my hand, it appeared on paper that Grace had more of the qualifications I was seeking in a new employee. I was adamant not to let my gut feelings have any bearing on this decision. Finally I decided that Grace was the best person for the long term, since she had the talents and skills for work I could see in the future. With that decision made, my mind was rejoicing at the thought of getting to know Grace a whole lot better and seeing her every day. It is difficult to explain how my eyes longed to see her face, but they did. During the next several years we worked together day after day. If she missed a day, I would feel blue and the sky would be overcast. It was then I realized that her presence made the sun shine in my life. I felt the warm glow you get when you walk outside into the bright sun. I puzzled over this feeling that I had never had before with anyone. At night before I went to bed I would look out my back basement door of my house in the direction of her house and say goodnight, hope I see you tomorrow. It was only a short time before I began blowing kisses into the air hoping they would find their way to her. I began to wonder to myself, is this love, or is this just infatuation? I noticed that Grace somehow became more beautiful every time I would see her. She, I hesitated to breathe her name, became more and more attractive to me. Please God, I said, Help me; I am a married man with two small children at home. Please have mercy on me! I would dream of her constantly at night and could not help daydreaming of her. One evening she left her sweater on the coat hook in her office. I picked it up and inhaled deeply to capture her essence – that of White Linen. How I would savor that scent in the years to come? I had no idea at the present time what that scent would do to me.

One wintery day in January, 1985 Grace told me that she was pregnant with her first child. I said how happy I was for her, but I had mixed emotions inside. How I wished we could have a child together, an intimate mixing of our DNA, a product of our love. Time went by and she became larger with child, and I found I cared for her well-being and always asked, How are you feeling?. I got a phone call from her one bright day in September that she delivered a healthy baby boy. I felt relieved that all was OK. I also wanted to see her real badly. So I drove some distance the next day to the hospital in a nearby town where she delivered and found her in her room sitting up. She was alone and I was happy that she was smiling so wonderfully and broadly. She looked most radiant for one who just endured childbirth. I had taken a small bouquet of flowers to her, just because that’s what I thought one should do when visiting someone in the hospital. Grace took maternity leave for several months which felt like an eternity to me. Somehow the remaining office staff kept the place running, but we all missed her. I was feeling this strange empty feeling inside; I had not known such a feeling before. I rationalized that I was missing seeing her.

One Wednesday afternoon, Grace called me and asked if she could work part-time in the evenings. Then she could spend all day taking care of the baby and then when her husband came home from work she could come in at 5 and work until 9 pm. Needless to say I was elated at the thought of seeing her again. I made the excuse to my wife that I needed to stay later in the day to catch up on work, but really wanted to spend an hour or two with Grace, mostly mentoring her and catching her up on new projects which started in her absence. We worked side by side for the one, then two, and then four hour stretches in the evenings. I told her I was nervous of having her in the building alone at night and needed to stay with her for security sake. That was my story and I stuck with it. Some nights, when I said goodbye, I really wanted to tell her I loved her and passionately kiss her on the lips. However I lacked the courage and firmly thought she would probably slap me if I tried to kiss her. Grace was breast-feeding at this time, and I thought My God- help me keep my eyes off her enormous beautiful breasts. Sometimes her top button would become undone due to stress and I would look over her shoulder and yearn to touch those large firm white orbs. But I knew I would be slapped for sure.

I began to feel strange feelings that I had not felt before, not even when my marriage was young and fresh. What to make of these feelings? Was it infatuation, was it lust, or was it love? It just wasn’t possible to tell for sure the right answer. The only thing I did know is that I began to feel whole when she was near and that I sensed something missing when she was absent. Maybe it was the scientist in me trying to observe myself and find an answer to this most important question. In all my introspective analysis of feelings and thoughts – I finally decided the only logical conclusion was that – I WAS IN LOVE. It fit all the symptoms of my behavior, feelings and thoughts. Then I thought But I am married and have 2 small children at home. I shouldn’t be having such thoughts. I became so torn between right and wrong in my conscience, it was hard to concentrate on anything. I would look across the hall from my office and see her working and smile, hoping she would see me. When her office was renovated, I invited her to move into my office temporarily. How nice it was to have her work in my office. Yes it was crowded, but I somehow enjoyed her presence. I could close my eyes and feel the warmth of her presence across the room. I asked myself Isn’t that strange? On days she was absent or sick I would be so blue. I only hoped others in the office didn’t take notice of my strange behavior. Then again I really didn’t care what they thought; I just hoped that reports of my behavior would not reach my wife. My wife would be suspicious then jealous and I didn’t want to deal with a jealous wife. So I never invited my wife to the office or to any event where office people would be around. We didn’t socialize with them either so that such conversations would not come up and be embarrassing to me to explain.

My torment inside became fierce. I promised to remain faithful to my wife in church in front of all my friends and God and now I was entertaining thoughts of being at least mentally in love with another woman. What should I do? was my constant day-to-day torment. After another long and terrible year of agony I decided that I just had to leave and move far away and try to forget Grace. Maybe distance would solve my problem. Some days I thought it was only lust for a beautiful woman, and other days I felt blessed by such a wonderful friend yet I felt so warm and complete in her presence. These are feelings I had not experienced before with any other woman –even early in life and early in my marriage. I eventually managed to get another job several states and hundreds of miles away. I thought to myself – There, that should do the trick (putting hundreds of miles between us). That would help me to forget Grace and my feelings for her.

It was a bright sunny day in March, 1989 when I invited all the office staff out to lunch and made my announcement that I was leaving the office and moving several hundreds of miles away. I would remain in touch with all of them and Grace would temporarily take over all the projects until a new senior person could be identified and hired. Most people seemed dismayed that I was leaving but all wished me well. I could see something in Grace’s eyes, an emotion that I could not quite identify. Was she sad? Was she disappointed? Was she stunned? What was that look? She later said she was scared of all the responsibility that I had placed in her hands. She was barely back to work full-time and didn’t really understand all the technical aspects of the projects. I promised to stay in touch and mentor her from a distance. I tried my best to convince myself that this was the right thing to do. I took the entire group for an Ice Cream Lunch at Rossini’s in Durham. It was a crazy treat for everyone, but such fun. After the others went back to work, Grace and I went for a walk in the East Campus Park of Duke University and I pondered whether I should tell Grace that I loved her. Coming to the end of our walk with few words said, we both stopped under a large oak tree and suddenly gave each other a long tight hug. I looked into her eyes and told her finally I love you, Grace. She didn’t look surprised and said she would miss me a lot when I left. Back at the parking lot I told her If you ever want to get married again – look me up. We hugged again and I lightly kissed her on the forehead, and she drove away.

I decided that my entire office group deserved to go to a business meeting in Orlando, FL in June, 1989 and I found a way to pay for it out of marketing funds. Little did I know what lie in store for me in the Sunshine State or Magic/Fantasy Land.

Grace had brought her entire family to Orlando so that they could go to Disneyland while she was at the meeting. It was a warm Tuesday night when I invited the entire group to go out to dinner at Rosie O’Grady’s. After an unremarkable meal we decided to go for a carriage ride around the park. We managed to fit 6 people into a carriage designed for 4. It was a tight fit and I was squished next to Grace, but I really didn’t mind at first but the closeness somehow felt really wonderful. I had rented a white Cadillac sedan and took everyone back to their hotel, carefully leaving Grace for last drop off. While in the car in the parking lot, I asked Grace to touch hands – palm to palm and fingertip to fingertip. WOW!! I felt a really strong current of electricity or other energy flowing between us. I had never felt that before with anyone! Grace said she felt it too! She asked if there was a quiet place we could say goodnight. I invited her back to my room. Once inside she looked radiant and warm. I gave her a hug, but then we parted slightly and when we looked into each other’s eyes – suddenly we drew each other closer and kissed with mouths full open. I felt dizzy, weak, exploding and heavenly - all at the same time. Did I hear bells? I definitely saw fireworks. I had never experienced a kiss like that in my life. No one ever told me about kisses like that. Whew. It lasted for a long time. We finally parted, and each said WOW! What was that? What had just happened? She admitted that I was powerful, electric, and wonderful at the same time. We both knew that she should go back to her family before they got worried about her whereabouts. I really wanted her to stay all night with me. I was wet with perspiration and excited and so not tired but full of a new found energy. I went for a long walk about midnight all through the hotel complex gardens. I simply could not believe what had just happened. I kissed her – something I had dreamed about for years and years. I thought what have we started? Could we quit if we wanted to?

I ate breakfast the next day with Grace and wanted to talk more about the kiss, but a colleague of mine came up and sat himself down with us and began talking about work related things. I was so angry with him, but couldn’t say anything. We said goodbye later and I hoped to see Grace back at work on Thursday, my last day on the job.

The staff threw a Going Away party for me. I sat apart from Grace and stared at her from a distance. She tried not to notice me. The staff gave me a briefcase filled with Hershey’s chocolates, my favorite food. I said a polite goodbye to everyone including Grace and left for home to pack.

On Friday morning I was alone in the house, and Grace came over to see me one more time before I left. The sunshine was coming in through the living room window and we stood in the bright sunlight and kissed once more. We each became weak-kneed and fell backwards onto the couch. There we kissed a few more time, until I felt so aroused and stood up. I told Grace she should leave as my wife and family might come back at any moment. I finished packing, thinking why am I leaving the most wonderful attractive woman I have ever kissed?

On a foggy Saturday morning I packed my small red Honda Prelude and began driving to Maryland to my new life. I thought "Maybe this is the right thing to do, get away from Grace and try to forget that incredible kiss". My family should never know about the most profound experience I had ever had. As I left North Carolina, I wondered what the rest of the story would be.

My next week was occupied with finding an apartment to live in. My family stayed in NC, until we found a house to buy. I finally found a furnished apartment that I could rent by the month, while I started my new job and looked for a house to buy. The houses and apartment were expensive beyond my dreams. The apartment I found was clean and just OK – nothing fancy by any means. I spent my nights waiting for 10:30pm, because we had agreed that that would be our special time when we would think of each other. I would feel connected somehow (I couldn’t explain how to anyone else) to Grace and told her each and every night how much I loved her. I believed with all my heart that she heard me and I thought I felt a warm breeze coming from the south to confirm the transmission of feeling across the miles. One week Grace traveled to Maryland to see me. We took the Metro down to the Mall and after dinner walked around in on a rainy foggy night. Under a tree beside the Washington Monument, we kissed and I felt the same thing as before. Such ecstasy and electricity. There was a lunar eclipse scheduled that night, but while we looked for it – it was too cloudy and foggy. We sat close together on the train back and said good-bye at her friend’s house where she was staying. I was so hoping she would want to see my apartment. The eclipse occurred late that night and I hoped she would see it.

On a Friday night, I drove back the North Carolina to pick up some more of my office notes and materials. We talked and talked and I gathered some things to take back. We needed to find a place to kiss goodnight. Someplace away from the windows so that no one would see us. We went into the conference room, an inner room with no windows. How many meetings had I held in there with my staff and now we were hiding in it to say goodnight. We kissed and both got so weak kneed that we fell on top of the conference table – I on top of her. Such bliss, I had never imagined, but we laughed and said if only the staff could see us now!! She went home to her family and me to mine. On Sunday I went back to the office to load up the car and Grace was there again. I showed her how to back up files on the computer and she asked me if my neck was still bothering me. I replied it was, and she proceeded to rub my neck and then I leaned forward and she messaged my back. She stopped and when I looked around she had removed her blouse and bra. She explained that she wanted to get closer to me and stood in front of me and I buried my head in her ample charms. I had never seen such beauty in my life. I couldn’t breathe and we removed my shirt and we became closer than ever before. Skin to skin. I was perspiring at this point and breathing very hard. I asked her what that heavenly fragrance she was wearing. Grace said "that’s just some White Linen body cream that I wear". She wore no lipstick or perfume, and just the right touch of eye makeup. I thought we must say goodbye before this got overwhelming and we might do sometime we would later regret. I packed my car and thanked Grace for the backrub, attention and kisses. About 50 miles down the road I noticed a cool breeze in my lap and looked down and my zipper was undone. I was glad I left when I did. Who knows what Grace had in mind next?…

As usual our family went to a mountain camp for summer vacation, but this one was distinctly different from the past. I began noticing all the colors and wonders of nature. All the flowers were more brilliant, all the sunsets more dazzling, and all the smells more wonderful. I made an excuse to get some jogging in after dinner, so I jogged down to the lake. The lake was so beautiful in the evening. It was there I tried out our new ATT calling card. I would dial Grace’s phone, wait for the ding enter our new calling card number and bingo her phone rang, and I would pay for it with a Money Order. I knew she was alone that very night, so I could call without her husband answering. We talked for only ten minutes and I told her how lovely it was at the lake and how I wished I could share the sights, the sounds, the feelings of being here with her. But alas, she would never see the lake or experience the sounds or smells or feel the cool evening air coming off the lake. I uttered a loud sigh as I hung up and walked/ran back to the mountain cabin to act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I would become the world’s greatest actor in coming years and I vowed no one would know of US.

It wasn’t long before I had secured a Post Office Box – 4604 was my box number and Grace could mail letters and gifts and postcards to that box and no one would know. The ATT phone card bill would also come to my Post Office box. I would purchase a money order to pay the bill, so no records were kept. I would faithfully check the box nearly every day, hoping Grace would write. We began to email more and more. At first we would use spreadsheets and embed macros to make them interesting. We wrote many, many letters to try to explain each other’s feeling about what was going on between us. Each letter or spreadsheet was password protected – to make sure no one else would read it. Our password was dukechapel. Was it lust for an unattainable mate or infatuation or simply an overwhelming attraction or some mysterious force between us? We tried to define love with reason and earthly mechanisms. One trip to NC, we decided to go to Duke University and sit in the Chapel.

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We sat quietly in the profound stillness and prayed to God to guide us and show us the way. It was then that I truly felt God had blessed US. I didn’t stop to ask How could God do that? I only felt relieved that He blessed us and felt secure in that feeling. Grace affirmed my thoughts when we got outside by saying that she thought God had blessed US in there. We both felt and experienced the same thing – how great a coincidence was that? The Sarah P. Duke Gardens (near the Chapel) was one of our favorite places to walk and talk. We had a favorite Oak tree that we would kiss under for good luck and a secluded gazebo where we could steal more kisses unnoticed by anyone. Once Grace gave me a photo of her in a long white dress under our oak tree and standing on the steps to the wedding gazebo on the hill. I often wondered why she sent those photos to me. Was she telling me her inner feelings of wanting to marry me someday? Later that day we had dinner at a restaurant called Anotherthyme and we talked and looked longingly at each other but couldn’t eat. I think we were both so nervous of what we had started and wondered where would it end?

Soon after I changed the lock on my briefcase to 121 to match her street address. Each time I would open my briefcase I would think of her. I thought of driving into her driveway and garage late at night, and she would open the inside door and welcome me warmly with a passionate kiss. We made a list of secret code words to use when we were in public, so that we could communicate. I hope your work is going well meant I love you. I, rubbing my eyes, or her, rubbing her nose, meant I love you as well. When I said I thought about our experiment last night meant I wish we were together last night. There were many more secret code phrases we would use when others were around to communicate.

I visited NC again to finish up some work and on a cool rainy Saturday morning in late September was scheduled to leave NC and drive back to MD. Grace had said she would visit me in my hotel room to say Goodbye and bring me breakfast before I got on the road. I was still in bed when she arrived early. She had brought warm bagels and hot coffee. How very thoughtful I said to myself. She leaned over the bed and gently kissed my lips. Then to my surprise dove under the covers to really wake up my senses below the belt. I didn’t know what to do but thought what a passionate, aggressive woman – I had always dreamed of knowing one and wished my wife were more like Grace. Afterwards we shared bagels and coffee and Grace followed me out to the parking lot and we kissed again. I thought this is one of the many parking lot kisses we would likely endure. Fond farewells we would call them. I remember feeling so drained and happy at the same time. Was I falling in love deeper and deeper? Could I ever get out of this relationship? As I listened to the car radio on the way back home, all the songs on the car radio had lyrics written just for US. I had never paid much attention to the words before, and now they fit US so perfectly. I felt as if my heart was warm and happy, but then I arrived home and all the happiness and warmth left, as I tried not to smile.

It was a chilly October day when I was again visiting NC on business and I watched Grace give a lecture at a local university on transcendental meditation. Grace had taught this method on meditation for several years earlier. Later I invited her to dinner at the restaurant in my hotel. Afterwards Grace followed me to my room and I wanted to hug and say good night. To my surprise Grace suggested we get naked and crawl between the white sheets and just snuggle. I was taken back a bit, but agreed that that would certainly feel good and wished she could stay the whole night, but she said she had to get home. Her skin was so soft and she smelled so good and we kissed passionately and hugged with full naked bodies as we hadn’t done before. Later I found out her husband was worried about her since she didn’t come home until 11 pm. Grace felt some anxiety about this, but accepted the blame, and lied about her whereabouts. Aside from that awkward situation, I was higher than a kite and totally immersed in love with this woman. I thought to myself so many times Why didn’t anyone tell me about such feelings of love before and Why have I not experienced passionate kisses like that before. I puzzled over these things for many years. Why, when I was with Grace, did everyone else in the world disappear? Why did the world disappear? Why did I even not want to look at other women now?

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Grace came up to Maryland to visit me on a business trip to deliver a report. I invited her into my office as a professional colleague, and saw her in a totally different light dressed in her blue business suit. We talked business for a while and then I asked if she wanted to see the poster that I kept behind the door. That would necessitate closing the door completely and then we could passionately kiss in private. We used that trick many times in the future and we both chuckled after we did it. That evening we took the Metro downtown to a restaurant in Dupont Circle and had a meal at a noisy restaurant where we couldn’t talk. We walked around the Washington Monument on the Capitol Mall in the rainy foggy night air. We were so cozy huddling under my small umbrella. We stopped under a tree and kissed in the foggy cold night air. That warmed us up from the inside and we could walk back to the Smithsonian Metro Station. We arrived at the Metro Parking lot at White Flint, found our car, and like a couple of teenage kids, kissed for a while in the car before driving back to my house and family where she was staying for the night. I noticed when she took her coat off that I had not buttoned up her blouse evenly and she had one extra button hole at the top. Oh well, perhaps no one would notice. I really didn’t care, if they did notice. Early the next morning I went downstairs to the guest room and woke Grace gently with a soft meaningful kiss then went back to bed with my still-sleeping lifeless wife. I later heard Grace going into the guest bathroom for her shower, and so I got out of bed and proceeded into my master bath and thought we can take a shower together with only a wall separating us. Later she said that she heard me showering and wished she could be my washcloth. After breakfast she had to leave to drive back to NC and so we shook hands goodbye in the driveway. I rubbed me eyes and she rubbed her nose and we both knew what that meant.

When Thanksgiving came this first year, I was especially thankful for God bringing Grace closer into my life and for the wonderful special love that we shared. I prayed that it would continue forever.

I was inspired to write several poems that first fall. Somehow the words and rhymes came to me without too much effort. I kept paper in my pocket all the time now, just on case the poetry poured out of my heart I could capture it before it was lost. You can read all the poetry inspired by this love affair in Somewhere, Sometime, Somehow: Love Poems and Short Stories by JulesVerne Orion, Xlibris Press, 2008.

Christmas arrived early in 1989 on the second weekend of December. I made up a business excuse to drive to NC once more to check on the office papers and projects. I called from a restaurant about one hour away to see if the Coast was clear for my arrival. Grace’s husband was out of town, and when I arrived I drove straight into the garage and closed the door. Grace came downstairs and opened the garage inside door and we kissed softly. Hmm.. Yes, I said I would drive all day and night for one of those kisses. I went upstairs and made myself at home, while she put her little child to bed. That night we had our first real goodnight kiss as she stayed with me a little while in my downstairs guest bed, but her little one would soon come looking for her in her upstairs master bed room. So I slept alone, but dreamed of a day when we could sleep together undisturbed. Later the next day we walked in the University Arboretum, and the cold fresh December air only made us talk of warmer times. That night I waited in the living room listened to soft music and waited for Grace to finish putting her son to bed. After 2 hours of waiting Grace appeared in her pajamas with a red Christmas Blanket and a bottle on Sparkling wine. We danced and shared Christmas gifts with each other. I gave her a diamond pendant necklace and gold pair of hearts joined as one on a gold chain. I had written a poem to accompany the gift. She gave me a small Christmas house which we would fill with our memories. We kissed and danced and listened to Christmas music until the wee hours and found ourselves sleeping in each other’s arms. The next day I left early in the bitter cold to return to my home and all I could remember was Grace standing in her driveway waving goodbye to me. She had given me a bag of peanut brittle that she had made, and I ate part this for lunch, knowing she had made it gave me some warmth. But still I felt colder and colder as I left NC and drove back to MD alone to an unloving cold house. Grace had given me a Christmas card with the instructions on not to open the card until Christmas Day. So after the Christmas Eve Candlelight Services were over at 1 am, I retrieved the letter and read it alone next to my Christmas tree. It was such a sweet, caring card full of love, it made me cry. My heart was still with Grace and when Christmas morning came around, but I had to act happy for my family, but I looked southward and wished I was with Grace so much that day to share the joy of Christmas. The week between Christmas and New Year’s was always spend driving to Grandma’s house in Pennsylvania and celebrating Christmas with both our parents. Needless to say it went by slowly without any communication with Grace. I felt a big hole in my life, even though I was surrounded by my family. Right before midnight on New Year’s Eve I went outside looked up at the constellation Orion and blew a final kiss of 1989 southward to Grace and wished her well in the New Year. This year the Auld Lang Syne song took on new meaning as I sang ‘Should old acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind". Yes I had a new acquaintance and I missed her so very much, more than anyone else nearby.

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At the end of December I sent Grace a list of wishes for the New Year:

My Wishes for the New Year

Making many new happy memories for 1990

Saying a lot of hellos to you.

Making you happy inside (and outside)

That our love harmonizes with our lives.

That we find lots of quality time together

That you keep sending sweet thoughts.

That 10 o’clock remains our time together

That our friendship and love grows and grows stronger

That your tears are always happy tears.

Saying goodnight again in person.

That you teach me TM, and we meditate together.

That you grow professionally.

That you have a new healthy baby

That you keep a warm spot in your heart for me.

That our love motivates and strengthens us

That we use this motivation and strength to accomplish great things.

That we can turn minutes into hours when we’re together and, days into minutes when we’re apart.

I looked forward to the New Year with much anticipation of times with Grace.

One Hundred and One Memories of 1989

1. A very warm July afternoon in my old office on my birthday. You removed your shirt and bra to entice me with your ample charms. I thought WOW she really loves me to do this aggressive and seductive move. Later I discovered my pants zipper was pulled down and wondered where this might have gone, if I hadn’t leave

2. Looking for a lunar eclipse in D.C.

3. Evenings at the White Flint Metro stop

4. The Mall and Washington monument on a rainy, foggy night

5. Our first hug on East Campus under a tree

6. Meeting at Rossini’s at 2pm for ice cream on a warm spring day

7. Hello’s in the foyer at NTC at 7 pm on Friday nights.

8. A candlelit dinner for two at Anotherthyme

9. Touching your hand in a Seville in Orlando

10. An ever so warm and cozy rainy Saturday morning

11. Lunch at the RTP Holiday Inn telling you I was leaving NC

12. Lunch at Anotherthyme when we couldn’t eat.

13. Lunch at Dragon Garden when we couldn’t speak.

14. Our first kiss…..in my hotel room in Orlando. My knees were so weak, I almost fell over. I went for a long walk after you left to wonder at the power of your kiss over me. On June 15, 1989 it marked our Anniversary.

15. Standing under our oak tree at Duke Gardens, picturing you.

16. Sitting in Duke Chapel feeling the power and grace of our love.

17. Walking at Eno Park on a brisk fall afternoon in the waning sunlight

18. Sharing ice cream on the conference room table.

19. Finally telling you about my love for you.

20. A warm neck rub in our office by monitor light.

21. Seeing you arrive safely at the Metro station at NIH campus

22. Sharing Christmas music with you alone in the dark……

23. Watching you making breakfast in your kitchen in the morning

24. Enjoying dinner at James III with candlelight on your radiant face

25. Talking to you on the phone by a mountain lake on a summer night.

26. Writing and receiving letters on floppy disks.

27. Saying goodnight on the phone at my apartment (304B).

28. Waking you up in my family room at 5 am

29. Exchanging flowers at Sarah P. Duke Gardens

30. At Governor’s Inn on a Saturday morning you came to my room while I was still in bed to say goodbye, but you put your head under my blankets and sucked me dry. WOW! I thought you really do love me!!

31. Sitting with you by a stream at Umstead Park one afternoon

32. Working at the hood with you in my old lab.

33. Playing Lionel Richie’s Hello song for you.

34. A real goodnight kiss……

35. Holding you so ….so close…

36. Staying late at work on Fridays last Spring thinking of future times.

37. Sharing breakfast in Orlando on the last day of the TCA meeting

38. Listening to you play and sing your song to me.

39. Writing poetry to someone special

40. Experiencing new feelings of being in heaven.

41. Dinner at the Governors in on an October evening after a business meeting and you suggested that we get naked under the sheets. WOW I thought she really does love me!!! We only rubbed together feeling ecstasy..

42. A small Christmas house full of these memories.

43. Roses, for me?! They were as lovely as you, and I cherished them.

44. Eating ice cream at Ben and Jerry’s on a spring afternoon in CH

45. A warm feeling in my heart on a cold wintry night in MD

46. Waking from wonderful dreams. Hmmm…

47. Seeing your eyes closed

48. Saying goodbye on a foggy rainy parking lot

49. Saying hello at your front door.

50. Working on the computer beside you.

51. Seeing you as a professional guest in my new office.

52. Sitting beside you on a carriage ride one warm night in Orlando

53. Saying goodbye to you at my house on Kelly Road

54. Watching you look through the microscope in my old lab

55. Following you in your car down I-40 at night

56. Walking through the UNC arboretum on a cold December night

57. Trying to stretch minutes into hours, while hours turned into minutes.

58. Sitting beside you at the business meeting feeling a warmth on my side.

59. Opening a small freezer vial of White Linen and closing my eyes.

60. Nine o’clock warm feelings, changed to ten o’clock.

61. Learning about quantum healing with you

62. Feeling young in spirit again

63. Wearing contact lenses again

64. Locking and unlocking my briefcase (the combination is 121)

65. Seeing you making a presentation on TM at UNC

66. Counting days, looking forward to dates like a kid.

67. Going to the Post Office Box 4604 in Rockville often.

68. Finding the right card to send.

69. Wishing, wishing, and more wishing….

70. Now what was that password again?

71. Wearing a warm blue scarf

72. Wearing a NTI tee-shirt one night

73. Feeling lonely for the first time in a long time.

74. Seeing our shadows side by side on a sidewalk in MD

75. Becoming a hopeless romantic soul

76. Saying I hope your experiment is going well often

77. Doing ATP assays with you on cold January and February afternoons

78. An April 28 lunch with you, Mark, and Betsy at Landlubbers

79. Looking at Orion in a different way.

80. Reading notes left under my office door.

81. My first foot rub.

82. Sharing black paste from the same spoon

83. Sighing a lot, while remembering special moments

84. Seeing tears in your eyes

85. A chocolate floppy disk that tasted so good

86. A small blue bird on your window

87. Watching you work across the hall last spring

88. A chocolate and somber farewell party at your house in June

89. Watching KD while you went to class, so much of you is in him.

90. Feeling new strength and purpose

91. A special four-leaf clover picked on East Campus of Duke

92. Eating your homemade peanut brittle at Christmas time.

93. Walking on the beach thinking of you.

94. Two months by myself in an apartment on Fredrick Ave

95. Warm Personal memories of you which elude words

96. Reading your wonderful letters

97. Singing along I-95 in Virginia

98. Waiting for your phone calls.

99. Opening your Christmas Eve letter at 10 pm and feeling your presence

100. Seeing your sweet smile

101. Somehow, somewhere, someday….

102. Listening to still, still, still with you

103. Blowing you one last kiss of 1989 at 11:59:59pm.

CHAPTER 2

Our Second Year - 1990

W HAT FOLLOWS IS a series of letters, cards, floppy disks, emails, and other forms of communication. The words that Grace wrote are in italics, my words written to Grace are in bolded text,

It was the beginning of 1990, and I wrote a letter to Grace.

It’s 11:26pm on January 6th. Another Saturday night and I’m up late, just wanting to say a few words to you. Again I am thinking of us. Strange how the force of love pulls at me. I was out shopping today and got stuck in the card section of a local store, trying to find a card to say what I feel. I found some that say what I feel, but know I wouldn’t send them since they would tell you too much about me. See, I’m still guarding my feelings too. I found one and it was right, so hope you like it. I guess you got it last week. I wish you a sweet goodnight, and I hope all is well for you. Love….Richard

I didn’t know it but Grace was writing to me that same day. She wrote:

The sun’s coming out. I’m in the dining room and the rainbows are out! Its Saturday - I’m working on holiday cards. Listening to Barber’s Adagio CD. Misty eyed here too. Thank you for your data and extensively footnoted disk. My dear –— have you always been so sweet and sentimental? I drove home from work last night - it was not yet 10:00 PM so I made a detour - so I would still be in the car at 10:00. I went by your old house - It’s not yours anymore - different cars (4) - different feeling (the tree houses still standing). No, this place is not yours anymore -Your office at work has been rearranged - it took me a long time before I’d move anything. All these things are superficial. What is in my heart is stronger than ever. You are a very, very special man that no matter what time does to us, that I will always hold a soft warm place in my heart for.

I wish that you could write as eloquently and graciously to (your wife) I really want you to be happy - and when you say things at home are well okay.. you’re not convincing. I may be totally out of line here, but I’ll say it anyway. I just don’t want you all to end up like my folks -Mamma talked - yelled, got disgusted with things & Daddy never said much in return - just retreated into his books. They didn’t communicate. They weren’t happy. They were also 2 very different people which is so obvious now. So don’t retreat into your headphones - argue back -resolve the conflicts. Maybe that’s not your situation at all. Maybe it’s none of my business. But your happiness is my business. This one is especially for you!

You can cut up the photo (a rose that I had given to her-wedged in her cleavage) if you wish…Sending best wishes to all my friends today and especially to you! Love !!!"

Her letter continued –

So- if you pardon my tangent…As far as your ‘tangent" of describing the past years and how we ended up working together - my memories are mostly of having the highest respect for you and wanting to work as best as I could for you. I remember feeling frustrated at times when you gave me freedom + independence to work things out but I didn’t get much feedback -I was looking for constructive criticism and remember feeling unsure if I was doing things right. I especially remember sharing an office with you - how honored I was that you would share space with a lowly secretary like me. So close and yet so far…..

I hope to be able to take you up on your date in May. It sounds wonderful. Although I’m not a very good dancer. Be sure to wear your steel-toed shoes so if I step on your toes they won’t break.

Thank you for your offer!

Yes - and you are my TIME Magazine MAN of the YEAR - you’ve pushed me to new levels in work - in learning, going to school, suggesting that I may be successful working towards a Ph.D. -(I’d never seriously considered it before you encouraged me). And for making me feel so wonderful when I’m around you.

I miss you and I miss the bliss that I feel when you are around. There is something you do - just your presence makes me feel so different -wonderful inside.

I will end this little book. I thank God for you too! I never tire of your sweet mush. No one ever wrote like that to me before - Love!! you!!

On the very next day I wrote on a card to Grace:

January 7, 1990 4:40pm

It’s a nice Sunday afternoon, glad I don’t have to work on weekends. I don’t seem to have homework like I used to. Just wanted to say HI ! One of the cards I saw in the store yesterday said You’re the Twinkie in my brown bag of life. I would have bought it if it had said truffle instead of Twinkie. The Steven Hawkings’ tapes I’ve been listening to are very enlightening. He talks about basic forces in the Universe. You know the weak force and the strong force and gravitational force. Well there may be other forces that we haven’t discovered. Like the force I feel at 10 pm. These forces don’t travel by waves, because each body feels them instantaneously at the same time, sometimes over long distances. Have we developed the ability to sense these forces, because we let our minds sense them, or do we trick our minds into thinking things that aren’t really there. Thanks for listening, I miss you…

Only two days later I wrote:

Thanks for calling me today. Your voice makes me happy. I just wish that you could come to my office and enjoy the white snow falling softly outside. It is beautiful. And thanks for the disk of thoughts. I am learning more and more about you. The more I learn the more I’m amazed that you could do so much in one day. You need to reorganize this spring and catch up. Especially with your son demanding constant attention. I will only ask for a few days of your time this spring. I wish I could share more of my real world with you. No, I wouldn’t feel comfortable at your parent’s house at Christmas. And I pictured you at my house with all my relatives there, it didn’t fit either. I’m happy we both feel the same about most things. Of course I wouldn’t mind spending Christmas with you somewhere where the sand is white and the water is warm, and Santa wears shorts and rides a golf cart.

However, my fantasy world with you is fantastic. I have such lovely dreams now. Sometimes they are so real; I think you are really there. Sometimes I guess my brain believes what my senses tell it to be real. Changing the subject, I am so happy with my new job. I really feel like a musical conductor. More violins! Softer Cellos! Bring up the brass! I enjoy building the program the way I think it should. And maybe best of all, my boss and others here have built my confidence up, so that I now believe in my talents for making the best music or at least improving it. The downside is not having you as my 1st violinist, right next to me. Someday I would like to work with you again. I think we are synergistic as professionals too! Although I don’t say enough about it, I really did and do enjoy working professionally with you. I think it’s amazing we can switch gears and work like that without feeling strange.

If you want, I will look for a world-class mentor in Maryland for you to work with. I know several very good people who are doing very exciting work. I could only explore the possibility, if you want. There are just some really great professionals here, and if you are serious about finding another mentor to learn from, how could you find a better one? Would it be too indiscreet to send you the Washington Post classified ad for your husband that is. I don’t know what he does. You would like Maryland, I’m sure you would find it an exciting place to live.

In February I sent Grace a greeting card and it said inside :

Why do I like to be with you and talk to you all the time? I believe more and more in that special force between us. My receptors really miss you and they need recharged. I was trying to find words to describe my feelings but the words were falling short of what I had to say.

Grace wrote back to me a few days later.

Good Evening! It is an incredibly beautiful, celestial evening - the moon is so bright and it’s warm enough to linger and enjoy the blue haze lighting up the forest. I like to think I live in the forest -in a tree house - that’s what it feels like looking south - looking north - it’s just another neighborhood.

It was a great day at the Zoo. Very few people there and the animals were frisky - having a warm sunny day after so much cold. I asked my son which animal he liked best and he said the tram (train) (cute!). He was more interested in the heaters mounted to the ceiling & where the switch might be. The little brain doesn’t stop!

Ah… I really like this time of the evening (10:00 pm) all’s quiet. I wonder where you might be - what you are feeling- if you are happy. Thank you again for the memories of ’89. What a treasure chest. It is sad how some years pass and you can’t remember a thing from the whole year. Like what did I do in 1981? or ’86? The memories may be gone but what I did to structure who I am remains. I’m happy to have ’89 so well documented - Two apologies: (1) that this letter is so boring and (2) that the last letter was somewhat negative. I didn’t want it to be that way but my recollections of it are that it was somewhat negative. What I am positive is that I miss you and love you and would give anything to have you here for, well, just an hour?

Grace signed her letters with a little red heart that had a curly tail on it. I was never really sure what it meant. Sweet love-I imagined…

Later in January she wrote to me again.

What a golden opportunity to stop and write to you. I feel like it’s been ages! It’s Monday nite, and I missed talking with you today, I was at work, but not many others. I thought of calling you at home, then decided against it. Today I’ve had a good chance to catch up with a lot of things- rest, family time, cleaning house. I’m happy to say that I’m feeling much better and balanced. Before I get back to work here, I’d like to send you a big hug, and a goodnight kiss, how I miss those. Goodnite.

You are so good about writing, almost every day… Does thinking count, if I don’t get to the computer to write down my