OK Boomer, Tell Me Y: When Two Generations Talk

By Nelson T. Dy and Hyacinth J. Tagupa

Career, marriage, social media, authority, and religion . . . five conversational minefields where different generations are concerned. But they don't have to be. In OK Boomer, Tell Me Y, a boomer and a millennial explore these five facets in a civil dialogue—dissecting the stereotypes that plague each of their generations, not to start a frustrating confrontation, but to discuss and develop a deeper understanding of one another.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anvil Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9789712736759

Book preview

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Young people get exposed to the world through technology and media and then a gap appears. For some who are not in the know, their lives are greatly challenged by the chasm and clash between generations. This book gives us an overview of the differences in actions, beliefs, and tastes exhibited by members of the different generations, and reminds us that our objective should not be to draw the line, but bridge the gap.

–Francis J. Kong

columnist, entrepreneur,

father, and grandfather

[OK Boomer, Tell Me Y] is a conversation, not a confrontation, thank The Force. Millennials and boomers alike will find their positions well argued. And there's a friendly thread whipping the conversation along, so it doesn't crash into a rock and end up in splinters.

–Rosario A. Garcellano

former opinion editor, Philippine Daily Inquirer, and author, Mean Streets: Essays on the Knife Edge

OK Boomer, Tell Me Y

When Two Generations Talk

Copyright © 2021 by Nelson T. Dy and Hyacinth J. Tagupa

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the written permission of the copyright owner and the publisher.

Published and exclusively distributed by

ANVIL PUBLISHING, INC.

7th Floor Quad Alpha Centrum

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1550 Philippines

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Cover, interior layout, and eBook design by R. Jordan P. Santos

Cover illustrations by freepik

eISBN: 978-971-27-3675-9

OK Boomer, Tell Me Y

When Two Generations Talk

Nelson T. Dy

Hyacinth J. Tagupa

Acknowledgments

An author’s words don’t fall from the sky like literary manna. Rather, they flow from years of interacting with people and living through life. This book is such a product.

I thoroughly enjoyed my dialogue with my esteemed co-author, Hyacinth. Here’s a young lady who is not afraid to speak her mind, but in a balanced and gracious way.

Thank you to our editors, Hannah Go and Arianne Velasquez, who had to untangle our free-flowing exchanges into a coherent format; and for the input of our beta readers who served as quality control.

Thank you to Ms. Xandra Ramos-Padilla for the support, and Ms. Andrea Pasion-Flores, who was general manager for Anvil Publishing at the time, for giving us the green light.

How could I have kept going without my best friend, muse, critic, and wife, Lucy. She brings her own perspective into my writing. Thank you, my darling. This book is as much yours as mine.

Thank you, John Benedict Bellosillo, for honoring me with your foreword. My life is all the richer with our friendship.

Thanks also to the boomers and millennials I interviewed and whose stories I borrowed. Some were chance conversations, others were focused discussions. But they all bring a real-life flavor to this book.

Above all, I thank and praise the Lord Jesus Christ. If there is a place where different generations can nurture each other, it would be under His wings. After all, He loved all sorts of people.

And that is what this book is ultimately about. It is a labor of love.

NELSON T. DY

I’m deeply grateful to Nelson who has trusted me to be his millennial counterpart in this effort, and has shown me by example how to communicate with grace.

Endless thanks to the fantastic team at Anvil, especially to Hannah Go and Arianne Velasquez, who were incredibly patient throughout this experiment. Putting together a book is hard enough; doing it over Viber during a pandemic, doubly so. Ms. Hannah and Ms. Arianne, thank you for helping us pull this off.

Thanks also to our constructive beta readers, and to Ms. Chato Garcellano, Ms. Lucy Dy, and Azil.

Special thanks to my wonderful Nana, who may or may not be looking over my shoulder as I type this.

Finally, my eternal gratitude to the baby boomers who raised me, provided for me, and influenced me—whether they knew it or not.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

Hyacinth J. Tagupa

Foreword

You are still young, you don’t know much.

"Don’t quit your job, sayang trabaho mo."

When are you getting married?

These are the questions and statements I always get from my elders of previous generations, whether at work or in social situations. At first, my natural reaction was to get peeved. As time went by, I reflected upon these encounters and asked myself the deeper Whys—why people think like this and why I think in the opposite manner.

By some stroke of luck, my Ninong Mentor asked me to write this foreword, which, little did I know, would provide the answers I have been looking for—and a lot more.

It took me roughly a couple of weeks to read this book and absorb these answers. There’s so much wisdom contained here that it gives one a lot of "aha!" moments. I’d like to share with you some of these gifts, starting with the first one on understanding and empathy.

Understanding and Empathy

As a millennial, reading each chapter helped me recognize the thought processes and values of older generations, and what influenced these, such as their upbringing and environment. The baby boomers were raised by parents who survived global crises and they grew up at a time when the world was less connected. Because of these, they see the world in their own unique way, significantly different from how we younger ones view it.

This is the why I was looking for. This newfound knowledge allows us millennials to understand how they see our choices and actions. The reverse is true: boomers, through this book, can develop a deeper understanding of the decisions, desires, and journeys of millennials, and the reasons behind these.

Recognition and Respect

The second gift is about recognizing the value of diversity and developing respect.

Oftentimes when I was younger, I found myself debating with my elders on who is right, who has the better idea, or whose idea must be followed. I usually found myself at the losing end because of their age and wisdom, but I still felt the passion, conviction, and hard-headedness in believing my point was the best.

This book provides another way forward—a recognition that no generation or person has a monopoly of the right way in life. It shows the reality that there is no single formula for success and progress.

Tools to Navigate Life

Lastly, what you will get out of this book are tools that will help you navigate and succeed in life, both at home and at work. This book will help you relate with the other generation better. In the family setting, instead of passionately debating, there can be a discourse of laying out what is good and learning from each other, and eventually develop a more loving relationship with each other.

In the workplace, a young millennial can use the insights gathered from this book in addressing the key communication points when doing a report or speaking with the boss. The veteran boomer can also use the nuggets of wisdom found here to build a stronger, multigenerational team and bring out the best in them.

Certainly, both boomers and millennials can learn from each other. Diversity always adds value. It increases the energy and dynamism, and completes the picture of what needs to be known, seen, and learned, in order to come up with the right solution. It’s like dealing with multiple pieces of the puzzle where each plays a part, without one being ahead or better than the other.

Therefore, we can coexist and even do great things together if we learn to recognize our differences and respect each one’s uniqueness.

So sit back, prepare a cup of coffee and a journal as it’s going to be an insightful read.

John Benedict Bellosillo

Head of Dual Transformation Management, iPeople Inc.

Head of Planning, National Teachers College

Editors’ Preface

You might be thinking, OK boomer is so 2015. Why are we still talking about it?

We’ve given it a lot of thought, and we realize that most of what’s already been written are about putting up a defense for the millennials, which leads to a number of counterattacks against the boomers and their ways. So what else can we do that’s not going to be just a rehash of everything that’s already been said?

That led us to the idea that instead of doing the usual—treatise, defense, however you want to call it, we would challenge the two authors (a boomer and a millennial) to actually talk to each other.

This book is not going to be your most researched source for the topic, nor is it going to be the most comprehensive title on the issue. It will simply be an honest look into how one boomer and one millennial think, and what it would be like if they actually commit to try and hear each other out, instead of talking at each other and trying to win the argument.

If, in the course of reading, you find that you don’t identify or agree with some of the ideas discussed (#notallboomers, #notallmillennials), please try to keep these in mind:

1. stereotypes are stereotypes not because they’re true, but because they have some basis or are linked in some way to reality, even if they can be exaggerated or skewed versions of reality, and

2. no one can be absolutely objective, but that shouldn’t prevent us from expressing our thoughts, provided that we do so responsibly (i.e. research on what we can, exercise critical thinking and empathic writing).

This is not going to be an easy book to get through, but we believe that the important things don’t come easy. For millennials who are content with the ok boomer retort and for boomers who have decided that millennials are generally hopeless, this book is probably not for you.

But for those of you who are up to the challenge, who believe yourselves to be open-minded enough, who don’t want to give up on reaching out to the other generation—we hope this book can be an encouragement and proof that for those who truly desire it, it’s never too late or too impossible to try and communicate with each other.

The truth is, we’re never going to see eye to eye on everything, because we’re products of different times. But we’ve done this in the hopes of demonstrating that it is not impossible for a boomer and a millennial to talk to each other without being up in arms, and that for as long as we are willing, there will always be things that we can learn from each other.

PART I:  the stereotypes

Chapter 1 Career

Boomer Says

Nelson, the training manager of a construction firm asked me, can you do some sort of an inspirational talk? Seventy-one percent of our employees are millennials and our turnover is high.

Well, it depends, I replied. I don’t want to just do a rah-rah speech without knowing why your young people are leaving. Is it because of the pay?

Well, that’s one. Another is when the person doesn’t feel appreciated. For example, one of our younger architects worked hard on a design, but the client wanted to reduce costs so he asked for a simpler façade. Apparently, the architect took it personally and left.

This was an actual conversation I had, and although I know it could be just one side of the story, it also reflects badly on the younger generation, especially the 71 percent part.  

It’s unfortunate that young people are seen to be impatient and entitled. The general perception is, they want to earn as much as they can, so they resort to frequent job-hopping if that is what it will take to get the big bucks. Make me happy, Engage me, or Give me good reasons to stay appear to be their mantras, to the distress of their baby boomer or Gen X bosses.

To be fair, I was once young, too, and just as ambitious and hungry then as my modern counterparts. You know how long I stayed with one employer? An average of two to three years. My reasons then were the same: I want to rise to a higher management position and enjoy at least a 20 percent increase in pay.

To turbo-charge my career, I even took the MBA route. The graduate degree opened doors, but I remember feeling stricken with envy upon hearing that a batchmate had landed a job that paid him Php 100,000, while I was drawing about a third of that salary. In our time, we had a term for such people: high-flyers. I wanted to be one, too.

Still, even though I was just as hungry for status and fortune as the young people now, I don’t recall having this kind of gloom and doom about my future. But that was then.

These so-called Millennials

Today’s Gen Y seems to be getting on a different emotional boat. In 2019, Deloitte conducted the Global Millennial Survey,¹ with 13,416 participants (301 from the Philippines) spread over 42 countries. The survey showed that millennials generally feel uneasy and pessimistic about their careers, lives, and the world around them.²

Here are some excerpts from the Deloitte study:

On ambitions:

• The ambition ranked first is to see/travel the world.

• Earning a high salary and being wealthy ranked second (52 percent), but it came in last when respondents were asked how achievable their ambitions were.

• Two-thirds who want to reach senior levels in their careers believe it’s attainable.

On possessing the necessary skills:

• About 1 in 5 respondents believe they have all the skills and knowledge they’ll need for a world being shaped by Industry 4.0, and

• 70 percent said they may only have some or few of the skills required and will need to evolve their own capabilities to increase their value.

On quitting:

• 49 percent would, if they had a choice, quit their current jobs in the next two years. (In the 2017 report, that number was 38 percent.)

• About a quarter of those reported leaving an employer in the past 24 months.

• Dissatisfaction with pay and lack of advancement and professional development opportunities top the list of reasons for wanting to leave or having left the company.

To summarize: millennials stay—or leave—based on two metrics: pay and development.

Who doesn’t want to get paid more?

I don’t want to be hard on millennials. The desire to earn more is relatable for every generation. What I am amazed at, though, is that while I was averaging at two to three years per company, nowadays I hear of young people jumping ship after only a few months; and it seems pay is usually one of the key factors, if not the main reason.

Now I do not equate this with greed or disloyalty. I am aware that there can be perfectly acceptable reasons for the job hopping. For example, if you have the burden of shouldering your siblings’ education, then pouncing on the fatter paycheck is understandable, as long as you can do the new job.

Thing is, what if you can’t do the new job? If the new employer pays you more, he will be expecting more from you. But what if you find yourself to be in over your head? The stress or pressure will take its toll and if you fall, the fall will be hard.

Before I go any further into this issue, I want to appeal first to our millennial readers: If you’re contemplating changing jobs, I would like to suggest that you take a step back first and think carefully about what you want, and from there, try to establish a sense of direction. Some things to consider about the job switch and how it contributes to your long-term goal:

• Is it to reach a particular income bracket? If so, for what specific purpose?

• Is it overall stability—eventually settling down, building up capital for your own business, retiring early, buying whatever and travelling whenever you wish?

• Is it to achieve some level of mastery and gain the satisfaction of excellence and expertise?

• Or is it