Teen Talk: Insight on Issues That Matter To Teens and the Adults Who Care About Them

By Maria Susan Proulx

When Maria Susan Proulx started writing her Teen Talk column for a local newspaper, she was just twelve years old.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Teen Ink, a product of StudentBridge
• Release date: Nov 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781737971917

Book preview

Acknowledgements

To Teen Ink, a publication of StudentBridge, Inc., especially Cindy Spertner, for believing in the value and purpose of my book

To Lee Howard, editor of The Day newspaper, who allowed me to have a monthly column these past five years and gave me the opportunity to find my voice

To Richea Farquhasron who provided cover art through a submission to Teen Ink

To Dr. Richard Heyman, Terry Farish, Gay Collins, and Maleila Henry-Mitchell for writing reviews of my book

To all the teachers, parents, and teens who have shared their experiences with me

Foreword

For over 32 years, Teen Ink has provided teens worldwide a positive, safe place to showcase their creative writing, poetry, memoirs, reviews, photography, and art. Through our website, forums, and magazine, Teen Ink has stayed true to its mission of valuing and celebrating teen voices. Since Teen Ink’s inception, hundreds of thousands of authors and artists aged 13-19 have submitted their work, and Teen Ink has published more than 55,000 teens since 1989.

Teen Ink offers some of the most thoughtful and creative work generated by teens today. We have no staff writers or artists; we depend completely on submissions from teenagers around the world for our content. Teens are passionate about the issues that affect their lives, and their writing on global warming, mental health, race, identity, school, family, social justice, friendships, and more, continues to amaze us.

Through the years this amazing content has been distributed far and wide, from physical magazines circulated to high schools and libraries to a digital edition housed on a website that attracts millions of visitors per year, giving teens an unprecedented stage on which to shine.

In that light, Teen Ink is proud to announce our new Young Author Series, a program that helps our most articulate and thought-provoking teens publish their books. This initiative furthers our commitment to develop and promote up and coming talent by giving them feedback, guidance and marketing exposure, and helping them start their careers as published authors. Teen Talk: Insight on Issues That Matter To Teens and the Adults Who Care About Them by Maria Susan Proulx, is the inaugural book in the series, and we couldn’t be prouder of the drive, dedication, research, and hard work Maria has put into the writing and publishing process.

As with all Teen Ink content, we remain respectfully impartial to the views and opinions expressed by our teen authors. Published teen content reflects the perspective solely of the author or artist. Teen Ink strives to be inclusive by publishing work by teens with diverse identities, cultures, and life experiences. While encouraging free speech, we strive to promote an environment of curiosity, tolerance, and a deeper connection with those who are both similar to and different from us.

To submit your content and be considered for the Young Author Series, please visit www.teenink.com.

Introduction

When I started writing my column, Teen Talk, I hadn’t yet reached my 13th birthday. I was twelve when my first column was published in my local newspaper five years ago. Initially, I never realized how much of an impact my monthly publications were having. I enjoyed writing and relished having an opportunity to share my words, regardless of who was listening. My own family even occasionally chided me about my audience. My dad once said, Maria, the only people reading your column are 40-year-old parents. How many teens read the newspaper anymore? But eventually, I started to gain insight into just how many teens and adults were impacted by the voices and stories in these columns. Over the years, I met a teacher who told me she cut out my columns and taped them to her classroom wall to go over with her students. I met families who said they discussed every new column with their teens at dinner, the topics sparking lively discussions. I had classmates come up to me in the hallway saying how they related to my article on mental health. People sent letters or emails to me sharing their own thoughts about the relevant topics I discussed in Teen Talk.

Through my columns, I was able to see a genuine need in my community — more active listening, effective communication, and learning between teens and adults — and work toward filling it. Teen Talk: Insight on Issues That Matter To Teens and the Adults Who Care About Them is based on a compilation of my most impactful column topics. I want the message I’ve shared with readers of my local paper to help teens and adults on a national and even international level!

From my experience, many adults seem to avoid their dearth of knowledge on current teenage issues with the old adage, I was a teen once too, you know! In this book, I want to offer the adults in a teen’s life insight from a teen’s perspective into the issues we are passionate about and struggle with. I want to provide advice on how to best handle the myriad of situations we face during these challenging yet formative years. I also want to connect with teens and be vulnerable with my audience. For me, that meant acknowledging my mental health struggles during the Covid-19 pandemic. It meant facing my fears about sexual harassment and the future of our climate and sharing those concerns to connect with and provide solace to other teens. It also meant using my and others’ experiences to formulate advice for teens facing a formidable situation, such as the death of a friend or starting high school, and for adults unsure of how to help.

Speaking for teens can be a gargantuan task. When I started writing my column, Teen Talk, I was a preteen, so over the past five years I’ve been able to do a lot of listening. Whether it’s listening to a transgender high schooler tell of the bullying and bias she faced (and how she rose above) or staying up late into the night chatting with friends and applying the lessons they’ve taught me to the words I share with others, learning from the teens around me has played a critical role when crafting my own message to be shared with readers. My mom, who first inspired me to start writing, always told me to write what you know. Throughout my experience with my column and now my book, my work has evolved from straightforward commentary on homework and sleep to impactful pieces on political, racial, and environmental activism to deeply meaningful articles on women’s rights and mental health issues. This progression never could have happened if I stayed stuck in my beliefs and didn’t broaden my horizon to include new perspectives, ideas, issues, and ways of thinking.

The purpose of my book is to help teens and adults converse, reflect, and take refuge in shared experiences. The mutual communication between teens and adults often fails when adults remain so focused on their speaking skills that they continue to neglect their listening skills, and consequently, their ability to learn from teens. Far too many parents, teachers, coaches, or counselors have shut down or disregarded teens’ feelings because they’re too young to know what they’re talking about, it’s just a phase, they’re being dramatic or they need to grow up. Adults need to remember that, for us teens, surviving the teenage years is the most daunting and onerous ordeal we have ever experienced. Every challenge is new. Every turn is uncertain. We are bridging the gap between childhood and adulthood. Every day, we experience new freedoms along with unforeseen burdens of adolescent life. And, we have to contend with an increasingly uncertain and tumultuous future. Many teens don’t reject the idea of parental assistance but are opposed to the adults in their lives assuming their needs and controlling their future rather than treating them as equals and respecting their opinions. The goals of Teen Talk: Insight on Issues That Matter To Teens and the Adults Who Care About Them are for the teens and adults who read this book to earnestly listen to and take into consideration the opinions of each other, establish open lines of communication with each other, and learn from each other.

LISTENING

Are you a good listener? We teens want to be heard, just like anyone else. When your teen comes to you, demonstrate that you value their opinion and increase the probability of them turning to you for advice in the future by practicing active listening.

Active listening has two components: attention and reflection. Attentive listening involves nonverbal cues to show your teen that you have a genuine interest in what they’re saying. Start by entering all conversations with an open mind. Don’t begin a discussion with your teen with a preconceived notion of their superficial concerns and what you’ll say to assuage their worries. Talk to them frankly, like you would a colleague. After all, teens are a few short years away from being 18, if they haven’t reached that milestone already. The rest of the world expects them to act like an adult, so you might as well establish that expectation at home. Additionally, indicate you’re paying attention by being entirely present in the moment and putting your phone and other distractions aside. Be patient! Give your teen time to form their words and never interrupt their thoughts by telling them to hurry up or get it out. You can also show your teen you’re paying attention through physical cues, like eye contact, nodding, or mirroring their body language to demonstrate interest, or brief verbal affirmations like hmm or I see.

The second part of active listening is reflection. When done properly, reflective listening can demonstrate to your teen that you truly understand what they’re saying. Paraphrase your teen’s message into your own words through statements starting with It sounds like ... or What I hear you saying... to affirm the accuracy of your interpretation. Be attuned to unspoken but apparent thoughts and feelings and ask open-ended questions to explore them. Pick up on body clues such as perspiration, posture, hand wringing, heavy breathing, or fidgeting to discern and discuss your teen’s emotions. Don’t be afraid to be direct! Asking your teen candidly what they want your role to be (to listen, to help find solutions) can help eliminate misunderstanding. Lastly, after the conversation is over, be sure to verbalize how much you appreciate your teen coming to you. Think back to your teenage years (when something went wrong, an adult probably wasn’t the first person you turned to). Sharing your feelings can be tough and hearing verbal praise can help encourage communicative behavior.

COMMUNICATION

As we teens gain more freedom and strive to become less dependent on our parents, traditional lines of communication between teens and adults may wither. Parents often receive an apathetic fine from their teen in response to How are you? or How was your day? Teachers frequently watch once involved and bright students disengage themselves from the classroom and neglect their schoolwork. Regardless of the challenge, staying involved in your teen’s life is vitally important, although the methods through which you communicate with them may change.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do as an adult to keep lines of communication open with your teen is to create a safe space for sharing. We teens turn to people we trust, whether that be our friends, our siblings, or reliable adults. During this time, teens naturally crave more freedom and independence, and adults instinctively want to protect their teens from the perils of the world. To remove the stigma some teens associate with adults — prying, snooping, judging interlopers who constantly meddle in your life without improving anything — you need to exert extra effort to show your teen you are trustworthy and are here to help, rather than hurt, them.

One major way you can increase your teen’s confidence in you is to abstain from judging them. If your teen comes to you with an issue and you dismiss its importance, shame them for not knowing better, compare them to their sibling or friend, or lose your temper, they will be less willing to come to you in the future when a more serious conflict arises (for example, they don’t have a ride home from a party they weren’t supposed to be at and opt to ride with a drunk driver rather than call you). Instead, when your teen turns to you with a problem, validate their emotions and level with them rather than throwing out platitudes or barking out orders. Try asking questions about their stories to encourage them to think about and acknowledge their emotions. Teens want to be respected. Demonstrate you trust your teen and view them as a capable young adult rather than a child by giving them opportunities to demonstrate their character. For example, allow them to stay home alone for a weekend when you’re out of town, extend their curfew, or trust them to spend money they’ve earned from their part-time job without your input. Your role as an adult is to offer guidance, but your teen may be more receptive to your advice if they know you view them as an equal rather than an inferior. Finally, be aware of your own shortcomings. If your teen brings up something you did in the past that offended them, be open to apologizing and reevaluating your behavior. When offering advice to your teen, acknowledge there are limits to your knowledge of current teenage issues ("I know things were different