Parent Power: Navigate School and Beyond

By Punam V Saxena

As parents hold their newborn for the first time, we hope for an amazing future filled with dreams and successes. But, where do we begin? How do we guide our children toward that hopeful future? As children grow, parents face many challenges in raising good citizens. It is especially overwhelming when they begin school and we have to trust that

• Language: English
• Publisher: Leading Points Publishing
• Release date: May 4, 2021
• ISBN: 9781736640227

Punam V Saxena

Punam V. Saxena holds a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and a Master's in Education. Throughout her 30 years of experience between teaching and advocacy in her children's schools, she implemented several procedures that have benefited the students and administrators within the school district. Punam is a Parent Impact Coach, speaker, podcast host of edu-Me, and now a published author. Her work focuses on bridging the gap to fostering a stronger relationship between parents and schools by empowering parents to become partners in their child's education. She has been recognized as Volunteer of the Year at Harrison School for the Arts and has received a Key to the City both in Lakeland, Florida. She has been featured in the magazines Podcast Movement and Shoutout Atlanta and spoken at several mainstage events including the Passionistas Project's I'm Speaking, Podcast Movement's Virtual Summit, and International Parenting Summit. She enjoys running, cooking, reading, and spending time with her family.

Book preview

One

Take Care of Yourself

How on earth can I find time for myself? I am knee-deep in trying to finish cooking, washing and putting up laundry, and then getting the kids ready for bed. Deadlines are looming at work and I’m exhausted. There’s no time for me to even think about myself, much less take care of myself. 

Does this sound like you? Between work, housework, children, and family, we are overcommitted and overextended, and it can be impossible to imagine finding any time for ourselves. 

We have all seen those commercials that depict a perfect life: the house is spotless, and everyone is smiling and looks happy. And we think to ourselves, How is this possible? Then there are other commercials where the mess is strewn throughout the house, children are hanging on their parents, and everyone looks unkempt. These commercial parents are hanging on by a thread. They look tired and mentally exhausted. And in that case, we think, Surely they can do better. They could use some self-care. When we take a moment to reflect and look at our own lives, we realize we are probably somewhere in between these two extremes. 

According to Ricelle Concepcion, clinical psychologist and president of the Asian American Psychological Association, Not only does self-care have positive outcomes for you, but it also sets an example to younger generations as something to establish and maintain for your entire life.

As parents, we do not generally prioritize our own mental and physical needs in the mayhem of our daily obligations. However, ironically, taking care of ourselves can help decrease the frequency of those days of mayhem, or at the very least, make them less overwhelming. We must develop strategies to help ourselves stay calm and remain productive.

Parent Time-Out

What is Parent Time-Out? When you become frustrated by your child’s behavior, or, quite frankly, anyone else’s, it’s hard not to become irritated and possibly blow your stack. The instinct is to put your child in time-out. Time-outs are designed to diffuse a potentially volatile situation and give the parent and child some time to cool off by removing them from each other’s physical space. Children go to their rooms or a corner of the room to spend a few minutes thinking about their actions and how they should modify their behavior. Many of us do this to reprimand our children. And like all rewards or punishments, it can work sometimes and not others. 

What if you reversed roles? What if you, as a parent, put yourself in time-out? Let your children know that their behavior is frustrating you and you need some time alone to calm down. It may seem like an odd approach, but it can be quite powerful and effective. By putting yourself in time-out, children will usually stop and wonder what YOU did. When they ask, your response is simple. I need a few minutes to think about how to make this situation better. I am becoming frustrated because I asked you to do something, and you are not doing it. So, before I lose my cool, I’m going to think about how I can better explain my request.

This behavior will usually stop them in their tracks because they are puzzled, thinking, What did I do to illicit this reaction from you? It also allows them to think about their behavior and how to do better next time. The bonus? The task you have asked them to do multiple times, which frustrated you in the first place, is likely to be completed because they want to make you happy. Children do not like it when their parents are upset and will usually try to make you happy which ensures their happiness, too. 

This technique should only be used when you are sure it will have the most impact and be most effective. Used routinely, children become accustomed to it, and the technique becomes less impactful. Quite frankly, this goes for all behavior-modification techniques. 

Now I know many of you are wondering why this is considered a part of parent self-care. Well, for a moment, think about the alternative. What happens if you do not diffuse the situation and put your child or yourself in time-out? The problem could likely escalate into one or both of you having a meltdown. Logically, we want to diffuse the situation and keep our blood pressure in check. 

Taking care of ourselves is self-care. Knowing your limits, not crossing them, and putting yourself in a healthy situation for you and your children, Bam! Self-care!

Breathe!

According to Erin Leyba, Ph.D, Doing a short breathing or meditation exercise can bring focus back to what is grounding and important. Yoga and meditation are beneficial to both mental and physical well-being.

In yoga, finding your breath is crucial to finding your body’s center and staying grounded. Although it looks easy when you strike the pose, you may not be getting the full benefits of yoga. To get those benefits, you must perform each pose properly, with the correct breathwork and focus. For most of us, this is tough, especially when you are operating at 100 mph. But accepting this challenge and stopping to focus on your breathing will bring you closer to positive results. Breathing, yoga, and meditation are all activities we can do to help us find calm in our crazy lives. These activities help release toxins so our bodies become healthier and more productive.

If you are looking for a mantra to help you relax, try something simple: Breathe. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in, and slowly release it. Repeat. It sounds benign and even overly simplistic, and yet it is challenging to implement. Often, if you are in the middle of an activity, it is hard to take a break to practice breathing. However, if the activity is causing anxiety, frustration, or anger, it is best to step back and take a breath. Focusing on your breath will allow you to relax, find calm, and re-center yourself before you begin again. 

Happy Hour (HH)

Most of us think of Happy Hours (HH) as going out and having drinks with our friends. But not all Happy Hours require you to go out or to have an adult beverage. So, what does a HH actually entail then?

It means gathering with our friends, in person or virtually, to spend time, connect, and create memories. A HH also means that we are, by default, decompressing and relaxing by laughing and getting our minds off our daily stressors. It is essential to shift our focus away from our children and families every once in a while. We need to learn (or re-learn) that a healthy self is vital to our well-being. We should not feel guilty about it—more on that later.

HH is a wonderful way to connect with your peers, share your thoughts (child-related or not), and enjoy being an adult for a while. It also reminds you that you are a fun person and not the bore your child may sometimes think you are.

We need these opportunities to reconnect with the outside world and reset our bearings. It is imperative for our physical and mental well-being. HHs are not always conveniently timed, though. When you have children at home, you must schedule time for socializing. If not, all your time can easily be filled with homework, cooking meals, or other routine-but-necessary activities. Carving out time for yourself is exciting and important, especially when your friends are waiting for you. 

Book Clubs/Reading/Journaling

We hear a lot about reading, book clubs, and journaling these days. They help to immerse ourselves in another’s story and bring to light our own imaginations. Books take you to places you may never visit or even be able to imagine without the author’s depictions. They expand your mind and knowledge.

Finding time to read may seem daunting to a busy, overworked parent. How can I find 30 minutes to read for pleasure in my day? Come on, is likely what you are thinking. And rightly so. Reading during naptime or before bed may be one option for you. It seems easier to accomplish a task when we create a routine and prioritize it. Although reading and other activities may need to fall off your radar for a while when your children are very young, it is necessary to understand that this is indeed a passing phase, and that they won’t be little forever! It’s hard to imagine, but this is a season in your life and, as seasons naturally do, they pass into another